Discussing food and weight with your teenager

Javagal2778

I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?

cmtigger

I'd talk to her doctor first and make sure it's not just developing into a more adult woman body.

allyphoe

Mom of 14yo here. Make no comments on her weight, appearance, or eating habits. None. Not any. Mouth closed.

Jthanmyfitnesspal

Demonstrate as excellent a lifestyle as you can in all possible ways. They pay pretty close attention to what we do.

Javagal2778

Thanks everyone! I will keep my mouth shut.

Momepro

But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.

Mr_Knight

Two teenagers here. I consider it part of my parental duties to teach them sustainable, intelligent approach to making food choices. They both know how to log their intake, monitor their exercise, and have basic understanding of caloric and macro requirements.

I give them tools and perspective - they make choices.

cmtigger

Momepro wrote: »

But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.

It seriously depends on the kid, not the sex. My sister and I struggled to keep enough weight on our growing bodies until we were well out of our teens. I was slightly underweight until almost 30. And I ate a lot.

150poundsofme

I second what alloypoe has said. And she will always remember your not being happy with who she is.

MichelleSilverleaf

Momepro wrote: »

But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.

There are good and bad ways to be honest though. I don't know how helpful it would be to emphasize your point, especially since it won't be true for every girl. My sister didn't start gaining weight until after her second baby, everyone consistently questioned whether she ate enough (she did) or had an eating disorder growing up (she didn't) because she was so thin. If a parent wants to be honest with their teenager then point out the average healthy weight range for their stats and that while it's a good idea to try and make good food choices there's nothing wrong with having fun and enjoying some pizza or something either.

smh_cliff

You could invite her to join you in whatever exercise you do perhaps, without mentioning her food choices or weight? Just say you think it would be fun to spend some time together?

tinkerbellang83

I do not have any kids but as someone who was always struggling with body image in my teens, I personally agree with most comments above about not mentioning her weight or body shape, but perhaps you can encourage her activity levels by getting out together to do some stuff.

amandacalories

I agree you shouldn't say anything. Teens are already hyper aware of what they look like and think that everyone is judging them. It's also unlikely that they would say anything to their parents about those feelings.

I remember when I was young my mom made some comment about how eating X amount of calories would make you fat. She wasn't criticizing me at all but the comment still stuck with me and when I was a teen I ate less then 1000 calories because I thought that was how you stayed/became thin. Not that I think every teen would react like that but my point is you have to be very aware of what you're saying and how it could potentially be taken in the mind of a young person.

Anyway, it's great that you want to help your daughter build sustainable and healthy habits. Taking care of yourself in a positive way is a good thing for her to see.

TavistockToad

Javagal2778 wrote: »

I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?

there is a difference between 'filling out' which you would expect a 14 year old to do, and 'getting fat'?

personally i am not convinced that her watching you meticulously weighing and measuring is a good thing, have you had a conversation about why you need to do that?

snickerscharlie

Momepro wrote: »

But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.

Puberty is also a really good time for girls to go through a growth spurt.

OP, unless your daughter is getting into obese territory wait it out or talk to her pediatrician about any concerns you have.

Javagal2778

TavistockToad wrote: »

Javagal2778 wrote: »

I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?

there is a difference between 'filling out' which you would expect a 14 year old to do, and 'getting fat'?

personally i am not convinced that her watching you meticulously weighing and measuring is a good thing, have you had a conversation about why you need to do that?

I was actually worried when I started because I don't want to give her, or my other two children, a skewed view of food and exercise. I have tried to put the focus on me getting healthier and how much better I feel, sleep, activity levels. I still get treats in, almost daily, and they see me making those choices, too. I'm hoping that it's a healthy balanced example.
I really like the idea of doing activities with her. I bought a TRX kit for our vacation and she has been doing it with me. I'm going to get my husband to give it a permanent home so we can keep it up consistently at home.

kazminchu

+1 for don't say anything. When I was growing up, my mum (who is somewhere around 300lbs at a guess) would constantly bug me about about my weight, saying things like "I don't want you to end up like me" and "I love you as you are but other people will say mean things". It completely crippled my self-esteem, and led to me being a secret binge eater, eating my emotions and getting to 245lbs almost to spite her.

I lost almost 100lbs within a year or moving out of that house. She has since asked me to "have words" with my 18 year old sister who is going down the same road. I have flat out refused as in my experience, the more you harass a teenager about something, the more they will rebel and actively do the opposite. And it is mentally damaging at such a difficult time of life!

VeronicaA76

Mom of a soon to be 16yr old girl. Encourage, but do not force physical activity. "Why don't you go to the park with your friends, it's a beautiful day out". When you talk about food use health as a meter, not fat or calories. Why should they eat more vegetables: because it's healthy, that's it! Not because of calories or to help you lose weight, but healthy!. This way it's a concern for overall health and not appearance. Yes, weight will be affected by eating more veggies and less "junk" because of lower calories, but that's just a side effect. Also, hormones can have a huge impact of weight gain or loss, so long as she's normal - do not worry. My daughter started getting a bit chubby at 14, 6 months later she was 6" taller, and looked slightly underweight. She's normal now. Remember, their bodies are going through some major changes until they are about 18-23 for girls and 20-25 for boys.

BoxerBrawler

Don't talk about it but be a good example. She's watching you and maybe she doesn't appear to care or notice now, but she does.

JasmineDiver22

I agree 100% with @Jthanmyfitnesspal I'm 23 years old and grew up in an Italian family that ate whatever they want, when they want, how ever much they wanted. I do somewhat blame them for passing that life style on to me when I was younger and became big very fast and those habits brought into my adult life. If you can catch her now @ 14 and If you eat healthy around her and/or talk about exercising, I promise you she will be watching you and most likely want to join you and hopefully it'll save her from future misery of being obese! Good luck!!