Dating while overweight??

ValkyrieOnline
Posts: 160 Member
Hey y'all!,
I was curious to see how people felt about this, because I have been offered so many invites to dates and I keep declining them just for this reason.
1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?
2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
Please give me anything you can that will make me step out of my comfort zone!
I am supposed to go on a date tonight, but I feel as though my own insecurities of my weight are going to stop me. This probably doesn't help, but I did look on Reddit and google and in general, the answers were not so pretty.
Please no meanies! I am probably just your typical 20 year old girl who is full of confidence issues!
I was curious to see how people felt about this, because I have been offered so many invites to dates and I keep declining them just for this reason.
1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?
2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
Please give me anything you can that will make me step out of my comfort zone!
I am supposed to go on a date tonight, but I feel as though my own insecurities of my weight are going to stop me. This probably doesn't help, but I did look on Reddit and google and in general, the answers were not so pretty.
Please no meanies! I am probably just your typical 20 year old girl who is full of confidence issues!


3
Replies
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I met my boyfriend while I was overweight. I did online dating because I worked so much, and I always made sure guys knew I was overweight before meeting, just because I was paranoid they would see me and not be interested. I don't think you should limit yourself because you're overweight, especially if someone is interested in you anyway. I recommend just wearing your favorite outfit and goving it your best shot. Just because you're overweight doesn't mean you can't still be pretty.12
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Oh, honey. It's true you must love yourself first. I found my hubby through a dating service when I was very heavy. He just happens to love his women that way. I'm doubly lucky that he loves me after I lost significant weight.
1. Date any time. You are more than your body and you don't want to date the shallow anyways.
2. Being loved helps me feel good at any size.
When you go out, focus on the other person; their interests, hobbies, humour. Find out what makes them a special human being. I promise you that you are just as interesting regardless of how you look.
Here's a couple married 88 years. Do they deserve to love each other?
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a6/10/88/a61088b2f335e303e4a3aebcfce1f16a.jpg5 -
xxRhaianonxx wrote: »I met my boyfriend while I was overweight. I did online dating because I worked so much, and I always made sure guys knew I was overweight before meeting, just because I was paranoid they would see me and not be interested. I don't think you should limit yourself because you're overweight, especially if someone is interested in you anyway. I recommend just wearing your favorite outfit and goving it your best shot. Just because you're overweight doesn't mean you can't still be pretty.
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Oh, honey. It's true you must love yourself first. I found my hubby through a dating service when I was very heavy. He just happens to love his women that way. I'm doubly lucky that he loves me after I lost significant weight.
1. Date any time. You are more than your body and you don't want to date the shallow anyways.
2. Being loved helps me feel good at any size.
When you go out, focus on the other person; their interests, hobbies, humour. Find out what makes them a special human being. I promise you that you are just as interesting regardless of how you look.
Here's a couple married 88 years. Do they deserve to love each other?
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a6/10/88/a61088b2f335e303e4a3aebcfce1f16a.jpg
They are so adorable together! And I will definitely take your advice and focus on my date and let my interesting side show!1 -
When I met my future husband, I was about 20 pounds overweight. I met him online, through a chance meeting. As soon as I chatted with him for the first time, I didn't worry about how I looked. I told him before I met him in person that I was chunky (probably at least 20 times just so he wasn't surprised lol).
The first time we met in person I went to his work just in case he was a creeper lol. It was absolutely love at first sight and I went home and told my mom I was going to marry that boy. Fast forward 2 1/2 years, we got married. After we got married, I gained alot more weight.
No matter what my weight has ever been, my husband has always told me that I'm beautiful to him. He gives me the confidence I don't always have in myself.
You can be overweight and still beautiful. Beauty is not a byproduct of weight. Weight is a measurement, that's it. it tells you what your gravitational pull on the earth is and it's an arbitrary number.
I'm guessing this person asked you out because they saw something in you. Here's my advice:
Put on an outfit that makes you feel beautiful. Do your hair and makeup if you are into that. Laugh!! that always makes people more attractive to me when I can tell they are having fun. Good luck - I hope to hear a follow up!!5 -
Butts_Boys_and_Burgers_ohmy wrote: »When I met my future husband, I was about 20 pounds overweight. I met him online, through a chance meeting. As soon as I chatted with him for the first time, I didn't worry about how I looked. I told him before I met him in person that I was chunky (probably at least 20 times just so he wasn't surprised lol).
The first time we met in person I went to his work just in case he was a creeper lol. It was absolutely love at first sight and I went home and told my mom I was going to marry that boy. Fast forward 2 1/2 years, we got married. After we got married, I gained alot more weight.
No matter what my weight has ever been, my husband has always told me that I'm beautiful to him. He gives me the confidence I don't always have in myself.
You can be overweight and still beautiful. Beauty is not a byproduct of weight. Weight is a measurement, that's it. it tells you what your gravitational pull on the earth is and it's an arbitrary number.
I'm guessing this person asked you out because they saw something in you. Here's my advice:
Put on an outfit that makes you feel beautiful. Do your hair and makeup if you are into that. Laugh!! that always makes people more attractive to me when I can tell they are having fun. Good luck - I hope to hear a follow up!!
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No correlation.
I started dating a nationally competitive athlete while I was overweight and homeless. I wasn't actively seeking dates at the time, kinda just clicked with someone, and now we're swole-mates at the gym and live together and play pokemon every weekend.
Your worth as a person isn't based in your number on the scale, and when you're with the right person, you won't even consider that it might be.11 -
From a guys point of view...don't sweat it ! You were honest with him about your weight and looks, and he still wants to go out
so go for it. Contrary to popular belief a lot of guys are not big a-holes and can be good guys with no huge ego
or self Importance issues. Just be yourself, enjoy the date, be truthful with him and you will know if there is a spark
or not. Trust your instincts.13 -
I had zero problems in that department when I was morbidly obese. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and if a person decided I was interesting enough to explore taking things further, be it despite of my weight or because of it, why would I question that? If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. That isn't any different from relationships at a normal weight. I did not feel unattractive when I was very fat, so that did not play much of a role. 100% of my best relationships happened when I was over 300 pounds.
Now, I'm wary of dating WHILE losing weight. First, I need to keep the focus on me, and second, introducing a drastic change before the relationship has had the chance to take root is an emotional rollercoaster for both parties. If someone is attracted to larger women, me losing weight would be an issue even if they don't bring it up, not to mention the mental change and soul searching that sometimes comes with weight loss and may not be the right fit for the other person. It's just not fair to them. I would rather pursue relationships when I'm at a more stable place where I can represent myself just the way I am, and any potential partner can decide if they want to take it or leave it. That's just me, though. Many people have no issues dating while losing weight. I just have my own hang ups about the topic.4 -
the last 'first date' i went on a couple of weeks ago the guy literally looked me up and down and said "i can work with this"
turns out, i could not work with that. not the statement, but the dude generally. but the statement was a clue.
i have 'curvy' on my profile and a recent full body picture taken 2 weeks ago at a wedding. now that i'm back to dating i like to be upfront, but more often than not it's chemistry not body comp that dictates compatibility.
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Personally I don't understand the concept of putting life on hold because of your weight. To me, there is no reason not to date while overweight, losing weight, underweight, or at an ideal weight (unless dating is actually not interesting to you). I know people sometimes say they have bad experiences, but those can and DO happen regardless of your weight. You might vomit on someone (or be vomited on), spill food all over yourself, trip and fall on your face, find out your date is a crook, accidentally end up on a blind date with your cousin, etc. You might also find the love of your life. You never know!
If you end up on a date with someone and your weight (or any other attribute) bothers them, then you would have been incompatible anyway. You just get to cut ties sooner this way. But I personally think that dating experiences are valuable, bad, good, or neutral. You always learn something about yourself or at least get a little charisma practice in.
Just remember, everyone has insecurities about something about themselves. So you may as well just try to push past that and have a good time. Just make sure you are safe (text a friend when you arrive and leave the date, trust your instincts, stay in a populated area, use protection that prevents STIs if it gets to that *wink*).3 -
Have fun! If the person you're meeting is a drag or even slightly irritates you, cut it short and take yourself out. You never know what adventures you can have. Live your life and enjoy! You're only 20 once!0
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PS, I know you aren't looking for compliments, but you are GORGEOUS!-1
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AngelaOStrong wrote: »Hey y'all!,
I was curious to see how people felt about this, because I have been offered so many invites to dates and I keep declining them just for this reason.
1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?
2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
Please give me anything you can that will make me step out of my comfort zone!
I am supposed to go on a date tonight, but I feel as though my own insecurities of my weight are going to stop me. This probably doesn't help, but I did look on Reddit and google and in general, the answers were not so pretty.
Please no meanies! I am probably just your typical 20 year old girl who is full of confidence issues!
Oh god I'm so triggered right now. I've been scrounging around on personals, asking every friend and family member if they know anyone, and I've gotten zero. Zip. Zilch. I've even started going to meet ups. My standards are basically "BMI under 30 is preferable". I'm wealthy, I've lost 130lbs, I have great fulfilling hobbies and a career.
1. How was dating while I was over weight? 100% COMPLETE REJECTION. When I was 300lbs often times women would go out of their way to say hurtful things to me!
2. My ego and self confidence when it comes to the opposite gender are absolutely destroyed. I've lost 130lbs and am coming to the conclusion it's just NEVER going to happen.
3. Just meet people you're interested in. People are actually INTERESTED in you, who cares what you look like? I'd sell my soul for that opportunity some nights. I've been single for YEARS no matter what shape I'm in and have not been able to find ONE person to date me.
so....
4. Take advantage of your privilage. Not everyone has it so good.
This might be the most pathetic post I've made in a while, but I don't care. I'd sell my soul to be able to have people want to date me and not be hyper judgemental of the way I look.... so step out of your comfort zone and enjoy it, because one day when you're older you might have missed the chance! When I was younger it wasn't an issue. Now I'm in my 30s and it's becoming very clear it might not EVER happen again. I don't know how it works for women, but you don't want to look back at your life and have regrets.11 -
AngelaOStrong wrote: »Hey y'all!,
I was curious to see how people felt about this, because I have been offered so many invites to dates and I keep declining them just for this reason.
1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?
2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
Please give me anything you can that will make me step out of my comfort zone!
I am supposed to go on a date tonight, but I feel as though my own insecurities of my weight are going to stop me. This probably doesn't help, but I did look on Reddit and google and in general, the answers were not so pretty.
Please no meanies! I am probably just your typical 20 year old girl who is full of confidence issues!
Rejection is going to happen. It's just like any other bump in a road. We can never let others opinions hold us back. Go put yourself out there it will either go well or it won't but if you don't try you will never know. Nothing in life worth having comes easy to include love.1 -
chris_james17 wrote: »AngelaOStrong wrote: »Hey y'all!,
I was curious to see how people felt about this, because I have been offered so many invites to dates and I keep declining them just for this reason.
1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?
2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
Please give me anything you can that will make me step out of my comfort zone!
I am supposed to go on a date tonight, but I feel as though my own insecurities of my weight are going to stop me. This probably doesn't help, but I did look on Reddit and google and in general, the answers were not so pretty.
Please no meanies! I am probably just your typical 20 year old girl who is full of confidence issues!
Rejection is going to happen. It's just like any other bump in a road. We can never let others opinions hold us back. Go put yourself out there it will either go well or it won't but if you don't try you will never know. Nothing in life worth having comes easy to include love.
Rejection will happen regardless of your size or looks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... OP, there'd be many men who wouldn't look twice at you because you aren't big enough. Or wouldn't approach you because they think you're too pretty or too good for them. Just be you. If someone doesn't like you, that's up to them.... It doesn't make you a bad/ugly/horrible person.3 -
Also, I met my husband at my highest weight. He was fit and athletic and normally went for slim, blonde girls. We started dating, and got engaged all whilst I was heavier.... I lost weight for our wedding but that was for myself.2
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Weight is something you can change. If the guy (or girl) you're set up with understands your current body type and is okay with that, you gotta work on being okay with the temporary too. At least enough so that you can try and connect with your date.
I remember dating sites before I met my husband and it was a mess. I was a lot bigger than I am currently and stupidly insecure. I'd make it very, very apparent that I was fat in my profile. Seems like I was selling myself short now that I look back on it. Dating generally sucks though, and I think it does no matter what weight you're at. You're going to find *kitten* no matter the bracket. Blah.
Any way, get yourself an outfit where you can feel confident in. I remember I'd do all the flowing tops in an effort to not focus on clothes clinging, etc. Focus on your date. Avoid politics, religion, and other Things To Not Discuss when first meeting someone lmao. You're young. Have fun. I was the heaviest I'd been when meeting my husband, and honestly, I think he was at his too. We still had fun. Good luck!1 -
yas dating or anything fun or nice in the world is not reserved just for socially accepted "nice looking" people. If you wana go to the date, have fun! dont apologize for what you look like as if you owe it to your date to look like a supermodel, you dont owe them any thing! It is probably lack of confidence in yourself that might make you feel that way but if you go into it with negative feelings it wont be fun for you. Theres a reason the person asked you out, that means they see something they like in you and its not all about whether or not youre thin or heavy, etc2
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Never put life on hold because of your size. It's easy to say "I'll go into hiding and resurface once I've lost the weight" but do not do that! I've met a lovely guy at my bigger weight and he's fine with it, thinks I'm lovely the way I am, yet understands I want to lose a few pounds and respects that (although, I try not to go on too much about my weight struggles and goals when with him). Have fun!2
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