For those of you who aren't SUPER FIT-yep they are judging us.
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Alternative viewpoint would be that you encountered two thoroughly unpleasant people and that encounter just happened to be in a gym. There are bullies in all walks of life and locations.
Your past horrible experience with violence and also feeling you aren't looking your best is magnifying it - doesn't invalidate your feelings but don't let them win by intimidating you. Rise above it for you and your daughter.
Sure we get judged and judge others, that's life, not just gym life.
Bet people look at me and think I should be playing golf or visiting a garden centre instead of using "their" gym but that's their problem to deal with, not mine.
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I will never be mistaken for a GQ model or one of those guys from the cover of a body building magazine. Overweight and self-conscious and weak with poor strength, poor form. I've had a lot of positive encouragement from strangers at the gym. You can encounter rude people anywhere - but the vast majority are great.
You can't be overlysensitive or overly dramatic about a bad encounter, it happens. Shake it off and move on.6 -
I think you are going to find judgers in any gym you go to. But you'll also find supporters in any gym too. The object (in my humble opinion) is to learn the difference and surround yourself with the positive influences while blocking out the negative influences. I mean, I'm way overweight and of course I think some people are going to be judging me - especially since I chose to join a crossfit gym where about 80% of the members seem to be under thirty. But I also think there are genuinely caring people who do not judge and offer support instead. I think of those judgers are the type of people who are negative about life in general and not people I would have as friends outside of the gym so why would I care what they do inside the gym?
The thing I always try to remind myself (and this goes for outside the gym too) is that I can only control my actions and reactions. I have no control over anyone else's. So, while I might have to deal with a hater - I don't have to respond with hate or negativity.3 -
i really think you are way too hung up on thinking you are 20 lbs overweight or dont have a perfect "gym" body, no one cares about 20 pounds or a perfect body. So what if a couple people said something to you, can't you just ignore them? or did you snap back some comments to them to engage in their gym drama that led to this escalation? Go do your workout and dont worry about anyone. 90% of the people at any gym are overweight or not in perfect shape, and they dont seem to have problems doing their workouts.10
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Could they not have just being trying to help at first?
Playing devils advocate they seemed to be concerned about you.2 -
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Sure we get judged and judge others, that's life, not just gym life.
Bet people look at me and think I should be playing golf or visiting a garden centre instead of using "their" gym but that's their problem to deal with, not mine.
I'll bet people look at me playing golf and think I should be playing checkers instead.
I guess I've just been lucky. I've belonged to over 20 gyms (and been a guest at a few more) over the last 35 years or so, and have never once run into even one of the douches described in some of these gym threads. I look nothing like a bodybuilder and have been everything from a skinny, scrawny teenager to a fat, out of shape middle-aged guy, nobody has ever made fun of me or said one word out of line. Could they have been thinking it? Maybe, I dunno - I can't read people's minds and don't really care what they think. It's my gym as much as it is theirs.8 -
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....i said the nice thing about doing squats your whole life is that at forty you can still have a great booty, so keep it up girl! She gave me a dirty look and wandered back to her bar. My point was, I'm old enough to be your mother... I stopped them and told them it wasn't nice to talk about other people and they should just do their own thing and not worry about me.
Next time, just don't talk to them. Problem solved.
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LiveLoveFitFab wrote: »Aside from the part about your autistic child, it's actually a pretty funny incident. The guy was off his rocker. Honestly, I don't think we can afford to let strangers' stupidity ruin our day. What they are "thinking" or even saying to each other doesn't matter one whit. You just keep doing your thing!
I'm glad your amused. I'm actually considering never going back ever again. I go to workout, not be badgered by teenagers and yelled at by men who are 300lbs of solid muscle because it took me a second to figure out why the bar was too high. I however am not amused. I'm actually really sad. I just want to workout and be left alone.
Report his *kitten*. Seriously. A doucheface shouldn't stop you from going to the gym. You have every right to be there. I would keep going after reporting him and SMILE at him every time he leers at you, or acts like a douche. He will get kicked out for being a douche. If he is still banging stuff around, go to staff and report him on the spot. Why take someone's crap like that? Do something about it. Don't let him get away with it. It's not HIS gym.5 -
Complain - quietly, firmly and politely - to management. Do NOT stop talking until they acknowledge your concerns and TELL YOU what they are going to do to address it. Your money is just as good as theirs is, and you have every right not to be harassed.5
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^^ yeah, really. complain somewhere where it might cause some material change. coming in here to start these don't-they-suck threads and resisting any response that doesn't validate your belief that the whole world is unfairly hating on you and your spare 20 pounds is not that place. imo anyway.
honestly. if you gave off any vibe except for the one that you do i might sympathize a bit more. but you seem almost triumphant every time 'they' *kitten* up and you can come in here to re-prove to the world that the moral high ground is all yours . . . idk, my sympathy kind of wears thin.14 -
I've been swimming at the same pool for over 20 yrs. Every now and again I have a bad experience. People that put their stuff all over the benches in the locker room, wack me while swimming because they don't stay on their own side of the lane,.....the list goes on. They are usually newbies. Now I've seen so many people come and go over the years , that I just tell myself that I'll out last them. Sooner or later they leave. There's no one else there that started when I did. I've been there the longest. It always calms me down and puts things in perspective.5
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snowflake954 wrote: »Sooner or later they leave.
that; or they get attuned to the environment's 'rules' and you stop noticing them as 'rude newbies' because they've learned not to be rude. i did all kinds of ignorant things for the first couple of months i was in a weight room. and 'ignorant' was the right word because i didn't know what the etiquette was.
this weekend might even be my first-ever-touched-a-barbell birthday from three years ago, and i'm still there
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Stop it. "They" are not judging "us". Your n=1 experience shouldn't be used to classify an entire group of people.
I'm 20 lbs overweight and have had nothing but positive experiences with the "super fit" members of my gym. I once had a guy laugh at me when I did something stupid, but we were laughing together because itbwas pretty dumb. I'm not saying thise people don't exist, but they are likely few and far between.
And honestly, I'm gonna put it out there that I DO doubt the veracity of this encounter. Seriously? Some guy who was "300 lbs of muscle" was in your face yelling at you with no provocation?16 -
A. That wasn't me.
B. I need to hurry up and get some weightlifting stuff with a squat rack in my house.0 -
Sorry you were dis'd at the gym. Please don't let them win and scare you away. Say something to management next time. They are just insecure if they are talking about you.
They only time I talked bad about someone at the gym was this guy who smelled so bad and had the fan blowing on him, toward the rest of us. He wore the same damn clothes every day and I don't think he ever washed them. It made working out very painful. I wanted to throw up every time he was there. I just moved to other equipment as far away from him as possible.
I don't give a crap what I look like when I do weights. I just hope to be able to do them. My friend who lifts with me was an Olympic level weight lifter and he pushes me while I squat with a bar only to this super low squat. I am so focused on my own lifting to give a *kitten* about anyone else.
You can do it. Never give up.
I started swimming again after a 14 year hiatus. I have done two swim meets since returning and I am sooooo slow. I don't give a crap that I am one of the slowest ones in the pool and that I need the ladder to get out. But I am getting faster each week. I have a new baseline at 47, with MS, after menopause, and 30 lbs heavier.
Set your own goals!
Someone at swim practice said to me that we are more fit than 75% of the population. Think about that when you are lifting next time and be proud!1 -
OP, you were the one there. If you fear for your safety, please find somewhere else for you or your kid to workout. Unless management takes this extremely seriously, it is not okay for anyone to get in your face and yell at you the way that man did. I know there's circumstances that make you think this is your only option, but you've got choices. I'm not in the same boat, but I've recently joined a gym where my preferred weight bearing class is constantly full. I explored another class involving bands and hand weights and I'm surprised how much stronger my core is. Much Easier to do push-ups, etc. You could look into any number of options available to you until you can find somewhere you're comfortable working out.
That said, it is not unheard of to have growing pains when you first join a gym. I pretty much hated this one when I first did my week long, but figured out some strategies (learning I was eligible for a free membership didn't hurt, either) and I pretty much absolutely love it now.
I agree with a previous post, please do not directly confront these kinds of jerks.0 -
The bald/shaven guy was probably angry about his hair loss from the 'roids he used to shoot. Then he was commiserating with the chick in a pathetic attempt to get laid while his wife is at home watching his kids. I have this group at a couple gyms I belong to.
Bottom line, some people just suck at being people.
Edit: And to some inferring here that she can't/shouldn't work out with her kid? Kindly go stick your head into a toilet and flush.6 -
Eh ignore them. From my experience, I have found that people like that are rare. Most people at my gym are either supportive, or keep to themselves. We're all there to get fit after all.2
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This is yet another case of "people should mind their own DMN business and stop getting involved and ruining the days of total strangers". Over the weekend, family and I were walking about at a flea market. One of the rugrats was walking up to every animal he saw and petting without permission from the pet parent. I scolded him about it and said that if he continued, he was going to startle some dog and get bitten. He then mentioned he got to hold a bunny. Hubby then jokingly says, "be careful with rabbits, those things can take your whole head off with one bite". I believe this was a Monty Python reference, which the kid wouldn't get, but he did know that it was a joke. As we stopped at a table, I heard a man behind us say "that man right there is a POS". I was a little surprised to hear the vehement declaration and turned to see the man pointing at my husband, and even clarified for his wife that he was talking about the one in the green shirt. Yep, my husband was the only one in a green shirt. My husband was talking to the vendor and heard none of it. I was really taken aback, and quickly rattled off something goofy about how he was a great guy and I don't know why you would say that. But, I meant it. My husband is a great guy, always ready to help someone out, volunteers with various organizations, and has tons of friends. And he was genuinely concerned that he had done something to offend this total stranger when I told him what was said. As it turned out, the man had misheard OUR conversation and thought that hubs told the boy that a dog would bite his head off in one bite. And obviously he was butt hurt and extra sensitive due to his personal choice of dog breed (he was walking a pit bull pup). The conversation was not friendly, and ended with both of us telling his wife (he had disappeared) that they needed to mind their own business and stop listening in on other's conversations and worrying about what we say to our own child. Some people just suck.6
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Sorry that you've had this experience at a gym - As you know, this pair is not representative of most gym goers who are happy to get on with their work outs without feeling that they have a priority or greater right to equipment.
Please don't let this stop you, or any of your family, from going to the gym because you know what's awesome? A family working out together.1 -
The bald/shaven guy was probably angry about his hair loss from the 'roids he used to shoot. Then he was commiserating with the chick in a pathetic attempt to get laid while his wife is at home watching his kids. I have this group at a couple gyms I belong to.
Bottom line, some people just suck at being people.
Edit: And to some inferring here that she can't/shouldn't work out with her kid? Kindly go stick your head into a toilet and flush.
I'd be willing to bet that "super fit" people are judged at least as often as they judge others. This post is a case in point.12 -
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The 'roids must have attacked his brain. And the chick who thinks she's so cute...just wait until she has a kid and things don't bounce back the way she thought they would..
Don't let them get the best of you. I'm sure that hurt, but just put on your earbuds, turn the music up and ignore the haters. We were all newbies at some point (not saying you are now, but the ignorant muscle heads seem to forget that).2 -
The bald/shaven guy was probably angry about his hair loss from the 'roids he used to shoot. Then he was commiserating with the chick in a pathetic attempt to get laid while his wife is at home watching his kids. I have this group at a couple gyms I belong to.
Bottom line, some people just suck at being people.
Edit: And to some inferring here that she can't/shouldn't work out with her kid? Kindly go stick your head into a toilet and flush.
seriously?
OP- this all sounds very skeptical- I've been going to gyms since I was in HS- I have never ever had someone randomly yell at me. Ever.
Not saying it couldn't happen- people can be crazy- but... eh. this all sounds very fantastical.10 -
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