When you live with people who never gain weight and eat all the stuff you cannot touch.
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Why can't you go for a walk to earn more calories when the boyfriend is cooking and get home and eat some of his cooking? This lifestyle is going be for always and not just while losing weight.4
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I have a similar situation with my sister, though we don't live together we spend a lot of time together.
She is very skinny and never restricts herself on anything. I think it comes down to her being a naturally active person. When she is home from work, she is often getting started with projects - DIYs around the house, painting a wall. She says she is being "lazy" a lot of the tim,e but my suspicion is that she gets up from the couch more than I do.
I do exercise regularly, and since I don't own a car I walk a lot - and fast. But when I am passive, I am passive. I like to curl up in the sofa with a book, and honestly I can sit there for a while.
She refuses to make "healthy versions" of anything. If I suggest a homemade tortilla pizza with vegetables, it's thumbs down.
I have adjusted by planning my days a little bit, and if I know I'll be eating at her place, I eat very healthy the rest of the day, and maybe throw in some exercise. But yes, it annoys me that she doesn't wiggle the other way around.1 -
My husband can eat 3000 calories a day and lose weight, he has a very active job and naturally high metabolism but he has a completely different view of food than most so fortunately as far as he is concerned eating is an inconvenience only done when hungry. So it doesn't really bother me too much.
The advantage too is that the snacks he loves I can take or leave and therfore choose to leave. Having his and hers snacks helps. Also I tend to have small breakfasts and lunches so I can have more calories for dinner so we generally eat the same thing I just give him a larger portion, I have more veg on my plate and a smaller portion or he will have buttery mash and i have a jacket potato.
It does help that I am the one that cooks so I control what we both eat in the evening. The thing is, not getting too bothered with what others are eating comes overtime you just have to look at the bigger picture for now.2 -
I know the feeling. Luckily my man has willingly shifted his intake to eat what I eat at home. And we've agreed that there are no snacks in the house - nothing that might tempt me. If we want ice cream or cake or whatever, we go out to eat it, with the result that it's probably just once per month. But what I have found most helpful to promote weight loss is: eating lower carb (for me at 130lbs and 5'4" I mean eating about 60-80g of carbs per day) and otherwise not worrying too much about how much I eat, but tracking it nonetheless, and incorporating a fast day each week rather than being too restrictive with my calories. On fast days I have bone broth, lots of herbal tea, and maybe miso soup. I feel great after those fast days! But then I'm not a person who gets hangry. My man absolutely can't do a fast day
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amymoreorless wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.
While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!
The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.
"Naturally high metabolism" is just doctor speak for saying what I said. While some people do have a slightly higher BMR than others, differences in BMR are minor in comparison to the number of calories people burn due to daily activities. Some of those activities may even be things that people don't even realize they are doing and yet they burn calories. Some people hardly ever sit down. Some people tend to fidget or pace the floor. Whatever the case, those calories have to be going somewhere.2 -
@TimothyFish Hate to argue with you here but.... I am training for a marathon. He is training for the PlayStation Fallout 4 video game weekend napping olympics - LOL. I can barely get him to walk the dogs with me. AND he has a desk job.
He has gotten all kinds of tests - Thyroid to GI. He really is the exception to the rule. He has to eat over 3000 calories a day or his weight plummets to worrisome levels.
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amymoreorless wrote: »@TimothyFish Hate to argue with you here but.... I am training for a marathon. He is training for the PlayStation Fallout 4 video game weekend napping olympics - LOL. I can barely get him to walk the dogs with me. AND he has a desk job.
He has gotten all kinds of tests - Thyroid to GI. He really is the exception to the rule. He has to eat over 3000 calories a day or his weight plummets to worrisome levels.
3,000 calories isn't really all that much. I eat that much or more daily, but I don't drink Ensure to get there. Since he is, that implies to me that he really doesn't like food all that much. So, again, I suspect he isn't eating nearly as much as you think he is.5 -
My husband is 6'3 200+; I'm 5'3, 130s. I eat more than he does most days. He has a "desk job" and is mostly sedentary other than 2 hours at the gym. I spend the same amt of time at the gym; we're on the same lifting program.
I'm much more active during the day.. AND I track my food and eat "better" during the day too. We've lived together 15 years; I haven't always been the most active or the leaner one. The difference comes down to behavior.2 -
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Let me say, he is the warmest most loving and considerate person I know!
I'm not saying he does it to torture me. He hates that I always struggle with my diet.
But this doesn't mean he needs to struggle.
"I even drive him to places where he can get food from different restaurants and bring it home to devour while I sit in a corner and play on my phone."
To be fair he could meet you half way and not get you to do this sort of thing which isn't super considerate. :P
I agree with another poster maybe you could ask him to help you out by eating a bigger lunch so you can share a healthier evening meal (he can still have a big portion) No harm in asking, I asked my husband if he's okay with not having junk and snacks at home and he's happy to just have that sort of stuff at work or out of the house, you could ask, if he says no fair enough and you'll just have to work around him. However I certainly wouldn't be driving him round to different restaurants so he can bring it all home and eat a pile of junk in front of you, thats borderline cruel, if you can do this sort of thing for him perhaps he can go out of his way to help you sometimes. :P2 -
There was one study I was reading that some people, when given a calorie surplus, increase the number of calories they burn through non-exercise movement much more than other people. Fidgeting, pacing while on the phone, leg bouncing, ect. There's just an internal, toddler-like drive to never stop moving.3
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FreyasRebirth wrote: »There was one study I was reading that some people, when given a calorie surplus, increase the number of calories they burn through non-exercise movement much more than other people. Fidgeting, pacing while on the phone, leg bouncing, ect. There's just an internal, toddler-like drive to never stop moving.
This reminds me of me on a surplus.. I become a jumping bean, full of energy.. my body fights so hard to gain sometimes... it comes to the point where I have to actually stop myself from moving too much.3 -
@WinoGelato those professionals were nutritionists, personal trainers, and nurse practitioners. This is advice I had received again and again over the years...at first I was upset by the advice, but lately I think maybe it's applicable.
I am trying to get my step tracker back online (it's battery is drained so I am charging it now).
I guess I could play with the slightly higher range for calories, but ultimately trial and error will tell me what i need to eat.
Most people can lose weight eating more than 1200 cals, unless extremely petite, sedentary and older. There should be no reason, with reasonable activity, that you should have to settle for that low of an intake to lose. I would set MFP for a loss of 1 lb/week, get that activity tracker going, sync it with MFP, log accurately and monitor for several weeks. Work with your boyfriend on a compromise with your meal plan, where you cook some meals that fit within your goals that both of you eat, you save up some cals if possible for a date night meal on the weekends, and in between you eat foods that fit your plan that may or may not be the same as what he's eating.7 -
animatorswearbras wrote: »Let me say, he is the warmest most loving and considerate person I know!
I'm not saying he does it to torture me. He hates that I always struggle with my diet.
But this doesn't mean he needs to struggle.
"I even drive him to places where he can get food from different restaurants and bring it home to devour while I sit in a corner and play on my phone."
To be fair he could meet you half way and not get you to do this sort of thing which isn't super considerate. :P
I agree with another poster maybe you could ask him to help you out by eating a bigger lunch so you can share a healthier evening meal (he can still have a big portion) No harm in asking, I asked my husband if he's okay with not having junk and snacks at home and he's happy to just have that sort of stuff at work or out of the house, you could ask, if he says no fair enough and you'll just have to work around him. However I certainly wouldn't be driving him round to different restaurants so he can bring it all home and eat a pile of junk in front of you, thats borderline cruel, if you can do this sort of thing for him perhaps he can go out of his way to help you sometimes. :P
I like this suggestion and this is what happens in my house most days... BUT... I am the one meal planning, shopping, cooking. So my fam (DH, 2teens at home) knows about how big dinner generally is and they adjust accordingly (pre-training snack for the athlete or she asks for pasta with dinner, big lunch for DH, etc). There are many ways to make the same basic meal a little higher/lower cal, e.g. serving it on spinach vs. rice or pasta. If OP's BF is cooking, then it's probably more realistic for her to adjust, but agreed no harm in asking & sounds like he's receptive and a great guy. I do have an older petite friend who eats almost all her calories at dinner so she can share a meal with her hubby, almost like OMAD style of eating. Works for her. Snacks can be perilous. My family is finally on the same page with snacks, but for years I bought the kids what they requested which was really tempting to me and difficult for me to fit. Separate cabinets helped some. Best to you, OP!
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Wow! MFP community, you guys are great!
Thanks everyone!3 -
Sorry it doesn't work that way. Life isn't supposed to be "fair".Hello.
It's so exhausting watching him inhale all the delicious bottomless meals all day, while I am 35lbs overweight and cannot lose for the life of me.
Life ain't fair, that's for d@!$ sure.
Anyone who implies otherwise is a fool or selling something.
You cannot "lose" because you are not consistently eating less calories than you need to maintain your weight.
Eat less, use more discipline, track more accurately and get on a weight lifting program to build some muscle.
Venting, wishing and dreaming of it will not fix the problem.
Do not project this on your significant other lest you start resenting them for it.
The reality is that they might eat 3000 calories today but only 1500 calories tomorrow.
That is why almost all "thin" people eat "whatever they want but don't gain weight."
The thin person probably doesn't realize how inconsistent their "low" eating habits are - just like heavier people don't realize how many extra calories they took in.
Guys who are thin and trying to put on muscle get in the habit of calling themselves "hardgainers" for just this reason.
At the very least it comes across as you feeling sorry for yourself.
You are blaming your SO for your poor eating habits and are upset that you cannot eat the same things.
Up your protein intake; you are probably not getting enough.
If you do not lift to at least maintain your muscle mass then it will become harder and harder to keep the weight off and your body fat percentage will be higher every time you put any weight back on.
If you just "lose weight" you will lose fat and muscle in almost every case.
Heavy (for you) weight training adds attractive muscle all over, helps prevent osteoporosis in women and offsets losses due to sarcopenia.
Adding muscle also raises your BMR. Jogging / running does not do any of those things.
Hit the weight room and focus on barbell lifts if you want to keep the weight off.
"Thinner Leaner Stronger" or "StrongLifts5x5" are good choices to start with.
TLS has a lot of information on proper nutrition in it, while SL5x5 is free.
Do HIIT cardio on off-days or after lifting, instead of Steady State cardio.
40 minutes running or on the treadmill will not take the place of 10 minutes doing sprints. Period.
Efficiency-wise, the only reason for running or jogging is if you are training for something that requires it like marathons, PT tests, etc.
HIIT cardio is superior in every other case I can think of offhand.
This is probably not what you wanted to hear but it is almost certainly what you need to hear.
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Hello.
I'm just stressed a tad here. I live with my boyfriend who cooks amazing food, orders fatty deep rich pizza from restaurants, devours as much as he pleases and can never seem to synchronize meal time with me.
It's so exhausting watching him inhale all the delicious bottomless meals all day, while I am 35lbs overweight and cannot lose for the life of me.
He never gains anything. Naturally lean and fit.
Life ain't fair, that's for d@!$ sure.
What do you do when you are trying to stay at your calorie limit every day while the person/people you live with eat everything you can't in front of you?
If nothing else, vent with me! Gah!
I'm having the same problem. I have no willpower so I do the shopping, getting healthy foods. Other people in my house bring in all sorts of snacks.
I asked them not to, told them how I felt. Nothing works. I need more willpower but so far it hasn't worked out. 
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@Ck103084 I'm sorry to hear it's hard. They say cleaning out the kitchen makes a big difference and I realize that's near impossible to do when you share it with other people.
I wish the weight would just magically melt away! I ain't ashamed to say that either! Lol.
I know the struggle! The struggle is real! Lol.
But it can be defeated. You can do it!!
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I feel this so much. My boyfriend never seems to gain any weight and when he does it isn't even noticeable. He eats junk food and I swear he has a bottomless pit for a stomach. He is very supportive of me though with my weight loss and fitness lifestyle and encourages me so much. He makes me feel good about myself and I'm thankful that he enjoys fruit more than sugary food.
I also had so many friends in school that were naturally skinny and I was nearing obese at the time. I felt horrible. They would eat crap and not feel guilty about it while I felt horrible. It doesn't affect me so much now but at the time it did.1 -
@Ck103084 I'm sorry to hear it's hard. They say cleaning out the kitchen makes a big difference and I realize that's near impossible to do when you share it with other people.
I wish the weight would just magically melt away! I ain't ashamed to say that either! Lol.
I know the struggle! The struggle is real! Lol.
But it can be defeated. You can do it!!
They brought home pizza. I planned to have one slice but with all the stress going on this month I caved and had more. I even yelled at myself as I was eating it. Believe it or not I lost 21 lbs last year. Gained almost all of it back. I'm an emotional eater and I haven't found a way to beat it. Back on the eating healthy train today. 
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My bf cuts on my get fat af calories, that's the way the cookie crumbles.3
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I can relate here. My partner needs double the amount of calories just to maintain his weight. I'm in charge of cooking dinner during the week so I can track what goes into my meals. I always load up his plate with much larger portions, particularly of carbs. He's also been kindly trying to snack on foods I don't like but he does, like cream cakes instead of chocolate biscuits.
This is my DH and I as well. He gets double/triple portions of everything and I fill the remainder of my plate with salad or green veggies. That way we finish at around the same time.
And finding snack foods that I don't like has been so important. I am completely indifferent to both gummy bears and popcorn and DH loves them so that is what we keep in the house. I cannot stop eating granola bars so he keeps those at his office.1 -
OP - I have a similar situation! My partner is a lean guy, comes from a family of small/thin people whereas my whole family is short and stocky and in many cases obese. Genes do have a lot to do with it - meaning more effort if you're inclined to hold on to fat, but of course not impossible to lose weight if you are dedicated to the cause. Anyway, he is a mechanic and in addition to being naturally lean, he is moving around all day. He eats a huge dinner and usually one and sometimes two desserts! When I used to have bites of his ice cream or whatever he was eating after dinner, I put on weight. I have a desk job plus my different genetic disposition, so it was a double whammy for me. I just gave up eating the desserts with him at all because it wasn't worth it. He's a sweetheart and knows I struggle, so he'll make me a nice cup of herbal tea while he's getting his Klondike bar LOL. It is what it is. And once in a while when I plan for it, i'll have an ice cream too. He just does it every day haha. I do recognize he works his butt off and that makes a difference, but he's just never been fat even when he had a desk job. It happens! I feel you! Drink tea, chew gum, or if i'm really hungry i'll have a bit of the ice cream...or a whole grain fig newton.1
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My husband has no fat on him anywhere. He eats what he wants when he wants as much as he wants. We went to Logan's Roadhouse for dinner last night and he ate two whole entrees. Our son is seven and he has his dad's metabolism. Eats constantly never gains a pound. There is always unhealthy food in our house. Nights are the worst for me. The candy and sweets seem to be calling my name.0
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Nights are the worst for so many of us. Here's what I do at night now that helps:
1) Peppermint tea - it's an appetite suppressant and the mint makes other food not taste or sound as good
2) Huge glass of water - sometimes I was simply thirsty at night because I stop carrying my water bottle around after dinner
3) 100 cal protein shake - takes the edge off if my tummy is really growling and I can't go to bed like that.
4) Go to bed! Can't eat if you're sleeping haha.0 -
My bf cuts on my get fat af calories, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Yeah, I was going to say that women really can't compare their calorie requirements to men...we generally need quite a bit more, so it seems like we're eating anything and everything...3,000 calories for a guy to maintain isn't really outlandish.2
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