Treated differently after weightloss
Replies
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I got my first "gonna be too thin" comment from my brother in law this weekend. The man has no filter, which I knew, but he actually said if I lost more I'd look like a bobblehead. Uhm, ok. Interestingly enough I may have hit my goal weight this same weekend.5
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orangegato wrote: »So I have read countless women say that they usually attract more attention after weight loss. What about the men? Do you notice more attention or flirting coming your way? Does it also seem like people are generally nicer or no difference?
It depends on many factors, I'm sure. So far, I see no difference with strangers. Those who know I'm changing and have seen the change are nice about it, but as far as strangers are concerned, nothing has changed. In big cities, you're pretty much invisible. In small cities, you're greated with a smile but quickly forgotten. If you talk to strangers who seem open to conversation, they're very frequently nice. I don't really see how this could change.
No flirting directed towards me, but I suppose it's a common experience amongst men, except for the most attractive ones, maybe.
That being said, I've not reached my goal yet, maybe it'll change in the future. I started being obese, but only lightly : people might not having as judgmental towards me to begin with, I don't know. Or maybe I just didn't care enough to notice
As far as I'm concerned, I've gained no attention after weight loss, and it isn't my objective anyway. I've made (and am still making) a change in my life, for me, and I'm quite content with it so far.
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orangegato wrote: »So I have read countless women say that they usually attract more attention after weight loss. What about the men? Do you notice more attention or flirting coming your way? Does it also seem like people are generally nicer or no difference?
Oh yes, for me below 240 women became disconcertingly aggressive, and people in general are much friendlier and helpful.1 -
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I've been big my whole adult life. So just wasn't prepared for the attention. Random complements, female friends coming out of the woodwork to set me up with thier single fiends, had one retail clerk at LuLu lemon show me how an item would fit my mom right in the store. Needless to say that was a good day. I got discounts I didn't ask for, let in line ahead if I only had a few items.... the list goes on and on.5
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That's great for you
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I had to Google LuLuLemon.....
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orangegato wrote: »I had to Google LuLuLemon.....
If you got the women's site you are welcome, if you got the men's site my apologies.
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brookielaw wrote: »I got my first "gonna be too thin" comment from my brother in law this weekend. The man has no filter, which I knew, but he actually said if I lost more I'd look like a bobblehead. Uhm, ok. Interestingly enough I may have hit my goal weight this same weekend.
Good job on hitting your goal!
I think sometimes we're damned if we do, damned if we don't, when it comes to weight loss. I avoided roller coasters and other rides for many years because I was worried about not fitting on them properly. After losing over 100 lb, the first time I got on a roller coaster, along with my husband who had also lost a lot of weight, the ride operator brought the safety bars down tighter on us TWICE before starting the ride and he said "Y'all need to eat a cheeseburger".
That made me laugh but it reminded me of how it is in so many situations, you're too fat until you're too thin, and vice versa, there's no "perfect" size really...it's crazy.
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I don't know if I'm just unusually lucky, but none of my friendships have changed at all? I've lost 50 pounds, which I think is pretty substantial. I have more to go but I can't imagine anything will change, our friendships have nothing to do with my, or their, weight.
Also, I've definitely gotten more male attention, but that being said I do think my increase in confidence is a factor as well. I'm interested to see how this will be when I'm at goal weight.
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LoveToRead91 wrote: »I don't know if I'm just unusually lucky, but none of my friendships have changed at all? I've lost 50 pounds, which I think is pretty substantial. I have more to go but I can't imagine anything will change, our friendships have nothing to do with my, or their, weight.
Also, I've definitely gotten more male attention, but that being said I do think my increase in confidence is a factor as well. I'm interested to see how this will be when I'm at goal weight.
In my experience I'd have to say you are lucky and have good people in your life. Since I started losing weight 3 years ago, I don't have any of the same friends now that I had then. I am not really sad about this though. I was a different person then, and I needed different people in my life at the time. I now try to find friends who make me feel good about myself, and inspire me to make healthier choices, instead of friends who only lead me to things that aren't good for me.
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I never though people treated me differently or badly when I was overweight (5'6 235lbs)....until I became very fit. Male attention aside (which has obviously changed drastically), the way people treat me now in ever single situation is vastly different. People go out of their way to hold doors, people go out of their way to smile, if I need to complain about something people bend over backwards to fix the thing that caused the complaint, i'm treated better at work. Overall i've been presented with many more opportunities since losing the weight.
Seeing this disparate treatment makes me beyond sad. Sad for the overweight girl I was for 28 years who thought she was being treated equitably. Sad for anyone who is still struggling with weight who doesn't receive the same equal and kind treatment that someone who isn't overweight is more likely to receive in my experience.21 -
I was thin/average a lot of my life, and gained about 50-60 lbs in the past few years and the difference in treatment really got to me at first. I'm sure some of it had to do with my attitude (depression and binge eating caused me to gain weight rapidly) and my inability to dress well/afford new clothes for my new shape.
But family and colleagues used to always compliment me and share food with me and were generally really sweet. People at stores were super friendly and helpful. Since gaining the weight I feel invisible. Family offers diet advice freely, despite never doing so before and I've never been a healthy eater. And I find people at work seek me out less for social activities that they all do together regularly.
By now I'm used to it, but that petty part in me is interested to see if their attitude reverts if I manage to lose the weight. :P
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I've gone from 165lbs to 120lbs and I've only had positives experiences with being treated differently after losing weight. Genuine compliments from more guys..the creepy ones have stayed about the same, and I find that women nicer to me.
I also haven't lost any friends because I'm the same person and my friends are happy for my weightloss as opposed to being jealous of it.
So it has essentially been great all around.9 -
oh goodness, this is a fascinating but deeply troubling thread.
I've never been overweight, but I've fluctuated from the very top of the 'normal' category to underweight. I think my appearance is really... polarising for people. I have red hair, and it's like, all people see. Women do not seem to be threatened by redheads so I don't get the nastiness other people are reporting. I think that being attractive and red-haired is maybe seen as a safe way to be attractive by other women -- you get sort of exoticised but you're not really a sexual threat. Men either are indifferent or are fetishistically and creepily sexually attracted to me. Some people -- men/women -- have stopped me in the street to tell me that I am (literal quote) 'astonishingly beautiful'. And yet I have never in my life felt pretty. I was treated as a really unattractive kid. It's been a pretty standard thing that people yell out really offensive things about my hair colour, either sexual, or just that I'm really ugly. As a teenager, the best thing a boy ever said about me was 'she's quite good looking for a ginger'. It hurt like hell but I internalised it all at the time and thought that of course they were right and I was truly vile to look at. I figured that with my colouring being what it was, I couldn't afford for anything else to be wrong with me, so I started starving myself.
That was a long backstory for what is a very complicated relationship with my appearance, and honestly that's not even the half of it, so weight fluctuations cannot even put a dent in how weirdly I've been treated for my hair. BUT I used to get major compliments when I was underweight, usually because of how well I pulled off 'heroin chic'. I was really thin and always miserable and grumpy but I guess an unhappy woman is one who knows her place, so. Now that I'm heavier no-one really says anything.
That came out way more bitter than I meant. I guess it all still hurts a lot.21 -
Keladelphia wrote: »I never though people treated me differently or badly when I was overweight (5'6 235lbs)....until I became very fit. Male attention aside (which has obviously changed drastically), the way people treat me now in ever single situation is vastly different. People go out of their way to hold doors, people go out of their way to smile, if I need to complain about something people bend over backwards to fix the thing that caused the complaint, i'm treated better at work. Overall i've been presented with many more opportunities since losing the weight.
Seeing this disparate treatment makes me beyond sad. Sad for the overweight girl I was for 28 years who thought she was being treated equitably. Sad for anyone who is still struggling with weight who doesn't receive the same equal and kind treatment that someone who isn't overweight is more likely to receive in my experience.
I don't know why but this response hit me real hard. Wow!6 -
Lolorangegato wrote: »I had to Google LuLuLemon.....
If you got the women's site you are welcome, if you got the men's site my apologies.0 -
Keladelphia wrote: »I never though people treated me differently or badly when I was overweight (5'6 235lbs)....until I became very fit. Male attention aside (which has obviously changed drastically), the way people treat me now in ever single situation is vastly different. People go out of their way to hold doors, people go out of their way to smile, if I need to complain about something people bend over backwards to fix the thing that caused the complaint, i'm treated better at work. Overall i've been presented with many more opportunities since losing the weight.
Seeing this disparate treatment makes me beyond sad. Sad for the overweight girl I was for 28 years who thought she was being treated equitably. Sad for anyone who is still struggling with weight who doesn't receive the same equal and kind treatment that someone who isn't overweight is more likely to receive in my experience.
Thank you for posting.2 -
Keladelphia wrote: »I never though people treated me differently or badly when I was overweight (5'6 235lbs)....until I became very fit. Male attention aside (which has obviously changed drastically), the way people treat me now in ever single situation is vastly different. People go out of their way to hold doors, people go out of their way to smile, if I need to complain about something people bend over backwards to fix the thing that caused the complaint, i'm treated better at work. Overall i've been presented with many more opportunities since losing the weight.
Seeing this disparate treatment makes me beyond sad. Sad for the overweight girl I was for 28 years who thought she was being treated equitably. Sad for anyone who is still struggling with weight who doesn't receive the same equal and kind treatment that someone who isn't overweight is more likely to receive in my experience.
This rings so true. It is very close to what I have experienced, too, not from my friends who luckily treat me exactly the same, but everyone else around me. It's heartbreaking.3 -
It is crazy to me the amount of people who suddenly want to be my friend now after I lost 50 lbs when previously they would have never put in the effort to talk to me. I used to never get friend requests on Facebook, now I get them extremely frequently. It is a little disheartening, and it has been very obvious to me lately that people treat me like I’m more worthy of friendship now that I lost weight.6
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Part of it may be the confidence that comes to a lot of people after losing weight. I know I walk a little straighter and smile a little more now. If we look more approachable people are more apt to treat us better. Often people are unaware if they walk around with a scowl on their face.4
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I get asked for very dirty things indeed by men alot more now lol.
I also get treated like a fragile little flower now, Even tho im way stronger and much less breakable now hah4 -
Ghostofachance wrote: »I found that family members can sometimes be the worst - they needle you to lose weight and develop healthy habits, then criticize you for focusing too much on diet and exercise once you've begun seeing positive changes. And heaven forbid if you gain some/most of it back!
This time around I've not let anyone except my wife know I am trying to bet in better shape. Not providing them with any sort of declaration has made it easier for me to focus on what I need to do for myself.
As for other people, I'd say that when I am lighter women are more apt to flirt with me at the store or strike up a conversation - it's a definite confidence booster. I haven't noticed much difference from men outside of not getting looked at with disdain when boarding a plane and looking for an available seat - airplanes in general are much easier to navigate when you're smaller.
Exactly!!! mine is my mum...0 -
perhaps you only feel worse because you pinned hopes on weight loss fixing everything in your life. It doesn't..and the realization makes you feel worse.PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »I had this discussion with someone the other day. Yes - absolutely - strangers treat "normal" sized people differently in everyday situations vs. obese people. Meeting you in the eyes, striking up a random conversation in the store aisle (not flirting at all), holding doors open, etc. Quite a few people say that the formerly obese who are now "normal" sized get treated differently because they have more self confidence. I disagree. I used to weigh 245 at my highest, and am now 180 - still overweight but much more average size. I feel fatter now at 180 than I did at 245, and don't feel any more confident. If I feel WORSE at 180 than 245, but strangers treat me better, there is no other explanation. It is all about the weight and nothing else.
I feel you. Never could have predicted how lousy I'd feel after losing a lot of weight. I know it's a good thing I did for myself, but my head is so screwed up about the whole thing.
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This is an interesting thread...just to read all the different takes. My thoughts after reading a lot here...is does the world owe mankind a uniform friendly accepting interaction whenever they meet someone of any shape or size? Sort of ridiculous really. When i've been overweight... i'd notice i would seem invisible to people. i figured it was becasue i wasnt as eyecatching and attractive because i gained weight. My face and eyes are much more attractive when i am not overweight. They were just being human. i find it funny almost. now that i've lost weight.. i notice strangers talking to me for no reason. heck..my husband is being nicer to me.haha. It is simply human nature.6
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My husband made a joke, “you’re not going to run off on me now, are you?” I was startled and a little upset. I don’t have my eye on someone else. This is for health, so we can be together longer.6
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I have had a bit of a different response...
I think- her own insecurities came out.......say I'm just losing weight for attention... that just IRKS me!!
Sad, but I got the same reaction from my own spouse. We both started MFP the same time. She gave up after 2 weeks and I continued. To date I’ve lost about 40lbs and she came up with same comments.1 -
lacrosby03 wrote: »I truly believe that the way we are viewed and treated has a direct correlation to the way we view ourselves. When we don't like who we are on the inside or on the outside others are able to perceive this. If you are confident in who you are, no matter your size, than shame on those who are judging you. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where looks matter more than anything else. How you treat yourself is how you will also be treated. Whether you are overweight underweight or somewhere in between, we all struggle with something. The unfortunate thing about dealing with excess weight is that others see our weight and view it as a conditional or psychological problem. Oftentimes we believe that if we lose weight all of those problems will go away. Unfortunately it is how we are feeling on the inside that matters. No amount of weight loss can help us from our eyes looking outward at oirselves. We all must learn to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our size or our weight. Sure we should all work towards bettering ourselves health wise, but not just so we can please others and fit in to a societal view of what is appropriate. Go forth with confidence and a positive view of who you are and others will see you in the same light.
Not true for me. I’ve always been very outgoing and confident and aware of my worth (and educated and competent) but when I’m heavier SOME other people treat me like they need me to acknowledge my lesser (fatty) worth by piping down. Or I’ve been treated like I’m invisible. When I’m closer to goal weight, I get more respect and acceptance.2 -
lacrosby03 wrote: »I truly believe that the way we are viewed and treated has a direct correlation to the way we view ourselves. When we don't like who we are on the inside or on the outside others are able to perceive this. If you are confident in who you are, no matter your size, than shame on those who are judging you. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where looks matter more than anything else. How you treat yourself is how you will also be treated. Whether you are overweight underweight or somewhere in between, we all struggle with something. The unfortunate thing about dealing with excess weight is that others see our weight and view it as a conditional or psychological problem. Oftentimes we believe that if we lose weight all of those problems will go away. Unfortunately it is how we are feeling on the inside that matters. No amount of weight loss can help us from our eyes looking outward at oirselves. We all must learn to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our size or our weight. Sure we should all work towards bettering ourselves health wise, but not just so we can please others and fit in to a societal view of what is appropriate. Go forth with confidence and a positive view of who you are and others will see you in the same light.
Not true for me. I’ve always been very outgoing and confident and aware of my worth (and educated and competent) but when I’m heavier SOME other people treat me like they need me to acknowledge my lesser (fatty) worth by piping down. Or I’ve been treated like I’m invisible. When I’m closer to goal weight, I get more respect and acceptance.
I’m with you as well. I feel like my personality has been the same throughout this whole process, but people use to just never give me the chance to get to know me because I wasn’t their idea of attractive. I feel like I’m being treated as if my presence is a lot more accepted and desired now that I lost weight.
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lacrosby03 wrote: »I truly believe that the way we are viewed and treated has a direct correlation to the way we view ourselves. When we don't like who we are on the inside or on the outside others are able to perceive this. If you are confident in who you are, no matter your size, than shame on those who are judging you. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where looks matter more than anything else. How you treat yourself is how you will also be treated. Whether you are overweight underweight or somewhere in between, we all struggle with something. The unfortunate thing about dealing with excess weight is that others see our weight and view it as a conditional or psychological problem. Oftentimes we believe that if we lose weight all of those problems will go away. Unfortunately it is how we are feeling on the inside that matters. No amount of weight loss can help us from our eyes looking outward at oirselves. We all must learn to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our size or our weight. Sure we should all work towards bettering ourselves health wise, but not just so we can please others and fit in to a societal view of what is appropriate. Go forth with confidence and a positive view of who you are and others will see you in the same light.
Not true for me. I’ve always been very outgoing and confident and aware of my worth (and educated and competent) but when I’m heavier SOME other people treat me like they need me to acknowledge my lesser (fatty) worth by piping down. Or I’ve been treated like I’m invisible. When I’m closer to goal weight, I get more respect and acceptance.
I’m with you as well. I feel like my personality has been the same throughout this whole process, but people use to just never give me the chance to get to know me because I wasn’t their idea of attractive. I feel like I’m being treated as if my presence is a lot more accepted and desired now that I lost weight.
It sounds like human nature is kinda lousy
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