Dating and dieting
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I was never proven wrong by anything. I was making a point. Dates usually involve food and alcohol. As said its the "default". Your basically arguing that im wrong because if i was it wouldnt be the topic of HOW TO AVOID IT. So good for you to say you have self control and can have 3 or 4 drinks without food. Most people dont have the control. And no MOST drinks people want to drink are over the limit. Realistically most people will NOT drink ONLY within the limit because realistically everyone loves the drinks that arent healthy and they wouldnt be anyone's first choice.
You were proven wrong. You asked specifically how 3-4 drinks can only be 500 calories, and @JaydedMiss went and told you how. Now you are attacking her, and and trying to judge her dating style? You'ver really never been on a date, when there are only drinks? Not every date has to be a full on meal. The sad part is that the original person who was giving the analogy was just trying to give some helpful advice on how she trys to prepare for going out, and you took as it came from the bible and that's all she does, and that she is telling you that is all you should do.
I asked about the drinks....not whoever you are referring to.
It also makes sense to me now. I just really wasn't thinking about shots.
Oh I was replying to the women who was being mean. I think everyone else understood it once people explained what they were drinking. I mean I've had times where I've gone out, and had mixed drinks with a bunch of stuff in it that had plent of calories, but I've also just gone out and had a bunch of bicardi and diets, or something like that.
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Don't let it stress you now though. It can be fun, it can be horrible, and yes some thought goes into dieting around it. But, you don't NEED to go on 3 dates per week. When you're ready, you can go on as many or as little as you want
The biggest problem for me now is where does a 40 year old woman go to meet men that are single, intelligent, educated, working and relatively attractive? I am working on me, and if a "he" comes along, I'm willing to try!
Try match.com or eharmony. I still prefer okcupid and Tinder because they are free, but even at 31 I'm starting to age out of those apps (competing with 22 year olds is not fun).
I tried those once, years back. Eharm literally told me that there was no one on there who would be compatible with me. I was mildly amused.7 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »
Don't let it stress you now though. It can be fun, it can be horrible, and yes some thought goes into dieting around it. But, you don't NEED to go on 3 dates per week. When you're ready, you can go on as many or as little as you want
The biggest problem for me now is where does a 40 year old woman go to meet men that are single, intelligent, educated, working and relatively attractive? I am working on me, and if a "he" comes along, I'm willing to try!
Try match.com or eharmony. I still prefer okcupid and Tinder because they are free, but even at 31 I'm starting to age out of those apps (competing with 22 year olds is not fun).
I tried those once, years back. Eharm literally told me that there was no one on there who would be compatible with me. I was mildly amused.
What?! No!
I admittedly tried Match I think. I'm a *kitten* and didn't think anyone was attractive. Everyone they matched me with was...too...I won't say it 0 -
rchlthompson wrote: »Thanks to everyone for the replies. I guess, having lost 50 pounds already, I know what I have to do...it's just really hard to do while dating. I'm not ALWAYS having that many dates, but it's been crazy lately. I've basically narrowed it down to 1 guy and if this doesn't work out I'm taking a break for a while. I enjoy dating for the most part, but it can be exhausting, expensive and unhealthy.
Eat 1/2 or some portion less than the whole meal and ask for a take home box, eat the rest another day or throw it out, or get something lighter in calories.
Most guys don't expect a date to eat and drink 1 for 1 with them.1 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »
Don't let it stress you now though. It can be fun, it can be horrible, and yes some thought goes into dieting around it. But, you don't NEED to go on 3 dates per week. When you're ready, you can go on as many or as little as you want
The biggest problem for me now is where does a 40 year old woman go to meet men that are single, intelligent, educated, working and relatively attractive? I am working on me, and if a "he" comes along, I'm willing to try!
Try match.com or eharmony. I still prefer okcupid and Tinder because they are free, but even at 31 I'm starting to age out of those apps (competing with 22 year olds is not fun).
I tried those once, years back. Eharm literally told me that there was no one on there who would be compatible with me. I was mildly amused.
What?! No!
I admittedly tried Match I think. I'm a *kitten* and didn't think anyone was attractive. Everyone they matched me with was...too...I won't say it
Yeah, seriously. It was this long spiel anout "we take matching based on personality types very seriously, and do not wish to mislead those whom we have no matches for". I'll give them points for business ethics, for sure.2 -
One of the most important things about weight loss is figuring out how you will maintain the loss going forward.
I've never been the type to go on 3-4 dates a week, but I used to go out with my girlfriends multiple nights a week for dinner and drinks. I slowly watched myself balloon up close to my highest weight ever. I know I could never maintain that type of lifestyle and a healthy weight at my current activity level (desk job) so I realized it had to stop and it's not something I will ever go back to doing again.
I'm okay with this because I'd rather be a healthy weight than obese and be able to eat and drink all the things multiple nights a week.
I still go out occasionally, but it's not something I can manage three - four nights a week.1 -
Thanks again for all the responses. Some very good ideas, now I just have to implement them. I know this is a lifestyle change and there's always going to be reasons to go out, but balance can be difficult at times.0
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I find that the best guys treat their bodies well, too and they are attracted to gals that eats well, likes to actually do stuff AND drinks whiskey.1
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It sounds like you want to go out and have a good time without worrying about dieting but don't want the consequences from "having a couple nights out." That is definitely understandable with how far it sounds like you've come, but if that's what you want to do, than still own it by logging the night whether it makes you go over or not and begin anew the next day.1
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My goal is to find someone that SHARES this lifestyle with me. And will make good choices with me when we are together. My favorite is a picnic lunch when the weather is nice in a park as a date. I can plan and control the food this way.
I understand the issues with the drinking on an evening out and wanting to meet people. I am very outgoing, and yet I still like having one or two.
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CafeRacer808 wrote: »In my opinion, you do what people in maintenance do every day: eat a moderate amount of food that fits into your daily calorie goal. ....
Respectfully, I disagree. Maintenance is challenging for me if I am eating out 4+ times every week. Accuracy is challenging and so is banking if you don't know where you're going/what will be served. I think bbell has good insight on just setting your expectation to maintenance (which I think is hard enough) until you find the guy for the third date.0 -
CafeRacer808 wrote: »In my opinion, you do what people in maintenance do every day: eat a moderate amount of food that fits into your daily calorie goal. ....
Respectfully, I disagree. Maintenance is challenging for me if I am eating out 4+ times every week. Accuracy is challenging and so is banking if you don't know where you're going/what will be served. I think bbell has good insight on just setting your expectation to maintenance (which I think is hard enough) until you find the guy for the third date.
There is alwaya the option of taking some home. Don't have to eat the entire serving2 -
Packerjohn wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »In my opinion, you do what people in maintenance do every day: eat a moderate amount of food that fits into your daily calorie goal. ....
Respectfully, I disagree. Maintenance is challenging for me if I am eating out 4+ times every week. Accuracy is challenging and so is banking if you don't know where you're going/what will be served. I think bbell has good insight on just setting your expectation to maintenance (which I think is hard enough) until you find the guy for the third date.
There is alwaya the option of taking some home. Don't have to eat the entire serving
I didn't say I felt compelled to eat it all. I said accuracy and banking is a challenge for me when out for dinner, and I'm pretty experienced at weighing food. I can eyeball the 100g of chicken that I logged. Accuracy is still an issue if I didn't make it. You can ask the kitchen to make stuff the way you want it (dry), but part of the fun of eating good places is enjoying someone else's creativity. I'm willing to be inaccurate. It's just the reality of eating out.
Drinks only is less challenging.1 -
I didn't say I felt compelled to eat it all. I said accuracy and banking is a challenge for me when out for dinner, and I'm pretty experienced at weighing food. I can eyeball the 100g of chicken that I logged. Accuracy is still an issue if I didn't make it. You can ask the kitchen to make stuff the way you want it (dry), but part of the fun of eating good places is enjoying someone else's creativity. I'm willing to be inaccurate. It's just the reality of eating out.
Drinks only is less challenging.
Agreed! When its multiple times, it gets much harder for some people. I struggled with this too and had a huge impact on my weight gain I just went through. (lots of other factors and my own problems, obviously also)1 -
Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »is there a reason you HAVE to go on so many dates every week?
Of course I don't HAVE to, but I want to. I'd like another person in my life and it takes meeting a lot of them to find the right one. I don't want to tell somebody, no, I can't go out even though you seem great because I've already been out once this week. Dating at my age (39) and online dating is very difficult. If I say no, they move on. People don't want to wait weeks to meet.
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I have to jump in here...not because I am presently dating or because I am where I want to be weight wise, but because after 17 years of marriage I am single again and even if the last year has beaten the hell out of me, I know someday I will want to date again. And frankly, dating scares the crap out of me now...I can't even imagine going on 2 or 3 or more dates a week and having to think about this issue!
I was married for 18 years and when I started dating again never went for more than one date per week. I may have pre-screened more rigorously than people who have multiple dates per week.
I didn't look for a serious relationship for quite some time after my divorce, and I am now with the man of my dreams.
Our first date was for coffee and it lasted so long we ended up going to the restaurant next door for dinner - spent four hours with each other that first date
I did have a lot of meh first dates before he found me on OKCupid.2 -
Don't let it stress you now though. It can be fun, it can be horrible, and yes some thought goes into dieting around it. But, you don't NEED to go on 3 dates per week. When you're ready, you can go on as many or as little as you want
The biggest problem for me now is where does a 40 year old woman go to meet men that are single, intelligent, educated, working and relatively attractive? I am working on me, and if a "he" comes along, I'm willing to try!
I tried a variety of online date sites and liked OKCupid best. I did get more replies when my age was listed as 39 but I believe the quality improved once I hit 40.1 -
I was never proven wrong by anything. I was making a point. Dates usually involve food and alcohol. As said its the "default". Your basically arguing that im wrong because if i was it wouldnt be the topic of HOW TO AVOID IT. So good for you to say you have self control and can have 3 or 4 drinks without food. Most people dont have the control. And no MOST drinks people want to drink are over the limit. Realistically most people will NOT drink ONLY within the limit because realistically everyone loves the drinks that arent healthy and they wouldnt be anyone's first choice.
I hear ya! If I had 3 to 4 drinks without food I'd start channeling Kim Basinger from Blind Date.1 -
Suggest restaurants that offer foods that you want to eat, or foods that show the caloric value of their dishes in their menu.1
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kshama2001 wrote: »
Don't let it stress you now though. It can be fun, it can be horrible, and yes some thought goes into dieting around it. But, you don't NEED to go on 3 dates per week. When you're ready, you can go on as many or as little as you want
The biggest problem for me now is where does a 40 year old woman go to meet men that are single, intelligent, educated, working and relatively attractive? I am working on me, and if a "he" comes along, I'm willing to try!
I tried a variety of online date sites and liked OKCupid best. I did get more replies when my age was listed as 39 but I believe the quality improved once I hit 40.
I met my husband on eHarmony (at age 33); we were both paying members; eHarmony is set up that you really can't do much unless you pay; basically, "free trial" is just to see if they have any matches for you. My sister met her partner on PlentyofFish (also when she was in her early-to-mid thirties).1 -
CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.3 -
acorsaut89 wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.
I am more concerned that said male is worried about these things. Bish, I am showing up in my Born of Osiris shirt and jeans. If you don't like them now, you won't like it in six months, and I'm not getting rid of them. I don't plan on being close enough to someone I just met to worry about coffee breath. Lastly, if I need to worry about being "on my game", this is clearly a waste of my time.1 -
Also, I am very jealous OP that you have so many guys interested you are going out more than once a week. I haven't had a date in FOREVER!! So . . . if anyone knows anyone
lol 1 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.
I am more concerned that said male is worried about these things. Bish, I am showing up in my Born of Osiris shirt and jeans. If you don't like them now, you won't like it in six months, and I'm not getting rid of them. I don't plan on being close enough to someone I just met to worry about coffee breath. Lastly, if I need to worry about being "on my game", this is clearly a waste of my time.
How you doin? lol 0 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.
I am more concerned that said male is worried about these things. Bish, I am showing up in my Born of Osiris shirt and jeans. If you don't like them now, you won't like it in six months, and I'm not getting rid of them. I don't plan on being close enough to someone I just met to worry about coffee breath. Lastly, if I need to worry about being "on my game", this is clearly a waste of my time.
Seriously? Been a while?
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Gallowmere1984 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.
I am more concerned that said male is worried about these things. Bish, I am showing up in my Born of Osiris shirt and jeans. If you don't like them now, you won't like it in six months, and I'm not getting rid of them. I don't plan on being close enough to someone I just met to worry about coffee breath. Lastly, if I need to worry about being "on my game", this is clearly a waste of my time.
Seriously? Been a while?
Nope. I've always been that way. I don't ever, under any circumstances try to pretend to be anything that I am not. I question the T levels of any man who feels compelled to doll himself up for someone. I may or may not even shave first, depending upon how few *kitten* I give that day.
ETA: when I go on a date, I am interested in meeting a person, not some odd facsimile thereof. If the other person does not have the same ambition, it wouldn't last long anyway. When a date is more like a job interview, it's not worth the trouble.1 -
I am having a hard time understanding your goals. Why do you want to look for a partner by following habits you don't want to follow "in real life"? Will you really find a suitable partner who will support your goals and share your lifestyle by doing that? I agree that you want to celebrate your newly developed body. Do you want a guy who is mainly interested in your new fabulous sexy body? There are lots of avenues for dating these days, have you considered online dating where you can set up a profile and find someone who shares your goals?
As far as eating, have your whiskey and tacos as often as you can fit them into your calorie & macro goals. Make them part of your plan and know how much you can have each week, along with other foods to keep you within your goal and macro nutrition. This is not going to change after you meet someone. I would encourage you to stay in control of your life and eating and think over your plan. If you can't handle it for one week of dating, what are you going to do the rest of your life? I don't mean that in a bad way, just a little wake up nudge. Just read the dozens of threads from people who've gained it back umpteen times. What is YOUR plan so this doesn't happen to you?1 -
rchlthompson wrote: »I guess I should be more specific and less facetious. Typical dating involves food that is not in my normal catalog and drinks than I would not typically have. I understand it's easy to say "just don't do it" and I understand and respect that to a degree. However, I'm trying to fit in real life with my real life struggle to lose the last 20 pounds. My problem comes in is with the gray line. I can do this once a week, and that's OK. Problem is I have three or four dates a week and it's becoming excessive and impossible to lose the weight that I want.
What's more important to you?0 -
Wow miss popular jk jk. Yeah I feel you. Free food/drinks led to weight gain for me. Enjoy yourself occasionally though. Going on a date is supposed to be fun. Maybe eat light of if fast before. Take half home or order lighter drinks. Get veggies with ur steak. Or have an active date like a trampoline park sometimes. Look at your weekly macro and try to fit things it. But diet is long term thing to keep the results and not gain it back. Gotta balance things and fit it to your goals and lifestyle. 1
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