Well, I'm obese again
SteveMFP123
Posts: 298 Member
And I feel like *bleep*.
Long story short I was 320lbs back in July 2014, by July 2016 I was 205lbs and I felt great, fast forward to today and I'm 244lbs and I feel awful. My depression has been really bad so I've been comfort eating a lot and this is the result. I've known for awhile I had gained a lot of weight, the clothes I bought when I lost all the weight no longer fit and I feel so sluggish but it wasn't until today I had the balls to actually get on the scales and see the damage and I'm just kinda walking around like a zombie right now, so disappointed with myself.
So here I am again, I've dusted MFP off, put in my food for the week and I'm doing my grocery shopping online now, what I've noticed is my portion control has been non existent, I've just been throwing as much on my plate as I wanted, so going back to measuring and calorie counting will really help. It's quite fitting that I started my original journey in July 2014 and here I am in July 2017 restarting it.
I've made myself this desktop wallpaper for my computer as a reminder: http://i.imgur.com/wVmCjz7.png
Long story short I was 320lbs back in July 2014, by July 2016 I was 205lbs and I felt great, fast forward to today and I'm 244lbs and I feel awful. My depression has been really bad so I've been comfort eating a lot and this is the result. I've known for awhile I had gained a lot of weight, the clothes I bought when I lost all the weight no longer fit and I feel so sluggish but it wasn't until today I had the balls to actually get on the scales and see the damage and I'm just kinda walking around like a zombie right now, so disappointed with myself.
So here I am again, I've dusted MFP off, put in my food for the week and I'm doing my grocery shopping online now, what I've noticed is my portion control has been non existent, I've just been throwing as much on my plate as I wanted, so going back to measuring and calorie counting will really help. It's quite fitting that I started my original journey in July 2014 and here I am in July 2017 restarting it.
I've made myself this desktop wallpaper for my computer as a reminder: http://i.imgur.com/wVmCjz7.png
14
Replies
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Good luck to you! I lost 70 lbs in 2013, from 240 to 169 and felt amazing, told myself I'd never be heavy again. Well, 2015-2016 I managed to gain it all back plus 6, so I was at 246 at the end of January. I'm now back down to 201 but it's still a daily struggle. I too emotionally eat. I love to be able to just grab food and eat it without worrying about logging or portioning but I now know that just won't work for me. Just stick with it! Getting back on the wagon is tough but a lot of us here are doing it with you so I hope you don't feel so alone.11
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So this really helps?SteveMFP123 wrote: »I'm doing my grocery shopping online now
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TheWJordinWJordin wrote: »
So this really helps?SteveMFP123 wrote: »I'm doing my grocery shopping online now
If it's in the house I'll eat it, so doing a weekly shop online is really good for me. Plus it's harder for me to walk past snacks than browse past them online.Good luck to you! I lost 70 lbs in 2013, from 240 to 169 and felt amazing, told myself I'd never be heavy again. Well, 2015-2016 I managed to gain it all back plus 6, so I was at 246 at the end of January. I'm now back down to 201 but it's still a daily struggle. I too emotionally eat. I love to be able to just grab food and eat it without worrying about logging or portioning but I now know that just won't work for me. Just stick with it! Getting back on the wagon is tough but a lot of us here are doing it with you so I hope you don't feel so alone.
It sounds like we're very similar, I too thought I could maintain without measuring and logging and that was a big mistake, this is going to be a life long struggle, but a worthwhile one. Hopefully I can bounce back as well as you have.8 -
TheWJordinWJordin wrote: »
So this really helps?SteveMFP123 wrote: »I'm doing my grocery shopping online now
I can see how not having all the tempting things sitting directly in front of you could be helpful, though it doesn't seem to work that way for my family.
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Give yourself a bit more credit. Sure, 40lbs is a large gain, but you're getting it under control now rather than waiting until you're back in the 300's. Go you! You can do it. Perhaps you could use exercise as a way to deal with stress rather than food?33
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Does eating when not hungry comfort you? Does it make you feel comfortable? Could you think of more effective ways to handle emotions? Are you getting treatment for your depression? Can you talk openly about weight/eating/self image with your counselor?SteveMFP123 wrote: »I've been comfort eating a lot
Try to get "as much as you want" in line with "as much as you need".my portion control has been non existent, I've just been throwing as much on my plate as I wanted
Decide how much you want to eat, and cook just the amount. Then you can eat all of it. Maybe that can work better.8 -
I used the math of weight loss for stress relief. Was such a freeing feeling being able to put the math down on a page and be able to predict and control and see results in something in my life. I find it comforting. Was a good boredom reliever to being like what would happen if i did this...Say a long walk every day for a month, Calculate the calories out and see where i could be. Then id math out 6 months. Often times motivated me to do it
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Hi There, Don't beat yourself up. I was 317 in 2005 I had Gastric Bypass and for 5 years I maintained 155. I went through a divorce and drama so my emotional habits came back with a vengeance and I gained 54 pounds! I then got depressed, angry and all the wonderful (sarcasm) emotions that come with the gain. Then the vicious cycle of what got me to 317, Atkins, South Beach, this diet that diet when finally one day I was feeling sick and I ended up with Reactive Hypoglycemia so my attitude bought me a lifelong battle. I finally found the lifestyle I live by now, Ketogenic which is not for everyone but it is Low Carb-High Fat-Moderate Protein and I have 33 of the 54 off. I got my butt back on here unfortunately I have to figure out my Net Carbs but its worth it. I stopped beating myself up that was the only way I got to where I am today. We are human, we fall off and we can't find success without failure. Each time you fall you get up stronger. No matter what you do including me Measurement and Portions are key. If you wing it, a taste here, a bite there all adds up. Look at the plus too, yes you gained again, but you are not 320 you are 244, an awesome 76 pounds lighter! So you are standing and stronger and you can do it!!!6
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SoDamnHungry wrote: »Give yourself a bit more credit. Sure, 40lbs is a large gain, but you're getting it under control now rather than waiting until you're back in the 300's. Go you! You can do it. Perhaps you could use exercise as a way to deal with stress rather than food?
You know it's one of those things I tell myself I'm going to do, I know exercising would help with my depression, it has been proven to do so but I'm in such a rut right now, my life isn't in a good place in general ignoring the weight gain and I'm just really struggling to make positive decisions in general.kommodevaran wrote: »
Does eating when not hungry comfort you? Does it make you feel comfortable? Could you think of more effective ways to handle emotions? Are you getting treatment for your depression? Can you talk openly about weight/eating/self image with your counselor?SteveMFP123 wrote: »I've been comfort eating a lot
It does temporarily, whilst I'm eating pizza for example I'm not thinking about how depressed I am, I'm thinking how nice the food tastes and it does boost my spirits for a little while, but the next day I feel worse for being such a fat *kitten* who can't control himself, which makes me more depressed, it's a vicious cycle. I'm not currently seeking help although I really should be, my depression has got really bad the past 6 months or so after I got some bad news regarding my back which I've suffered with for a very long time due to my previous weight and lifestyle. I am in a lot of pain daily and it's not going to get better any time soon (I had two failed procedures and the specialist basically threw his hands up like he'd done all he could). This is when my weight gain really started to ramp up.
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You may not think so but you are inspiring! Just the courage alone to open your eyes and realize you are on a downward slop is amazing. Way to go!!
I had also lost weight in 2014-2016, then my mother fell ill and passed away last July, next week will be 1 whole year
for a long time I didn't care anymore, I was really depressed! Then I realized that I if I continued on this path and I might as well just start planning my own funeral and die, as at the time I didn't see the point of living if she wasn't here with me, some days I still don't! But then I thought I am still young & I would like to get married one day, have children & yes I WANT TO LIVE! so here I am trying to get back on my feet & taking things one day at a time 
It's all anyone can do!
Good luck on your journey!2 -
TheWJordinWJordin wrote: »
So this really helps?SteveMFP123 wrote: »I'm doing my grocery shopping online now
It helps me. I am an impulse buyer. If I order grocery delivery through Instacart, I save myself from buying unnecessary crap food AND save money. Even with paying the tip I spend less. Plus, I can plan out meals for the week and write down an eating plan at the same time as I "shop".
@SteveMFP123 Don't beat yourself up. You are still significantly lighter than when you started. I'm an emotional eater as well. It is a hard habit to break! You should see my MFP report - up and down (repeat). However, the general trend over two years is down. I take that as a victory.
You caught the gain before it got out of control. Great job! Take a deep breath and begin again. You got this. 1 -
SteveMFP123 wrote: »SoDamnHungry wrote: »Give yourself a bit more credit. Sure, 40lbs is a large gain, but you're getting it under control now rather than waiting until you're back in the 300's. Go you! You can do it. Perhaps you could use exercise as a way to deal with stress rather than food?
You know it's one of those things I tell myself I'm going to do, I know exercising would help with my depression, it has been proven to do so but I'm in such a rut right now, my life isn't in a good place in general ignoring the weight gain and I'm just really struggling to make positive decisions in general.kommodevaran wrote: »
Does eating when not hungry comfort you? Does it make you feel comfortable? Could you think of more effective ways to handle emotions? Are you getting treatment for your depression? Can you talk openly about weight/eating/self image with your counselor?SteveMFP123 wrote: »I've been comfort eating a lot
It does temporarily, whilst I'm eating pizza for example I'm not thinking about how depressed I am, I'm thinking how nice the food tastes and it does boost my spirits for a little while, but the next day I feel worse for being such a fat *kitten* who can't control himself, which makes me more depressed, it's a vicious cycle. I'm not currently seeking help although I really should be, my depression has got really bad the past 6 months or so after I got some bad news regarding my back which I've suffered with for a very long time due to my previous weight and lifestyle. I am in a lot of pain daily and it's not going to get better any time soon (I had two failed procedures and the specialist basically threw his hands up like he'd done all he could). This is when my weight gain really started to ramp up.
I would get help for the depression and if your current medical team is unable to help you with the pain I would seek a second and if necessary, third opinion.
I know it may seem overwhelming, but you can get help with these issues.5 -
I'm very impressed that you are still 76 pounds down from where you started. That's amazing! Congrats on realizing you need to make some changes now.
Depression is a horrid beast. It's important you see your doctor about it. Six months is a long time to have to deal with it on your own. (One rule of thumb is to seek help if your depression lasts longer than 2 weeks.) It can certainly make it more difficult to make positive choices. There's no reason to have to struggle so hard every day! I'm speaking from personal experience. I'm wishing you the absolute best. Take care and good luck!4 -
In kinda the same boat. I got down from the dreaded 3s. To 190. Was awesome but I'm looking for aesthetics so I put on. Some weight to fill out.(no such thing as SOME WEIGHT)
So reached back up to 230. I have been intermittent fasting and it helps with some of the crazy things like eating multiple times a day. And I know by time the fast starts to suck it's close to my eating window.
It just looks like a self control issue so a plan of action on how you will be eating during the day should help3 -
Hi, please please don't make the situation worse by beating yourself up about gaining 40lb, consider the fact that you're not back where you were before and now you have the opportunity to pull it back before it gets out of hand.
Depression is a b***h!! And no-one can say otherwise, there is no 'fix' for it and its not your fault that it's affecting you. Just the same as you can't expect it to fix its self.... However it is a symptom of many other thing so it might be worth nipping to the docs, get a blood test done and just rule out anything that could be compounding the issues such as you thyroid function.
By all means check your food and weigh and measure but please make sure your not under eating!! It will not help! It sounds stupid I know but if you cut back too much it will slow down your progress and in turn demotivate you.
I know with depression it's hard to get up and do exercise, but it's definitely worthwhile having a deep emotional search to see what's holding you back form doing things that you actually don't mind doing. If you can find a realistic way around it go for it! If not just try something new... Literally anything! Because every time you decide to do something to help yourself take a step forward to where you want to be will be a bonus!
You are allowed to feel pride in every step you take in the right direction! And you are allowed to not beat yourself up if you didn't quite make it! Shake it off breathe and try again.
I'm so so sorry it turned into an essay, I just wanted you to know that it's okay, you can move past this.
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amymoreorless wrote: »TheWJordinWJordin wrote: »
So this really helps?SteveMFP123 wrote: »I'm doing my grocery shopping online now
It helps me. I am an impulse buyer. If I order grocery delivery through Instacart, I save myself from buying unnecessary crap food AND save money. Even with paying the tip I spend less. Plus, I can plan out meals for the week and write down an eating plan at the same time as I "shop".
@SteveMFP123 Don't beat yourself up. You are still significantly lighter than when you started. I'm an emotional eater as well. It is a hard habit to break! You should see my MFP report - up and down (repeat). However, the general trend over two years is down. I take that as a victory.
You caught the gain before it got out of control. Great job! Take a deep breath and begin again. You got this.
This. Many of us (ahem) have lost and then gained more than we lost in the first place. Statistically, this is the most likely outcome for people who lose weight, at least in the US.
Good luck to you.
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My pattern since puberty:
1. Measure portions, etc. Lose 20-ish pounds.
2. Think, "I got this. I'll just take a little break."
3. Slowly slide back up to where I was and a bit more.
I'm not HOPING this time will be different. This time feels different. I'm 66 and my weight has become a medical issue that must be dealt with. This is not a whim. This is a necessity. At the tender age of 66, I'm finally coming to the realization that I will need to keep track of how much I eat for the rest of my life. I can do this.5 -
Maintaining weight loss is so hard. I'm always looking for advice on that front. I have fluctuated from between 170 lbs and 130 lbs four or five times since 2012. I always feel so terrible when the weight starts inching back up. After gaining 8 lbs in the last 2 weeks, I'm now going back to weighing and tracking everything I eat in the hopes of reversing the tide. I'm also going to try to be more active in the MFP community. It helps keep me accountable. Good luck. Don't be so hard on yourself.2
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Well done for realising before you had gone back over your starting weight, it's hard to admit to where you are at, pick yourself back up and start again, and you're doing that. And the best part is you've taken action before you undid all your good work. You're still 76lb lighter than when you started. What matters is where you go from here.
You've got this.2 -
Now is the time I tend to struggle, from 6pm onwards. I've just had my dinner (literally half the portion compared to last week, and it didn't feel like too little) but I won't make it to bed time without getting the urge to stuff my face with something, hopefully I can resist. I know from experience the first 1-2 weeks is really going to suck, but I'm already thinking about filling in my numbers next month (decided against weekly weigh ins).0
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