Partner wants you to lose weight.

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  • Casistrophic
    Casistrophic Posts: 26 Member
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    I met my boyfriend when I was 205 lbs, although I lost a lot of weight over that summer and was 165 when we started dating. Now I am 230 and he has admitted that he's no longer physically attracted to me. Although it hurts to hear, I am appreciative for the wake up call. I couldn't go on like this, and I haven't been happy with myself, my eating, or my spending (I've already saved almost $50 on food in the ONE WEEK I have been back on the wagon). My boyfriend is standing by me as I lose weight both for myself and for him. I want to be around to live a long and healthy life together.
  • squatsanddeadlift
    squatsanddeadlift Posts: 117 Member
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    Casistrophic wrote: »
    I met my boyfriend when I was 205 lbs, although I lost a lot of weight over that summer and was 165 when we started dating. Now I am 230 and he has admitted that he's no longer physically attracted to me. Although it hurts to hear, I am appreciative for the wake up call. I couldn't go on like this, and I haven't been happy with myself, my eating, or my spending (I've already saved almost $50 on food in the ONE WEEK I have been back on the wagon). My boyfriend is standing by me as I lose weight both for myself and for him. I want to be around to live a long and healthy life together.

    Perhaps we should buddy up!!
  • BlueSkyShoal
    BlueSkyShoal Posts: 325 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are getting the ball rolling by tracking what you eat. It's really surprising the things we eat without thinking about it!

    I think a lot of people are just overwhelmed by the changes that go along with losing weight, especially since eating is often a "comfort" thing. OP, even if it seems complicated and overwhelming now, you will quickly get the hang of it. Hang in there!
  • crb426
    crb426 Posts: 657 Member
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    My husband never made me feel bad about my weight. But when I suggested to him that I was ready to lose weight, the conversation went something like this:

    "How much did you want to lose?"
    "I don't know, like 20 pounds?"
    "You should go for 30."
    "What? I don't need to lose THAT much, do I?"
    Silence... then, "I'll buy you a whole new wardrobe if you lose 30."
    "Sold!"

    Morale of the story: I needed a bit of a reality check after being in denial of how much I was overweight, which he gave me, plus motivation with the promise of shopping! I ended up losing almost 40 pounds and definitely needed those new clothes. Sometimes we need a little tough love from those closest to us.
  • newheavensearth
    newheavensearth Posts: 870 Member
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    OP I understand where your GF is coming from and what she is feeling. She wants you to be healthy and to have a long life with you. That's love right there. I want that for my hubby.

    I lost 70 lbs through Weight Watchers and MFP after health scares. No one needed to tell me twice to straighten up! I did it out of love for self, him, and my kids. Not to say you don't love her, the fact that you are concerned shows you do, and that concern you have is commendable.

    Hubby gained alot of weight and is now having health problems, some of which affect his family members. I don't want that future for him, but he says he can't do what I did to lose weight (exercise, weighing, measuring, logging) because "it's too much work". I don't want to give up on him, but what is there for me to do but to respect his decision for now and hope for the best. He does eat what healthy things I cook, so that's good. I just encourage him where I can.

    So try to look at it as your girlfriend loves you and wants the best for you, not to change you.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,988 Member
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    squatsanddeadlift wrote: »
    ktekc wrote: »
    mayafit405 wrote: »
    squatsanddeadlift wrote: »
    So I am lucky enough to be dating a wonderful person. She loves me and I love her and we are on the whole, happy.

    We have been together for almost 2 years and within the first few months of us getting together (we were friends for 3 years beforehand) I lost my father to a stroke, a month later I almost lost my mum to a heart attack.

    I am slightly overweight and could do with losing some pounds. My eating habits are generally poor and I do desperately want to make changes. My dad was a smoker and overweight/drinker. My mum was (gave up after the heart attack) a smoker. Since this has happened my partner was concerned for my health and has stated that she wants me to lose weight and generally be more healthy and take care of myself.

    I am not upset that she has said it. It is fair. I want to be healthy for her and my future family but I just struggle with it and I am upset that my lifestyle has resulted in my partner having to say anything at all.

    She herself is a good weight and generally keeps active although her diet can poor at times. It is something we both acknowledge that we need to work on.

    I love her so much and losing her is not what I want (she has not stated she will leave by the way) but I just can't motivate myself to make changes. I am more than welcoming of any comments and suggestions as I know how pathetic this sounds.

    Thanks!

    Check this video out . He's really inspiring and honest about weight loss. I believe he's lost 180 pounds :)

    https://youtu.be/vNNBkWgMggs

    You can do this!

    i love him. . i follow his youtube channel he has alot of very useful videos everything from this one to ones on how to use a food scale and how he copes with his loose skin. he is awesome!

    eta. . he is currently doing crossfit and kicking its *kitten*!!

    This was interesting. Question: Analysis by paralysis...

    I know what I need to eat but getting myself to do it is just a pain... to many changes... freak out... fall of band wagon. Do you think a good place to start is just to do better than I did yesterday

    I know what is a healthy breakfast so start with that... maintain for two weeks then work on healthy lunch... maintain for 2 weeks then work on healthy dinner

    Likewise the gym... just go... do something... to build a habit?

    Right, lots of people burnout from trying to do too much too soon. Baby steps!

    You said you're "a little" overweight - if you have less than 25 pounds to lose, set your weekly weight loss goal for just a half pound per week - many people go for two pounds per week, which creates too aggressive a deficit for those with just a little to lose.
  • Theo166
    Theo166 Posts: 2,564 Member
    edited March 2017
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    kshama2001 wrote: »
    squatsanddeadlift wrote: »
    ktekc wrote: »
    mayafit405 wrote: »
    squatsanddeadlift wrote: »
    So I am lucky enough to be dating a wonderful person. She loves me and I love her and we are on the whole, happy.

    We have been together for almost 2 years and within the first few months of us getting together (we were friends for 3 years beforehand) I lost my father to a stroke, a month later I almost lost my mum to a heart attack.

    I am slightly overweight and could do with losing some pounds. My eating habits are generally poor and I do desperately want to make changes. My dad was a smoker and overweight/drinker. My mum was (gave up after the heart attack) a smoker. Since this has happened my partner was concerned for my health and has stated that she wants me to lose weight and generally be more healthy and take care of myself.

    I am not upset that she has said it. It is fair. I want to be healthy for her and my future family but I just struggle with it and I am upset that my lifestyle has resulted in my partner having to say anything at all.

    She herself is a good weight and generally keeps active although her diet can poor at times. It is something we both acknowledge that we need to work on.

    I love her so much and losing her is not what I want (she has not stated she will leave by the way) but I just can't motivate myself to make changes. I am more than welcoming of any comments and suggestions as I know how pathetic this sounds.

    Thanks!

    Check this video out . He's really inspiring and honest about weight loss. I believe he's lost 180 pounds :)

    https://youtu.be/vNNBkWgMggs

    You can do this!

    i love him. . i follow his youtube channel he has alot of very useful videos everything from this one to ones on how to use a food scale and how he copes with his loose skin. he is awesome!

    eta. . he is currently doing crossfit and kicking its *kitten*!!

    This was interesting. Question: Analysis by paralysis...

    I know what I need to eat but getting myself to do it is just a pain... to many changes... freak out... fall of band wagon. Do you think a good place to start is just to do better than I did yesterday

    I know what is a healthy breakfast so start with that... maintain for two weeks then work on healthy lunch... maintain for 2 weeks then work on healthy dinner

    Likewise the gym... just go... do something... to build a habit?

    Right, lots of people burnout from trying to do too much too soon. Baby steps!

    You said you're "a little" overweight - if you have less than 25 pounds to lose, set your weekly weight loss goal for just a half pound per week - many people go for two pounds per week, which creates too aggressive a deficit for those with just a little to lose.

    IMHO even if you have a lot of weight to lose, it's good to start by targeting just a half pound/week. Maintaining a calorie deficit for 2 lbs is a huge challenge right out of the gate and can trip you up vs just starting to track and clean up your act.
  • nowine4me
    nowine4me Posts: 3,985 Member
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    OP - why not make it a fun project that you and your partner can do together? MKe small small changes to BOTH of your diets. Search healthy recipies, shop and cook together, go for a walk together after supper. Take Sundays to work together to plan meals for the week and prep and pack lunches ahead of time. Eating well can be fun and can be done together. Weight loss may be a nice by by product.

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