My friend constantly vents to me about his girl ... at this point what do I say to him?

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  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    trytpbme1 wrote: »
    My guy friend has a girlfriend , they've been together for one year and he is miserable. He is very affectionate and she doesn't give him any affection back he likes to cuddle ,kiss,hold hands etc and she never initiates any of that.
    He pays all of the bills and she only pays her half of the rent and she makes a lot more money than he does and he buys the washing powder ,dish detergent etc so basically she only pays for one thing. He finds it weird that she goes to her moms house every single day.
    When he calls her he says that she acts like he's bothering her. Also he says he has tried to break up with her once before and she went to his bestfriend and tried to talk him into getting them back together.... he talks about leaving her then calls me and complains about how he feels about her and how he dislikes her personality ...
    why won't he leave her then? I'm trying to be a good friend and be supportive but I don't get him

    You say, "Friend, please do not get me involved in your relationship. If you have a problem in your relationship the best thing for you to do is talk to her honestly about your feelings on these issues or find a couple's therapist to help you guys talk things out."
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    trytpbme1 wrote: »
    My guy friend has a girlfriend , they've been together for one year and he is miserable. He is very affectionate and she doesn't give him any affection back he likes to cuddle ,kiss,hold hands etc and she never initiates any of that.
    He pays all of the bills and she only pays her half of the rent and she makes a lot more money than he does and he buys the washing powder ,dish detergent etc so basically she only pays for one thing. He finds it weird that she goes to her moms house every single day.
    When he calls her he says that she acts like he's bothering her. Also he says he has tried to break up with her once before and she went to his bestfriend and tried to talk him into getting them back together.... he talks about leaving her then calls me and complains about how he feels about her and how he dislikes her personality ...
    why won't he leave her then? I'm trying to be a good friend and be supportive but I don't get him

    I'd suggest to him to break up with her, it sounds like a bad match. I'd tell him that he deserves to be happier.

    If he comes up with another excuse maybe he is one of those people who just doesn't like to be alone and would rather be in a crappy relationship then none at all, I know several people that just don't like to be single.
  • trytpbme1
    trytpbme1 Posts: 107 Member
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    Vikka_V wrote: »
    trytpbme1 wrote: »
    My guy friend has a girlfriend , they've been together for one year and he is miserable. He is very affectionate and she doesn't give him any affection back he likes to cuddle ,kiss,hold hands etc and she never initiates any of that.
    He pays all of the bills and she only pays her half of the rent and she makes a lot more money than he does and he buys the washing powder ,dish detergent etc so basically she only pays for one thing. He finds it weird that she goes to her moms house every single day.
    When he calls her he says that she acts like he's bothering her. Also he says he has tried to break up with her once before and she went to his bestfriend and tried to talk him into getting them back together.... he talks about leaving her then calls me and complains about how he feels about her and how he dislikes her personality ...
    why won't he leave her then? I'm trying to be a good friend and be supportive but I don't get him

    I'd suggest to him to break up with her, it sounds like a bad match. I'd tell him that he deserves to be happier.

    If he comes up with another excuse maybe he is one of those people who just doesn't like to be alone and would rather be in a crappy relationship then none at all, I know several people that just don't like to be single.
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    trytpbme1 wrote: »
    My guy friend has a girlfriend , they've been together for one year and he is miserable. He is very affectionate and she doesn't give him any affection back he likes to cuddle ,kiss,hold hands etc and she never initiates any of that.
    He pays all of the bills and she only pays her half of the rent and she makes a lot more money than he does and he buys the washing powder ,dish detergent etc so basically she only pays for one thing. He finds it weird that she goes to her moms house every single day.
    When he calls her he says that she acts like he's bothering her. Also he says he has tried to break up with her once before and she went to his bestfriend and tried to talk him into getting them back together.... he talks about leaving her then calls me and complains about how he feels about her and how he dislikes her personality ...
    why won't he leave her then? I'm trying to be a good friend and be supportive but I don't get him

    You say, "Friend, please do not get me involved in your relationship. If you have a problem in your relationship the best thing for you to do is talk to her honestly about your feelings on these issues or find a couple's therapist to help you guys talk things out."


    Thank you I loved both of you guys's advice
  • ZodFit
    ZodFit Posts: 394 Member
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    Try and break up? That's new
  • browneyedgirl749
    browneyedgirl749 Posts: 4,984 Member
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    Is he coming to you just to complain or is he looking for advice? If he's just complaining, just be his friend and let him vent.
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    browneyedgirl749 wrote: »
    Is he coming to you just to complain or is he looking for advice? If he's just complaining, just be his friend and let him vent.

    really good point
  • trytpbme1
    trytpbme1 Posts: 107 Member
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    browneyedgirl749 wrote: »
    Is he coming to you just to complain or is he looking for advice? If he's just complaining, just be his friend and let him vent.

    I honestly don't know but he says the same thing every time we hang out he asked me for advice a couple of weeks ago but ever since then it's been the same routine
  • trytpbme1
    trytpbme1 Posts: 107 Member
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    Kevoofthehoradrim wrote: »
    Try and break up? That's new

    How is that new?
  • HeliumIsNoble
    HeliumIsNoble Posts: 1,213 Member
    edited May 2017
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    trytpbme1 wrote: »
    Kevoofthehoradrim wrote: »
    Try and break up? That's new

    How is that new?
    Because breaking up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend of one year, with whom you have no kids... isn't that hard. You don't need to get the other person's signed agreement in their heart's blood before you can end the relationship. You just say, "this isn't working for me any more".

    They're renting, no mortgage, too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU

  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Tell him to break up with her if he's that miserable. That's pretty much all you can do.. every single time he complains, lol.
  • Ben_there_done_that
    Ben_there_done_that Posts: 732 Member
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    Isn't there a song by The Offspring about this?
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
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    trytpbme1 wrote: »
    My guy friend has a girlfriend , they've been together for one year and he is miserable. He is very affectionate and she doesn't give him any affection back he likes to cuddle ,kiss,hold hands etc and she never initiates any of that.
    He pays all of the bills and she only pays her half of the rent and she makes a lot more money than he does and he buys the washing powder ,dish detergent etc so basically she only pays for one thing. He finds it weird that she goes to her moms house every single day.
    When he calls her he says that she acts like he's bothering her. Also he says he has tried to break up with her once before and she went to his bestfriend and tried to talk him into getting them back together.... he talks about leaving her then calls me and complains about how he feels about her and how he dislikes her personality ...
    why won't he leave her then? I'm trying to be a good friend and be supportive but I don't get him

    He should get a cat.
  • trytpbme1
    trytpbme1 Posts: 107 Member
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    HeliumIsNoble wrote: »
    trytpbme1 wrote: »
    Kevoofthehoradrim wrote: »
    Try and break up? That's new

    How is that new?
    Because breaking up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend of one year, with whom you have no kids... isn't that hard. You don't need to get the other person's signed agreement in their heart's blood before you can end the relationship. You just say, "this isn't working for me any more".

    They're renting, no mortgage, too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Tell him to break up with her if he's that miserable. That's pretty much all you can do.. every single time he complains, lol.

    Thanks guys for answering
  • trytpbme1
    trytpbme1 Posts: 107 Member
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    cee134 wrote: »
    trytpbme1 wrote: »
    My guy friend has a girlfriend , they've been together for one year and he is miserable. He is very affectionate and she doesn't give him any affection back he likes to cuddle ,kiss,hold hands etc and she never initiates any of that.
    He pays all of the bills and she only pays her half of the rent and she makes a lot more money than he does and he buys the washing powder ,dish detergent etc so basically she only pays for one thing. He finds it weird that she goes to her moms house every single day.
    When he calls her he says that she acts like he's bothering her. Also he says he has tried to break up with her once before and she went to his bestfriend and tried to talk him into getting them back together.... he talks about leaving her then calls me and complains about how he feels about her and how he dislikes her personality ...
    why won't he leave her then? I'm trying to be a good friend and be supportive but I don't get him

    He should get a cat.


    Why a cat lol
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
    edited May 2017
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    If you act like a doormat, you'll get treated like a doormat.
  • trytpbme1
    trytpbme1 Posts: 107 Member
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    Cameron_1969 wrote: »
    If you act like a doormat, you'll get treated like a doormat.

    That's true !!
  • Cerealsensei
    Cerealsensei Posts: 1,625 Member
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    When he calls and complains about her just change the subject, don't even entertain it. He's choosing not to leave a bad situation, at this point he deserves what happens to him.
  • Sivadee00
    Sivadee00 Posts: 428 Member
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    Actions speak louder than words. I would tell him to stop talking and start walking. Keep it simple.
  • trytpbme1
    trytpbme1 Posts: 107 Member
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    Cerealsensei wrote: »
    When he calls and complains about her just change the subject, don't even entertain it. He's choosing not to leave a bad situation, at this point he deserves what happens to him.
    Sivadee00 wrote: »
    Actions speak louder than words. I would tell him to stop talking and start walking. Keep it simple.


    Thanks for the advice guys

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