Well, I'm obese again

SteveMFP123
SteveMFP123 Posts: 298 Member
edited November 20 in Health and Weight Loss
And I feel like *bleep*.

Long story short I was 320lbs back in July 2014, by July 2016 I was 205lbs and I felt great, fast forward to today and I'm 244lbs and I feel awful. My depression has been really bad so I've been comfort eating a lot and this is the result. I've known for awhile I had gained a lot of weight, the clothes I bought when I lost all the weight no longer fit and I feel so sluggish but it wasn't until today I had the balls to actually get on the scales and see the damage and I'm just kinda walking around like a zombie right now, so disappointed with myself.

So here I am again, I've dusted MFP off, put in my food for the week and I'm doing my grocery shopping online now, what I've noticed is my portion control has been non existent, I've just been throwing as much on my plate as I wanted, so going back to measuring and calorie counting will really help. It's quite fitting that I started my original journey in July 2014 and here I am in July 2017 restarting it.

I've made myself this desktop wallpaper for my computer as a reminder: http://i.imgur.com/wVmCjz7.png
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Replies

  • Old_Cat_Lady
    Old_Cat_Lady Posts: 1,193 Member
    SteveMFP123 wrote: »
    I'm doing my grocery shopping online now
    So this really helps?
  • PaulaWallaDingDong
    PaulaWallaDingDong Posts: 4,641 Member
    TheWJordinWJordin wrote: »
    SteveMFP123 wrote: »
    I'm doing my grocery shopping online now
    So this really helps?

    I can see how not having all the tempting things sitting directly in front of you could be helpful, though it doesn't seem to work that way for my family. :unamused:
  • SteveMFP123
    SteveMFP123 Posts: 298 Member
    edited July 2017
    SoDamnHungry wrote: »
    Give yourself a bit more credit. Sure, 40lbs is a large gain, but you're getting it under control now rather than waiting until you're back in the 300's. Go you! You can do it. Perhaps you could use exercise as a way to deal with stress rather than food?

    You know it's one of those things I tell myself I'm going to do, I know exercising would help with my depression, it has been proven to do so but I'm in such a rut right now, my life isn't in a good place in general ignoring the weight gain and I'm just really struggling to make positive decisions in general.
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    SteveMFP123 wrote: »
    I've been comfort eating a lot
    Does eating when not hungry comfort you? Does it make you feel comfortable? Could you think of more effective ways to handle emotions? Are you getting treatment for your depression? Can you talk openly about weight/eating/self image with your counselor?

    It does temporarily, whilst I'm eating pizza for example I'm not thinking about how depressed I am, I'm thinking how nice the food tastes and it does boost my spirits for a little while, but the next day I feel worse for being such a fat *kitten* who can't control himself, which makes me more depressed, it's a vicious cycle. I'm not currently seeking help although I really should be, my depression has got really bad the past 6 months or so after I got some bad news regarding my back which I've suffered with for a very long time due to my previous weight and lifestyle. I am in a lot of pain daily and it's not going to get better any time soon (I had two failed procedures and the specialist basically threw his hands up like he'd done all he could). This is when my weight gain really started to ramp up.


  • Saltine24
    Saltine24 Posts: 143 Member
    You may not think so but you are inspiring! Just the courage alone to open your eyes and realize you are on a downward slop is amazing. Way to go!!

    I had also lost weight in 2014-2016, then my mother fell ill and passed away last July, next week will be 1 whole year :'( for a long time I didn't care anymore, I was really depressed! Then I realized that I if I continued on this path and I might as well just start planning my own funeral and die, as at the time I didn't see the point of living if she wasn't here with me, some days I still don't! But then I thought I am still young & I would like to get married one day, have children & yes I WANT TO LIVE! so here I am trying to get back on my feet & taking things one day at a time :) It's all anyone can do!

    Good luck on your journey!
  • AmyOutOfControl
    AmyOutOfControl Posts: 1,425 Member
    edited July 2017
    TheWJordinWJordin wrote: »
    SteveMFP123 wrote: »
    I'm doing my grocery shopping online now
    So this really helps?

    It helps me. I am an impulse buyer. If I order grocery delivery through Instacart, I save myself from buying unnecessary crap food AND save money. Even with paying the tip I spend less. Plus, I can plan out meals for the week and write down an eating plan at the same time as I "shop".

    @SteveMFP123 Don't beat yourself up. You are still significantly lighter than when you started. I'm an emotional eater as well. It is a hard habit to break! You should see my MFP report - up and down (repeat). However, the general trend over two years is down. I take that as a victory.

    You caught the gain before it got out of control. Great job! Take a deep breath and begin again. You got this. :)
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,169 Member
    I'm very impressed that you are still 76 pounds down from where you started. That's amazing! Congrats on realizing you need to make some changes now.

    Depression is a horrid beast. It's important you see your doctor about it. Six months is a long time to have to deal with it on your own. (One rule of thumb is to seek help if your depression lasts longer than 2 weeks.) It can certainly make it more difficult to make positive choices. There's no reason to have to struggle so hard every day! I'm speaking from personal experience. I'm wishing you the absolute best. Take care and good luck!
  • donleejr85
    donleejr85 Posts: 5 Member
    In kinda the same boat. I got down from the dreaded 3s. To 190. Was awesome but I'm looking for aesthetics so I put on. Some weight to fill out.(no such thing as SOME WEIGHT)
    So reached back up to 230. I have been intermittent fasting and it helps with some of the crazy things like eating multiple times a day. And I know by time the fast starts to suck it's close to my eating window.
    It just looks like a self control issue so a plan of action on how you will be eating during the day should help
  • KhadijaBennett
    KhadijaBennett Posts: 2 Member
    Hi, please please don't make the situation worse by beating yourself up about gaining 40lb, consider the fact that you're not back where you were before and now you have the opportunity to pull it back before it gets out of hand.

    Depression is a b***h!! And no-one can say otherwise, there is no 'fix' for it and its not your fault that it's affecting you. Just the same as you can't expect it to fix its self.... However it is a symptom of many other thing so it might be worth nipping to the docs, get a blood test done and just rule out anything that could be compounding the issues such as you thyroid function.

    By all means check your food and weigh and measure but please make sure your not under eating!! It will not help! It sounds stupid I know but if you cut back too much it will slow down your progress and in turn demotivate you.

    I know with depression it's hard to get up and do exercise, but it's definitely worthwhile having a deep emotional search to see what's holding you back form doing things that you actually don't mind doing. If you can find a realistic way around it go for it! If not just try something new... Literally anything! Because every time you decide to do something to help yourself take a step forward to where you want to be will be a bonus!
    You are allowed to feel pride in every step you take in the right direction! And you are allowed to not beat yourself up if you didn't quite make it! Shake it off breathe and try again.

    I'm so so sorry it turned into an essay, I just wanted you to know that it's okay, you can move past this.

  • attmag
    attmag Posts: 8 Member
    Maintaining weight loss is so hard. I'm always looking for advice on that front. I have fluctuated from between 170 lbs and 130 lbs four or five times since 2012. I always feel so terrible when the weight starts inching back up. After gaining 8 lbs in the last 2 weeks, I'm now going back to weighing and tracking everything I eat in the hopes of reversing the tide. I'm also going to try to be more active in the MFP community. It helps keep me accountable. Good luck. Don't be so hard on yourself.
  • CattOfTheGarage
    CattOfTheGarage Posts: 2,745 Member
    Well done for realising before you had gone back over your starting weight, it's hard to admit to where you are at, pick yourself back up and start again, and you're doing that. And the best part is you've taken action before you undid all your good work. You're still 76lb lighter than when you started. What matters is where you go from here.

    You've got this.
  • SteveMFP123
    SteveMFP123 Posts: 298 Member
    edited July 2017
    Now is the time I tend to struggle, from 6pm onwards. I've just had my dinner (literally half the portion compared to last week, and it didn't feel like too little) but I won't make it to bed time without getting the urge to stuff my face with something, hopefully I can resist. I know from experience the first 1-2 weeks is really going to suck, but I'm already thinking about filling in my numbers next month (decided against weekly weigh ins).
  • taziarj
    taziarj Posts: 243 Member
    They say the chances of long term success are less than 5%.

    I was in the same situation as the OP. Starting out in the 320lbs range back in January 2012. By April 2013 I was down to 190lbs. I fluctuated between that and 225 through 2014. From 2014 on I slowly gained making it back up to 264 by February 2017. When I only had two shirts that still fit me, I knew I had to take action again. I didn't want to buy a whole new wardrobe. I knew I had to start tracking again and here I am now back down to 230 and still working at it.
  • Momepro
    Momepro Posts: 1,509 Member
    I've really noticed a difference in bring able to take care of my weight and general health after being put on a medication to help chronic exhaustion, sleep and depression issues. In my cade it was a cpap, provigil and 500mg htp-5.
    I'm not saying you need drugs, but look into getting the physical causes of depression fixed, because those are also the same things that contribute to obesity and overeating.
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
    Good for you that you caught it before you gained more back! You've got this my friend. You did it before and you will do it again. And by the way congratulations on such a huge loss. That's amazing. This is a process and we are all learning.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    SteveMFP123 wrote: »
    Now is the time I tend to struggle, from 6pm onwards. I've just had my dinner (literally half the portion compared to last week, and it didn't feel like too little) but I won't make it to bed time without getting the urge to stuff my face with something, hopefully I can resist. I know from experience the first 1-2 weeks is really going to suck, but I'm already thinking about filling in my numbers next month (decided against weekly weigh ins).
    Cravings are annoying, and they can be strong. It feels like a life/death situation, doesn't it, and it is - because eating enough is about staying alive. Getting enough to eat has always, up until the last few decades, been extremely difficult, so we are equipped with an appetite. Not eating has to be unpleasant in order to make us seek out food, and eat, to make that discomfort go away. But the voice in your head that is telling you to eat now, is too strong, misplaced, out of synch with reality. You have eaten enough. It's telling you to eat because in nature, an abundance of food is always followed by a long period of not getting enough to eat. Being surrounded by food all the time means to the more primitive parts of the brain: Eat all the foods! You have even imposed semi-starvation (mild, but it has to be some kind of conscious restriction) on yourself earlier, when losing weight. Trying to not eat when there are mountains of delicious food right in front of you, and everybody else are eating, and you are feeling like you are starving, and feel that you shouldn't eat, is torture.

    You need to engage the other parts of your brain, the neocortex and frontal lobes, the parts that are responsible for planning, thinking long term, judgement, analyzing complex problems, delaying gratification, in short, the parts that make us human. The parts that made that mountain of food possible, are also capable of handling it:

    Trying to fight yourself will almost certainly not work, not for long anyway. What if you did this instead:
    Remove temptation. Don't bring home any junk food. Don't seek out fast food joints. Bring lunch.
    Eat regularly, eat enough, eat food you like, eat more varied, and eat more mindfully.
    Think positively about food. Learn to cook. Get to know your ingredients, where they come from, how they taste, what they can do for your health and well-being. Eat with others whenever possible.
    Make eating your choice. Decide how many meals you'll be eating, what you'll be eating, and when. Stick to your plan.
    Don't try to distract yourself or suppress cravings, practice to tolerate them.
  • Duchy82
    Duchy82 Posts: 560 Member
    Well done for recognising the slippery slope of weight gain and stopping it in its tracks before being back to square one. You are still lighter now than you were at your heaviest.

    I would recommend getting some help for your depression it is an illness and you need some medical help whether it be counselling or tablets or both. Nothing to be ashamed of, and recognising it is a great step. My DH suffers from severe depression, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but I made him get help and he has been so much better since.

    As for the times where you struggle with food and wanting to snack, find something to do to occupy yourself, go for a walk around the block (good for weightloss and depression), find a hobby, occupy your hands so they can't reach for food, go and do something you enjoy and that wanting to eat mindset should go, if still peckish pick up and piece or fruit or raw veg to munch on fewer calories and will take a bit of time to chew, go back to keeping busy.

    Good luck!
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,943 Member
    @SteveMFP123 Don't beat yourself! Sometimes life just gets in the way. I've made the same experience after maintaining for over two years. Then some *kitten* happens, and more *kitten*, and more, and then I ended up testing all the different chocolates and crisps available here. I didn't gain as much as you, but it does pull you down additionally. I find that tracking food again gives my day much more structure and does help. I'm not sure I want to be back at my old lowest weight as I feel it was too low, but losing some that I've gained would be grant. Working on this now, and I do feel much better, and manage to organize at least one part of my life better now.
  • Mezzie1024
    Mezzie1024 Posts: 380 Member
    Sounds to me like you made a major change: you were able to catch yourself before you went back up to your starting weight. Also, you've been successful losing before, so you know what to do. I think you're going to be fine. :smile:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,988 Member
    SteveMFP123 wrote: »
    And I feel like *bleep*.

    Long story short I was 320lbs back in July 2014, by July 2016 I was 205lbs and I felt great, fast forward to today and I'm 244lbs and I feel awful. My depression has been really bad so I've been comfort eating a lot and this is the result. I've known for awhile I had gained a lot of weight, the clothes I bought when I lost all the weight no longer fit and I feel so sluggish but it wasn't until today I had the balls to actually get on the scales and see the damage and I'm just kinda walking around like a zombie right now, so disappointed with myself.

    So here I am again, I've dusted MFP off, put in my food for the week and I'm doing my grocery shopping online now, what I've noticed is my portion control has been non existent, I've just been throwing as much on my plate as I wanted, so going back to measuring and calorie counting will really help. It's quite fitting that I started my original journey in July 2014 and here I am in July 2017 restarting it.

    I've made myself this desktop wallpaper for my computer as a reminder: http://i.imgur.com/wVmCjz7.png
    First and foremost...............are you addressing your depression professionally?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • MrsLannister
    MrsLannister Posts: 347 Member
    SAMe and a good B complex has done more for my depression that any prescription or therapy ever did. Started it last month and have felt great since.
  • SteveMFP123
    SteveMFP123 Posts: 298 Member
    edited July 2017
    "ninerbuff wrote:
    First and foremost...............are you addressing your depression professionally?

    No I'm not, I've thought about seeing the doctor many times but I just never do, I don't really know why. I have what you'd call "situational" depression as opposed to "clinical" depression. There are problems with my life that cause me to be depressed, all of which are fixable, some more easily than others but after so many years I can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Losing weight was the only positive thing I've done with my life and I managed to almost undo that. I really should see someone though, I know that, but I've never been good at making the correct choices for myself which is why I'm in such a state now. Being back on the diet has given me something positive to focus on though at least, 4 days back on the horse and I haven't cheated yet.

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