Getting divorced?
Replies
-
Surround yourself with like-minded individuals in your area. Join clubs or fitness groups in your area to take your mind of what is going on. Those people will motivate you and keep you accountable if you decide to slip up.
Best idea mentioned! I think anyone who became morbidly obese (myself included) had a very unhealthy relationship with food. It is our addiction and we have "triggers" just like a real addict has them. For you, it's when you are feeling perhaps lonely, losing control of a situation or just sad. Learn your triggers and perhaps it will help you gain power over them.
*hugs*
Is there also a ladies group in your area that is dealing with Divorce? That might also be an outlet to let off some steam.0 -
Use this time to start back putting you first. When you are upset or hurting try exercising. Take long walks or go to the gym. Also, look up meeting up groups and go on hikes.0
-
Try to stay busy, take your emotions out in exercise............. I know it is easier said than done but I would try it if I were you!!! Hope it gets better for you, Prayers coming your way.
0 -
I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. He's still in my house, and we're still sorting out who gets what. I initiated it, but I think about why I initiated it every single day and go through fits of rage/immense sadness that I put up with the crap that I did for as long as I did.
The first week, I was drunk every moment I wasn't at work. My friend told me to log the alcohol. I did. I stayed under my calorie goal.
The second week I was ravenous because I'd been existing on alcohol for a week. I ate, probably too much, but who really knows because I didn't log it. I killed a couple of pints of ice cream. Then I realized I had energy and anger, and I lifted some freaking heavy *kitten* in the gym. Got some PRs out of it.
I'm at the end of the third week now. Logging is spotty, but portions are under control, and I only drowned myself in a bottle of wine one night. I have a haven in my bedroom that I've done up exactly how I want it (no one else can tell me how they like it now), I've spent quality time with friends, and I've caught up on my favorite TV shows. I'm starting to feel like myself again - even better than that, because the self I've known for the last couple of years has been a shadow of who I really want to be.
I have a fitness schedule and a food plan laid out for next week. I'm going to stick to it.
I write all this out because, while sticking to your good habits is important, so is grieving. If that pint of ice cream is really, truly, honestly going to make you feel better than crying to your friend, then have it - I don't regret the ones I ate at all. Just recognize what you're doing, don't do it every day, and do it knowing that in a week you'll feel a little bit better and won't need that food crutch nearly as much. However, if giving into food will just make you feel worse, listen to all these smart people on here who have given great advice about how to keep going that doesn't involve a calorie bomb.
Best of luck. We'll get through this!0 -
Pour those eating emotions into working out and do not keep your trigger foods in the house. Since you're only shopping for you now, let him starve if he isn't willing to prepare his food separately. Keep plenty of healthy munchies like carrots, fruit, broccoli, hummus, yogurt, etc. so you don't feel deprived.0
-
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I haven't been married, but I have gone through a break-up which skyrocketed me to gain 70 lbs. (Him, his mother, my family, everybody were all critical of my body and I was just SICK of spending the past 8 years trying anything and everything to lose weight and a negative self-image, so I stopped dieting all together) 3 years later, still single, heavy and hiding away from the world in my apartment because I was ashamed, because everytime someone saw me they commented on my weight gain, the time was getting closer for him to get married and I thought what have I accomplished these 3 years? He took my heart and threw that in the trash and he's going on with someone new and I've let the negative effects of our breakup hold me back even longer. I said enough is enough. I wasn't as emotionally healed as i expected and drowned my troubles in food and/or television. A friend said she had a similar problem and her brother suggested being productive when we are stressed. For me 1 of those things was exercise. I have been struggling with all sorts of mood swings and depression these 3 years, but when I exercised off the stress, I feel more calm. I rarely feel moody these days. My eating habits have improved, but they're a daily struggle so exercising has become my BFF. Mainly walking and ZUMBA!!! it's pretty impossible to feel sucky during Zumba, it really gives you an exhilarating high! 2 months of this mindset has helped me lose 20 lbs. Overcoming your eating demons takes time, but just try 1 good choice/day (exercise or a healthier food alternative, anything you find productive) and the more good stuff you push in, the more the bad starts to fall out. I wish the best of luck on your journey! Congratulations on your 20 lbs!!!!! THAT"S AWESOME!!!! You are in my thoughts & prayers! XOXO0
-
:flowerforyou: :brokenheart:
:brokenheart: :flowerforyou:
I can not imagine the pain & stress you are going thru...here's a cyber {{{Hug}}} and a link that "may" be of help to encourage you in this time of pain and frustration. You will be in my thoughts and prayers:flowerforyou:
12 Depression Busters for Divorce
http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/12-Depression-Busters-for-Divorce.aspx
Words of encouragement/inspiration on your weight-loss issues as well as life in general dearheart :flowerforyou:
David Viscott: You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.
Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
George Bernard Shaw: You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"
Ralph Marston: Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
George S. Patton: You're never beaten until you admit it.
Lee Iacocca: You've got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough I can have it. It's called perseverance.
Unknown Author: You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Unknown Author: You don't realize how strong a person really is until you see them at their weakest moment.
Goethe: Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.
Harold Wilkins: The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist.
Heraclitus: There is nothing permanent except change.
Swedish Proverb: Those who wish to sing, always find a song.
Elie Wiesel: Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
Harriet Beecher Stowe: When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
Quintus Horatius Flaccus Horace: Who has courage to say no again and again to desires, to despise the objects of ambition, who is a whole in himself, smoothed and rounded.
Samuel Johnson: The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
Marvin Phillips: The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!
Plato: The first and the best victory is to conquer self.
Vincent Lombardi: The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It's your mind you have to convince.
Leigh Hunt: The groundwork of all happiness is health.
Anthony Robbins: The higher your energy level, the more efficient your body. The more efficient your body, the better you feel and the more you will use your talent to produce outstanding results.
Roger Bannister: The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.
Author unknown: The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
Thomas Jefferson: The sovereign invigorator of the body is exercise, and of all the exercises walking is the best.
Carl Sandburg: The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.
Rohn: Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.
Thomas Fuller: That which is bitter to endure may be sweet to remember.
Samuel Johnson: The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
Marvin Phillips: The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!
Plato: The first and the best victory is to conquer self.
Vincent Lombardi: The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It's your mind you have to convince.
Benjamin Franklin: You may delay, but time will not.0 -
I went thru a divorce 3 years ago after starting my weight loss journey. I'm also an emotional eater. I found that the lack of control in my personal life as motivation to control one thing in my life. I also found the thought of looking good if/when I saw him as motivation, I wanted him to regret leaving me. Don't get me wrong, it was a struggle but I lost 25lbs from when I got separated until my divorce was final, about 4 months.
I hope you find the motivation that will allow you to keep going forward, but know that we are here to help you thru. I sent a FR. :flowerforyou:0 -
Much of this advice really is disturbing.
The notion of "getting revenge" by getting hot?
I saw this topic on a Dr. Phil episode a while back. He says "everybody starts working out loses the weight AFTER the divorce. Maybe if they tried that hard during the marriage there wouldn't have been a divorce!"0 -
When I separated/divorced I lost 35lbs within 8 weeks... All because my stress level went down and I was no longer trying to fill an empty abyss that couldn't be stuffed fast enough. That attempt to fill it had me at my highest weight ever in my entire life.
My night time eating dropped to zero and I was buying foods that I 'couldn't' while coupled because they weren't things he liked. I tried a lot of new things and got rid of some foods that I didn't actually enjoy all that much.
I also started walking more. Getting out just because I could without having to explain myself, or feel bad about not being in the house.
Being my own person again, accountable only to me and my care of my children gave me a major boost in energy.
I hope you will find the same.0 -
1 more thing: take everything 1 day, 1 small step at a time. Today is what we are promised and we just try to be our best for it. 1 good choice, even if it is the teeniest of tiniest pushes you in the right direction. My eating habits can REALLY SUCK, not to mention I was an insanely picky eater (still am, but it has improved.) I started with Leslie Sansone's walking DVD you can even watch a few on YouTube. Then I got a juicer b/c I was a fruit/veggie hater. These 2 small steps have changed my life. I was very stubborn to branching out further, but I took teeny tiny leaps of faith and I now strut my stuff in Zumba. What I love about it is no matter what your weight/dance level, there are PLENTY of others in there just like you. We're like a bunch of good friends letting lose. May not have the steps perfectly, but the important part is we try. You keep trying and before you know it, you will reach your destination! Good luck!!!!!
And one day, you will bring him to tears because 1) he is an idiot for leaving someone amazing, and you're on a journey to being even more amazing! he better watch out! :bigsmile:0 -
Much of this advice really is disturbing.
The notion of "getting revenge" by getting hot?
I saw this topic on a Dr. Phil episode a while back. He says "everybody starts working out loses the weight AFTER the divorce. Maybe if they tried that hard during the marriage there wouldn't have been a divorce!"
If only it were that simple. Dr. Phil also gives weight loss advice and he looks like he doesn't lead by example.
Personally I tried soooo hard to save my marriage but you can't make the other person try. If they aren't willing to put forth any effort you're just spinning your wheels. I don't think there is anything wrong with putting yourself first after a divorce to make yourself happy. And I'm not going to lie and say in the beginning I didn't do it for revenge, but that doesn't fuel you for very long. You have to want to lose the weight.0 -
Here is what I would do when faced with this situation: use it as an opportunity to focus on you, and you only for once (and kiddos of course if you have them) Having been in a stressful marriage I know that hard to put yourself first. Now you have a chance to work on yourself mentally and physically without distraction. Plus it always helps to be looking good a few months down the road, show what he lost 0
-
Much of this advice really is disturbing.
The notion of "getting revenge" by getting hot?
I saw this topic on a Dr. Phil episode a while back. He says "everybody starts working out loses the weight AFTER the divorce. Maybe if they tried that hard during the marriage there wouldn't have been a divorce!"
I personally take offense to your post. I can't speak for everyone here, I can only speak for myself and what motivated me. That being said, looks do not fix marriages, unless you are shallow I suppose. People fall out of love for MANY reasons. Be it different opinions, goals, etc... And for the record when my husband asked for a divorce I WAS ALREADY losing weight and had already lost 50lbs. He left me for a heavier woman, so my weight wasn't the issue. Also the OP clearly said she was already losing weight and didn't want this to derail her.0 -
I'd probably buy a hanging punching bag and either (depending on whether I thought the soon-to-be-former spouse deserved it or not)
1) Hit the bag and envision ex's face on it when I got sad/depressed
2) Hit the bag and envision the heavier me that I want to trim down when I got sad/depressed (you know - punching the fat 'cause I want it to leave, not because I hate myself, just to be clear)
Either way, you get extra exercise and probably get past the need to emotionally eat. And if you still emotionally eat, well, you got some exercise to offset it.0 -
Don't let him sabotage your head and derail your efforts in self-improvement. Instead of being depressed and eating because of emotions, go to the gym and exercise or go for a walk -- get out there and move!! Exercise is better than therapy AND you will be doing even more to empower yourself to becoming a better YOU!! HUGS!0
-
*Hugs* I have been there! I lost a bunch of weight post pregnancy then me and my son's dad decided to give it "one more try," and all it did was stress me out and I gained back all the weight I had lost (not counting the baby and water weight). I was the one who ended it though, I couldn't handle the stress. It still took a while for the divorce to be final but I at least maintained my weight and stopped gaining. I didn't decide to finally buckle down until a few months ago and this app has helped a lot! Find something good in you that you like about you. Surround yourself with friends that will help you feel better. If you don't have any find some rather it's online or through groups like meetup.com (friends, not a dating site). If anything just think of the sexy beast he'll miss out on when you are where you want and looking like you want.
Try to be strong, if you do start to feel down try to find something that will make you feel better but doesn't include eating. Even if you slide a little just know that you can recover, you won't all of a sudden gain weight forever because you ate a little while feeling blue. If you get in the habit though it can be really hard to break! It took me two years and even then I am not completely done with the "emotional eating." I just control it a lot better and when I do give in it has nothing to do with the ex.
Also, don't take any advice from Dr. Phil. He's a tv personality. Anyone who divorces simply because their spouse gained some weight probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. There are usually other reasons behind it, not JUST that.0 -
Hang in there. Marital strife is the worst kind of stress. I having to deal with a crumbling marriage. For the past seven months, I at what I wanted, but I kept logging my food intake, and exercising. I have gained some weight, but whatever. I decided that I have to take care of myself. Exercise feels way better than a food and/or beer hangover.
With regard to Dr. Phil, his comment is a sweeping generalization. As a shrink, he should know better with regard to every marital relationship is unique. Also, exercising and watching one's food intake is a positive response to a stressful situation such as a divorce.0 -
Ok first get the guy out of the house, don't care if hasn't found a place or you are dividing thing and figuring how who get what. He can go stay with friends/family until he finds a place and you can divide things while apart. If something is extremely important to him and refused to leave without it. He can get a truck and a storage unit if he is that concerned. I was in a relationship that was not healthy and when it ended we continued to live in the same house until he could find a place and the landlord would take him off the lease. Worse decision every, it does not help. I am an emotional eater and I suffered from PTSD AND with the stress of him still in the house made it worse. Get them out of the house and save your sanity0
-
It is awful! I keep saying to him, "If you are going to go, then go!" You are only making it that much harder for both of us right now. I hate coming home at night, because I know that it will just be 5-6 hours of awkwardness and being ignored before I go to bed. (He is currently sleeping on the couch) He doesn't say anything to me; he won't even look at me. He avoids all eye contact. If I say anything to him, he just ignores me. He says his goal is to find a place available August 1st. So hopefully he will be gone soon.0
-
I just read your profile info.
You're 29 and have been married a year?
It seems a shame.
Why does he want to leave?
Have you considered counseling?0 -
I don't have any advice but I wish you all the best with things. :flowerforyou:0
-
Put the frustration towards the gym ! You can do it!!0
-
If your marriage is indeed over, change your profile to reflect that and concentrate on the present. I totally agree that losing the weight will be the best revenge. Do it!! 0
-
Unfortunately during times like this clarity is usually not found easily.
Don't do ANYTHING for revenge or out of spite. Don't do anything to try and "show" him. Do not make his choice to leave the mariage about you not being worthy. That is not the case.
I wish you all the best in a difficult time.
Find good friends to talk to, focus/pray/meditate to bring calm and understanding.
Keep the faith.
This is EXCELLENT advice! AND a HOT man wearing a kilt gave it to you! That's pretty awesome!
Besides what he said, my advice is to just hang in there. Make healthy choices because they are what is best for you. You matter. Your well being is the most important thing. Wishing you happiness and success in achieving all of your goals.
MB0 -
Yup! 29 and married for 10 months. We have been together for almost 7 years though. He told me he never wanted to marry me but I pressured him into it because I talked about it all the time.0
-
Telling you that is nasty. If you guys were together for almost 7 years then he had plenty of time to tell you that he didn't want to get married and he could have left. It would have been easier then doing it now after you guys got married.0
-
bump.
0 -
Marriage seemed to "mess up," my son's dad too, the idea of it. We were together for just a little over a year and it was either get married or have a long distance relationship for a while (both military) so we went with it. However, if I had any idea what his issues were with the concept of marriage I never would have done so. Things were great for a little while but then he started to treat me like stereotypical married lady instead of bothering to get to know me. I think be married scared him.
I hope that you can get rid of him soon and move on with life!0 -
Much of this advice really is disturbing.
The notion of "getting revenge" by getting hot?
I saw this topic on a Dr. Phil episode a while back. He says "everybody starts working out loses the weight AFTER the divorce. Maybe if they tried that hard during the marriage there wouldn't have been a divorce!"
Dr. Phil is an idiot.
OP, you're free of dead weight now. Put all the hurt into the gym.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions