Unsupportive partners/spouses?

Truvanessa

Do you have an unsupportive spouse or partner? It happens. They may discourage or make fun of your fitness goals. Maybe it's out of jealousy or insecurity. Who knows? Well, if you need support or just want to vent, leave a reply. Don't give up!

Knoxvilla5

Yes sister! One of my favorite Pinterest pics of of a bad@$$ lifter-gal and it reads "I do this by myself FOR myself". Any other soloists in here? Feel free to friend me too!

CasperNaegle

I know it's amazing to do it with your spouse.. Has to be super hard not just on your own, but if they make fun of you.

Geocitiesuser

The only one responsible to your goals and support is yourself. Never rely on the support of others. Support from others is "nice" but should never dictate your outcome.

Likewise it is unfair to "expect" a level of support from a person who does not share the same goal, especially if they are unfamiliar.

Personal responsibility is far and beyond the most critical and most deciding factor in your life. Whether for weight loss or anything else you do.

lvhuse

Mine is supportive in theory, but undermines my efforts every. single. time. If I actually tell him I have a structured plan to manage my eating habits, he will, without exception, come home that evening with cake or cookies or something that he has bought just for me! He doesn't even know he does this, but he does. So this time I'm just not saying anything and then doing all of the meal planning and shopping on my own.

And don't even get me started with the sabotage that comes with trying to work out!

mysticlizard

My hubby was a bit passive aggressive at first. One day I got annoyed by one of his comments and said, "Well when you drop dead of a heart attack mowing the lawn, I will be a good looking widow." God love him, he has never made another comment and I have noticed he is trying to eat better and get a little more exercise.

Truvanessa

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and advice. I do agree, that you should only go through this journey for yourself. It is not easy when you share your life with someone who is not "fully" onboard with support.

My guy rarely gives me any compliments and gives me lectures on what I'm doing wrong. Funny thing, is he could use a change as well. Oh, and don't even get me started on the jealousy that comes out when another guy compliments me. Haha!

Truvanessa

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

The only one responsible to your goals and support is yourself. Never rely on the support of others. Support from others is "nice" but should never dictate your outcome.

Likewise it is unfair to "expect" a level of support from a person who does not share the same goal, especially if they are unfamiliar.

Personal responsibility is far and beyond the most critical and most deciding factor in your life. Whether for weight loss or anything else you do.

Thank you for your reply. I am actually doing this for myself. However, it can be frustrating to live with someone who is unsupportive and critical of your efforts.

JenniYo

I understand completely.
He doesn't make fun, but is no help and purposely counter productive when it comes to staying on track. I wish he was on board. He needs this too.

Truvanessa

JenniYo wrote: »

I understand completely.
He doesn't make fun, but is no help and purposely counter productive when it comes to staying on track. I wish he was on board. He needs this too.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Hopefully things will change. Maybe he'll be inspired seeing the transformation unfold and that you are stepping up and "doing" you.

Chef_Barbell

I had a boyfriend like this once... Now he is an ex. Aint nobody got time for kid games.

jacobhillman

My fiance is in a lot better shape than me, mostly because her metabolism is amazingly fast and she has done martial arts all of her life.

I still recently bought her a Fitbit to match mine, and she is a bit competitive with the steps! I know metabolism won't last forever, and there is nothing wrong with working out when you're already as fit as could be.

Truvanessa

jacobhillman wrote: »

My fiance is in a lot better shape than me, mostly because her metabolism is amazingly fast and she has done martial arts all of her life.

I still recently bought her a Fitbit to match mine, and she is a bit competitive with the steps! I know metabolism won't last forever, and there is nothing wrong with working out when you're already as fit as could be.

You are exactly right. I think it is sweet that you bought her a Fitbit btw.

Truvanessa

Feel free to add me for support.

chantelp0508

Mine always thinks that he's got better ways of doing things and just shuts me down when I mention joining a gym. It's depressing

Truvanessa

chantelp0508 wrote: »

Mine always thinks that he's got better ways of doing things and just shuts me down when I mention joining a gym. It's depressing

Sorry to hear that. You can do this. Most of all, be on this journey for you! I think your man will be surprised.

wrl11

Yes, married 24 years, and my wife thinks going to the gym and weightlifting is a waste of time and effort. Frustrating when you put that much effort into something for years and your wife (spouse) thinks less then nothing of your improvements.

angiejim0415

My husband is so sweet, but ever since we met, I've been telling him I was trying to eat healthy and lose weight. To this day he brings me home candy and sodas because he thinks he's doing something nice for me. I love that he's thinking about me, but I wish he'd bring me home an edible arrangement or a v8 or something instead. To top it off, the man LOVES junk food. So its a constant battle when were trying to compromise on what to eat.

mcleodcon1981

angiejim0415 wrote: »

My husband is so sweet, but ever since we met, I've been telling him I was trying to eat healthy and lose weight. To this day he brings me home candy and sodas because he thinks he's doing something nice for me. I love that he's thinking about me, but I wish he'd bring me home an edible arrangement or a v8 or something instead. To top it off, the man LOVES junk food. So its a constant battle when were trying to compromise on what to eat.

THIS! My fiancee is this person!! I have found a great cookbook we both like but he constantly wants the same thing out of it! And we definitely can't afford to be cooking 2 dinners every night.

freedom2016mfp

You know it's so funny for lack of a better word to read the different posts here...just when you think your alone you sit back and go WOW I'm not alone! I've been keeping my efforts to myself minus those of you that I chat with here. Anyway my spouse overheard me mentioning my 3lb weight loss yesterday and then comes home in the afternoon with a bag of candy just for me HA! and then this morning asks if I'd like to go to Tim Horton's.....YUP! I can so relate! I keep my workouts to private time when the house is empty and pride myself on my own accomplishments.

ninerbuff

Contrary to what most people think, people closest to you in many cases don't give a crap about what you're doing. So it's important to RELY ON YOU and other people that may be on the same trek.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

FroodleMum

lvhuse wrote: »

Mine is supportive in theory, but undermines my efforts every. single. time. If I actually tell him I have a structured plan to manage my eating habits, he will, without exception, come home that evening with cake or cookies or something that he has bought just for me! He doesn't even know he does this, but he does. So this time I'm just not saying anything and then doing all of the meal planning and shopping on my own.

And don't even get me started with the sabotage that comes with trying to work out!

Yup. Same here.

estherdragonbat

Some years back, I was in a co-dependent relationship I mistook for friendship. Thinking back now, I still wince a bit when I remember what that was like. She became disabled and gained a certain amount of weight. I was heavy back then myself and doing Weight Watchers. And as I began to lose weight and look better, she would find ways to sabotage me. Her mother sent over banana cake? "Here. You have some. Come on, I can't eat this much and it's too good to throw out."

And if I politely turned her down, explained that I didn't want to go over my points, etc? "You mean you're NEVER going to have cake again? Seriously?"

(Yes. I know what a strawman argument is now. But back then? Co-dependent and cowed.)

I realize that it was probably a combination of her feeling depressed over gaining and not being able to take it off and on some level feeling threatened by my then-success. At the time, though, I usually caved in, had the cake, felt so upset at blowing my points that I went and ate more and... yeah. Sigh.

db81989

I would say that I can relate to a lot of you here. Feel free to add me for support.

TheFatLadyPortrait

Im glad I saw this thread. I am trying to get back on the diet wagon after having not seriously made any progress since november (as well as gaining back a bit over christmas) And it has made me remember that when I started back in march of last year, I had to resolve to do it on my own and not let anyone else's food or shopping choices derail me. It was really important because my family are all overweight and we always end up sabotaging each other and ourselves with our terrible eating habits. But if I am gonna make this happen, I need to ignor my dad's chips and crackers and my mom's bacon cheeseburgers and separate my meal planning from my sister's and concentrate on what I need to do for myself. I did it before and lost 80 lbs between march and november. I can do it again.

I hope you can find a way to make it work for you as well. It is a very hard thing to do but necessary and very well worth it.

Truvanessa

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and comments. Let's support each other! We can do this!

courtneyfabulous

If you stick with it long enough they might BECOME supportive, or at least not sabotage you anymore. When I first started my husband was cautiously optimistic but also didn't seem to think I'd stick with it- but I did. Then he went through a slightly sabotage like stage where he would offer me unhealthy treats- pizza, chocolate, chips, wine... one time he even stuck a freshly poured glass of wine right under my nose when he knew I had decided to quit alcohol until I reach my goal weight! But each time I politely declined or if I did indulge would be sure to make a point of only having a small portion and entering it into myfitnesspal. He eventually stopped doing that stuff. Then he actually got inspired by me and wanted to start getting healthy and lose weight too- he did go to the gym for about a month and cut out a little junk food and drank a little less, but but when he realized it takes a lot of effort and results came very slowly, he quickly fell back into his old eating habits and cancelled his gym membership. That took a special kind of willpower to have my spouse decide to get on board and join me in my journey only to see him fail and relapse- but to keep going myself. Now he is excited for me that I am still going and getting results, but he constantly complains that he is fat and looks for validation from me that it's ok that he's overweight and that I love him anyways.

I'm sure my experience is not unique. But I'm proud that I have been able to do this by myself, for myself.

Truvanessa

courtneyfabulous wrote: »

If you stick with it long enough they might BECOME supportive, or at least not sabotage you anymore. When I first started my husband was cautiously optimistic but also didn't seem to think I'd stick with it- but I did. Then he went through a slightly sabotage like stage where he would offer me unhealthy treats- pizza, chocolate, chips, wine... one time he even stuck a freshly poured glass of wine right under my nose when he knew I had decided to quit alcohol until I reach my goal weight! But each time I politely declined or if I did indulge would be sure to make a point of only having a small portion and entering it into myfitnesspal. He eventually stopped doing that stuff. Then he actually got inspired by me and wanted to start getting healthy and lose weight too- he did go to the gym for about a month and cut out a little junk food and drank a little less, but but when he realized it takes a lot of effort and results came very slowly, he quickly fell back into his old eating habits and cancelled his gym membership. That took a special kind of willpower to have my spouse decide to get on board and join me in my journey only to see him fail and relapse- but to keep going myself. Now he is excited for me that I am still going and getting results, but he constantly complains that he is fat and looks for validation from me that it's ok that he's overweight and that I love him anyways.

I'm sure my experience is not unique. But I'm proud that I have been able to do this by myself, for myself.

Thank you for sharing your story. I think we can all relate in some way. Good for you that you stuck with your routine! It is not an easy task.

packersfan0103

angiejim0415 wrote: »

My husband is so sweet, but ever since we met, I've been telling him I was trying to eat healthy and lose weight. To this day he brings me home candy and sodas because he thinks he's doing something nice for me. I love that he's thinking about me, but I wish he'd bring me home an edible arrangement or a v8 or something instead. To top it off, the man LOVES junk food. So its a constant battle when were trying to compromise on what to eat.

I have an insatiable sweet tooth. My husband knows this. Even when I'm trying to be good and he knows it he brings stuff more than usual. I think it's time for a serious conversation about this. I'm starting to think is consciously or subconsciously trying to SABOTAGE???

for_ever_young66

My spouse isn't necessarily critical but she thinks I go at it too hard sometimes. Whenever I tell her I'm going for a 2nd workout, she always gives me the side eye. We are newlyweds, however, and just really learning to live with each other. All you can do is stick with your routine and hopefully, you'll begin to rub off on him more. But Niner Buff nailed it home. Close friends and relatives are usually the worst people you can turn to for support. Sites like MFP are great because you can exchange ideas and struggles with the people who are fighting the same battles as you.

Hallie82

Yes! I tell mine I'm working on eating better and working out and I can just read from the little grin he gives what he's thinking and it's so irritating. Then yes when I'm on a role he's like "let's go out to eat, I bought you some wine, let's have that spaghetti you love". It's not intentional but I think down inside they just are a little insecure/worried about the other half making healthy choices and they're not there yet. I decided that when I finally stick to it and make great changes he might do the same and at least I'll feel good and will be able to give him the support I know will make him do better.