If my fiance brings home one more package of Oreo's, I might go full-rage.
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If you know it's unfair, why did you even ask?
can you try an 'out of sight out of mind' deal? Where he has one specific drawer where he can put his stuff? Not 'hide' per se because then you are implying that what he is doing is 'wrong', just not in your immediate view when you open the cupboard.0 -
hollyshealthylife wrote: »You are correct it is unfair...
If you want to not eat oreos oh I don't know be an adult and say no I won't eat that????
and btw you can eat whatever you want in moderate quantities just like your husband and not gain weight...
I don't get why our partners need to change for us...esp if you won't change for him, because apparently you aren't willing to not eat his oreos...after all they are his...
Possibly the best advice I've ever seen here. 100%. So right. Should follow this everyday. Printing it out to stick on my mirror. Be an adult, and don't expect compromise in a partner. Got it. Winning in life now.
you forgot to add /sarcasm
but seriously he is compromising as per the OP...heHe graciously goes to the farmers market with me, spends time exercising with me, and overall is very wonderful.
so because he won't compromise more he is the one who is well...the bad one here...
she admitted in her post it was unfair...and me agreeing with her makes me the bad one too...interesting.
and like I said why should he change if she won't????? compromise is a good thing and he has done his share from what I read.
I think her post was tongue-in-cheek.2 -
hollyshealthylife wrote: »You are correct it is unfair...
If you want to not eat oreos oh I don't know be an adult and say no I won't eat that????
and btw you can eat whatever you want in moderate quantities just like your husband and not gain weight...
I don't get why our partners need to change for us...esp if you won't change for him, because apparently you aren't willing to not eat his oreos...after all they are his...
Possibly the best advice I've ever seen here. 100%. So right. Should follow this everyday. Printing it out to stick on my mirror. Be an adult, and don't expect compromise in a partner. Got it. Winning in life now.
you forgot to add /sarcasm
but seriously he is compromising as per the OP...heHe graciously goes to the farmers market with me, spends time exercising with me, and overall is very wonderful.
so because he won't compromise more he is the one who is well...the bad one here...
she admitted in her post it was unfair...and me agreeing with her makes me the bad one too...interesting.
and like I said why should he change if she won't????? compromise is a good thing and he has done his share from what I read.
I think her post was tongue-in-cheek.
which post? the OP or the one I responded to?1 -
I live with my two children. When I started counted calories last year, I stopped buying the sweets and junk food that I bought for years. About a month into this, my then 10 year old son got upset and asked me how it was fair that he and his sister had to suffer by not having treats just because I needed to lose weight. You know what? I thought about it and decided he was absolutely right. While I don't buy the quantities that I used to, I buy them "junk" to have in moderation. I just don't eat those things. Having said that, I won't buy my old favorites either such as Chunky Monkey ice cream, Tostitos tortilla chips, dark chocolate peanut butter cups etc... Just last week my son asked me to buy the Trader Joes dark chocolate peanut butter cups (I used to buy them all the time), and I had to say no. I know that it would be very hard for me to stay away from those. I told him that I learned that they were just too unhealthy to buy (those little bites of deliciousness are loaded with calories), but the true reason was me. lol.3
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I think her post was tongue-in-cheek.
which post? the OP or the one I responded to?
It was very much tongue-in-cheek. SezxyStef- You've never had a moment in your life where you notice yourself having a reaction to something that you know is irrational, it makes you laugh, and you want to share your "human-ness" with others?2 -
hollyshealthylife wrote: »You are correct it is unfair...
If you want to not eat oreos oh I don't know be an adult and say no I won't eat that????
and btw you can eat whatever you want in moderate quantities just like your husband and not gain weight...
I don't get why our partners need to change for us...esp if you won't change for him, because apparently you aren't willing to not eat his oreos...after all they are his...
Possibly the best advice I've ever seen here. 100%. So right. Should follow this everyday. Printing it out to stick on my mirror. Be an adult, and don't expect compromise in a partner. Got it. Winning in life now.
you forgot to add /sarcasm
but seriously he is compromising as per the OP...heHe graciously goes to the farmers market with me, spends time exercising with me, and overall is very wonderful.
so because he won't compromise more he is the one who is well...the bad one here...
she admitted in her post it was unfair...and me agreeing with her makes me the bad one too...interesting.
and like I said why should he change if she won't????? compromise is a good thing and he has done his share from what I read.
Agreed. I can't imagine having to sneak around to eat food.2 -
It was very much tongue-in-cheek. SezxyStef- You've never had a moment in your life where you notice yourself having a reaction to something that you know is irrational, it makes you laugh, and you want to share your "human-ness" with others?
yes I have heard lots of people say things that aren't quite nice or downright mean and chalk it up to "just joking" but in reality they aren't really...but they can make it sound like they are.
but Yes I see "irrational" responses within myself but the difference is that I don't joke about them because they are rooted somewhere so I dig deep to find out what is going on.
For example you are upset he can eat whatever he wants (or so it appears)...you are upset that he won't stop bringing "junk food" into the house...and you want him to...find out why you are upset even if it is irrational (because yes you are correct it is) but joking it off doesn't change anything about how you are feeling...
and sharing in public well then you should have expected someone or a few someone's to call you out on it...
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It was very much tongue-in-cheek. SezxyStef- You've never had a moment in your life where you notice yourself having a reaction to something that you know is irrational, it makes you laugh, and you want to share your "human-ness" with others?
yes I have heard lots of people say things that aren't quite nice or downright mean and chalk it up to "just joking" but in reality they aren't really...but they can make it sound like they are.
but Yes I see "irrational" responses within myself but the difference is that I don't joke about them because they are rooted somewhere so I dig deep to find out what is going on.
For example you are upset he can eat whatever he wants (or so it appears)...you are upset that he won't stop bringing "junk food" into the house...and you want him to...find out why you are upset even if it is irrational (because yes you are correct it is) but joking it off doesn't change anything about how you are feeling...
and sharing in public well then you should have expected someone or a few someone's to call you out on it...
Or sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and the cookie has to die.
But seriously, I understand exactly what you're saying, and this isn't my first time at the thought-emotion-response cognitive behavioral rodeo. I don't mind sharing my fallibility with others, and don't mind being called out. I've actually enjoyed reading your responses. Just trying to clarify my intent so I don't misrepresent myself.
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I draw the line at preparing food I can't eat. However, my husband can have what he likes, as long as he doesn't flaunt it. He has a separate place for junk foods, and house rules are that he doesn't eat in front of me unless I am also eating something. He used to graze constantly and it was exhausting not to want to eat something while watching it.2
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I have a "treat drawer" for the kids. It's actually a Rubbermaid tote that is tucked in a cupboard, and every morning I take out one treat (chocolate dipped granola bars, rice krispie squares, small chip bags, ring pops, etc.) for each of the kids. For the rest of the day they can eat yogurt, fruits, veggies, etc. This doesn't mean I never touch it...sometimes I'm just having a really rotten day and I eat a little bit of everything
or sometimes I have the calories for one treat so I have that. But for the most part, having it put away out of sight really helps my self-control. I've done this for years though, not just now. They've learned the difference between "snacks" and "treats" and I'm hoping that will help them a bit to avoid the many pitfalls with food that I have experienced over the years. 
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PS I did a round of Whole30 last summer, and the first few days were tough, but after that I found it really easy and I actually loved the food I was eating. Try prosciutto instead of bacon...you can have loads more! In 30 days my psoriasis went away on all my extremities (it's only still very slightly on my scalp) and has not come back since (this is after 20+ years of it coming and going, but never totally cleared up like this for over a year!). I just found it too difficult to maintain long-term because of my hubby and five kids, but I would definitely do it again for myself if I was feeling blah or my psoriasis became a problem again.5
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open the bag and just start belting them at him hard!, blame it all on hormones.3
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PS I did a round of Whole30 last summer, and the first few days were tough, but after that I found it really easy and I actually loved the food I was eating. Try prosciutto instead of bacon...you can have loads more! In 30 days my psoriasis went away on all my extremities (it's only still very slightly on my scalp) and has not come back since (this is after 20+ years of it coming and going, but never totally cleared up like this for over a year!). I just found it too difficult to maintain long-term because of my hubby and five kids, but I would definitely do it again for myself if I was feeling blah or my psoriasis became a problem again.
That's awesome! I don't maintain it long term either, I just use it as a bit of a detox. Someone had posted earlier about it not being a true detox, which I totally agree with, but mentally and behaviorally it serves as a detox from some bad habits around food choices/eating patterns. I like structure, so it serves that purpose for me as well. I definitely noticed myself sleeping better, my skin and hair looked much healthier, but I was pretty "hangry" the first week. 0 -
KANGOOJUMPS wrote: »open the bag and just start belting them at him hard!, blame it all on hormones.
LOL. He'd love that idea.
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I showed him the gif of the Raisin Bran box, he thought that was awesome!3
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CaliMomTeach wrote: »I live with my two children. When I started counted calories last year, I stopped buying the sweets and junk food that I bought for years. About a month into this, my then 10 year old son got upset and asked me how it was fair that he and his sister had to suffer by not having treats just because I needed to lose weight. You know what? I thought about it and decided he was absolutely right. While I don't buy the quantities that I used to, I buy them "junk" to have in moderation. I just don't eat those things. Having said that, I won't buy my old favorites either such as Chunky Monkey ice cream, Tostitos tortilla chips, dark chocolate peanut butter cups etc... Just last week my son asked me to buy the Trader Joes dark chocolate peanut butter cups (I used to buy them all the time), and I had to say no. I know that it would be very hard for me to stay away from those. I told him that I learned that they were just too unhealthy to buy (those little bites of deliciousness are loaded with calories), but the true reason was me. lol.
OTOH- Not necessarily a bad idea for them to get used to that stuff not always being in the house, but to view them truly as the "sometimes foods" (as they apparently call them when trying to teach simple nutrition to children) you have occasionally (rather than at least once every day). ..Instead stopping at the ice cream stand during a bike ride or the bodega for a candy bar if out for a walk or a day of shopping (ie more of a special occasional treat). The older generations (whose population wasn't largely overweight) can chime in here if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing these types of hyper-palatable calorie-dense items weren't available back then with remotely near the daily+ frequency that our generations have come to expect.4 -
CaliMomTeach wrote: »I live with my two children. When I started counted calories last year, I stopped buying the sweets and junk food that I bought for years. About a month into this, my then 10 year old son got upset and asked me how it was fair that he and his sister had to suffer by not having treats just because I needed to lose weight. You know what? I thought about it and decided he was absolutely right. While I don't buy the quantities that I used to, I buy them "junk" to have in moderation. I just don't eat those things. Having said that, I won't buy my old favorites either such as Chunky Monkey ice cream, Tostitos tortilla chips, dark chocolate peanut butter cups etc... Just last week my son asked me to buy the Trader Joes dark chocolate peanut butter cups (I used to buy them all the time), and I had to say no. I know that it would be very hard for me to stay away from those. I told him that I learned that they were just too unhealthy to buy (those little bites of deliciousness are loaded with calories), but the true reason was me. lol.
OTOH- Not necessarily a bad idea for them to get used to that stuff not always being in the house, but to view them truly as the "sometimes foods" (as they apparently call them when trying to teach simple nutrition to children) you have occasionally (rather than at least once every day). ..Instead stopping at the ice cream stand during a bike ride or the bodega for a candy bar if out for a walk or a day of shopping (ie more of a special occasional treat). The older generations (whose population wasn't largely overweight) can chime in here if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing these types of hyper-palatable calorie-dense items weren't available back then with remotely near the daily+ frequency that our generations have come to expect.
My mother was with you...so as an adult I have fruit loops in the house all the time...
I prefer to teach them to moderate themselves and take personal responsibility for their choices...all of them.
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CaliMomTeach wrote: »I live with my two children. When I started counted calories last year, I stopped buying the sweets and junk food that I bought for years. About a month into this, my then 10 year old son got upset and asked me how it was fair that he and his sister had to suffer by not having treats just because I needed to lose weight. You know what? I thought about it and decided he was absolutely right. While I don't buy the quantities that I used to, I buy them "junk" to have in moderation. I just don't eat those things. Having said that, I won't buy my old favorites either such as Chunky Monkey ice cream, Tostitos tortilla chips, dark chocolate peanut butter cups etc... Just last week my son asked me to buy the Trader Joes dark chocolate peanut butter cups (I used to buy them all the time), and I had to say no. I know that it would be very hard for me to stay away from those. I told him that I learned that they were just too unhealthy to buy (those little bites of deliciousness are loaded with calories), but the true reason was me. lol.
OTOH- Not necessarily a bad idea for them to get used to that stuff not always being in the house, but to view them truly as the "sometimes foods" (as they apparently call them when trying to teach simple nutrition to children) you have occasionally (rather than at least once every day). ..Instead stopping at the ice cream stand during a bike ride or the bodega for a candy bar if out for a walk or a day of shopping (ie more of a special occasional treat). The older generations (whose population wasn't largely overweight) can chime in here if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing these types of hyper-palatable calorie-dense items weren't available back then with remotely near the daily+ frequency that our generations have come to expect.
My mother was with you...so as an adult I have fruit loops in the house all the time...
I prefer to teach them to moderate themselves and take personal responsibility for their choices...all of them.
Your responses seem to swing to the extreme end of interpretation of others' comments. I'm not sure how you got from her comment that she's advocating anything other than moderation.6 -
CaliMomTeach wrote: »I live with my two children. When I started counted calories last year, I stopped buying the sweets and junk food that I bought for years. About a month into this, my then 10 year old son got upset and asked me how it was fair that he and his sister had to suffer by not having treats just because I needed to lose weight. You know what? I thought about it and decided he was absolutely right. While I don't buy the quantities that I used to, I buy them "junk" to have in moderation. I just don't eat those things. Having said that, I won't buy my old favorites either such as Chunky Monkey ice cream, Tostitos tortilla chips, dark chocolate peanut butter cups etc... Just last week my son asked me to buy the Trader Joes dark chocolate peanut butter cups (I used to buy them all the time), and I had to say no. I know that it would be very hard for me to stay away from those. I told him that I learned that they were just too unhealthy to buy (those little bites of deliciousness are loaded with calories), but the true reason was me. lol.
OTOH- Not necessarily a bad idea for them to get used to that stuff not always being in the house, but to view them truly as the "sometimes foods" (as they apparently call them when trying to teach simple nutrition to children) you have occasionally (rather than at least once every day). ..Instead stopping at the ice cream stand during a bike ride or the bodega for a candy bar if out for a walk or a day of shopping (ie more of a special occasional treat). The older generations (whose population wasn't largely overweight) can chime in here if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing these types of hyper-palatable calorie-dense items weren't available back then with remotely near the daily+ frequency that our generations have come to expect.
My mother was with you...so as an adult I have fruit loops in the house all the time...
I prefer to teach them to moderate themselves and take personal responsibility for their choices...all of them.
Your responses seem to swing to the extreme end of interpretation of others' comments. I'm not sure how you got from her comment that she's advocating anything other than moderation.
How is this considered moderation (see items in quotes) and not sure what you mean that I swing to the extreme end...no where is the word moderation used..."special occasional treat" is not moderation...moderation is avoiding extremes and having "special occiasional treat" is an extreme imo
"Not necessarily a bad idea for them to get used to that stuff not always being in the house, but to view them truly as the "sometimes foods"
"more of a special occasional treat"
and I did answer the question...
"The older generations (whose population wasn't largely overweight) can chime in here if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing these types of hyper-palatable calorie-dense items weren't available back then with remotely near the daily+ frequency that our generations have come to expect"
I don't see excluding foods from my house as teaching moderation...it is an exclusion to prevent what??? teaching kids that these things taste good but you have to be careful with eating too much of it as it can cause weight gain????
why not have granola bars in the house if the kids like them? all the time? as a once a day treat?
What is wrong with it?
Making it only available in the house "sometimes" is not something I believe in based on a lot of different thing...experience, reading etc.
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CaliMomTeach wrote: »I live with my two children. When I started counted calories last year, I stopped buying the sweets and junk food that I bought for years. About a month into this, my then 10 year old son got upset and asked me how it was fair that he and his sister had to suffer by not having treats just because I needed to lose weight. You know what? I thought about it and decided he was absolutely right. While I don't buy the quantities that I used to, I buy them "junk" to have in moderation. I just don't eat those things. Having said that, I won't buy my old favorites either such as Chunky Monkey ice cream, Tostitos tortilla chips, dark chocolate peanut butter cups etc... Just last week my son asked me to buy the Trader Joes dark chocolate peanut butter cups (I used to buy them all the time), and I had to say no. I know that it would be very hard for me to stay away from those. I told him that I learned that they were just too unhealthy to buy (those little bites of deliciousness are loaded with calories), but the true reason was me. lol.
OTOH- Not necessarily a bad idea for them to get used to that stuff not always being in the house, but to view them truly as the "sometimes foods" (as they apparently call them when trying to teach simple nutrition to children) you have occasionally (rather than at least once every day). ..Instead stopping at the ice cream stand during a bike ride or the bodega for a candy bar if out for a walk or a day of shopping (ie more of a special occasional treat). The older generations (whose population wasn't largely overweight) can chime in here if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing these types of hyper-palatable calorie-dense items weren't available back then with remotely near the daily+ frequency that our generations have come to expect.
My mother was with you...so as an adult I have fruit loops in the house all the time...
I prefer to teach them to moderate themselves and take personal responsibility for their choices...all of them.
Your responses seem to swing to the extreme end of interpretation of others' comments. I'm not sure how you got from her comment that she's advocating anything other than moderation.
How is this considered moderation (see items in quotes) and not sure what you mean that I swing to the extreme end...no where is the word moderation used..."special occasional treat" is not moderation...moderation is avoiding extremes and having "special occiasional treat" is an extreme imo
"Not necessarily a bad idea for them to get used to that stuff not always being in the house, but to view them truly as the "sometimes foods"
"more of a special occasional treat"
and I did answer the question...
"The older generations (whose population wasn't largely overweight) can chime in here if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing these types of hyper-palatable calorie-dense items weren't available back then with remotely near the daily+ frequency that our generations have come to expect"
I don't see excluding foods from my house as teaching moderation...it is an exclusion to prevent what??? teaching kids that these things taste good but you have to be careful with eating too much of it as it can cause weight gain????
why not have granola bars in the house if the kids like them? all the time? as a once a day treat?
What is wrong with it?
Making it only available in the house "sometimes" is not something I believe in based on a lot of different thing...experience, reading etc.
I consider all of the items you quoted to be " moderation" . I guess I think having treats daily, and weekly depending on the food, is not moderation for me. It's moderation/ self control to not even buy it. They would go stale if kept in the house, so no need to keep them. It looks like we all have a different level/idea of moderation.1
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