Maybe my husband is attracted to bigger women???
Mcgrawhaha
Posts: 1,596 Member
Maybe its just all in my mind, but it seems like the smaller I get, the more my husband ignores me. Maybe my expectations were that hed be super excited with my weight loss, and his lack of excitement is whats bothering me... I don't know... He seems to not even notice... but every other man that I come into contact with does... WTH? I think im just being over sensitive... oh well...
*Just had to vent / VENTING OVER
*Just had to vent / VENTING OVER
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Replies
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Just maybe your husband loves you just the way you are and the changes you've made are just not that big of a deal to him.0
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If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?0
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What changes did you want him to make now that you are smaller? Have you mentioned this to him?0
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Just maybe your husband loves you just the way you are and the changes you've made are just not that big of a deal to him.
Very true... He always told me I didn't need to lose weight, even though I knew I needed to... maybe he just doesn't even see my "outside" anymore... that makes sense... I wish he noticed tho... would be nice.0 -
If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
Pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Thanks for typing it before me 0 -
I can relate, my hubby likes me heavy, but if your and my husbands really love us, how weight should not matter.0
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Just ask him what's going on?0
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If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
My husband once told me that he would be afraid if I lost a lot of weight because he might lose me. Maybe your husband feels the same way..................0 -
If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...0 -
What changes did you want him to make now that you are smaller? Have you mentioned this to him?
honestly, i thought hed turn into the biggest pervert... i mean, for years all he has known is a 250 pound wife, and now to have a wife thas can actually look nice in clothes and wear a bathing suit, i just thought it would be exciting for him...0 -
Maybe its just all in my mind, but it seems like the smaller I get, the more my husband ignores me. Maybe my expectations were that hed be super excited with my weight loss, and his lack of excitement is whats bothering me... I don't know... He seems to not even notice... but every other man that I come into contact with does... WTH? I think im just being over sensitive... oh well...
*Just had to vent / VENTING OVER
Perhaps he is insecure. Especially since other guys are taking notice of your success.
Reverse the roles.. see things from his perspective.
Personally, in this particular situation, I would make sure to show him how much I appreciate him.0 -
If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
My husband once told me that he would be afraid if I lost a lot of weight because he might lose me. Maybe your husband feels the same way..................
lol, well, we have 5 kids, so... i would hope he wouldn't think that some weight loss would turn me into someone who would up and leave, and do that to our kids...0 -
If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
My husband once told me that he would be afraid if I lost a lot of weight because he might lose me. Maybe your husband feels the same way..................
both of these. As my weight loss progressed my husband became very insecure. I had to reassure him several times that I was doing it for me, not him, and certainly not anyone else. He is loving it now because of the confidence and charisma that I have gained.0 -
If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
My husband once told me that he would be afraid if I lost a lot of weight because he might lose me. Maybe your husband feels the same way..................
^^This is probably what's going on but really... he will have the answer for you
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If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
My husband once told me that he would be afraid if I lost a lot of weight because he might lose me. Maybe your husband feels the same way..................
both of these. As my weight loss progressed my husband became very insecure. I had to reassure him several times that I was doing it for me, not him, and certainly not anyone else. He is loving it now because of the confidence and charisma that I have gained.
the thing is... MY HUSBAND IS HOT!!! i don't know how he could be insecure!!! lol0 -
First of all, you look amazing. I mean, like-- wow. Awesome.
However, if your husband is anything like mine, he might be proud of you and think you look great, but if he didn't think you needed to lose weight, it's not going to change his interests or appetites, etc. It might just be that he loved you the way you were, and he loves you the same way now, and no change prompted (or needed) in his mind.0 -
There are plenty of men who deliberately go for bigger women. Some do it because of insecurity (can be either his or hers) and others do it because that's simply what they like. But the person best able to explain his reaction isn't me. It's him. Talk to him about it.0
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What changes did you want him to make now that you are smaller? Have you mentioned this to him?
honestly, i thought hed turn into the biggest pervert... i mean, for years all he has known is a 250 pound wife, and now to have a wife thas can actually look nice in clothes and wear a bathing suit, i just thought it would be exciting for him...
He may have always seen you as this hot person that you now are and nothing is different for him. I'll be excited for you though! You look amazing!0 -
wow......welcome to my world!
My hubby totally ignores me! Wants nothing to do with sex. Umm...really makes me feel insecure about me now. But he was this way before my weight loss. It is really hard because I do get attention from men, and they are like " your hubby must be all over you" and so fourth! when really he just doesn't care!
No matter what I say or do makes no difference to him. I have even considered the possibility that he is gay!!!0 -
Dang girl, you look great!!! I think sometimes us women are just a little oversensitive about things. I know exactly what you are talking about. The little things to them are BIG things to us. Maybe sit down and talk to him and just tell him how you feel and I bet he will be shocked you feel this way. There is NO way he is not more attracted to you with your new transformation!! Keep it up!! 0
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I've had the same problem off and on for the last two years. People are just adverse to change in general and it makes them insecure, I think. My husband is fit and athletic and has been his entire life, but never bugged me about my weight. After I lost it; and became a gym junkie, it seemed to bother him more and more. I think I finally got through to him when I told him as GOOD as he's always felt when he is in good shape, working out, eating right.....I want to feel that way too and was unable to experience that for the last 12 plus years at 250 lbs. Its a slow process but he is accepting it. I'm sure your husband will too as he sees how much happier and content you are with the new you.0
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Could be he sees your working out as a hobby that he can't relate to , that is not only changing you physically, but is something that is foremost in your interests, takes up formerly shared time and directs your day-to-day life (diet, schedule) in ways that don't include him. He could just need time to get used to the changes and until then he is reluctant to acknowledge they exist for fear of encouraging them. And finally, he may feel guilty for not being as motivated or committed to making a positive change in his own life -- which is not to say his life needs improving, just that he feels guilty for being content.0
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If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
My husband once told me that he would be afraid if I lost a lot of weight because he might lose me. Maybe your husband feels the same way..................
^^This is probably what's going on but really... he will have the answer for you
I think this happens a lot. My daughter recently called her dad a chubby chaser. :laugh:0 -
... But he was this way before my weight loss. It is really hard because I do get attention from men, and they are like " your hubby must be all over you" and so fourth! when really he just doesn't care!
No matter what I say or do makes no difference to him. I have even considered the possibility that he is gay!!!
That's not necessarily a sign that he doesn't care-- or that he's gay. Sexual appetite is a spectrum. Some folks have a ton of sex drive, some have a little, and some people have none. That match can be pretty important because it can make one partner feel insecure or like their spouse doesn't care, but sometimes it's just mismatched drives. Or low testosterone is also a possibility, I suppose.0 -
If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
That is exactly what I think. I actually started feeling a little insecure about my husband when he lost 30lbs and women used to ignore him now notice him. And unfortunately there are lots of stories of folks getting in shape and more confidence that led to them having affairs, but I think that there must be some underlying level of mistrust to suspect that. Talk to him honestly and see, he could just not think about it too much.0 -
If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?
Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...
I have to say, you were cute when larger, and cute now, so he's just not seeing the difference like you are. You feel awesome now because you've accomplished something really big and important. He's not feeling it because he loved you just as much before. I'm told that men are literal, so that's what I'm thinking.0 -
You're guessing, and driving yourself crazy with your own thought processes....why not ask him how he feels?0
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Well thanks everyone! I figured it was just my mind messing with me. ive always been over 200 pounds since we have known eachother, so, maybe that's just all hes ever known and doesn't even see my weight... we have 5 kids, so, seeing me get heavier and heavier after pregnancies was maybe just a natural thing to him that he didn't even realize? i think my expectations were different, therefore i felt let down... makes sense... thanks again...0
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The best way to get more compliments and attention is to give more compliments and attention.
Perhaps he just doesn’t understand what you would like. Show him how you want to be treated, and I am sure he would be happy to do it.0 -
Well thanks everyone! I figured it was just my mind messing with me. ive always been over 200 pounds since we have known eachother, so, maybe that's just all hes ever known and doesn't even see my weight... we have 5 kids, so, seeing me get heavier and heavier after pregnancies was maybe just a natural thing to him that he didn't even realize? i think my expectations were different, therefore i felt let down... makes sense... thanks again...
A lot of guys don't notice things that we think they would. I'll get all decked out and have to prod my husband to tell me I look nice. But honestly, I could be wearing pajamas and he'd see it the same way. Take it as a sign he loves what's on the inside. 0
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