Gym étiquette question (i.e. am I just being an insensitive idiot?)

2

Replies

  • Azdak
    Azdak Posts: 8,281 Member
    ko4q wrote: »
    Ok, this happened to me this past weekend and I am extremely curious to hear the opinions of others on this matter. On Saturday, I went to my gym (which I love) for a run. I would normally be outside, but I got a late start and it was rising 90F by mid-morning, so the treadmill it was. Got to the cardio floor and spotted my "favorite" treadmill. This piece of equipment is one of the older treadmill varieties of which my gym has 3 remaining. I like this machine for a couple of reasons: the TV screen sits higher than some of the newer versions that are available so I feel like I am running with my eyes forward instead of looking down (which feels very unnatural to me and kind of hurts my neck/back), second, it is still manually operated by pushing buttons for incline/speed/channel changes. The new ones are touch screen and I have a terrible time trying to adjust anything on them without stopping. Finally, my old treadmill times out after 1 hour (instead of 30 mins) like all the other one. When people are waiting, I would obviously get off after 30 mins, but when it is quiet (like it was on Saturday), its nice not having to reset it and just run through for my hour of power. Back to Saturday AM--hopped on my treadmill and was about to fire her up, it just so happened that this machine was next to the only other one (of about 10 in a row) in use. The older lady next to me was walking with headphones on, watching an iPad. And then I heard "The Sigh." Any parent with kids old enough to talk will know all about "The Sigh," which almost always precedes the beginning of some sort of tantrum/argument. I was not disappointed. The lady started muttering and gesticulating "Typical, soooo typical, all these other empty machines, and you MUST pick the one right next to me. Whats wrong with you?"

    So I told her as politely as I could (kill her with kindness, right?) that the other machines hurt my neck and back and I have a difficult time running on them. Apologies for crowding her, wasn't my intention, etc. She immediately backed down, said she was having a bad morning (you think?!).

    I have a limited amount of time to get into the gym and get my workout done. When I am there, I could not care less what other people are doing as long as they wipe their equipment down. I don't care if they are next to me, I don't care if they are far away. But this is me. It would never have occurred to me to use another machine (one that I liked less) just because it was next to one in use. I feel like a pretty competent gym-goer, but I'm curious as to whether I have unknowingly crossed some unwritten line about equipment spacing. Thanks in advance, this has been irritating me for the last few days!

    In general, people tend to be a little askance when someone grabs a piece right next to them when there are other machines a farther distance away (esp true if a guy goes next to a female already working out). The same is true in other social settings--e.g. a movie theater.

    In this case, however, you have specific reasons for a specific machine. So you are fully justified in selecting that particular machine under any circumstances. The average person would not know that however, and so there might be a small conflict.

    This is one of those situations where, technically, you are in the right and do not have to explain or apologize. However, it's also one where there is a higher chance one might be inadvertently rub someone the wrong way.

    (OTOH, the other person could also take the larger view and consider that you are not acting that way to be a jerk but might have a specific reason).

    So, it's up to both of you to decide that, even if you are not obligated to do so, someone wants to be proactive/take the high road, etc, and explain up front why you are taking the machine. That would definitely be going above and beyond the "call of duty". I choose specific machines in my gym for the same reason--out of 10 cross trainers, only two have an upgraded software that gives a much more accurate calorie count and I really like to have consistent performance data to track. Sometimes the same situation will occur--some days, I'll have the angel on my shoulder and go out of my way to preempt any discomfort, some days I'm more withdrawn and just do my business.

    I don't think you are wrong either way.
  • Azdak
    Azdak Posts: 8,281 Member
    stealthq wrote: »
    Lots of people are annoyed when someone takes the equipment right next to them when there are plenty of others available. I am - I like a lot of personal space. That's not the other person's fault.

    I wouldn't say anything, though. The other person has the right to use any piece of equipment they want. If it bothers me that much, and it never has, I can move just as easily.

    I have had that happen to me as well. I'm pretty fastidious when I go to public gyms--always clean clothes, always shower right before no matter if I already showered that day or not, use (muted scent) deoderant. So body odor not an issue.

    But I do sweat a pretty good amount (not spraying all over the place, but a good drip), put out a lot of heat, and work out pretty hard (although not that noisy). On more than one occasion, I've had a more sedate exerciser next to me stop and move to another part of the gym. I never like to interrupt someone's workout, but c'est la vie.

  • deannalfisher
    deannalfisher Posts: 5,600 Member
    heavensshadow wrote: »
    deannalfisher wrote: »
    JoRocka wrote: »
    I admit- I get aggregated when someone does this. I fart when I'm running. Seriously- like not a little- but a lot.
    And sometimes people smell- it's like WHY DID YOU TAKE THE STALL NEXT TO MINE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN THEY ARE ALL AVAILABLE.

    It is undeniably annoying when someone gets on the machine RIGHT next to you.

    But you explained yourself- and that was adequate- I would have absolutely understood that.

    so glad I'm not the only one who fart's while they run :)

    I do this too! It's hard to avoid, which is why I give ample space (if available) in a gym setting. Less about other gym-goers, and more about saving my own dignity.
    I used to do competitive equestrian riding when I was younger and have always likened it to a horse doing the same thing when trotting around an arena. Which is a riot, because I call myself a Clydesdale. :lol:

    lol! yeah - I feel bad (at times) for the poor schmuck who gets stuck next to me on a treadmill if I'm having a bad day
  • peleroja
    peleroja Posts: 3,979 Member
    This is my biggest gym pet peeve and one of many reasons I bought my own...I used to work out at a gym that had like twenty IDENTICAL treadmills. Same make, same model, same age, completely indistinguishable, plus they were all in a line against second-floor windows with identical views of the street below and with an identical row of identical ellipticals behind them.

    AND YET. I would be there in the morning before work with like two other people and someone would take the one right next to me every time. Like every time. No matter which one I used (and I used a different one at random every morning since there were so many open.) I don't know if it was just a "go next to someone so you can see how fast they're going" competitive thing, or a "weird person wants to watch me bounce around" thing, or just a "completely oblivious to your surroundings" thing, but it was baffling.

    Now I have my own treadmill and no gym membership, but I still cannot fathom WHY that happened at my gym. I get it if there are differences between them in make/model, age, location, whatever, but in the case of truly identical machines it just seems like you're going out of your way to annoy me.
  • deluxmary2000
    deluxmary2000 Posts: 981 Member
    Yeah, this is also a huge pet peeve of mine, so I can kind of understand her annoyance. But at the end of the day, you have the right to use whichever machine you like.
  • danigirl1011
    danigirl1011 Posts: 314 Member
    Hmmm...well this is tricky. Since i read your story and view point first, obviously i get what you are saying and can see why you did what you did. That said, i do agree with her and cannot stand when their is 10 empty machines and someone comes literally right next to me. I have a terrible medical condition that makes me very motion sick all the time and when i am on a treadmill and someone gets on and runs right next to me not in the same rhythm it makes me more sick than my own movement. Obviously that's not your problem and so on. But, with that in mind, other people's scents and smells make already being nauseous even worse. And it's never some normal person who gets on and just goes or doensn't smell. It's always some guy who smells like old spice and wants to hold on to the machine the whole time or some dumbo who wants to start and stop and start and stop or something else annoying. Going on a treadmill with other ones empty is just like when you are in a bathroom stall and there are 7 others open and you are in the first one and someone comes into the one RIGHT NEXT TO YOU and starts stinking up the joint before you can get done. It's not that they can't. They're allowed to sure. But, why? lol. I do get your point though and i would not want to hassle with the other machines and the ones with stuff where you have to look down hurt my back too. I do see why you did it, but i also see why she got annoyed. Probably not much help ;) But, i am sure you will use the ones you want whenever and if someone else does the same thing i would politely explain again. It's great reasoning you have!
  • H_Ock12
    H_Ock12 Posts: 1,152 Member
    I have anxiety, smell issues with other people's bodies, and am easily claustrophobic...for these reasons it bothers be enough to move myself when someone gets on a machine too close to the one I'm using. I would never dream of saying something to the other person tho....it's my issue, not theirs.
  • Lynnara
    Lynnara Posts: 152 Member
    ko4q wrote: »
    Ok, this happened to me this past weekend and I am extremely curious to hear the opinions of others on this matter. On Saturday, I went to my gym (which I love) for a run. I would normally be outside, but I got a late start and it was rising 90F by mid-morning, so the treadmill it was. Got to the cardio floor and spotted my "favorite" treadmill. This piece of equipment is one of the older treadmill varieties of which my gym has 3 remaining. I like this machine for a couple of reasons: the TV screen sits higher than some of the newer versions that are available so I feel like I am running with my eyes forward instead of looking down (which feels very unnatural to me and kind of hurts my neck/back), second, it is still manually operated by pushing buttons for incline/speed/channel changes. The new ones are touch screen and I have a terrible time trying to adjust anything on them without stopping. Finally, my old treadmill times out after 1 hour (instead of 30 mins) like all the other one. When people are waiting, I would obviously get off after 30 mins, but when it is quiet (like it was on Saturday), its nice not having to reset it and just run through for my hour of power. Back to Saturday AM--hopped on my treadmill and was about to fire her up, it just so happened that this machine was next to the only other one (of about 10 in a row) in use. The older lady next to me was walking with headphones on, watching an iPad. And then I heard "The Sigh." Any parent with kids old enough to talk will know all about "The Sigh," which almost always precedes the beginning of some sort of tantrum/argument. I was not disappointed. The lady started muttering and gesticulating "Typical, soooo typical, all these other empty machines, and you MUST pick the one right next to me. Whats wrong with you?"

    So I told her as politely as I could (kill her with kindness, right?) that the other machines hurt my neck and back and I have a difficult time running on them. Apologies for crowding her, wasn't my intention, etc. She immediately backed down, said she was having a bad morning (you think?!).

    I have a limited amount of time to get into the gym and get my workout done. When I am there, I could not care less what other people are doing as long as they wipe their equipment down. I don't care if they are next to me, I don't care if they are far away. But this is me. It would never have occurred to me to use another machine (one that I liked less) just because it was next to one in use. I feel like a pretty competent gym-goer, but I'm curious as to whether I have unknowingly crossed some unwritten line about equipment spacing. Thanks in advance, this has been irritating me for the last few days!

    It's like going into an empty restroom in a public place with 6 stalls, then someone else comes in....and out of all the other available stalls, they just HAVE to use the one right next to You! She didn't know your reasoning for wanting that particular treadmill, and although I don't condone her comments, I understand why she felt that way.
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
    I'm curious because you said there were three machines like the one you used - was there another machine like the treadmill you wanted to use available that was not next to someone?

    Honestly, yes, this would have annoyed me and does annoy me at my gym, but then all the machines are the same at my gym so there's really no point in getting right beside someone when there's rows of the same exact machine free to use.

    I think part of the reason it annoys me so much is I seem to have bad luck with people who pick the machines next to me. More than a few people have had on a ton of cologne/perfume, a few have been talking so loudly either on their phones or to someone next to them that I can hear them through my headphones, and then you have the men who try to flirt with me or talk to me when I'm in the middle of a run.

    So yeah, in general I would prefer if people picked another machine.
  • ko4q
    ko4q Posts: 46 Member
    Thanks all for the comments! I truly didn't realize spacing was such an issue for many. I just feel like if there's a machine open and I want to use it, I'm going to use it no matter what. In this case, I had a very specific reason for using the machine I did, but other times I'd use a piece of equipment that was for example, facing a window instead of a mirror. No difference in the equipment, but I'd much prefer to look outside than watch myself run in a mirror regardless of proximity to another user. Not done to annoy, I guess I'm in my own world, wanting to get the best workout possible--part of which is how comfortable I am on any particular machine.
  • heavensshadow
    heavensshadow Posts: 264 Member
    I also know that some people will do this to intentionally push themselves a bit harder if the person they're next to seems fit. I have found on more than one occasion that when someone *DOES* use the machine right next to mine, if they're in better shape than I am, I tend to push myself more on my own workout.
    It's only ever bothered me if they're smelly or a talker or both. :grin:
    So, bully for you!
  • ladyhusker39
    ladyhusker39 Posts: 1,406 Member
    Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.

    Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.

    I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.
  • SuperCarLori
    SuperCarLori Posts: 1,248 Member
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    She was out of line.

    Even if one prefers not to have others on the equipment next to them, we're not entitled to this space. If someone gets next to me, I assume that they either have a good reason (like you did) or that they don't share my preference for more personal space. Either way, I have nothing to be mad about. The world isn't organized around my preferences.

    Word.
  • ladyhusker39
    ladyhusker39 Posts: 1,406 Member
    peleroja wrote: »
    ladyhusker39 wrote: »
    Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.

    Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.

    I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.

    To your first comment, I think most people consider personal space intrusions like this to be a little rude and avoid it when practicable. Obviously when a place is busy, none of this applies, but on an empty train, you don't pick the the seat right next to the only other person on it. If all the bathroom stalls are empty but one, don't pick an adjoining one. If you get in an elevator with one other person, don't stand close enough to touch them. In a locker room, pick a different bank of lockers if there's one other person changing there. In an empty gym, don't work out right directly next to one other person there.

    This is not a weird quirk of the other woman, it's more or less part of the social contract in most (Western) countries. Stay as far away from strangers as you reasonably can and only get close if the number of people in a space makes it necessary. That's just how we roll in the US, Canada, most of Europe, etc. Whether you think it's a good thing or not, it's definitely a thing.

    To your second point - the other lady was there first, so I think it's incumbent on the later arrival to not crowd the first person.

    In this case, OP did have a good reason to choose the treadmill she did, and I agree that it was reasonable and that the other woman could certainly have moved upon finding this out. But I also really don't think the first woman was in the wrong for being initially annoyed before knowing that there was a reason.

    And if I were in OP's situation, I probably would have said something as soon as I got on the treadmill, like "Sorry to get in your way, but this is the only treadmill that works for me since it's got the screen in the right place [or whatever the case was]. I won't be offended if you want to move, but I do need to use this one, thanks for understanding!"

    I actually never said either of them was wrong. I said she was the one with the issue. In other words she's the one who had a problem with the situation.

    I think it's a subjective matter of opinion. Just like my original comment to the OP.
  • merekins
    merekins Posts: 228 Member
    I have favorite machines for different reasons and will use them regardless of where others are. I have often waited for them. I would not use a different machine when my favorite is available so someone else can have empty machines next to them.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    ladyhusker39 wrote: »
    Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.

    Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.

    I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.

    Absolutely not... if you've been on a machine for 36 minutes ... I'm not moving till I finish my 45- or 60.

    You know how annoying it is to stop a machine?

    I don't think it as ALL incumbent upon the person who is irritated to move. I think she has a CHOICE to move- but eff that- I'm not getting off the stair master at 36.45 minutes- nope nope nope.

    Which- brings up a separate unrelated thought- stair masters- my gym has 3. Vs like 15 or so treadmills.

    Treadmills- gym etiquette is like bathroom etiquette- don't pick the one next to someone. Only there are only 3 options- and the middle one is sketchy- but the annoyance of getting on one of the ones next to another one- much lower than on a treadmill.

    just an interesting thought- least that's how it is at my gym.
  • PokernuttAR
    PokernuttAR Posts: 74 Member
    Two young ladies got on treadmills right next to me when there were plenty to choose from and I didn't think anything of it. They started jogging and carrying on a casual conversation between themselves. After a few minutes, the one closest to me apologized if their talking was ruining my workout. I said, "absolutely not." Anyone there to workout is fine with me. I would have been bothered if they were goofing off or being really loud like some others I've seen.
  • peleroja
    peleroja Posts: 3,979 Member
    ladyhusker39 wrote: »
    peleroja wrote: »
    ladyhusker39 wrote: »
    Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.

    Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.

    I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.

    To your first comment, I think most people consider personal space intrusions like this to be a little rude and avoid it when practicable. Obviously when a place is busy, none of this applies, but on an empty train, you don't pick the the seat right next to the only other person on it. If all the bathroom stalls are empty but one, don't pick an adjoining one. If you get in an elevator with one other person, don't stand close enough to touch them. In a locker room, pick a different bank of lockers if there's one other person changing there. In an empty gym, don't work out right directly next to one other person there.

    This is not a weird quirk of the other woman, it's more or less part of the social contract in most (Western) countries. Stay as far away from strangers as you reasonably can and only get close if the number of people in a space makes it necessary. That's just how we roll in the US, Canada, most of Europe, etc. Whether you think it's a good thing or not, it's definitely a thing.

    To your second point - the other lady was there first, so I think it's incumbent on the later arrival to not crowd the first person.

    In this case, OP did have a good reason to choose the treadmill she did, and I agree that it was reasonable and that the other woman could certainly have moved upon finding this out. But I also really don't think the first woman was in the wrong for being initially annoyed before knowing that there was a reason.

    And if I were in OP's situation, I probably would have said something as soon as I got on the treadmill, like "Sorry to get in your way, but this is the only treadmill that works for me since it's got the screen in the right place [or whatever the case was]. I won't be offended if you want to move, but I do need to use this one, thanks for understanding!"

    I actually never said either of them was wrong. I said she was the one with the issue. In other words she's the one who had a problem with the situation.

    I think it's a subjective matter of opinion. Just like my original comment to the OP.

    And I disagree with you. I think there is an established social convention that one doesn't choose to be right next to a stranger (in the bathroom, on public transit, on the street, in the gym, etc etc) if there is space available to avoid this, all other things being equal. Not really subjective at all.

    Like I said, in this case the personal-space-crowder did have a reasonable explanation for doing it and that's fine, but because OP didn't initially inform the other person of that reason, I'm not surprised she expressed displeasure. When you transgress on cultural mores, even minor ones, you can expect some people to be uncomfortable.
  • markswife1992
    markswife1992 Posts: 262 Member
    It is inevitable that when i am in a parking lot, i will park my car and there are literally 100 spaces, but someone will park RIGHT NEXT TO ME> this happens EVERY TIME i go somewhere, movies, grocery, mall, theme park, you name it. it is very annoying. treadmill? i would agree with the woman. it would bother me. BUT i would never say anything, because you pay your dues and you can run wherever you want.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    peleroja wrote: »
    This is my biggest gym pet peeve and one of many reasons I bought my own...I used to work out at a gym that had like twenty IDENTICAL treadmills. Same make, same model, same age, completely indistinguishable, plus they were all in a line against second-floor windows with identical views of the street below and with an identical row of identical ellipticals behind them.

    AND YET. I would be there in the morning before work with like two other people and someone would take the one right next to me every time. Like every time. No matter which one I used (and I used a different one at random every morning since there were so many open.) I don't know if it was just a "go next to someone so you can see how fast they're going" competitive thing, or a "weird person wants to watch me bounce around" thing, or just a "completely oblivious to your surroundings" thing, but it was baffling.

    Now I have my own treadmill and no gym membership, but I still cannot fathom WHY that happened at my gym. I get it if there are differences between them in make/model, age, location, whatever, but in the case of truly identical machines it just seems like you're going out of your way to annoy me.

    Perhaps some people just like company. I know people that go to the gym because they hate being alone.
  • WendyLeigh1119
    WendyLeigh1119 Posts: 495 Member
    I think everyone feels a little awkward when someone works out directly next to you. So no... you weren't violating etiquette because literally everyone in the gym would *prefer* plenty of space and you'd never please then all. And lots of people have favorite machines. Air conditioning location, lighting, whatever... so they're hypocrites if they can't understand that you are allowed preferences, too.

    You were very polite. I find that when I choose a machine next to someone, sticking in my ear buds, giving the obligatory smile/hello and then *clearly* turning to focus on my workout seems to relax the other person's body language. I think a lot of people are worried you'll try to chat with them (my worst nightmare) or be nosy (screen-looking), competitive, etc. So I find the smile, greet, and mind my business approach works best.
  • markswife1992
    markswife1992 Posts: 262 Member
    WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »

    You were very polite. I find that when I choose a machine next to someone, sticking in my ear buds, giving the obligatory smile/hello and then *clearly* turning to focus on my workout seems to relax the other person's body language. I think a lot of people are worried you'll try to chat with them (my worst nightmare) or be nosy (screen-looking), competitive, etc. So I find the smile, greet, and mind my business approach works best.

    ^^ this ^^
  • Bankman1989
    Bankman1989 Posts: 1,116 Member
    Yesterday, I was on the elliptical and a woman was on one 3 machines down. So there were 2 empty ones between us. This guy comes and gets on the one next to me. In my mind I was like "Oh come on!". I would have thought that he would have gotten on the one next to the woman. Is that weird to assume he would get on next to the woman versus next to me?

    Anyways, that woman was completely wrong, like i was. I didn't say anything to the guy however. It's a gym not HER gym. I would seek out that woman every single time she hops on a treadmill and get next to her. And make a grunting sound like the guys who lift too much and want us to know do.
  • cogirljb
    cogirljb Posts: 66 Member
    I don't think you did anything wrong, you have every right to use any piece of equipment you want!!

    I'm there to workout, I put my earbuds in and do my work, don't care what others are doing!!
  • Okiludy
    Okiludy Posts: 558 Member
    edited June 2017
    Lynnara wrote: »
    BigCed77024 wrote: »
    Yesterday, I was on the elliptical and a woman was on one 3 machines down. So there were 2 empty ones between us. This guy comes and gets on the one next to me. In my mind I was like "Oh come on!". I would have thought that he would have gotten on the one next to the woman. Is that weird to assume he would get on next to the woman versus next to me?

    Anyways, that woman was completely wrong, like i was. I didn't say anything to the guy however. It's a gym not HER gym. I would seek out that woman every single time she hops on a treadmill and get next to her. And make a grunting sound like the guys who lift too much and want us to know do.

    He may have assumed he would be less threatening staying farther away from a female he didn't know??? Many gyms are known to be 'meat markets' and not all women like that atmosphere when they go to work out. This is why I stopped going to gyms years ago when I was thin.

    My favorite gym is about 80% male and 20% female. All us guys use it because it's one of the better stocked free weight gyms in area. I never have waited for a rack and rarely bench. The women there are also using the free weight but also tend to do more cardio. The issue is the cardio room is small. This means that the cardio room has limited space and machines. So every time I go in that room I use the rower. I don't like it any more than any other machines. It's just I don't want to annoy the women that are in there working out. The rowing machine is kind of off in a corner away from others.

    Now in the free weight area it's a different story. I have no issue jumping in a rack, on a bench, or taking a platform for deadlifts when it opens up. I'll ask people how many sets and then stay out of their way. Gender plays no role in that room for me, but for some reason it does in cardio room.
  • Charlene_1985
    Charlene_1985 Posts: 122 Member
    I am NOT a people person one bit. However, that is my issue. I'd never in a million years say something to someone because I don't want to be around them. It's a "public" gym, not their own private workout facility. At the gym, I am there to gain fitness and burn calories. I'm not there to intentionally tick someone off or worry about being ticked off, or hinder my workout to not tick someone off. I think you were fine in your choice and handled it much calmer than I would have.

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