Dating while overweight??

ValkyrieOnline
ValkyrieOnline Posts: 160 Member
edited November 18 in Motivation and Support
Hey y'all!,
I was curious to see how people felt about this, because I have been offered so many invites to dates and I keep declining them just for this reason.
1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?
2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
Please give me anything you can that will make me step out of my comfort zone!

I am supposed to go on a date tonight, but I feel as though my own insecurities of my weight are going to stop me. This probably doesn't help, but I did look on Reddit and google and in general, the answers were not so pretty.
Please no meanies! I am probably just your typical 20 year old girl who is full of confidence issues! :):)
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Replies

  • ValkyrieOnline
    ValkyrieOnline Posts: 160 Member
    xxRhaianonxx wrote: »
    I met my boyfriend while I was overweight. I did online dating because I worked so much, and I always made sure guys knew I was overweight before meeting, just because I was paranoid they would see me and not be interested. I don't think you should limit yourself because you're overweight, especially if someone is interested in you anyway. I recommend just wearing your favorite outfit and goving it your best shot. Just because you're overweight doesn't mean you can't still be pretty.
    Thank you very much! I am also doing the online dating bit, and I should not limit myself because I could be stopping myself from finding the one. Thank you for your advice :)<3
  • ValkyrieOnline
    ValkyrieOnline Posts: 160 Member
    jgnatca wrote: »
    Oh, honey. It's true you must love yourself first. I found my hubby through a dating service when I was very heavy. He just happens to love his women that way. I'm doubly lucky that he loves me after I lost significant weight.

    1. Date any time. You are more than your body and you don't want to date the shallow anyways.
    2. Being loved helps me feel good at any size.

    When you go out, focus on the other person; their interests, hobbies, humour. Find out what makes them a special human being. I promise you that you are just as interesting regardless of how you look.

    Here's a couple married 88 years. Do they deserve to love each other?

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a6/10/88/a61088b2f335e303e4a3aebcfce1f16a.jpg

    They are so adorable together! And I will definitely take your advice and focus on my date and let my interesting side show! o:)<3
  • ValkyrieOnline
    ValkyrieOnline Posts: 160 Member
    Butts_Boys_and_Burgers_ohmy wrote: »
    When I met my future husband, I was about 20 pounds overweight. I met him online, through a chance meeting. As soon as I chatted with him for the first time, I didn't worry about how I looked. I told him before I met him in person that I was chunky (probably at least 20 times just so he wasn't surprised lol).

    The first time we met in person I went to his work just in case he was a creeper lol. It was absolutely love at first sight and I went home and told my mom I was going to marry that boy. Fast forward 2 1/2 years, we got married. After we got married, I gained alot more weight.

    No matter what my weight has ever been, my husband has always told me that I'm beautiful to him. He gives me the confidence I don't always have in myself.

    You can be overweight and still beautiful. Beauty is not a byproduct of weight. Weight is a measurement, that's it. it tells you what your gravitational pull on the earth is and it's an arbitrary number.

    I'm guessing this person asked you out because they saw something in you. Here's my advice:
    Put on an outfit that makes you feel beautiful. Do your hair and makeup if you are into that. Laugh!! that always makes people more attractive to me when I can tell they are having fun. Good luck - I hope to hear a follow up!!
    Your post made me smile and giddy for tonight, and I hope to find that type of love one day that you have found! Thank you for the luck, I will keep ya posted! :smile:
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    edited May 2017
    I had zero problems in that department when I was morbidly obese. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and if a person decided I was interesting enough to explore taking things further, be it despite of my weight or because of it, why would I question that? If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. That isn't any different from relationships at a normal weight. I did not feel unattractive when I was very fat, so that did not play much of a role. 100% of my best relationships happened when I was over 300 pounds.

    Now, I'm wary of dating WHILE losing weight. First, I need to keep the focus on me, and second, introducing a drastic change before the relationship has had the chance to take root is an emotional rollercoaster for both parties. If someone is attracted to larger women, me losing weight would be an issue even if they don't bring it up, not to mention the mental change and soul searching that sometimes comes with weight loss and may not be the right fit for the other person. It's just not fair to them. I would rather pursue relationships when I'm at a more stable place where I can represent myself just the way I am, and any potential partner can decide if they want to take it or leave it. That's just me, though. Many people have no issues dating while losing weight. I just have my own hang ups about the topic.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    edited May 2017
    Personally I don't understand the concept of putting life on hold because of your weight. To me, there is no reason not to date while overweight, losing weight, underweight, or at an ideal weight (unless dating is actually not interesting to you). I know people sometimes say they have bad experiences, but those can and DO happen regardless of your weight. You might vomit on someone (or be vomited on), spill food all over yourself, trip and fall on your face, find out your date is a crook, accidentally end up on a blind date with your cousin, etc. You might also find the love of your life. You never know!

    If you end up on a date with someone and your weight (or any other attribute) bothers them, then you would have been incompatible anyway. You just get to cut ties sooner this way. But I personally think that dating experiences are valuable, bad, good, or neutral. You always learn something about yourself or at least get a little charisma practice in.

    Just remember, everyone has insecurities about something about themselves. So you may as well just try to push past that and have a good time. Just make sure you are safe (text a friend when you arrive and leave the date, trust your instincts, stay in a populated area, use protection that prevents STIs if it gets to that *wink*).
  • tabletop_joe
    tabletop_joe Posts: 455 Member
    Have fun! If the person you're meeting is a drag or even slightly irritates you, cut it short and take yourself out. You never know what adventures you can have. Live your life and enjoy! You're only 20 once!
  • tabletop_joe
    tabletop_joe Posts: 455 Member
    PS, I know you aren't looking for compliments, but you are GORGEOUS!
  • chris_james17
    chris_james17 Posts: 52 Member
    AngelaOStrong wrote: »
    Hey y'all!,
    I was curious to see how people felt about this, because I have been offered so many invites to dates and I keep declining them just for this reason.
    1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?
    2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
    Please give me anything you can that will make me step out of my comfort zone!

    I am supposed to go on a date tonight, but I feel as though my own insecurities of my weight are going to stop me. This probably doesn't help, but I did look on Reddit and google and in general, the answers were not so pretty.
    Please no meanies! I am probably just your typical 20 year old girl who is full of confidence issues! :):)

    Rejection is going to happen. It's just like any other bump in a road. We can never let others opinions hold us back. Go put yourself out there it will either go well or it won't but if you don't try you will never know. Nothing in life worth having comes easy to include love.
  • livingleanlivingclean
    livingleanlivingclean Posts: 11,751 Member
    chris_james17 wrote: »
    AngelaOStrong wrote: »
    Hey y'all!,
    I was curious to see how people felt about this, because I have been offered so many invites to dates and I keep declining them just for this reason.
    1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?
    2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
    Please give me anything you can that will make me step out of my comfort zone!

    I am supposed to go on a date tonight, but I feel as though my own insecurities of my weight are going to stop me. This probably doesn't help, but I did look on Reddit and google and in general, the answers were not so pretty.
    Please no meanies! I am probably just your typical 20 year old girl who is full of confidence issues! :):)

    Rejection is going to happen. It's just like any other bump in a road. We can never let others opinions hold us back. Go put yourself out there it will either go well or it won't but if you don't try you will never know. Nothing in life worth having comes easy to include love.

    Rejection will happen regardless of your size or looks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... OP, there'd be many men who wouldn't look twice at you because you aren't big enough. Or wouldn't approach you because they think you're too pretty or too good for them. Just be you. If someone doesn't like you, that's up to them.... It doesn't make you a bad/ugly/horrible person.
  • livingleanlivingclean
    livingleanlivingclean Posts: 11,751 Member
    Also, I met my husband at my highest weight. He was fit and athletic and normally went for slim, blonde girls. We started dating, and got engaged all whilst I was heavier.... I lost weight for our wedding but that was for myself.
  • vivelajackie
    vivelajackie Posts: 321 Member
    Weight is something you can change. If the guy (or girl) you're set up with understands your current body type and is okay with that, you gotta work on being okay with the temporary too. At least enough so that you can try and connect with your date.

    I remember dating sites before I met my husband and it was a mess. I was a lot bigger than I am currently and stupidly insecure. I'd make it very, very apparent that I was fat in my profile. Seems like I was selling myself short now that I look back on it. Dating generally sucks though, and I think it does no matter what weight you're at. You're going to find *kitten* no matter the bracket. Blah.

    Any way, get yourself an outfit where you can feel confident in. I remember I'd do all the flowing tops in an effort to not focus on clothes clinging, etc. Focus on your date. Avoid politics, religion, and other Things To Not Discuss when first meeting someone lmao. You're young. Have fun. I was the heaviest I'd been when meeting my husband, and honestly, I think he was at his too. We still had fun. Good luck!
  • Jackie_Paper
    Jackie_Paper Posts: 183 Member
    yas dating or anything fun or nice in the world is not reserved just for socially accepted "nice looking" people. If you wana go to the date, have fun! dont apologize for what you look like as if you owe it to your date to look like a supermodel, you dont owe them any thing! It is probably lack of confidence in yourself that might make you feel that way but if you go into it with negative feelings it wont be fun for you. Theres a reason the person asked you out, that means they see something they like in you and its not all about whether or not youre thin or heavy, etc
  • sheps1990
    sheps1990 Posts: 26 Member
    Never put life on hold because of your size. It's easy to say "I'll go into hiding and resurface once I've lost the weight" but do not do that! I've met a lovely guy at my bigger weight and he's fine with it, thinks I'm lovely the way I am, yet understands I want to lose a few pounds and respects that (although, I try not to go on too much about my weight struggles and goals when with him). Have fun!
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 698 Member
    AngelaOStrong wrote: »
    1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?

    I did 100% of my dating while overweight or obese, so I can't really tell you how it differs from dating at a normal weight. However, I never felt as though my weight impeded my prospects (I don't tend be attracted to or attract people who are really into looks anyway).
    AngelaOStrong wrote: »
    2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
    I never thought I didn't look good while dating, at least to the person I was dating. I only dated people I already knew, so if they were dating me, they already knew me and liked me. So I always felt I good about myself by default. I found any insecurity I have about myself is wholly internal and unrelated to my weight.


  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
    edited May 2017
    When I started dating my husband, I was probably a size 12 (not extremely large, but I was a size 12 at 5'3). He was a 6'3 fraternity guy who happened to prefer short, thicker girls.

    I'm a size 4 (20 years later). He doesn't mind the smaller size, but certainly wouldn't mind a larger size either. That makes me happy to know.
  • jsjentz
    jsjentz Posts: 14 Member
    Oh and PS -- You should totally date regardless of size. If they're going to miss an opportunity to get to know you because of your size then it's their loss! Good luck! xoxo :)
  • ParadigmShifter
    ParadigmShifter Posts: 289 Member
    edited May 2017
    Ironandwine69 wrote: »
    WickedPineapple wrote: »
    AngelaOStrong wrote: »
    1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?

    I did 100% of my dating while overweight or obese, so I can't really tell you how it differs from dating at a normal weight. However, I never felt as though my weight impeded my prospects (I don't tend be attracted to or attract people who are really into looks anyway).
    AngelaOStrong wrote: »
    2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
    I never thought I didn't look good while dating, at least to the person I was dating. I only dated people I already knew, so if they were dating me, they already knew me and liked me. So I always felt I good about myself by default. I found any insecurity I have about myself is wholly internal and unrelated to my weight.


    Looks are important, especially in the very beginning. Physical attraction is important. Without that, you might as well be friends.

    With that said, there's many people/guys that like the overweight look and there are guys that don't. For some is a deal breaker, for some is not. It does not make them shallow or bad. Everyone has a preference.

    With that said, weight/ looks is just one of the components. You shouldn't not do things because of it. Go and have fun. You're only in your 20s once.

    This. You have to own you and everything about you. Love yourself. Don't hide it. The worse thing you can do is try to look skinny by taking selfies that make you look 50lbs (or more) lighter than you are. There is nothing wrong with taking good selfies but if you give off the impression that you are 120lbs and you are really 220lbs, that's deception. You will attract the "wrong" type of guys and things will be awkward. Some guys might even think "she's definitely not my type but I'm horny so I'm going to try and get laid" when they meet you. The last you want to do is end up sleeping with someone who wasn't even into you from the beginning but pretended to be just to get a piece.

    It's the same as if you only wanted to date guys who were a certain height and you find out the guy is like 6" shorter than what he said he was.

    Overall, deception is a lose-lose for everyone.
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    ParadigmShifter wrote: »
    Ironandwine69 wrote: »
    WickedPineapple wrote: »
    AngelaOStrong wrote: »
    1. How was dating while you were overweight/are overweight?

    I did 100% of my dating while overweight or obese, so I can't really tell you how it differs from dating at a normal weight. However, I never felt as though my weight impeded my prospects (I don't tend be attracted to or attract people who are really into looks anyway).
    AngelaOStrong wrote: »
    2. Does it make you insecure to date while not feeling you look good?
    I never thought I didn't look good while dating, at least to the person I was dating. I only dated people I already knew, so if they were dating me, they already knew me and liked me. So I always felt I good about myself by default. I found any insecurity I have about myself is wholly internal and unrelated to my weight.


    Looks are important, especially in the very beginning. Physical attraction is important. Without that, you might as well be friends.

    With that said, there's many people/guys that like the overweight look and there are guys that don't. For some is a deal breaker, for some is not. It does not make them shallow or bad. Everyone has a preference.

    With that said, weight/ looks is just one of the components. You shouldn't not do things because of it. Go and have fun. You're only in your 20s once.

    This. You have to own you and everything about you. Love yourself. Don't hide it. The worse thing you can do is try to look skinny by taking selfies that make you look 50lbs (or more) lighter than you are. There is nothing wrong with taking good selfies but if you give off the impression that you are 120lbs and you are really 220lbs, that's deception. You will attract the "wrong" type of guys and things will be awkward. Some guys might even think "she's definitely not my type but I'm horny so I'm going to try and get laid" when they meet you. The last you want to do is end up sleeping with someone who wasn't even into you from the beginning but pretended to be just to get a piece.

    It's the same as if you only wanted to date guys who were a certain height and you find out the guy is like 6" shorter than what he said he was.

    Overall, deception is a lose-lose for everyone.

    He's got a good point. In online dating I would imagine pictures are very important. If it was me, I would never mention being overweight on my profile or conversation. I would just post many good pictures that show your body. Tasteful pictures but easy for people to see if you are overweight and let them be the judge of they are attracted to it or not.
    Rock your body, small, big, tall, short!!!
    It's the only one you got and only the deserving ones get to "enjoy it".
    Confidence is way more sexier than anything​else
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    Enjoy your date
  • Niki_Fitz
    Niki_Fitz Posts: 951 Member
    I was 20 lbs heavier when I met my husband. I was doing some online dating at that time too. It was very hard! I knew I had to feel uncomfortable and do it anyway. You are aware of your feelings so great job on Step 1. Step 2 is the practice of telling yourself you're an awesome, worthwhile person no matter what - and walking out the door ready to rock your date!
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