Treated differently after weightloss

ek0513

I've been really intrigued lately hearing stories of how people were treated differently by people after their weightloss, and most feel they are being treated much better than when they were overweight. If you have a story you would like to share relating to the topic, feel free to post here. Some of these situations are sad and unfair, but can also be motivating to hear. Plus maybe we can learn from these stories and become more accepting and friendly to all people we encounter.

For my own adding to the post, I am reflecting to when I was over 35 lbs heavier I was always left out of things and would often have to ask to be included in things, and when I lost weight I seemed to be included in much more things and it seemed like people now actually wanted me around, when before I felt like people were annoyed of my presence.

Chef_Barbell

I get treated better by women when I'm fat than when I'm thinner.

I get checked out by men in any state of fatness for me.

kristikitter

Doors held open by strangers, being flirted with for literally everything and anything, apologies if someone bumps into me... this all disappeared once I got fat.

tiffaninghs

reverse for me... more attention at over 300lbs.. nw that im in the 170's to 180's i get no attention at all. i guess cause theirs nothing remarkable about me now.. im just a regular fish in the sea.. and I no longer have a big butt or large breasts so no one is paying any attention.. lol

neldabg

I've been overweight/obese all my life. Many people told me I was beautifully big and curvy. Close family and friends were always gushing over my curves. I'm pear shaped, and after losing weight, these people have 1) rudely pointed out that I'm flat (I've measured & I'm still pear shaped, but IME, people tend to categorize all smaller sizes as not-curvy), 2) kept quiet, or 3) complimented me. My weight loss is no longer new news, and I've since met several people who've only ever known this thinner me, but every once in a while, someone will say something. Earlier this year a long-time obese friend of mine randomly held her wrist against mine and commented that she liked having meat on her bones. Just must last month, I showed my sister a pair of jeans I found on clearance. Upon seeing the size 3-5 marked on the tag, she said, "Wow. I sometimes can't believe you're really that size now."
There are small differences such as that I'm equally encouraged to wear two-pieces and one-pieces instead of the usual greater encouragement for one-pieces. In general, however, people still treat me the same.

Okiludy

Just from a professional of view google "wage of fat people compared to fit". This is full on *kitten* but statistics show an overweight female can make as much as $9000 a year less than a skinny female. Now I am a guy and find jacked up. Should it matter in most office jobs?

For men being slightly overweight is ok but obese or more is not. From a Business Insider story here is a quote "What we found across our studies is that obesity serves as a proxy for low competence," Schweitzer said in a release. "People judge obese people to be less competent even when it's not the case."

In my company there is not one obese person in upper management. We also have very few in mid management that push into the obese range. This does not correlate to the average amount of obese people.

How you are treated professionally is one of reasons I am losing weight. It's lower on the list but when you hear of the CEO talking *kitten* about a "fat" person you know full well that weight affects your pay.

ek0513

I think in regards to how overweight people being looked upon as less competent is something I have felt my entire life. I have been slightly overweight since I was a kid, and I have an older sister who is naturally thin and beautiful. I find it hard to be around her because I can always tell that people give her so much more respect than they give to me. they always highlight her successes and praise her for the littlest things she does, and then I never get that from anyone. I am always the one that is helping other people and doing chores for our family and favors for people yet no one notices or thanks me the way they would my sister if she did even half the things I do, and even after all I do they still criticize me for being lazy and unhelpful. I don't get it?? Or I would say a joke at a party and people would just ignore me and cringe at me but if my skinny beautiful sister said the same joke everyone would laugh their heads off and compliment her on how funny she is. I don't know if I'm just bitter or if other people have experiences like this, I would like to know and know how to deal with this feeling

LonniJay

ek0513 wrote: »

I think in regards to how overweight people being looked upon as less competent is something I have felt my entire life. I have been slightly overweight since I was a kid, and I have an older sister who is naturally thin and beautiful. I find it hard to be around her because I can always tell that people give her so much more respect than they give to me. they always highlight her successes and praise her for the littlest things she does, and then I never get that from anyone. I am always the one that is helping other people and doing chores for our family and favors for people yet no one notices or thanks me the way they would my sister if she did even half the things I do, and even after all I do they still criticize me for being lazy and unhelpful. I don't get it?? Or I would say a joke at a party and people would just ignore me and cringe at me but if my skinny beautiful sister said the same joke everyone would laugh their heads off and compliment her on how funny she is. I don't know if I'm just bitter or if other people have experiences like this, I would like to know and know how to deal with this feeling

I've always been bigger. People treat me pleasantly and I don't get much of the negativity thankfully. My older sister has always been thin and attractive and men fawned over her and made her feel smart and awesome. Women treat her like an incompetent bimbo (which, honestly, she is) while those same women treat me with respect. She has told me so many times that she wishes people (mostly women) would treat her like they treat me. It's a strange dynamic but I know she flirts with all guys no matter what and girlfriends hate her. I think the men fawning over her and babying her her whole life did handicap her because she acts like a strung out 14 year old.

Rammer123

I wonder how much people's perceptions of how much different they are being treated is dependent on their confidence level when they lose the weight.

I no doubt thing that obese people are looked at differently, just as taller men are and how better looking people are as well.

But I also believe if you show that you are confident in yourself, some of that goes away even if your obese, short or not the best looking.

lemmie177

I always thought the "women hate women" thing was untrue, or at least a dramatic over-exaggeration, until I lost weight. Not so much with people I know, but with strangers and passerbys.

SylviazSpirit

I don't feel like I get treated much differently but *I* definitely feel different and therefore see things differently. For instance, the larger I am, the more I believe people are talking about me or making fun of me but that isn't necessarily true, it's because of how *I* feel.

fatvegan88

I'm not sure about it because I'm fat still and people have a tendency to always treat me with hatred but I have a friend who lost about 60 lbs and since her weight loss I hate who she has become. She cheats on her husband and looks for male attention a lot and has turned into kind of a party animal. I can't even be friends with her anymore because it's painfully awkward being around her when she's like that.

jennybearlv

People have always been nice to me and I've been everywhere from 110 to 280 pounds. I guess I just have a likable face.

Amethystwolf

ek0513 wrote: »

I think in regards to how overweight people being looked upon as less competent is something I have felt my entire life. I have been slightly overweight since I was a kid, and I have an older sister who is naturally thin and beautiful. I find it hard to be around her because I can always tell that people give her so much more respect than they give to me. they always highlight her successes and praise her for the littlest things she does, and then I never get that from anyone. I am always the one that is helping other people and doing chores for our family and favors for people yet no one notices or thanks me the way they would my sister if she did even half the things I do, and even after all I do they still criticize me for being lazy and unhelpful. I don't get it?? Or I would say a joke at a party and people would just ignore me and cringe at me but if my skinny beautiful sister said the same joke everyone would laugh their heads off and compliment her on how funny she is. I don't know if I'm just bitter or if other people have experiences like this, I would like to know and know how to deal with this feeling

You pretty much just described my entire childhood. I know exactly how you feel. My sister has always been the favorite and has always been treated better than I have. Coincidentally, or perhaps not, she has always been thinner than I have. As kids she used to get presents on my birthday (while I never got anything on her birthday), she has gotten a lot of money, gifts and free trips all paid for from relatives. My mom has bought her a couple cars, and don't even get me started on how much my family fawns over her. I love my sister but the blatant favoritism from my family has really put a damper on our relationship. I'm sorry you have experienced something similar . As for dealing with these feelings, therapy has definitely helped but I'm still in the process of healing from my dysfunctional past.

CathReese33

I have yo-yo'd in size most of my adult life and so have seen on numerous occasions how I am treated differently according to my weight. The most impact it has is on my professional role. When I am at a good size (uk 12 or below) people give my ideas credibility. My decisions are respected and I am offered better roles/projects. Once I go above this size it is as if I have lost intelligence somehow and people question my decisions and authority. I have always dressed well and looked smart no matter what my size (I trained in the art of Image Consultancy many years ago - so understand the principles no matter what my shape)so I know it is not a reflection of just looking dowdy.
This last comment is not my own feeling, and not meant to offend, but my guess as to why this might happen... Many people when they first look at someone will make a judgement about them and in a professional capacity, if someone does not have the motivation, drive and commitment to get their weight under control - how are they going to have the ability to run a department/company/succeed at their own role - I am sure this is why I myself have been turned down for roles in the past that I am more than capable of when I have been fat, but equally been given jobs that I am nowhere near qualified for when I have been thinner. There is also possibly a link to our own confidence and self esteem that can suffer when not happy with our shape/size/weight.

LynnBBQ72

I had this discussion with someone the other day. Yes - absolutely - strangers treat "normal" sized people differently in everyday situations vs. obese people. Meeting you in the eyes, striking up a random conversation in the store aisle (not flirting at all), holding doors open, etc. Quite a few people say that the formerly obese who are now "normal" sized get treated differently because they have more self confidence. I disagree. I used to weigh 245 at my highest, and am now 180 - still overweight but much more average size. I feel fatter now at 180 than I did at 245, and don't feel any more confident. If I feel WORSE at 180 than 245, but strangers treat me better, there is no other explanation. It is all about the weight and nothing else.

lacrosby03

I truly believe that the way we are viewed and treated has a direct correlation to the way we view ourselves. When we don't like who we are on the inside or on the outside others are able to perceive this. If you are confident in who you are, no matter your size, than shame on those who are judging you. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where looks matter more than anything else. How you treat yourself is how you will also be treated. Whether you are overweight underweight or somewhere in between, we all struggle with something. The unfortunate thing about dealing with excess weight is that others see our weight and view it as a conditional or psychological problem. Oftentimes we believe that if we lose weight all of those problems will go away. Unfortunately it is how we are feeling on the inside that matters. No amount of weight loss can help us from our eyes looking outward at oirselves. We all must learn to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our size or our weight. Sure we should all work towards bettering ourselves health wise, but not just so we can please others and fit in to a societal view of what is appropriate. Go forth with confidence and a positive view of who you are and others will see you in the same light.

Lizzypb88

I have had a bit of a different response...

I've lost one friend completely when I lost enough weight that- I think- her own insecurities came out and I wasn't able to talk about my weight loss or achievements or exercise so we faded away because of having to hide who I was... I get ignored by family members who are obese themselves, but used to call me lazy, and now with my 90 pounds weight loss they avoid me like the plague and say I'm just losing weight for attention... that just IRKS me!! I've also had a best friend who has been with me every step of the way, and while she's not losing weight, she's still a typical supportive fun friend, and our relationship has remained strong! Some people who you don't know very well REALLY show other sides when you lose weight! It's sad to be judged when making positive changes in your life, or feeling you can't share things because you get scoffed at

PaulaWallaDingDong

LynnBBQ72 wrote: »

I had this discussion with someone the other day. Yes - absolutely - strangers treat "normal" sized people differently in everyday situations vs. obese people. Meeting you in the eyes, striking up a random conversation in the store aisle (not flirting at all), holding doors open, etc. Quite a few people say that the formerly obese who are now "normal" sized get treated differently because they have more self confidence. I disagree. I used to weigh 245 at my highest, and am now 180 - still overweight but much more average size. I feel fatter now at 180 than I did at 245, and don't feel any more confident. If I feel WORSE at 180 than 245, but strangers treat me better, there is no other explanation. It is all about the weight and nothing else.

I feel you. Never could have predicted how lousy I'd feel after losing a lot of weight. I know it's a good thing I did for myself, but my head is so screwed up about the whole thing.

seltzermint555

I was always the biggest girl in my class growing up, both height and weight until my teens when a bunch of other girls also became tall so it was just weight (ha).

But I seriously didn't think people treated me badly for my size or anything like that, even when I was morbidly obese...until I hit a "normal weight" in my mid thirties, and suddenly realized how with just that one change, still wearing similar styles, having the same level of professional success, same basic lifestyle, etc...I was being flirted with more by different types of guys, and women in my peer group were taking a big interest in me right away when meeting through work or mutual friends. Whereas before, they were polite, now, they are often like "OMG you have to come to this concert/party/whatever" and when I was bigger, I did not get that sort of invitation from relative strangers, just from people I'd known forever and considered close friends.

For me that is the biggest difference. It's been weird.

I am happily married so this part's a moot point...but as for the types of guys who hit on me, it's SO predictable. When I was fat it was definitely the cutest guys in my opinion, edgy artsy guys, and often inappropriately young guys. I was so used to that, I almost miss it sometimes. haha When I'm thinner with very short hair, it's women and really sporty types of guys who are younger up to my age. When I'm thinner with longer hair and dressed more conservatively for work, it's old guys who are much more overt & aggressive.

I was also a person who has (and am told I project) quite a lot of self confidence whether obese or not. I wasn't embarrassed of my body/looks before. If anything, I'm more conscious of my looks now because I've hit 40 and combined with major weight loss I am starting to see the signs of age, so while I may not fidget with my clothing like I once did, I'm always concerned about looking old or dressing too young and all of that superfun exciting stuff that women get to deal with...

I have also had heavier women (usually still way smaller than I was 10 years ago) give me really dirty looks. Based on what, I truly have no idea. In my head I'm still a size 24 most of the time so I am always really surprised and confused by this and I don't even know what the issue is...I mean, I could just be standing in line at a coffee shop and suddenly some woman is GLARING. I am a very average woman so it's odd but an acquaintance of mine insists that "all women hate women who are thinner than them". I am sooooooo glad that I was never like that mentally, holy crap. What a waste of energy! I hope it's not true for more than a tiny handful of people.

IremiaRe

I have been large my whole life - from my early 20's I was significantly obese... I was never spit on, or anything - in fact, I never really noticed that people were treating me differently, until I lost some weight.

I started - years ago - at 367 - but most recently, I maintained my weight at 275-ish for the last decade before I started the most recent leg of my journey.

I felt pretty darned outstanding at 275 - I mean, after 367 it was like becoming a prima ballerina or something. I was light on my feet, I could find clothes that fit me in stores (a few select stores, mind you, but...) and I walked with a bounce in my step - so it wasn't that I lacked confidence.

I wore about a size 3x/4x (26/28) at 275. But, most recently, when I dropped down into about size 20, 1x/2x range, I started to notice... people striking up conversations in stores, men holding doors, generally, people just acknowledging me as a human being. Again, I didn't notice, until it changed... and with every drop in clothing size, it has gotten more pronounced.

So, yes - people do treat me differently. There is an "acceptable level" of fatness... it starts around size 20... I think it has to do with familiarity. If you are as fat "as Aunt Martha," or Mom, or Cousin James, well, you are knowable, relatable... but if you are fatter than anyone the person has ever known? Not so much.

Just my two...

Unknown

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Geocitiesuser

When I was much younger I lost 100lbs, and treatment from others was like night and day. Girls liked me, guys would ask me for weight lifting advice, and I felt like I got a good deal more respect in general from others.

I'm a lot older now, and have lost a lot of weight again (I'm in even better shape now than I was back then, but with more loose skin) and the results are a bit different. Women don't really like me any different, men really don't give a poop. But I will say that I still command more respect as someone who is fit vs when I was obese. It's hard to be taken seriously when you're obese because it comes across as an outward lack of self control and lack of self respect. Where as being fit you automatically dress nicer (because clothes fit), your jawline is sharper/more defined, and you project an outward appearance of self control and being an active person that cares for themself. Those little cues go a long way in social interactions. At least in the business world. As for the opposite gender, well, suppose my day is over.

tracyj1247

I have lost weight before and when I was smaller people treated me better they were more attentive to me. I was attracting alot of men as soon as I gained weight all the attention stopped it was like I didn't exist. Doors were no longer open for me. It does make a difference if you're not obese because your not treated the same.

MsHarryWinston

Hmmmm. I've been all over the scale and have never felt treated any differently no matter my weight. But I also act the same no matter my weight so maybe that helps? Outgoing, bubbly, flirty, and confident even after I gained 100lbs. Guys still flirt and hold doors open for me or offer to buy me drinks. Women weren't mean to me when I was smaller. When I went out dancing they usually just wanted to know if my boobs were real (yes) and poke at them a bit lol.

It makes me so mad to hear about how people have been treated differently with their weight changes and I just want to backhand all the superficial people that made you guys feel bad.

Hungry_Shopgirl

One thing I found painful was when I mentioned a person to someone and they asked: "Who? The fat one?" No one would have ever said something like that to me when I was also overweight, but now that I'm the "normal" club people aren't as careful anymore I guess. The reason it hurt was because "the fat one" is an awesome person, a great human being, being singled out by this one feature. And it makes me wonder how many times people in the past have referred to me as 'the fat one'?

ek0513

Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »

One thing I found painful was when I mentioned a person to someone and they asked: "Who? The fat one?" No one would have ever said something like that to me when I was also overweight, but now that I'm the "normal" club people aren't as careful anymore I guess. The reason it hurt was because "the fat one" is an awesome person, a great human being, being singled out by this one feature. And it makes me wonder how many times people in the past have referred to me as 'the fat one'?

This has happened to me too, and when they were describing someone who is smaller than I used to be. I think the problem with this might not just be about being overweight though, but more so just people not looking past the surface. Because 100% if there was someone who was noticeably underweight, they would equally try to describe them as "the really skinny one".. it is still hurtful none the less when people call other people fat in front of you.

Slimmingdownthisyear

tiffaninghs wrote: »

reverse for me... more attention at over 300lbs.. nw that im in the 170's to 180's i get no attention at all. i guess cause theirs nothing remarkable about me now.. im just a regular fish in the sea.. and I no longer have a big butt or large breasts so no one is paying any attention.. lol

love your profile pic! What a transformation!!!! Well Done

cheryldumais

Love this thread. I've gone from 251 to 148. At 60 years old I find women are friendlier now that I have lost weight. Many people who never even said hello at work before are striking up conversations with me. I agree I am more confident but I've always smiled and tried to be friendly. At my age men aren't hitting on me but they definately speak to me more. I'm no longer invisable.

emmieems

I'm in college now, but I lost the weight in high school. Some people thought I was snotty or rude when I chose to eat healthier, I did get included in certain things and left out of some. People that would've never befriended me before became my friends, I got hit on more, it was all a very strange change for me.

Pablosammy

I wonder how much of it is the way you behave after you've lost weight, rather than the weight loss itself? Confidence breeds confidence, and happiness is contagious. I can imagine people change their behaviours towards others at the very extremes of the weight spectrum, but the rest is probably down to people being happier and more confident in themselves.