GUYS: would you end your relationship over extra skin ?

tkcasta

Yeah, it's douchey, but attraction is super important. Not everything, but important. I'm not saying it's nice or "right" but if you aren't attracted to a person, then it makes sense to break up with them.

However it does not make sense to humiliate either party on national TV.

sbbhbm

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
...

This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.

rmsrws

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
...

This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.

You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

keg619

Bump!

ldrosophila

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
...

This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.

You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

God this makes me angry! I see two beautiful women who have worked their azzes off and to be belittled like that...OMG! I hate shallow stupid people!

sbbhbm

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
...

This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.

You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

God this makes me angry! I see two beautiful women who have worked their azzes off and to be belittled like that...OMG! I hate shallow stupid people!

Well this will make you happy then- because this thread inspired me to just go ahead and tell the guy I'm dating. And you know what? He said he couldn't care in the least! Not one bit. I'm so relieved I could cry.

nortyrascal

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
...

This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.

You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

God this makes me angry! I see two beautiful women who have worked their azzes off and to be belittled like that...OMG! I hate shallow stupid people!

Well this will make you happy then- because this thread inspired me to just go ahead and tell the guy I'm dating. And you know what? He said he couldn't care in the least! Not one bit. I'm so relieved I could cry.

Well done!
Fortune favours the brave.

TropicalFlowerz

No. If I loved her at 300 pounds why wouldn't I still love her at 175 loose skin or not?

She's the same woman so If he is repulsed by the lose skin then he should take a hard look in the mirror and decide why he was in the relationship in the first place.

Amen

MyChocolateDiet

I would end a relationship over bringing up hypothetical topics discovered on Dr. Phil and then putting me in the hotseat to answer.

ldrosophila

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
...

This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.

You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

God this makes me angry! I see two beautiful women who have worked their azzes off and to be belittled like that...OMG! I hate shallow stupid people!

Well this will make you happy then- because this thread inspired me to just go ahead and tell the guy I'm dating. And you know what? He said he couldn't care in the least! Not one bit. I'm so relieved I could cry.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

Superficial topics are superficial to those who believe superficiality is king

RonnieLodge

Say you workout and eat right with your girlfriend, but she's lost a LOT of weight over the years. Say from 300lbs to 175lbs (example) and she has a lot of extra skin on her stomach, thighs and tushie. Would you be proud of her achievement and stay with her, or be so repulsed by her extra skin that you'll end it if she doesn't get plastic surgery.

I got the idea from today's Dr. Phil episode.

I can't quite imagine why (apart from cost) anyone would NOT want to get excess skin removed. As for insisting a partner undergoes plastic surgery - see 'Behind the Candelabra' for just how weird that is!

But if it is such a big deal, offer to pay for it.

onwarddownward

Discussing this with my husband tonight:

Me: the surgery is really intense, they basically cut you in half. You walk hunched over for weeks and can't do much of anything for six weeks. Not even stairs. We don't even have a first floor bathroom.

Him: well, you would have to ....

Me: no, I was talking about you.

Him: (small voice) oh.

dllewis7

No. If I loved her at 300 pounds why wouldn't I still love her at 175 loose skin or not?

She's the same woman so If he is repulsed by the lose skin then he should take a hard look in the mirror and decide why he was in the relationship in the first place.

1) faith in humanity restored
2) excellent point

Ditto both of these!!!

dllewis7

Discussing this with my husband tonight:

Me: the surgery is really intense, they basically cut you in half. You walk hunched over for weeks and can't do much of anything for six weeks. Not even stairs. We don't even have a first floor bathroom.

Him: well, you would have to ....

Me: no, I was talking about you.

Him: (small voice) oh.

LMBO!!

sarahthin

This is something that I've thought about for a long time. Being severly overweight and in my late 60's I know that when I finish this journey there is going to be a lot of excess skin. There already is. Would I go in for surgery. I'm not sure. Would my husband mind it,the skin, I don't think so. It's kind of funny that when the kids were at home I always slept in the nude, now they are gone from the house,he is nude and I'm not sure I want him to see me. He is constanly asking why I'm putting a gown on. If I tell him it's because I don't like the way I look:happy: he wants to know what the problem is. That's after 48 years of marriage.

adioschubs

A friend of mine was fwb with a a young mom who is very petite. The baby caused her to have a lot of loose skin on her belly. Although they separated because of other issues, he made fun of her stomach and talked about how gross it was. I could tell he was bitter about her, but his comments have stuck to me to this day. Makes me worried about losing weight :ohwell:

Akimajuktuq

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
...

This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.

You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

It makes me so sad that we women are so insecure and focused on trivial things and always thinking we aren't good enough. I know that we are bombarded with messages all our lives that we must be perfect and unrealistically beautiful or there is something "wrong" with us, but I dream of a future generation of women that rises above that and instead is strong and proud in who they are. I've made many changes in my life to try to give that to my daughter. I never put myself down and I never talk about being fat and I don't take part in the beauty industry and I cut off the cable tv recently. It's a start.

I have been single a long time but, occasionally, I also think about how I would "warn" a potential new partner about my skin. But, I can't remember the last time that a man felt the need to warn me that he is not perfect..... I don't expect a man to be perfect, but I do expect good health, a kind heart and a functional brain. Perhaps I should keep that in mind the next time I am thinking about the loose skin. (and NO, it cannot be toned!)

Edit: I do not consider surgery an option. Any surgery carries the risk of lifelong illness or death. I refuse to risk dying over loose skin.

2Bgoddess

I post a butt load of weight (85 pounds) in 9 months. My skin looked awful. I only looked good in clothes from head to toe. Forget a bathing suit. My husband loved me at 252, and at 164. But i didn't like me either way. I did feel healthy. I put some weight back on, and didn't look so much like crepe paper. But now i don't feel healthy again.I never told my husband why I let myself gain back 20 pounds, but he figured it out. And told me to do whatever makes me happy. He says I am sexiest when I am HAPPY.

I don't think a person could know how they would feel about it, until they were confronted with it, not a hypothetical situation.Just like a childless person looks at someone with 3 teenagers and says'I could never do that!' It doesn't happen over night, you gradually get there, getting used to how you, or your SO looks. You might not LOVE the loose skin, but you should respect the work it took to get there!

_meesh_

I have to admit, this is my biggest fear with losing lots of weight. I technically could lose over 100 lbs, but I don't think I'd ever go that far because I'd be worried I would look like a that gif of Stewie. If I'm doing this to feel good about myself and I don't, what was the point. While I am playing the long game (1 lb/week) to allow my skin time to recover, I'm not 20 anymore.

Mind you, I do live in Japan, the land of collegen everything. Maybe I should start stocking up on some good creams and drinks.*wink*

krissykillstheweight

I've lost about 150lbs, my boyfriend loves me extra skin and all. He loved me at 300lbs and now he loves me.
He doesn't care, he would love me no matter what.

EmilyEmpowered

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!

I am not the same woman, I was at 252 lbs. I have a new attitude, new hopes, new dreams!

I feel the exact same way, I have a lot of extra skin in my stomach and it repulses me. It totally messes with my current relationship- he doesnt seem to mind at all, but I am always so on guard about whether or not my stomach is showing, that it really kills the mood. I wish I could ignore it, but it just grosses me out. I am working to accept it, and still trying to change it, I just get so frustrated that after all of this work, I still can't feel good in my body. weird part is, I never feel that repulsed by other peoples loose skin, but I see mine magnified I guess.

EmilyEmpowered

I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
...

This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.

You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

God this makes me angry! I see two beautiful women who have worked their azzes off and to be belittled like that...OMG! I hate shallow stupid people!

Well this will make you happy then- because this thread inspired me to just go ahead and tell the guy I'm dating. And you know what? He said he couldn't care in the least! Not one bit. I'm so relieved I could cry.

Awwww, this made me reallly happy for you :drinker:

2boned

Would NEVER have started dating her at 300 lbs.. Yikes! SMH

shadus

If you love someone, you love them. Fat, skinny, extra skin or otherwise... if you have a strong healthy relationship, appearance is the least concern there is... the person inside is who matters.

Frankly, if someone even told me when I was thin or fat they would leave me over something so superficial, I'd say my goodbyes. There is nothing of substance in the relationship on their side and it's just a matter of time till something superficial they value more than what they find in me will drag them away. No point wasting my time or theirs.

shadus

My BF on the other hand has no issue with it!! Kidding!! :drinker:

I about spit my drink, that was awesome ) My wife and I both think you're a very attractive woman, you're right-- his loss.

Pelly57

Gotta love my guy. Loved me fat, loved me skinny, loves me however I am.

JTick

Would NEVER have started dating her at 300 lbs.. Yikes! SMH

Well, YOU sound like a catch.

Laces_0ut

Would NEVER have started dating her at 300 lbs.. Yikes! SMH

Well, YOU sound like a catch.

maybe he didnt say it the nicest way but whats wrong with not wanting to date someone who is morbidly obese? its like when women say they wont date a guy who is short.

TheEffort

"Love" is not superficial...I would not leave her for that reason.