Husband advice, please...
MarineArmyVeteran1978
Posts: 69 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a question about my wife's fitness goals. I love her and I am very attracted to her. I am very proud of her for getting back in shape. However, is it possible for a husband to be supportive and selfish at the same time? There are certain "features" that are disappearing that I am kinda missing. I don't want anyone to think I am not attracted to my wife or anything. How do I approach her and tell her to maybe slow down while still being supportive and proud of her? Thanks
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Replies
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Chippyfunyuns wrote: »I suggest you don't say a word but be supportive. You have no right to ask her to keep her body a certain shape or size.
This. Period. End paragraph. End of story.12 -
that was easy1 -
Thank you, never did I think it was my right to tell her how her body should be. Appreciate the feedback.2
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Bless your little heart, but yes, talk about selfish. Think more about her being fit, healthy, feeling good about herself and being around here for you and your children for many years instead. Take it from me, they are going to go south eventually anyways.11
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Unfortunately, you can't control which features disappear and in what order. So, if is is just an "I don't want to see a specific feature go", then I don't think it is worth bringing up as most likely you will just make her feel insecure about something she can't control anyways. However, since you did say you want her to slow down, if you feel that she is doing anything unhealthy I definitely think spouses should bring up that.7
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happilymegan wrote: »Thank you, never did I think it was my right to tell her how her body should be. Appreciate the feedback.
By telling her to slow down you are in some regard trying to control what she does with her body. At the end of the day it's hers and she needs to work for a body she is happy with.
Didn't think of this way. Thanks!4 -
In all seriousness, chances are she's noticed and probably isn't thrilled either but we don't get to choose where we lose. My husband (a generally thoughtful man who adores me and is very supportive) asked me a similar question once. I was not impressed and let him know. Hopefully we've just saved your wife the trouble10
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Chippyfunyuns wrote: »Thank you, never did I think it was my right to tell her how her body should be. Appreciate the feedback.
Its nice to say "You are beautiful to me just as you are". I think it is manipulative to say, "You are beautiful to me just as you are.....BUT....I like your boobs bigger, or I like your butt bigger...". I say this as an example. That would be saying...you just aren't going to be good enough no matter what you do to her. You don't think that is what you are saying but trust me....it is.
Thanks. Glad I asked in here before I went to her. And please understand, my wife is super hot and my best friend. I am very lucky. Once again, appreciate the feedback.6 -
In all seriousness, chances are she's noticed and probably isn't thrilled either but we don't get to choose where we lose. My husband (a generally thoughtful man who adores me and is very supportive) asked me a similar question once. I was not impressed and let him know. Hopefully we've just saved your wife the trouble
Well, please tell your husband thank you for me. I appreciate your feedback.2 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »Unfortunately, you can't control which features disappear and in what order. So, if is is just an "I don't want to see a specific feature go", then I don't think it is worth bringing up as most likely you will just make her feel insecure about something she can't control anyways. However, since you did say you want her to slow down, if you feel that she is doing anything unhealthy I definitely think spouses should bring up that.
I definitely don't want to hurt her feelings in any way. Nothing unhealthy about her fitness, just me being selfish. I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks.2 -
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This thread went better then I thought it would, good job!8
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jjewell1981 wrote: »This thread went better then I thought it would, good job!
Agree, thought I would get killed. Appreciate the respect from the posters.8 -
Motorsheen wrote: »
Agree, thanks for the feedback.1 -
In the spirit of TMI I'll share my experience. But then again maybe guys perceptions are different. When I put on weight it goes on my backside as well as other places. My wife says she really liked my bubble butt and misses it as it went away as my weight drops. I in no way took that as she'd prefer I stay fat and unhealthy but more of stating a fact of how my body changes with weight loss.
I think it's ok to mention what you liked and notice what's changing. As long as you're not suggesting she stop pursuing her weight loss goals. It's definitely a balancing act with this one though.4 -
For me, I'm ultimately love who she is, not what she is. Not saying the what doesn't help, but everything changes*.
*Except for war. War never changes. --Bethesda4 -
In the spirit of TMI I'll share my experience. But then again maybe guys perceptions are different. When I put on weight it goes on my backside as well as other places. My wife says she really liked my bubble butt and misses it as it went away as my weight drops. I in no way took that as she'd prefer I stay fat and unhealthy but more of stating a fact of how my body changes with weight loss.
I think it's ok to mention what you liked and notice what's changing. As long as you're not suggesting she stop pursuing her weight loss goals. It's definitely a balancing act with this one though.
Unless she's unlike most of us, there is no way he can word that that will not hurt her feelings, at least a little bit IMO.12 -
When you are at a loss for words or are deliberating exactly what to say, usually one of the following is what you should be saying:
"Yes, dear" or
"I love you."9 -
jjewell1981 wrote: »This thread went better then I thought it would, good job!
.... give it time1 -
Motorsheen wrote: »
Agree, thanks for the feedback.
by the way... if that is her in your profile pic, she's lovely1
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