Psychologically handling the new me

JulieSHelms

Thank you everyone for the confirmation that if nothing else, these feelings are typical. Maybe there is some deep-seated expectation that when you lose so much weight you will somehow be a different person, but inside you are the same--so did a change really occur?

This week I experienced something that I think helped more than anything. Compliments are nice, but in our culture people give them for a variety of reasons--to be nice, it's polite, to encourage your hard work, etc--they can be sort of reasoned away. But twice this week I had people who know me not recognize me. One knows me very well but hadn't seen me in about 18 months. He said he didn't recognize me till I smiled at him! The second person is more of an acquaintance and after being told who I was by a mutual friend just couldn't believe it was me. People don't fake that kind of thing. So it seemed to have a bigger impact on me.

jadevalentine wrote: »

I loved this thread. I completely have felt both ways like...wow, I don't know why I can't fit in a 10, I'm not fat to oh, how can I fit in a 10 now when I'm still so fat. Our brains really do a number on us in both scenarios.

Wow, that's really interesting having it happen both ways--a real mind bender!

Anyway, thanks for all the encouraging words.

canadianlbs

mmelnikov3 wrote: »

I had a quite contrary experience. As a child , then young girl and as an Adult I was skinny.

i kind of relate to this (i think? i find the whole thing so confusing that i'm not even sure about that). but this thread is a great conversation around the topic anyway.

my head has two separate benchmarks in it: me in my 145-150-pound teens, and me in my twenties when i weighed in the low 120's and always felt like if i could get down under 120 i would feel 'set'.

[i'm now 52, and i'm sort of halfway between those two marks, on my way back down from waking up in my late 40's and realising that i was heading for 150 if i hadn't arrived already].

the thing is, i'm realising a couple of things. i got the aggravation for being 'fat' in the 80's when i was 20-some pounds heavier. so when i was 'thin' in my 20's i definitely self-identified as 'thin', while still feeling the whole time like another 5 pounds off would lock it in for certain.

but i'm realising that i had this set of specific landmarks i used to form both parts of that identity - both the 'i am thin now' and 'could still lose five pounds'. that same set of landmarks was part of my wakeup call too - when i found an old photograph of myself and understood that yup, i wouldn't score 1 out of 6 on that checklist righ tnow.

but this time around i've been strength training too. so even as i re-approach the same weight (or at least the same proportion of body fat), some of those 'thin' landmarks are there, and some aren't. a classic example to me is i used to use 'do my hip bones show through'? well, that worked when i was a skinnyfat 20'something, but right now in my heavy-lifting 50's those hipbones are so buried, dude. them and my collarbones ain't coming back because of the muscle involved.

so it all leaves me extremely ambivalent. i have a very checklist-based way of forming my overall body image, if that makes sense. and a lot of the time now, i'm just flying by various forms of 'yolo! let's just get there and then figure out what we think!' where 'there' is some number . . . again.

lorrpb

JulieSHelms wrote: »

Thank you everyone for the confirmation that if nothing else, these feelings are typical. Maybe there is some deep-seated expectation that when you lose so much weight you will somehow be a different person, but inside you are the same--so did a change really occur?

This week I experienced something that I think helped more than anything. Compliments are nice, but in our culture people give them for a variety of reasons--to be nice, it's polite, to encourage your hard work, etc--they can be sort of reasoned away. But twice this week I had people who know me not recognize me. One knows me very well but hadn't seen me in about 18 months. He said he didn't recognize me till I smiled at him! The second person is more of an acquaintance and after being told who I was by a mutual friend just couldn't believe it was me. People don't fake that kind of thing. So it seemed to have a bigger impact on me.

jadevalentine wrote: »

I loved this thread. I completely have felt both ways like...wow, I don't know why I can't fit in a 10, I'm not fat to oh, how can I fit in a 10 now when I'm still so fat. Our brains really do a number on us in both scenarios.

Wow, that's really interesting having it happen both ways--a real mind bender!

Anyway, thanks for all the encouraging words.

I'm like this too. One day I look in the mirror and think I'm really skinny and the next day I'll look and see all the fat. I think that's probably normal! So I just don't worry about that part too much. Regardless of whether I feel skinny or fat that day, I've gotten pretty good at knowing whether I've lost weight by noticing minor changes in my physique. It shows up the scales a few days to a week later. The ability to do this helps when the scale is not saying what I would like it to. I know my body has changed, so I stick with my plan. I'm always proven right, sooner or later.

cindiaugustine

I think what helped me the most was shopping for clothes. After losing 100lbs I had pretty much the whole mall to shop in, instead of just one plus-sized store. I tried on sooo many clothes, spend sooo many hours walking the mall...It wasn't about buying everything, it was about facing the full length mirror over and over again, giving my brain tons of exposure to the new me. If you avoid mirrors, naturally your brain can't change it's self-image.
Get a full length mirror, spend time with the new you. It's not vain, it's about building a healthy self-esteem.
Gongrats on your loss!

scrittrice

Based on my own experience and the experiences of others that I've read on MFP, I would say it takes at least a year for your brain to catch up. And I think there is a little part of my brain that will never get there. For a long time I would go to a big department store where I wouldn't be bothering anyone and try on the same item of clothing in several sizes, not to buy anything, but just to see myself in it and figure out what size I was. Also, I read a suggestion on here once to look at yourself in the mirror as you're putting on lotion after your shower--apparently seeing your arm while you're touching your arm helps the message that, yes, that is my arm, sink into your brain. It can't hurt!