Your biggest difficulties AFTER losing the weight (Pics)?
JustRobby1
Posts: 674 Member
We all know the positives, but what new and unique challenges have come to the forefront as a result of drastically changing your life by drastically changing your body? I have highlighted some of mine below.
My feet are smaller-
This I was totally not expecting. I was one of those guys that had a sneaker/shoe collection that rivaled most girls (or retired rappers). It was just one of my quirks. My body getting smaller I was fully expecting as I lost weight, but my feet? Nobody clued me into this possibility. I had previously wore a size 11 and a half, but these days I can fit into a 10 or sometimes a 10 and a half depending on the brand. Most all of them began to look like clown shoes on me after about 7-8 months in. All but my crown jewel pair of Jordan's that I simply cant part with no matter if I can wear them or not have since been sold on Ebay
Food and eating will never be the same-
Most of the challenge of weight loss is not exercise, it's diet, and this is the first major overhaul most of us have to face. The strange thing is the amount of self discipline required to consistency lose weight makes food not really an enemy per se, but an ally that you constantly have to watch and keep in check like a sketch GF you suspect might be cheating on you. Spending ridiculous amounts of time in the grocery store trying to find the ultimate beverage, lunch meat, cheese, etc. that contains the lowest possible calorie count but still tastes edible is an art form in and of itself. Going out to dinner with friends on a Friday makes you form a battle plan like a general by looking up the restaurant website days in advance and finding out the best food selections. Being constantly preoccupied with meal planning seems very odd at first, but after awhile you get so used to it that it becomes the new normal.
I truly miss the freedom of "I don't give AF"-
It's always easier not to care right? Not caring about food choices and operating with reckless abandon is strangely liberating in many ways. This motto goes far beyond just food selection. When you are fat you are in a constant state of denial where 3rd party perspective almost does not exist. You never care about how straight your neck tie is, if your hair is styled, or how your pants may fit. Comfort always took precedence over style. Once you drop the weight you become far more dialed in to aspects of appearance you had previously never given a second thought to.
All the attention from the opposite sex is not always positive
Even pretty overweight, I have never been a horribly bad looking dude, but now that my facial features are more pronounced and the bod is smaller, the females are much more front and center in my life. This was a welcome change of pace at first no question, but after awhile it gets a little odd and overwhelming. Since I am single, Tinder, POF, and other such apps have been my dating life. After doing this for awhile I have come to the conclusion I was not missing all that much previously. Probably the biggest shocker for me about using these various apps is many of the girls are not much different than the guys in that they are basically just looking to f**k. The only major difference is the girls are more subtle about this most of the time. There likely is truly awesome girls on many of these apps, but I doubt I would even notice in my present state. I am afraid of love. I am afraid that I would lose my focus on my program. I am afraid that my significant other would never be able to understand my irrational idiosyncrasies. I think I can only ever get together with another former fat person. Other than dating apps, my social life has pretty much dried up to be honest. Unlike most dudes in their 20's I don't go out to the bars on the weekends anymore, and I avoid going to lunch or dinner with coworkers or clients because I have less control over the food/calories. Except for my interactions at work, I pretty much keep to myself these days except here on MFP and BB.
I have realized that even after reaching goal I will have body issues-
I have already started to get the preliminary signs of the dreaded loose skin phenomenon, both on my belly as well as under my arms. I weight train like a bat out of hell which will no doubt help, as will my relative youth, but at the end of the day there is going to be nothing I can do about this. In fact, it is only going to get worse. The image I had in my head of being ripped like Atlas is never going to be a reality for me unless I pony up the cash for expensive plastic surgery. I have started wearing compression garments under my clothing almost daily to minimize how noticeable this is.
I am no longer funny/the life of the party.
It's an all too common theme that those who are overweight often try to compensate for this lack of physical attractiveness with having a robust personality. This was certainly the case in my own life. I was always the guy that would order another round of shots. I was always the guy who would make extremely inappropriate jokes that had everyone rolling. I was told I made other people at ease by my extroverted and giddy personality.
These days? I rarely smile anymore. People tell me I am stone faced, ineffectual and stoic, as if "you must have something weighing heavy on your mind". The truth is, I guess I really do.
In my mind, I am always going to be the fat kid
You can take the weight off the guy, but you can never remove the fatty mentality from his brain. In most ways, I am still just the same insecure guy I ever was, regardless of the positive reinforcement I often receive from others. The odd thing is I feel like I am desperately running away from a past that hasn’t relinquished it's influence over me. Perhaps I am feeling this way because I am not entirely used to being ‘not fat’. Perhaps in the years to come, my insecurity will diminish. Maybe I could even be "happy" again. But in the interim I am just going to have to deal with this.
Before (my Mom is in the background)
Last Weekend
My feet are smaller-
This I was totally not expecting. I was one of those guys that had a sneaker/shoe collection that rivaled most girls (or retired rappers). It was just one of my quirks. My body getting smaller I was fully expecting as I lost weight, but my feet? Nobody clued me into this possibility. I had previously wore a size 11 and a half, but these days I can fit into a 10 or sometimes a 10 and a half depending on the brand. Most all of them began to look like clown shoes on me after about 7-8 months in. All but my crown jewel pair of Jordan's that I simply cant part with no matter if I can wear them or not have since been sold on Ebay
Food and eating will never be the same-
Most of the challenge of weight loss is not exercise, it's diet, and this is the first major overhaul most of us have to face. The strange thing is the amount of self discipline required to consistency lose weight makes food not really an enemy per se, but an ally that you constantly have to watch and keep in check like a sketch GF you suspect might be cheating on you. Spending ridiculous amounts of time in the grocery store trying to find the ultimate beverage, lunch meat, cheese, etc. that contains the lowest possible calorie count but still tastes edible is an art form in and of itself. Going out to dinner with friends on a Friday makes you form a battle plan like a general by looking up the restaurant website days in advance and finding out the best food selections. Being constantly preoccupied with meal planning seems very odd at first, but after awhile you get so used to it that it becomes the new normal.
I truly miss the freedom of "I don't give AF"-
It's always easier not to care right? Not caring about food choices and operating with reckless abandon is strangely liberating in many ways. This motto goes far beyond just food selection. When you are fat you are in a constant state of denial where 3rd party perspective almost does not exist. You never care about how straight your neck tie is, if your hair is styled, or how your pants may fit. Comfort always took precedence over style. Once you drop the weight you become far more dialed in to aspects of appearance you had previously never given a second thought to.
All the attention from the opposite sex is not always positive
Even pretty overweight, I have never been a horribly bad looking dude, but now that my facial features are more pronounced and the bod is smaller, the females are much more front and center in my life. This was a welcome change of pace at first no question, but after awhile it gets a little odd and overwhelming. Since I am single, Tinder, POF, and other such apps have been my dating life. After doing this for awhile I have come to the conclusion I was not missing all that much previously. Probably the biggest shocker for me about using these various apps is many of the girls are not much different than the guys in that they are basically just looking to f**k. The only major difference is the girls are more subtle about this most of the time. There likely is truly awesome girls on many of these apps, but I doubt I would even notice in my present state. I am afraid of love. I am afraid that I would lose my focus on my program. I am afraid that my significant other would never be able to understand my irrational idiosyncrasies. I think I can only ever get together with another former fat person. Other than dating apps, my social life has pretty much dried up to be honest. Unlike most dudes in their 20's I don't go out to the bars on the weekends anymore, and I avoid going to lunch or dinner with coworkers or clients because I have less control over the food/calories. Except for my interactions at work, I pretty much keep to myself these days except here on MFP and BB.
I have realized that even after reaching goal I will have body issues-
I have already started to get the preliminary signs of the dreaded loose skin phenomenon, both on my belly as well as under my arms. I weight train like a bat out of hell which will no doubt help, as will my relative youth, but at the end of the day there is going to be nothing I can do about this. In fact, it is only going to get worse. The image I had in my head of being ripped like Atlas is never going to be a reality for me unless I pony up the cash for expensive plastic surgery. I have started wearing compression garments under my clothing almost daily to minimize how noticeable this is.
I am no longer funny/the life of the party.
It's an all too common theme that those who are overweight often try to compensate for this lack of physical attractiveness with having a robust personality. This was certainly the case in my own life. I was always the guy that would order another round of shots. I was always the guy who would make extremely inappropriate jokes that had everyone rolling. I was told I made other people at ease by my extroverted and giddy personality.
These days? I rarely smile anymore. People tell me I am stone faced, ineffectual and stoic, as if "you must have something weighing heavy on your mind". The truth is, I guess I really do.
In my mind, I am always going to be the fat kid
You can take the weight off the guy, but you can never remove the fatty mentality from his brain. In most ways, I am still just the same insecure guy I ever was, regardless of the positive reinforcement I often receive from others. The odd thing is I feel like I am desperately running away from a past that hasn’t relinquished it's influence over me. Perhaps I am feeling this way because I am not entirely used to being ‘not fat’. Perhaps in the years to come, my insecurity will diminish. Maybe I could even be "happy" again. But in the interim I am just going to have to deal with this.
Before (my Mom is in the background)
Last Weekend
154
Replies
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Wow! Very inspiring. Thanks for taking out time and write that.7
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Good effort, the transformation is astounding. As for your headspace - you'll get there. It takes a lot of time for the mind to catch up with the new body. That being said, it may be worth having a mental health check with your GP to make sure it's not something else taking away your smile. And as for your current lack of social life and meeting women - if you're avoiding bars, surely there's a running club or other sporting group you could join, in my experience they're full of happy, friendly people. Keep up the good work.16
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I find this so sad for you. It's a tremendous success losing the weight you have. But it's true that until you learn to be happy within your current body - it won't matter what size you are. In our head - "I'll never be good enough". Taking your focus off of what you may look like or want to look and instead trying to find joy in the "now" and "live" help...think "adding" to your life instead of taking away. I always think to myself ..."when I'm laying on my death bed what am I going to look back and think/wish I'd done differently" and my answer to myself Is ALWAYS "JUST LIVE YOUR FU**ING LIFE! love it. Thrive. And play". You have done a wonderful job and should be very proud . People loved you before and I am sure they still love you now.
I've never been really heavy. However I've had a life of Ed. And to find my self love I've had to gain weight first through permission.
Take care.8 -
This is an interesting listen https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat
Yes, I can relate to about all of your struggles from my previous large weight loss. Sadly, I went running back to the overeating and other habits that got me overweight. I had an all or nothing belief with the consistent its never good enough feelings so I gave in before I could find a compromise that worked for me. Plus I was really struggling with depression and nothing to me was as comforting as eating tasty foods on the couch alone while watching some terrible tv show.
I've readjusted my motivations for being thin and my expectations based on what I've learned from my past hopefully I get it right this time.
8 -
This is an interesting listen https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat
Exactly what I was going to recommend!1 -
I started lifting weights. I went from 40% body fat to 30% with serious muscle gains. Jeans are starting to become an issue. My waist size and quads are two different sizes!!!! I can wear a size 9 waist, but need a 13 to fit my thighs because of the muscle gains. Also, my t-shirts are getting snug around the arms, damn you biceps!!! (In a good way).2
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Way to go, keep at it!
May I ask just how much you have lost from picture to picture?
I totally feel you on the bar/lunch/dinner situation, so stress inducing. Hard to explain to someone that you don't want to go to hooters because the lightest thing on the menu is almost your entire day's calories....6 -
You are a very gifted and eloquent writer. I read this aloud to my husband (we are both on fitness/diet plans) and it actually kept his attention through the whole thing... MONUMENTAL trust me. Have you considered blogging?... or hell.... your inspirational journey and realness could make you a great coach. THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!!30
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@supaflyrobby1 There are women just as willing to get away from the tinder scene as you are. I don't know where you find them. You don't find them on tinder.
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ContraryMaryMary wrote: »Good effort, the transformation is astounding. As for your headspace - you'll get there. It takes a lot of time for the mind to catch up with the new body. That being said, it may be worth having a mental health check with your GP to make sure it's not something else taking away your smile. And as for your current lack of social life and meeting women - if you're avoiding bars, surely there's a running club or other sporting group you could join, in my experience they're full of happy, friendly people. Keep up the good work.
I second this. I do think it takes a while for your mind to catch up with the new you per se, but I also think there's nothing wrong with talking with a professional about it as well.1 -
What an articulate and candid read, I can relate to your post on so many levels, thanks for sharing.3
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Thanks for being so open and honest. If you were truly happy and felt this way I'd not leave a comment but it seems to me that you are still hurting and have underlying issues to be addressed. I think you would benefit from talking to a counselor so you can look at the issues and work through them. Best of luck.6
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Love this! Thanks for your honesty. It really is such a complicated issue, isn't it?! We have to redefine ourselves and begin creating a new inner narrative of who we are. It's totally possible and totally worth it!!
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Sobering perspective! I really related to the part where you mentioned only dating a former fat person. I thought this exact thing the other day! I hope your mental state catches up to your physical state. You've done an amazing job! You deserve to be happy.2
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I applaud the honesty in this piece.
Too often people think that becoming slim = becoming perfect, but it's never the case. I used to get completely strange dudes butting in on my conversations with guy friends, vying for my attention, when I was slim, whereas I get completely ignored by dudes now - both are annoying in different ways.
But it's like that MFP-famous quote says: "Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard."
I think it's safe to say you chose the right "hard". Shame about your shoes though, I feel for you!!!6 -
Congrats on your success! Life is not perfect, and we will always be the same "person" inside. Obviously there are many positive aspects too, so I encourage you to focus on those and write up a matching list of all the improvements you now can celebrate!2
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Unlike you my biggest difficulty after losing weight is that I still can't get a reply on the personals. I wished and prayed every day of my life that after I lost weight I would stop being invisible. It breaks my heart so bad, and I can't even begin to describe how envious I am of you and other men who are suddenly deemed "attractive" by the opposite sex after losing weight. Absolutely envious. Now I have to hold my head in shame and try to find some other reason to maintain my fitness.
Your transformation is fantastic though, and you should be proud. You look great!
But yeah, so many guys post about how after they lost weight they get all this attention, and I"m just here with crickets chirping.... *kitten* me. You get attention and you don't even want it.2 -
Crying0
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That was amazing. Thank you for sharing it with us here.
I could relate very much to certain points - especially regarding that constant count in your head where you're planning, scheduling, arranging calories & macros and making a ton of tiny decisions to keep yourself on track. My husband is on the same track so we share that, but our friends totally don't get how we'll have a beer or donut but say no to certain meals out or turn down certain things...everything is a conscious decision and/or trade off, and for "the general public" that's weird...
I loved your point about maybe needing to date a former fat person...lots of truth there, lots one can relate to when you have been on the same path. My spouse and I were both morbidly obese for many years and have been maintaining healthy weights for several years now and it's great to have that in common for so many reasons.6 -
Amen, brother. Very relatable. My husband *is* still fat, though I think he's finally on the right track with his efforts and no longer doing it halfway then quitting. So we both know the other person's struggle. I think your idea of finding a woman who also used to be fat is smart because her expectations will be realistic with regards to food and exercise and all related activities.3
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Wawww amazing !0
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I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY ABOUT THE SHOES.
I went from a 7.5 Wide shoe/heel/whatever to a regular 6.5 on most brands (occasional 7, with wiggle room). Thank you. This is one of the things nobody mentions and I quietly feel like I'm imaging things.
I'm also in the "100lbs lost" club. Extra skin on the stomach sucks, but y'know what? Idgaf, I'm a babe. I've earned it.
I do miss having a chest, but I like myself as I am now.
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This was amazing to read. I lost a lot of weight (140lbs.) twenty years ago, and proceeded to gain it all back. Now here I am again. I understand so much of what you said about not being happy and no longer being the life of the party. I had friends that told me that I had become a b--ch after I lost the weight. I guess I was tired of not having what I wanted to eat, and being hungry all the time. I resented my naturally thin friends. I hated the unfairness that comes with having a genetic background that makes me gain weight faster than any human I have ever met. After saying all that, however, I would give anything to be back there again at 158 pounds. I'm older now and have rheumatoid arthritis. The excess weight makes it much worse. I took my measurements yesterday, and my hips are 61 inches! Five feet around!! I cried for an hour! So, my friend, even though life is different and tough, please hang in there. It is worth it, and no food in the world is worth going back to where you were. It's not all about looks, but health. You are young and probably don't think about that right now, but honey, time goes by fast. Take care of yourself now, and you will be much happier later. Find a way to work in some things you like to eat and don't be quite as rigid. You can still be successful and probably a little bit happier! I'm in your corner, and I'm going to need some cheering on in this journey myself. Thank you for sharing what you're going through. It has helped me, and I know countless others. I'm very proud of you!11
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jezebellle23 wrote: »You are a very gifted and eloquent writer. I read this aloud to my husband (we are both on fitness/diet plans) and it actually kept his attention through the whole thing... MONUMENTAL trust me. Have you considered blogging?... or hell.... your inspirational journey and realness could make you a great coach. THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!!
This... All of this ^^^^ and a huge well done too!
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I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY ABOUT THE SHOES.
I went from a 7.5 Wide shoe/heel/whatever to a regular 6.5 on most brands (occasional 7, with wiggle room). Thank you. This is one of the things nobody mentions and I quietly feel like I'm imaging things.
I'm also in the "100lbs lost" club. Extra skin on the stomach sucks, but y'know what? Idgaf, I'm a babe. I've earned it.
I do miss having a chest, but I like myself as I am now.
You look amazing
1 -
Now I'm worried about the shoes.
I just bought a pair of cross-trainers (needed) and a pair of weight lifting shoes (not badly needed) in the same week. Now days later, I have a pair of trail runners on the way (mostly because I like how they look). That will be three new pair of Adidas along with my other mostly size 8.5 shoes (and the other two pair of Adidas I have my eye on.) I hope losing 40-50 pounds won't make my feet too small for for any of my shoes. 0 -
When you're ready, seek out someone who has walked the same path as you. As long as meal planning and prep has to remain your (and all of our) way of life from here on out, it could be a helpful, bonding part of a permanent relationship you'll do together.2
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saltlakecitywestsider wrote: »Now I'm worried about the shoes. I just bought a pair of cross-trainers (needed) and a pair of weight lifting shoes (not badly needed) in the same week. Now days later, I have a pair of trail runners on the way (mostly because I like how they look). That will be three new pair of Adidas along with my other mostly size 8.5 shoes (and the other two pair of Adidas I have my eye on.) I hope losing 40-50 pounds won't make my feet too small for for any of my shoes.
If they do get a bit loose, begin looking at some of those 'support' inserts. Not only will your back feel great (especially in heels, ermagerd), but they take up a bit of room inside shoes. May make'm fit again.1 -
Last paragraph really hit home for me. My body has changed and continues to change (and I'm happy with the results) but going through this has altered my personality (maybe permanently). I don't think I'll ever enjoy food in the same way again. Just the guilt of eating above my goal is enough to alter how much I enjoy what I'm eating. People that I used to go out to eat with rarely invite me anymore.
I've always been on the quieter, more aloof side but becoming cold/calculating about what/how much I eat appears to have bled into most other aspects of my life.3 -
I second what everyone else has said, but I personally find it refreshing for a guy to acknowledge the self image and emotional connections to weight loss and weight maintenance. I think the fact that you've acknowledged all these things is predictive of your ultimate success in your physical and romantic pursuits. Good luck!3
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