Gym étiquette question (i.e. am I just being an insensitive idiot?)
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Thanks all for the comments! I truly didn't realize spacing was such an issue for many. I just feel like if there's a machine open and I want to use it, I'm going to use it no matter what. In this case, I had a very specific reason for using the machine I did, but other times I'd use a piece of equipment that was for example, facing a window instead of a mirror. No difference in the equipment, but I'd much prefer to look outside than watch myself run in a mirror regardless of proximity to another user. Not done to annoy, I guess I'm in my own world, wanting to get the best workout possible--part of which is how comfortable I am on any particular machine.0
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I also know that some people will do this to intentionally push themselves a bit harder if the person they're next to seems fit. I have found on more than one occasion that when someone *DOES* use the machine right next to mine, if they're in better shape than I am, I tend to push myself more on my own workout.
It's only ever bothered me if they're smelly or a talker or both.
So, bully for you!2 -
Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.
Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.
I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.0 -
You are kinder than I would have been. I am a smart-*kitten* and my response would have been, "Yep! Out of all the treadmills I wanted to annoy you and only you! It will be so fun!"6
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ladyhusker39 wrote: »Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.
Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.
I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.
To your first comment, I think most people consider personal space intrusions like this to be a little rude and avoid it when practicable. Obviously when a place is busy, none of this applies, but on an empty train, you don't pick the the seat right next to the only other person on it. If all the bathroom stalls are empty but one, don't pick an adjoining one. If you get in an elevator with one other person, don't stand close enough to touch them. In a locker room, pick a different bank of lockers if there's one other person changing there. In an empty gym, don't work out right directly next to one other person there.
This is not a weird quirk of the other woman, it's more or less part of the social contract in most (Western) countries. Stay as far away from strangers as you reasonably can and only get close if the number of people in a space makes it necessary. That's just how we roll in the US, Canada, most of Europe, etc. Whether you think it's a good thing or not, it's definitely a thing.
To your second point - the other lady was there first, so I think it's incumbent on the later arrival to not crowd the first person.
In this case, OP did have a good reason to choose the treadmill she did, and I agree that it was reasonable and that the other woman could certainly have moved upon finding this out. But I also really don't think the first woman was in the wrong for being initially annoyed before knowing that there was a reason.
And if I were in OP's situation, I probably would have said something as soon as I got on the treadmill, like "Sorry to get in your way, but this is the only treadmill that works for me since it's got the screen in the right place [or whatever the case was]. I won't be offended if you want to move, but I do need to use this one, thanks for understanding!"7 -
janejellyroll wrote: »She was out of line.
Even if one prefers not to have others on the equipment next to them, we're not entitled to this space. If someone gets next to me, I assume that they either have a good reason (like you did) or that they don't share my preference for more personal space. Either way, I have nothing to be mad about. The world isn't organized around my preferences.
Word.0 -
ladyhusker39 wrote: »Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.
Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.
I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.
To your first comment, I think most people consider personal space intrusions like this to be a little rude and avoid it when practicable. Obviously when a place is busy, none of this applies, but on an empty train, you don't pick the the seat right next to the only other person on it. If all the bathroom stalls are empty but one, don't pick an adjoining one. If you get in an elevator with one other person, don't stand close enough to touch them. In a locker room, pick a different bank of lockers if there's one other person changing there. In an empty gym, don't work out right directly next to one other person there.
This is not a weird quirk of the other woman, it's more or less part of the social contract in most (Western) countries. Stay as far away from strangers as you reasonably can and only get close if the number of people in a space makes it necessary. That's just how we roll in the US, Canada, most of Europe, etc. Whether you think it's a good thing or not, it's definitely a thing.
To your second point - the other lady was there first, so I think it's incumbent on the later arrival to not crowd the first person.
In this case, OP did have a good reason to choose the treadmill she did, and I agree that it was reasonable and that the other woman could certainly have moved upon finding this out. But I also really don't think the first woman was in the wrong for being initially annoyed before knowing that there was a reason.
And if I were in OP's situation, I probably would have said something as soon as I got on the treadmill, like "Sorry to get in your way, but this is the only treadmill that works for me since it's got the screen in the right place [or whatever the case was]. I won't be offended if you want to move, but I do need to use this one, thanks for understanding!"
I actually never said either of them was wrong. I said she was the one with the issue. In other words she's the one who had a problem with the situation.
I think it's a subjective matter of opinion. Just like my original comment to the OP.1 -
I have favorite machines for different reasons and will use them regardless of where others are. I have often waited for them. I would not use a different machine when my favorite is available so someone else can have empty machines next to them.2
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ladyhusker39 wrote: »Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.
Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.
I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.
Absolutely not... if you've been on a machine for 36 minutes ... I'm not moving till I finish my 45- or 60.
You know how annoying it is to stop a machine?
I don't think it as ALL incumbent upon the person who is irritated to move. I think she has a CHOICE to move- but eff that- I'm not getting off the stair master at 36.45 minutes- nope nope nope.
Which- brings up a separate unrelated thought- stair masters- my gym has 3. Vs like 15 or so treadmills.
Treadmills- gym etiquette is like bathroom etiquette- don't pick the one next to someone. Only there are only 3 options- and the middle one is sketchy- but the annoyance of getting on one of the ones next to another one- much lower than on a treadmill.
just an interesting thought- least that's how it is at my gym.2 -
Two young ladies got on treadmills right next to me when there were plenty to choose from and I didn't think anything of it. They started jogging and carrying on a casual conversation between themselves. After a few minutes, the one closest to me apologized if their talking was ruining my workout. I said, "absolutely not." Anyone there to workout is fine with me. I would have been bothered if they were goofing off or being really loud like some others I've seen.1
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ladyhusker39 wrote: »ladyhusker39 wrote: »Clearly it didn't bother you to workout on a machine right next to someone because you chose that particular treadmill to begin with.
Since she was the one with the issue it would make more sense for her to move another machine if she chose.
I find it interesting that she felt that you should (1) be able to read her mind and (2) sacrifice your preferences in deference to hers.
To your first comment, I think most people consider personal space intrusions like this to be a little rude and avoid it when practicable. Obviously when a place is busy, none of this applies, but on an empty train, you don't pick the the seat right next to the only other person on it. If all the bathroom stalls are empty but one, don't pick an adjoining one. If you get in an elevator with one other person, don't stand close enough to touch them. In a locker room, pick a different bank of lockers if there's one other person changing there. In an empty gym, don't work out right directly next to one other person there.
This is not a weird quirk of the other woman, it's more or less part of the social contract in most (Western) countries. Stay as far away from strangers as you reasonably can and only get close if the number of people in a space makes it necessary. That's just how we roll in the US, Canada, most of Europe, etc. Whether you think it's a good thing or not, it's definitely a thing.
To your second point - the other lady was there first, so I think it's incumbent on the later arrival to not crowd the first person.
In this case, OP did have a good reason to choose the treadmill she did, and I agree that it was reasonable and that the other woman could certainly have moved upon finding this out. But I also really don't think the first woman was in the wrong for being initially annoyed before knowing that there was a reason.
And if I were in OP's situation, I probably would have said something as soon as I got on the treadmill, like "Sorry to get in your way, but this is the only treadmill that works for me since it's got the screen in the right place [or whatever the case was]. I won't be offended if you want to move, but I do need to use this one, thanks for understanding!"
I actually never said either of them was wrong. I said she was the one with the issue. In other words she's the one who had a problem with the situation.
I think it's a subjective matter of opinion. Just like my original comment to the OP.
And I disagree with you. I think there is an established social convention that one doesn't choose to be right next to a stranger (in the bathroom, on public transit, on the street, in the gym, etc etc) if there is space available to avoid this, all other things being equal. Not really subjective at all.
Like I said, in this case the personal-space-crowder did have a reasonable explanation for doing it and that's fine, but because OP didn't initially inform the other person of that reason, I'm not surprised she expressed displeasure. When you transgress on cultural mores, even minor ones, you can expect some people to be uncomfortable.4 -
It is inevitable that when i am in a parking lot, i will park my car and there are literally 100 spaces, but someone will park RIGHT NEXT TO ME> this happens EVERY TIME i go somewhere, movies, grocery, mall, theme park, you name it. it is very annoying. treadmill? i would agree with the woman. it would bother me. BUT i would never say anything, because you pay your dues and you can run wherever you want.2
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This is my biggest gym pet peeve and one of many reasons I bought my own...I used to work out at a gym that had like twenty IDENTICAL treadmills. Same make, same model, same age, completely indistinguishable, plus they were all in a line against second-floor windows with identical views of the street below and with an identical row of identical ellipticals behind them.
AND YET. I would be there in the morning before work with like two other people and someone would take the one right next to me every time. Like every time. No matter which one I used (and I used a different one at random every morning since there were so many open.) I don't know if it was just a "go next to someone so you can see how fast they're going" competitive thing, or a "weird person wants to watch me bounce around" thing, or just a "completely oblivious to your surroundings" thing, but it was baffling.
Now I have my own treadmill and no gym membership, but I still cannot fathom WHY that happened at my gym. I get it if there are differences between them in make/model, age, location, whatever, but in the case of truly identical machines it just seems like you're going out of your way to annoy me.
Perhaps some people just like company. I know people that go to the gym because they hate being alone.0 -
I think everyone feels a little awkward when someone works out directly next to you. So no... you weren't violating etiquette because literally everyone in the gym would *prefer* plenty of space and you'd never please then all. And lots of people have favorite machines. Air conditioning location, lighting, whatever... so they're hypocrites if they can't understand that you are allowed preferences, too.
You were very polite. I find that when I choose a machine next to someone, sticking in my ear buds, giving the obligatory smile/hello and then *clearly* turning to focus on my workout seems to relax the other person's body language. I think a lot of people are worried you'll try to chat with them (my worst nightmare) or be nosy (screen-looking), competitive, etc. So I find the smile, greet, and mind my business approach works best.0 -
WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »
You were very polite. I find that when I choose a machine next to someone, sticking in my ear buds, giving the obligatory smile/hello and then *clearly* turning to focus on my workout seems to relax the other person's body language. I think a lot of people are worried you'll try to chat with them (my worst nightmare) or be nosy (screen-looking), competitive, etc. So I find the smile, greet, and mind my business approach works best.
^^ this ^^1 -
Yesterday, I was on the elliptical and a woman was on one 3 machines down. So there were 2 empty ones between us. This guy comes and gets on the one next to me. In my mind I was like "Oh come on!". I would have thought that he would have gotten on the one next to the woman. Is that weird to assume he would get on next to the woman versus next to me?
Anyways, that woman was completely wrong, like i was. I didn't say anything to the guy however. It's a gym not HER gym. I would seek out that woman every single time she hops on a treadmill and get next to her. And make a grunting sound like the guys who lift too much and want us to know do.2 -
I don't think you did anything wrong, you have every right to use any piece of equipment you want!!
I'm there to workout, I put my earbuds in and do my work, don't care what others are doing!!0 -
BigCed77024 wrote: »Yesterday, I was on the elliptical and a woman was on one 3 machines down. So there were 2 empty ones between us. This guy comes and gets on the one next to me. In my mind I was like "Oh come on!". I would have thought that he would have gotten on the one next to the woman. Is that weird to assume he would get on next to the woman versus next to me?
Anyways, that woman was completely wrong, like i was. I didn't say anything to the guy however. It's a gym not HER gym. I would seek out that woman every single time she hops on a treadmill and get next to her. And make a grunting sound like the guys who lift too much and want us to know do.
He may have assumed he would be less threatening staying farther away from a female he didn't know??? Many gyms are known to be 'meat markets' and not all women like that atmosphere when they go to work out. This is why I stopped going to gyms years ago when I was thin.5 -
BigCed77024 wrote: »Yesterday, I was on the elliptical and a woman was on one 3 machines down. So there were 2 empty ones between us. This guy comes and gets on the one next to me. In my mind I was like "Oh come on!". I would have thought that he would have gotten on the one next to the woman. Is that weird to assume he would get on next to the woman versus next to me?
Anyways, that woman was completely wrong, like i was. I didn't say anything to the guy however. It's a gym not HER gym. I would seek out that woman every single time she hops on a treadmill and get next to her. And make a grunting sound like the guys who lift too much and want us to know do.
He may have assumed he would be less threatening staying farther away from a female he didn't know??? Many gyms are known to be 'meat markets' and not all women like that atmosphere when they go to work out. This is why I stopped going to gyms years ago when I was thin.
My favorite gym is about 80% male and 20% female. All us guys use it because it's one of the better stocked free weight gyms in area. I never have waited for a rack and rarely bench. The women there are also using the free weight but also tend to do more cardio. The issue is the cardio room is small. This means that the cardio room has limited space and machines. So every time I go in that room I use the rower. I don't like it any more than any other machines. It's just I don't want to annoy the women that are in there working out. The rowing machine is kind of off in a corner away from others.
Now in the free weight area it's a different story. I have no issue jumping in a rack, on a bench, or taking a platform for deadlifts when it opens up. I'll ask people how many sets and then stay out of their way. Gender plays no role in that room for me, but for some reason it does in cardio room.0 -
I am NOT a people person one bit. However, that is my issue. I'd never in a million years say something to someone because I don't want to be around them. It's a "public" gym, not their own private workout facility. At the gym, I am there to gain fitness and burn calories. I'm not there to intentionally tick someone off or worry about being ticked off, or hinder my workout to not tick someone off. I think you were fine in your choice and handled it much calmer than I would have.1
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