For those of you who aren't SUPER FIT-yep they are judging us.
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The bald/shaven guy was probably angry about his hair loss from the 'roids he used to shoot. Then he was commiserating with the chick in a pathetic attempt to get laid while his wife is at home watching his kids. I have this group at a couple gyms I belong to.
Bottom line, some people just suck at being people.
Edit: And to some inferring here that she can't/shouldn't work out with her kid? Kindly go stick your head into a toilet and flush.
seriously?
OP- this all sounds very skeptical- I've been going to gyms since I was in HS- I have never ever had someone randomly yell at me. Ever.
Not saying it couldn't happen- people can be crazy- but... eh. this all sounds very fantastical.
I agree. This sounds like an exaggeration of the highest form.3 -
I'm not sure what to think here.
If a girl is being polite to you and trying to help - why cant you just say thank you with a smile and move on as opposed to making sarcastic comments?
If 2 people have been rude to you at the gym - why can't you complain to management to stop this from occurring again with other people as opposed to abandoning the gym altogether?
and I am sorry but being old enough to be someones mother does not make you superior in any way, shape or form.
I think your insecurities are perhaps surfacing as bad attitude/abit spiky? Not sure, I don't know you at all so I hope you are not offended. I am only giving an alternative perspective from what you have mentioned.6 -
For the people claiming this guy was suffering form 'roid rage, there is a simple flow chart to help you decide if a gym user is on this type of "supplement":
(note: not my own work - grabbed from reddit)12 -
The bald/shaven guy was probably angry about his hair loss from the 'roids he used to shoot. Then he was commiserating with the chick in a pathetic attempt to get laid while his wife is at home watching his kids. I have this group at a couple gyms I belong to.
Bottom line, some people just suck at being people.
Edit: And to some inferring here that she can't/shouldn't work out with her kid? Kindly go stick your head into a toilet and flush.
seriously?
OP- this all sounds very skeptical- I've been going to gyms since I was in HS- I have never ever had someone randomly yell at me. Ever.
Not saying it couldn't happen- people can be crazy- but... eh. this all sounds very fantastical.
JoRocka, you must be one of the lucky ones. I personally think I must have a stamp on my forehead that says "Please take your frustration out on me". I have had many instances from late teens on up to my mid 40s of total strangers saying really hateful, crappy things to me with little or NO provocation. And, I know from said experience, that the worst of these incidents happened when I "looked" my worst. I'm not saying OP looked bad, I'm simply saying that some people just suck and make really crappy snap judgments about other people based on appearances (physical or behavioral). And, I have to say that the judgment going back the other way was provoked. OP did not provoke those people into having their little hater chat or screaming in her face.1 -
I'd be willing to bet that "super fit" people are judged at least as often as they judge others. This post is a case in point.
Absolutely agree, thanks for mentioning this. I lost 80#s last year - I went from being obese to the fittest I've ever been. (I've been overweight or obese for all 20 years of my adult life.) While fat, I rarely heard judgment or comments about my body or weight. Now, it's like it's open season to freely comment on my body, in both positive & negative ways. At the gym I've received undeserved praise suggesting I know what I'm doing based on how I look (I don't). I've also had my headphones muted & heard a woman in the locker room refer to me as that skinny *kitten*. I've been asked at my WW meeting (I'm lifetime & still attend with my friends) why I was there & did I not realize I made it hard for overweight people to be there with me.
To the OP - *people* are judgmental. Not just the fit ones. I genuinely hope you find a good fit for you & your daughter. What a great example you're setting for her future fitness. Don't let external factors deter you.
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this is absolutely hysterical. and obviously true.StealthHealth wrote: »For the people claiming this guy was suffering form 'roid rage, there is a simple flow chart to help you decide if a gym user is on this type of "supplement":
(note: not my own work - grabbed from reddit)The bald/shaven guy was probably angry about his hair loss from the 'roids he used to shoot. Then he was commiserating with the chick in a pathetic attempt to get laid while his wife is at home watching his kids. I have this group at a couple gyms I belong to.
Bottom line, some people just suck at being people.
Edit: And to some inferring here that she can't/shouldn't work out with her kid? Kindly go stick your head into a toilet and flush.
seriously?
OP- this all sounds very skeptical- I've been going to gyms since I was in HS- I have never ever had someone randomly yell at me. Ever.
Not saying it couldn't happen- people can be crazy- but... eh. this all sounds very fantastical.
JoRocka, you must be one of the lucky ones. I personally think I must have a stamp on my forehead that says "Please take your frustration out on me". I have had many instances from late teens on up to my mid 40s of total strangers saying really hateful, crappy things to me with little or NO provocation. And, I know from said experience, that the worst of these incidents happened when I "looked" my worst. I'm not saying OP looked bad, I'm simply saying that some people just suck and make really crappy snap judgments about other people based on appearances (physical or behavioral). And, I have to say that the judgment going back the other way was provoked. OP did not provoke those people into having their little hater chat or screaming in her face.
I'm not saying people never talked about me- or judged me. I was highly judged and talked about behind my back.
But- I have never had anyone go out of their way to give me *kitten* IN a physical gym. I kept to myself. I'm sure people talked about me- I was a gangly nerdly girl with giant coke bottle glasses- I wasn't popular and certainly wasn't' well liked- but in regards to the GYM specifically- I have never had anyone randomly yell at me.
But I don't think someone randomly started screaming at her.
I think more likely someone said something snarky/nasty to her and she took it as screaming- perception is... ahem- everything.7 -
JoRocka, I see your point. But, I still think you are discounting her story simply because something this extreme hasn't happened to you. And, I truly hope it never does. But, a raised voice paired with hateful words is screaming in anyone's book. And, it can be just as detrimental either way.
Scenario 1: Mature "gentleman" steps backwards while talking to a group of his friends at a track, bumps into me (who was passing along behind him), steps on my foot, stumbles, spills his soda on himself, and RAISES his voice YELLING "Thanks, thanks a lot!" at me. In truth, he owed ME an apology. I could have just as easily been the one screaming "Thanks, thanks a lot!" to him for stepping on my foot and dirtying my white Keds. But, I just wasn't raised that way. It was an accident. I knew he didn't purposely step on my foot, and I knew he was just frustrated about spilling his drink. Still, I have obviously never forgotten that man's rudeness.
Scenario 2: I was at a salad bar just trying to get some pasta salad while on a dinner date. But each time I tried to get some pasta out, it would all clump and stick to the scoop. I'd get like 1 bowtie pasta onto my plate. After about the 6th "scoop", another mature "gentleman" nearby, QUIETLY says "Are you going to take it all?". He didn't raise his voice, didn't yell or scream. I assumed at first that he must have noticed the struggle with the scoop and was just kidding, like the kind of thing my dad would say jokingly. But his face was dead serious. I was very young then. And, I just turned bright red and walked away with my 6 bowtie pasta, fuming through the rest of my date. While he might have been impatient, I really can't think of what would make someone say out loud something so rude over something so petty, even if it is exactly what they were thinking.
In both scenarios, the rest of my day/evening was darkened by the rudeness of a stranger. Screaming or not, it is not okay to take one's frustration out on total strangers, ensuring that one's own bad day is spread about like the common cold.4 -
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This exactly, the rude meathead was frustrated that he didn't get to that rack earlier, before OP and her daughter got to it, and took it out on her.2 -
JoRocka, I see your point. But, I still think you are discounting her story simply because something this extreme hasn't happened to you. And, I truly hope it never does. But, a raised voice paired with hateful words is screaming in anyone's book. And, it can be just as detrimental either way.
Scenario 1: Mature "gentleman" steps backwards while talking to a group of his friends at a track, bumps into me (who was passing along behind him), steps on my foot, stumbles, spills his soda on himself, and RAISES his voice YELLING "Thanks, thanks a lot!" at me. In truth, he owed ME an apology. I could have just as easily been the one screaming "Thanks, thanks a lot!" to him for stepping on my foot and dirtying my white Keds. But, I just wasn't raised that way. It was an accident. I knew he didn't purposely step on my foot, and I knew he was just frustrated about spilling his drink. Still, I have obviously never forgotten that man's rudeness.
Scenario 2: I was at a salad bar just trying to get some pasta salad while on a dinner date. But each time I tried to get some pasta out, it would all clump and stick to the scoop. I'd get like 1 bowtie pasta onto my plate. After about the 6th "scoop", another mature "gentleman" nearby, QUIETLY says "Are you going to take it all?". He didn't raise his voice, didn't yell or scream. I assumed at first that he must have noticed the struggle with the scoop and was just kidding, like the kind of thing my dad would say jokingly. But his face was dead serious. I was very young then. And, I just turned bright red and walked away with my 6 bowtie pasta, fuming through the rest of my date. While he might have been impatient, I really can't think of what would make someone say out loud something so rude over something so petty, even if it is exactly what they were thinking.
In both scenarios, the rest of my day/evening was darkened by the rudeness of a stranger. Screaming or not, it is not okay to take one's frustration out on total strangers, ensuring that one's own bad day is spread about like the common cold.
I realize I'm an N= 1.
And I'm not saying it can't happen- we've had people come to blows at my gym- but from actual things that happened. So there was most definitely yelling. But random strangers don't walk up to other people and start yelling at them- that's an exception rather than a regular occurance.
By in large- conflict is not that common despite what we seem to think.
Secondly- welcome to the adult world- where you have to deal with someone else's *kitten* sometimes. Being an adult is figuring out if you let that effect you or not.3 -
One reason I refuse to go to a gym. I would rather workout at home and not deal with other people's crap. Some people are so rude. I am sorry you had to deal with that.
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Sounds like OP had a bad experience. But I agree with others that it should not be turned into an "us" vs "them" mentality and generalizing whole groups of people. I constantly see people post on the forums about how they are beginners and are afraid to go to the gym because they don't want people to judge them and she's probably making those people more scared, when in reality things like that rarely happen and most people are just at the gym to get a good workout (not to mention you shouldn't care what others think). I've been going to gyms since high school and for most of that time I've had a good 20+ lbs to lose too, and nobody has ever made me feel unwelcome.1
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Man, there are some pretty elaborate interpretations of this guy's (and to a lesser extent the girl's) backstory.
#isThereAScriptWriterInTheHouse8 -
Also I feel that the guy and the girl's actions could have been interpreted differently with a different point of view.2
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JoRocka, agree to disagree. She didn't say he randomly walked up and started yelling. She said she caught them talking about how stupid she was, and when she called them out on it, dude started screaming.
As far as being an adult and figuring out "if" you "let" that affect you or not . . . different people with different personalities are affected differently by events in their lives (good or bad). I wish it was just as simple as deciding. Granted, I am older now, and I don't let people slide on their rudeness. That helps, no regrets of wishing I had said something.2 -
BrunetteRunner87 wrote: »Sounds like OP had a bad experience. But I agree with others that it should not be turned into an "us" vs "them" mentality and generalizing whole groups of people. I constantly see people post on the forums about how they are beginners and are afraid to go to the gym because they don't want people to judge them and she's probably making those people more scared, when in reality things like that rarely happen and most people are just at the gym to get a good workout (not to mention you shouldn't care what others think). I've been going to gyms since high school and for most of that time I've had a good 20+ lbs to lose too, and nobody has ever made me feel unwelcome.
Yes. I see it as just another case of strangers being ridiculously rude to other strangers. As my examples have already shown, this could have happened anywhere and been about anything. This just happened to be about weightlifting. I hope the OP does not let this one ugly situation ruin her and dear daughter's bonding time.0 -
This is what I hate about having to go to a public gym. Some people can be so rude. I understand if a stranger notices incorrect posture or safety concerns and decides to try an be helpful but you cant get pissed at someone who doesn't want your help. And It's the same people who will tell overweight people to lose weight yet act like dicks to those they don't know.
Keep doing you.1 -
JoRocka, agree to disagree. She didn't say he randomly walked up and started yelling. She said she caught them talking about how stupid she was, and when she called them out on it, dude started screaming.
As far as being an adult and figuring out "if" you "let" that affect you or not . . . different people with different personalities are affected differently by events in their lives (good or bad). I wish it was just as simple as deciding. Granted, I am older now, and I don't let people slide on their rudeness. That helps, no regrets of wishing I had said something.
I don't know. To me, that's placing a lot of confidence in some stranger's mental stability. Yeah if it's a small goof and there's potential for a quick "oops I'm sorry!", I might say something. But it seems safer to shake my head or tsk tsk or better yet, say nothing and walk away. The interaction may not be as satisfying as it could be in my mind, but at least I'm walking away from a kind of iffy situation.1 -
Glanced over a lot of comments here. I think the biggest thing I'm hung up on is the fact that you think this happened because you're at a weight 20 lbs higher than you were when you thought you were fit.
If these things happened in the manner you claim, it's not because you're 20 pounds heavier.
It's not necessarily because the guy is on steroids (or even that "type" that you stereotype him into).
It's not necessarily because the young girl is disrespectful or conceited.
It's not necessarily because you didn't react quickly enough to lowering the rack height for your squats.
What I think is worth noting here is that you were in the gym, working out, getting better, and introducing the same good habits to one of your children. You survived. I wouldn't give a second thought to not going back. Next time you'll go back a little more prepared mentally (regarding rack height), you'll know what to expect out of those two PARTICULAR members, and you're going to get through another workout, period.
Go back, take care of business, leave.
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Look, some people are just judgy. It's not possible to say that NOBODY at the gym is judging you, because sure, everywhere you go, someone's probably judging you. It's just a fact of life. I do think that most of the people at most gyms are more focused on themselves than on anyone else, but sure, there's SOME judging going on, because there's judging happening everywhere, all the time. There are other moms watching you, judging how you parent. You probably have co-workers watching you, judging how you do your job. At the grocery store? Yeah, probably 10% of the time, someone in line behind you is judging your purchases. If you have a pet, I guarantee you that someone is judging the dog leash you chose or your training methods. I know for a fact that bartenders sometimes judge my drink of choice, and the guy at the record store counter is almost certainly judging my music choices, which are shameful.
My point? It's not really about fit/unfit. You happened to catch this particular dude talking *kitten* about you, but I promise, he's not the first and won't be the last. Quitting this gym isn't going to create a judgment-free bubble around you. I think you can probably write this off as a particularly bad day and keep on keeping on.3
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