Help settle an argument?

Stella3838

I cook 98% of the time and I clean as I cook and use up pots, pans, utensils, etc. Also wipe counters, etc. After dinner, my boyfriend does the rest of the clean-up while I put away any leftovers, clean off the table, etc. It was never really a question for us. We settled into this routine fairly quickly. Works out we're both done about the same time and can have a nice glass of wine together while watching TV.

xbowhunter

The one with the smallest feet. They can get closer to the sink... lol kidding!!

CatchMom11

DeficitDuchess wrote: »

I'd say the, person that isn't the; busiest and/or most active! If I had, a desk job & my Fiance was a construction worker, he'd be responsible for none of; the chores in our home!

I have a desk job and my husband is a construction worker and we share every last responsibility when it comes to our home, except cooking and laundry. He's a great cook and hates doing laundry so he does most of the cooking and I do most of the laundry (when my stepdaughter allows me to. She REALLY likes doing laundry.)

We have never really discussed the division of chores though. It's just become somewhat of a routine over the last 13 years. He gets home before I do so he just kind of developed a habit of starting dinner while I was on my way home and I started doing little things like vacuuming or laundry while he was cooking. I do help him as I'm a pretty good cook myself, he just enjoys it more.

Desk jobs aren't always easy. They may not be as physically labor intensive as that of a construction worker, but depending on the position, a desk job is just as mentally (and overall) exhausting. I worked in both fields to know. :-)

CatchMom11

Or... just do what my sister did and hire a housekeeper!

cee134

I think both of you should do it.

Maybe try this:

One of you stand in front of the other and then the person standing in the back pretends to be the hands of the person in front.

To clearify, like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFjr0fHeiDU

pauljordan1

One wash, one dry, in my house..

Motorsheen

I just let our dog lick the plates


..... clean enough!

ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken

Who does the cooking has nothing to do with it UNLESS there is equal work to bring home the bacon which you are cooking. If one of you stays home more and brings in less money then that one should do more dishes. If it's really an even split then all chores should be equally split. Some people feel that they are above doing household chores. These are people who need humbling. The question here is who does the cooking? If it is he who does all the cooking and he is saying the one who cooks should not do the dishes ask him if he would have that same opinion if you were doing all the cooking. Do you take turns cooking? Maybe if this issue persists try sharing the tasks evenly. Both of you take part in cooking and both of you take part in the dishes after.

All that being said, in this home my husband works out side the home and I stay home caring for the home and the kids. The only chores I ask are that he takes out the trash, change light bulbs, and do little fix it types of things. However when he does cook it is because he wants to fire up the grill and in that case he is NOT welcome to make a mess in the kitchen and leave it.

NewlifeinNW

The dishes are done man!

ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken

lstrat115 wrote: »

Also, it is a proven fact that women find it sexy when men do housework and take care of kids. So why do so many fight it? They let their women become exhausted doing everything around the house and then wonder why they are too tired for sex. Maybe help out and turn her on at the same time. Duh.

I do not find it sexy. I find it responsible and considerate. If there are no kids involved this isn't a big deal of course because there is so much less work. Once children enter the picture it is just inconsiderate to sit around watching t.v. and never lending a hand to stir a pot, change a diaper, or at least put some dishes into the sink. While it isn't a requirement it is just a pleasant surprise. However you are right on about that tired part. Or should I say exhausted.

sarraheclark

My husband will do the dishes when I tell him to, otherwise it doesn't really cross his mind. Like many things, he just doesn't think about it. We're working on that.

Just_J_Now

In the grand scheme of things, dishes is probably the last thing I would ever argue about, seriously.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

allaboutthecake

samanthaapw wrote: »

Me and my fiance have been arguing about dishes for years. Who should do the majority of the dishes?
The one who does all the cooking?
Or
The one who doesn't cook?

Fiance?
Live separately. Eat out on a date. Argument over.

Motorsheen

when you say: do the dishes

.... you really mean: throw out the pizza box

right?

RachelElser

Who does the other chores? Does one person hate doing the dishes but does all the laundry? Or hates dishes but does the vacuuming? I think it's best to divide up the chores and just stick with a set per person (person A- dishes, laundry, etc Person B- dusting, vacuuming, etc) , rather than a "I cooked tonight so you do the dishes" mind set.

As a kid I was forced to wash or dry the dishes with my brother was a total *kitten* hat to me, so now I LOATHE hand washing dishes- particularly with another person.

Timshel_

I just do stuff. I don't worry about equality because my wife just does stuff too. At any time it can be either one of us is too busy with other things and we know we have to take up the slack to cover. I know it's weird in a relationship to work together and not keep score, but this crazy setup seems to work.

ninerbuff

lstrat115 wrote: »

Also, it is a proven fact that women find it sexy when men do housework and take care of kids. So why do so many fight it? They let their women become exhausted doing everything around the house and then wonder why they are too tired for sex. Maybe help out and turn her on at the same time. Duh.

Lol, OTHER women may find it sexy. My DW thinks it's just great that she doesn't have to worry about cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, trash, out door work and helping with homework. But then again, I'm not complaining about it either.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

sklarbodds

You cook or clean but shouldn't be both.

Lounmoun

I think the real answer is who does it bother the most if the dishes pile up. If it bothered you both equally there probably wouldn't be an argument.
There is not a universal dishwashing rule so just split up the chores however works best in your house.

millzy64

TheRoadDog wrote: »

I do the cooking in my home. As I cook, I also clean cooking utensils and pots and pans. After dinner the only dishes to do are what we ate off of. My wife does those.

We've never discussed the assignment of chores. We've been together for 28 years and just developed a routine that fits our schedules. She cleans the upstairs. I clean the downstairs. I do the basic yard work. She does the gardening.

I do upkeep to our house, but she is the one that makes it a home.

This is us.

Sometimes she helps me with the prep dishes as I cook, but I usually would rather be undisturbed while I'm cooking anyway so it works out. It's not a hard set rule though. Many times I wind up doing the dishes as well as the cooking, but she has a much longer commute and work day than I do so I don't mind doing both when I know she's had a long day. After almost 30 years, we've worked it out.

Jruzer

You should do household tasks together out of love and mutual respect. You each should be generous toward the other and not have this idea about whose responsibility it is.

LeGaCyGiAnT91

lstrat115 wrote: »

Also, it is a proven fact that women find it sexy when men do housework and take care of kids. So why do so many fight it? They let their women become exhausted doing everything around the house and then wonder why they are too tired for sex. Maybe help out and turn her on at the same time. Duh.

You already know how I feel!

dbanks80

My husband and I always have a rule the one who cooks the other washes dishes. It has always worked for us.

KosmosKitten

Hmm, we mostly split cooking/dish-washing duty. I do loads of washing by hand (as our dishwasher is a piece of *kitten* that rarely works), but when it does, I insist that Mr. Murderpaws loads it as he is way better at Tetris-ing stuff in place than I am.

I don't like doing dishes (and neither does he), but it's better than having a sink full of gross, nasty dishes attracting bugs. Other chores mostly fall on me except when I bug him about doing something he said he would ages ago.

Carbkiller1970

I do both # sucker

LiftingRiot

Just buy paper plates and plastic wear. Nuke everything. You two obviously cant figure it out. We are talking dishes here. This shouldn't be hard.

JLAJ81

I do most of the cooking and dishes. I rarely do laundry or clean bathrooms, fair trade I think.

Macy9336

We tend to have whoever didn't cook do the dishes. But it's flexible. If one of us is especially tired or had a bad day, the other will do both.

My parents did the opposite...whoever cooked did the dishes. Their philosophy was that if a person is cooking and knows they won't be on the hook for the dishes, they'll dirty as many pots, pans, utensils and dishes as possible. They took turns to cook though and so it was a matter of viewing the chore of doing a meal as inclusive of dishes rather than dishes bring a separate chore.

So you could go either way...view dishes as part of a meal chore that includes dishes or not. If one of you does all the meals, then the other should be responsible for something equivalent like all the laundry (wash,dry,fold,put away), or all the yard work (mowing, hedge trimming, weeding, etc).