Crying today..... Advice needed. So sad!

24

Replies

  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    Awwwww, I'm sorry hun. I had this happen, too, with my 13 year old lab a couple of years ago. It's a personal decision on what you decide; however, we decided that chemo was not the best choice for him and us just to prolong his life when it most likely would be painful for him the entire time. We made him comfortable the last month and 1/2 of his life and when it was time we knew it.

    It is VERY, very hard. Just love them while they are here.

    Out of the mouth of a 4 year old:
    "Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
  • wannabpiper
    wannabpiper Posts: 402 Member
    Been through this too many times, Lisa, and it's never easy. Know that we're all thinking of you and yours, and do enjoy the time you have with her now.
  • inside_lap
    inside_lap Posts: 728 Member
    ::hugs:: dogs can be just like family. My brother sent $15000 to teat his doggie daughter to have her pass anyways. Surgery and treatment is a difficult choice (especially w older individual) be they two or four legged...
  • greentart
    greentart Posts: 411 Member
    I don't know where you're at, but Google 'Pot for dogs'. There are vets that advocate giving pot to teriminally ill pets to make their remaining time better. It's said to stop the sickness and pain, allow them to eat and enjoy the remaining days left, and allows the transition to be smoother and less painful.

    Good luck and stay strong.
  • Fitter_Mandy
    Fitter_Mandy Posts: 10 Member
    I hate hate hate this :( Our pets are our children. I would hate for you to spend lots of money when it most likely means less quality of life. I think it's time to make plans to say goodbye :( You don't want her to suffer :(
  • Cindyinpg
    Cindyinpg Posts: 3,902 Member
    Out of the mouth of a 4 year old:
    "Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
    Beautiful and true!
  • cowboyfanje
    cowboyfanje Posts: 3 Member
    I am sorry to hear that, I lost my first Labrador in 2007 from Lymphoma, just like you, he was just shy of 12 years old and we had him since he was 10 weeks old. He died just 3 weeks after his lymph nodes starting swelling. The cancer spread so fast and in just 3 weeks, he could no longer breathe normal, high doses of steroids did nothing to slow the growth.

    Like others have said, extending their life is to benefit you, not them, but when they can't breath, it isn't right for them as they are in constant pain. The best thing that can be done is to ease their pain and suffering even though you don't want to let them go.

    The pain of their loss will never go away, but neither will the memories of the 12 wonderful years you had either... It has been 6 years for me, and just typing this is making me cry here at work as if it was just happening all over again.

    Enjoy them while you can, but in the end, just cherish them and do what is right for them.

    Good luck, it is never easy.. but an unfortunate part of life.... :'(
  • Embee_2311
    Embee_2311 Posts: 47
    What an awful time this clearly is for you! I feel deeply for you. I know the memories of your dog in your life are painful right now, but I'm sure in the future the love you shared will warm your heart :love:
  • ravegee
    ravegee Posts: 999 Member
    So sad sorry:frown:
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Im really sorry. I had to put my minpin to sleep at 17 years old. Had him since he was 6 weeks.
    I miss him so much. Im even drinking my coffee out of my MinPin mug right now. But to be honest with myself I really should have made the decision sooner. I regret letting him linger so long for my own feelings when he was suffering.
    I would give you a big hug if I could.
  • EmilyOfTheSun
    EmilyOfTheSun Posts: 1,548 Member
    I'm sorry :( The loss or even the thought of losing a pet is terrible.
    12 years for a dog of that breed is a good life. Just remember the fact that you made your pup happy and provided a safe and awesome life for it.
  • fannyfrost
    fannyfrost Posts: 756 Member
    I am so sorry about your dog. Our cat was only 4 years old when he died from cancer. The treatment was not feasible. My daughter was 10yo, she was devastated and even after we got our new little girl she would cry to her about our pinky. Kids don't totally understand it, they just know loss and for your daughter she is losing a sibling (at least in her mind). I wish you luck and maybe you will find it is curable, or that chemo could give you a couple more years.

    My brother's cat was 14 and diagnosed with cancer, passed right after his first chemo treatment. So definitely ask a lot of questions about the chemo.

    (((((((((HUGS))))))))))) and ((((((((((STRENGTH))))))))) to deal with it.
  • norahwynn
    norahwynn Posts: 862 Member
    I'm so sorry about your dog! My family went through a similar situation when I was a teen. We had to make the difficult decision to let him go because the chemo would have been too much for him.

    The only thing I can say is, obviously do what's best for you dog. If he lives for a few more months, but is miserable with chemo, then it's just not worth it (to me). Obviously this is you and your family's decision.

    Here's a poem my mom sent me when my own dog passed away a few years ago. Either way, I will keep you and you loved ones in my prayers.


    HEAVEN'S DOGGY-DOOR

    My best friend closed his eyes last night,
    As his head was in my hand.
    The Doctors said he was in pain,
    And it was hard for him to stand.
    The thoughts that scurried through my head,
    As I cradled him in my arms.
    Were of his younger, puppy years,
    And OH...his many charms.
    Today, there was no gentle nudge
    With an intense "I love you gaze",
    Only a heart thats filled with tears
    Remembering our joy filled days.
    But an Angel just appeared to me,
    And he said, "You should cry no more,
    GOD also loves our canine friends,
    HE's installed a 'doggy-door"!

    Written by Jan Cooper
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Let me start by saying how truly sorry I am to hear this. I can say that I understand what you are going through as last October our pup who we had had since he was a baby was diagnosed with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) and later also with a liposarcoma(tumor). We got approximately 2.5 mos with him before we had to put him down. It was the absolute hardest decision I have made in my life and nothing but time will make it any better. For those couple months we had him on about $200/mo in pain meds to "keep him comfortable". We looked at doing chemo/amputation but it would have only bought us a few months (if that) and would have cost us thousands of dollars. At some point you really do have to step back and decide if the treatments are for them........or for you. To this day I miss my Winston so much. When I think of him (like now) I tear up and it's all I can do to keep the tears back. My 6 years old son also had a very tough time with it and cried himself to sleep several nights. We lasted about 1 month before we put a deposit down on a new puppy. He could never replace Winston, but the joy that he brings into our house does make it a happier place and help us to deal with the loss on Winston. One thing that I did before Winston died was to make several paw prints. We have one in a picture frame and one as an ornament. I am so glad we have this and I would suggest you consider doing the same. It is a great reminder of the place they had in your house and the love that you shared.
  • sarahthin
    sarahthin Posts: 221 Member
    We went through this in May. It is hard, luckily we have other cats that knew there was a problem and tried to comfort us. We made the decision to put our kitty down as we already knew that the qualit of like that she was having was not good and was not going to e any better. As I said it is a tough decision to make.
  • SlimJanette
    SlimJanette Posts: 597 Member
    Sorry to hear about this. (hugs). My SIL's dog had the same thing and they put the dog down so she would not suffer anymore. She was not eating and throwing up. So sad. I hope your daughter is ok.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    I'm so sorry. I know that our words can't stop the pain, but I hope you get a little comfort from knowing we are thinking of you, and hoping for the best for your dog, your kid, and your heart :heart:
  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    Let me start by saying how truly sorry I am to hear this. I can say that I understand what you are going through as last October our pup who we had had since he was a baby was diagnosed with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) and later also with a liposarcoma(tumor). We got approximately 2.5 mos with him before we had to put him down. It was the absolute hardest decision I have made in my life and nothing but time will make it any better. For those couple months we had him on about $200/mo in pain meds to "keep him comfortable". We looked at doing chemo/amputation but it would have only bought us a few months (if that) and would have cost us thousands of dollars. At some point you really do have to step back and decide if the treatments are for them........or for you. To this day I miss my Winston so much. When I think of him (like now) I tear up and it's all I can do to keep the tears back. My 6 years old son also had a very tough time with it and cried himself to sleep several nights. We lasted about 1 month before we put a deposit down on a new puppy. He could never replace Winston, but the joy that he brings into our house does make it a happier place and help us to deal with the loss on Winston. One thing that I did before Winston died was to make several paw prints. We have one in a picture frame and one as an ornament. I am so glad we have this and I would suggest you consider doing the same. It is a great reminder of the place they had in your house and the love that you shared.

    :heart: :smile:
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,474 Member
    oh IM SO SAD FOR YOU>
    I am such a ANIMAL LOVER.
    HUGS.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    *biggest hugs* this is a tough tough decision.

    What will doggie's quality of life be like for those few extra months? If chemo on dogs is anything like chemo on humans, it could be very rough - both on your dear fur baby, as well as on your daughter.

    So sorry to hear you, your family and your puppy are hurting

    :(

    This. :heart:

    I'll give a brief "tale of two kitties." My girl Sheba had kidney failure and heart failure. Since I worked for a vet at the time, I did everything I could for her. She got fluid treatments for her CRF, medication for her CHF, appetite stimulants to get her to eat more, special prescription foods, and took her with me to work at least once a week, sometimes more. I don't regret what I did, but it only 'bought' her a few more months, until I had to make the choice to have her put to sleep when her quality of life got too bad. On the other hand, my mom's cat had kidney failure, and they didn't go through any life-saving heroics, and died quietly in her sleep at home. They both lived to be a few weeks past 18 years of age.

    Similarly, but much more devastating, I lost both parents. My Mom was hospitalized for months before her death, while Dad passed away suddenly with no warning. While both were shocks and left gaping holes in my heart, losing Mom was much more horrific. Seeing her slowly get worse and worse, feeling helpless even though you're doing everything you can, hoping that the next treatment, the next doctor, might turn things around. Losing Dad was a shock. Losing Mom the way we lost her was prolonged trauma.

    You've given him a long, happy life. That's all any dog - anyONE - can ask for.

    So, for your sake, your dog's sake, and your daughter's sake, I'd advise keeping your pup happy and comfortable as long as you can, but when he can't enjoy life, give him that one last gift and have him put to sleep. I wouldn't go for chemo. The end result will be the same, but it won't save his life, only prolong his illness.
  • glutesandabs
    glutesandabs Posts: 68 Member
    Oh man, I am so sorry...
  • belladiva47
    belladiva47 Posts: 42 Member
    I am so sorry about your dog. I know this hurts a lot. Last month my 10 year old pug/boston terrier mix was diagnosed with mast cell cancer. He had surgery and both tumors were removed from his skin. It's grade 2. Because the chemo for this type of cancer is very inexpensive I am going thru with it but I see how it has affected my dog. Both his personality and his physical needs are a lot more pronounced. He has 2 more weeks of chemo and hopefully that will take care of it.
    The issues that entered my decision process were these.
    1. how advanced is the cancer. His is grade 2 prognosis guarded
    2. quality of his life with or without chemo. While on chemo he is having some struggles but hopefully this will end soon. Good thing I can be with him most of the day to take care of him.
    3. prognosis for advanced cancer. Even with the most aggressive chemo and radiation, quality of life is poor and duration extended by only a couple of months. I would not try to extend his misery, just keep him comfortable, spoil him totally and let him go when it's best for him and not for me.
    4.finances. Cold as this seems I am not wealthy and I have responsibilities to others in my family and I don't want to be a burden to others. As a single mother, children still come first.
    I really hope this helps with sorting out some difficult decisions you need to make. A lot of people are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers.
  • Avandel
    Avandel Posts: 283 Member
    I feel for you Lisa, :brokenheart: I really do, as I've been through it many times with my kitties over the years.:cry: I wrote Sleeping With The Angels for my website when my precious boy left me. http://www3.sympatico.ca/avandel/angels.html feel free to visit, it has helped many through this tough time, whatever your decision.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Ugh, I am sorry. i imagine it is like losing a family member.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    So sorry :(
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Out of the mouth of a 4 year old:
    "Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
    Beautiful and true!
    Love this.
  • GTAFrank
    GTAFrank Posts: 730 Member
    Having lost 2 German Shepherds over the last few years I completely understand your grief and sadness. They are family after all. I hope the excellent advice provided by others here is helpful to you. Best wishes in this difficult time!

    "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love..." Washington Irving
  • 63lab
    63lab Posts: 80
    big hug. so sorry for you all. if it's any help at all,just do what your conscience tells you to do. i have been there too.i know it doesn't make your anguish any easier,but follow your heart. :heart:
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    So sorry! :cry: that is always so sad.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Thanks so much everyone for your kind words. I just told one of my friends the news and she is very upset with me for not immediately pursuing chemo. The vet said it could be 2,000-5,000 dollars and this may or may not even extend her life. I can't make a complete decision until I speak to an oncologist which will hopefully be next week. She just kept saying "What is WRONG with you for not starting chemo? I'm so glad I'm not like you. My animals will always come first." Sorry but as much as I love my dog, I do NOT want her to suffer at all.

    Gee, thanks. Now I feel even worse.:cry:

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