Discussing food and weight with your teenager
Replies
-
Take it from someone who was overweight as a teen and had a mother that did nothing but criticize; in my teen mind of "rebellion" it only made me want to eat more and ended with me going crazy with food when I went to college and ending up obese. When I lost weight I only did it because it was MY decision and did it for ME. I know you are coming from a place of love and caring but your daughter may see it is criticism and disapproval, I often thought my mothers love was tied to what I ate as a teen even though she never approached it that way. If she starts to develop health issues surrounding weight let her doctor be the one to talk to her about it, absolutely be there to support her but leave it to the professionals to tell her to lose weight. As others have said, be a good example and support her with your habits.4
-
We are very open and blunt in my family. I told my teenagers the same thing my mom told me. If you eat too much you'll get fat. If you eat nothing but junk food you'll be unhealthy. By the time they were teenagers they'd heard quite a bit about nutrition. I always thought teaching my children about a balanced diet was part of my job as a parent so it wasn't news to them.10
-
Mom of 14yo here. Make no comments on her weight, appearance, or eating habits. None. Not any. Mouth closed.
Would you say this even if the teenager becomes overweight or even obese? Just sit by and watch your child destroy her health? Would you say the same if she were drinking alcohol or smoking or in some other way endangering her health?8 -
suzannesimmons3 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Mom of 14yo here. Make no comments on her weight, appearance, or eating habits. None. Not any. Mouth closed.
Would you say this even if the teenager becomes overweight or even obese? Just sit by and watch your child destroy her health? Would you say the same if she were drinking alcohol or smoking or in some other way endangering her health?
For all of the above you can preach until you are blue but they will do what they want regardless.
There is a very big difference in preaching and discussing.6 -
But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.
Nonsense. Puberty is when *both* genders put on more weight as they change from a childlike body into that of an adult. Girls are supposed to develop increased fat stores and hips at this point, because it's preparation for what would be expected and needed as a woman to carry a fetus. That doesn't mean that a girl who gains weight is doing anything wrong. It means that a girl is going through completely normal processes.8 -
suzannesimmons3 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »suzannesimmons3 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Mom of 14yo here. Make no comments on her weight, appearance, or eating habits. None. Not any. Mouth closed.
Would you say this even if the teenager becomes overweight or even obese? Just sit by and watch your child destroy her health? Would you say the same if she were drinking alcohol or smoking or in some other way endangering her health?
For all of the above you can preach until you are blue but they will do what they want regardless.
There is a very big difference in preaching and discussing.
Not in a teens mind.
Depends on the teen I suppose. But probably more on the parent. But I would say if you haven't ever discussed nutrition and diet before a child reaches their teens you probably have already lost that battle. It's better to teach how not to develop a problem than to try to correct after a problem exists.15 -
I don't approach the subject of eating much aside from pointing out occasionally that my daughter might need to consider more protein and less junk (for health reasons). She will still say things like, "so you think I'm getting fat?" to which I have to remind her that I am talking about healthy choices and never weight.
I also try to encourage activity - for health reasons and stress relief and the like. When she's stressed or upset, she has twice now said, "I'm going to take a walk," so maybe some part of that got through.
I don't talk about weight except to remind her that she's beautiful when she complains about her hips. Teen girls are so self conscious and touchy. She's not overweight; I just want her to create good habits.
They are so touchy. It's a slippery slope.7 -
I agree with those that say to encourage more physical activity. When I was growing up my mom nagged me all the time about eating, and I wasn't fat or overweight. I weighed about 105 lbs. during highschool. I realized later in life that my mom had her own eating/food issues, and I think that's why she kept on me--projection. I didn't have weight problems until later when I was living on my own, but she did not teach me about nutrition at all. In fact, she couldn't cook so I did most of the cooking. I did learn how to cook and knew enough about nutrition, but her nagging did leave me with some body/self esteem issues.
I don't have children myself, but aside from encouraging physical activity and participating in it as a family if possible, if I were a mom, I would include my children in planning and cooking meals. Who plans the meals and cooks in your home? Do the children help? This would be a way to positively help her to understand about nutrition, so that she learns how to plan, understands what is going into the meals and how to prepare them.5 -
As someone who started to "fill out" when she was 9 and continued until she ballooned up into obese territory for two decades, I honestly wish someone had sat down with me and had a discussion about my weight and health. I knew I was bigger than the other people my age, and it affected my self-esteem hugely, but my family never said anything to me and never modeled healthy eating habits. My mother was overweight but not hugely so, and my father had to be under a certain weight for the military, but we weren't very active as a family and things that should have been "sometimes" treats were an every day occurrence (or even twice a day). No one in my family ever criticized my weight - they never spoke about my weight/health at all. Who knows if someone had honestly and kindly spoken to me about my weight, maybe I wouldn't have been obese through my teens and 20s and left with all the physical and emotional scars that brings?
I don't have kids yet, but I'd hope that we could have honest conversations about nutrition, weight, fitness and health. Your daughter could just be putting on some weight for a growth spurt, and talking to her doctor about your concerns would be my first go-to response. However, there's no reason not to have conversations about nutrition and fitness - always from the perspective of being healthy and taking care of the only body we get.12 -
lucerorojo wrote: »I agree with those that say to encourage more physical activity. When I was growing up my mom nagged me all the time about eating, and I wasn't fat or overweight. I weighed about 105 lbs. during highschool. I realized later in life that my mom had her own eating/food issues, and I think that's why she kept on me--projection. I didn't have weight problems until later when I was living on my own, but she did not teach me about nutrition at all. In fact, she couldn't cook so I did most of the cooking. I did learn how to cook and knew enough about nutrition, but her nagging did leave me with some body/self esteem issues.
I don't have children myself, but aside from encouraging physical activity and participating in it as a family if possible, if I were a mom, I would include my children in planning and cooking meals. Who plans the meals and cooks in your home? Do the children help? This would be a way to positively help her to understand about nutrition, so that she learns how to plan, understands what is going into the meals and how to prepare them.
I love this idea, thanks!
0 -
You make most of the meals, I assume? Just make those the best healthiest things they can be and it could help offset some of her choices. I have a history of eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum so my mum never commented on my weight as a teen or even at my heaviest a couple of years ago, which I appreciated, but she would always try to make me food that was going to help me. Not even necessarily 'low calorie' or 'high calorie' depending on where my weight was, just lots of vegetables and good stuff. To be honest, it was eerie how sneaky she was about giving me good food. I never questioned it that way because that's just what mums do isn't it? Take care of you with food? JSYK, my mum never under/overfed me, she suffered an ED in her teens/early 20s too and takes great pains to be as healthy about food/portion sizes/types of food (nothing is off limits) as she can without ever imposing anything on me and my brother, so my weight gain was all self imposed emotional eating. In fact, I would have never known she had an ED if I hadn't seen pictures of her and asked her about it.
If your daughter actually becomes overweight then I might consider saying something just because I know now how much I wish someone had stopped me from gaining. Tell it to her straight: it's not about the weight, it's about her health which will suffer the bigger she gets. If she still wants to eat whatever she wants, you know you've said your piece. I think it's about how you frame it. Health over aesthetic.
About her hips though, I'd ask her if it's general complaining or if she's actually upset about how they look. Just because if she's truly unhappy with a part of her body then that's something you guys need to talk about. If reassuring her isn't working then maybe she needs to address what upsets her about them. I only say that because if you can nip body image issues in the bud then she'll be a lot happier in the long term. Good luck with your daughter, you probably don't have anything to worry about but it's good you're aware of it before/if it starts.
1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »Javagal2778 wrote: »I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?
there is a difference between 'filling out' which you would expect a 14 year old to do, and 'getting fat'?
personally i am not convinced that her watching you meticulously weighing and measuring is a good thing, have you had a conversation about why you need to do that?
This. Also re. encouraging physical activity: while logical and healthy, this could very much be seen as a judgment about daughter's body/weight, especially if it's a new thing. Teens aren't stupid; they can sense judgment even if it's not explicit (or even if it's imaginary in some cases). Tread lightly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WKRsHgYIoE
2 -
TavistockToad wrote: »Javagal2778 wrote: »I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?
there is a difference between 'filling out' which you would expect a 14 year old to do, and 'getting fat'?
personally i am not convinced that her watching you meticulously weighing and measuring is a good thing, have you had a conversation about why you need to do that?
This. Also re. encouraging physical activity: while logical and healthy, this could very much be seen as a judgment about daughter's body/weight, especially if it's a new thing. Teens aren't stupid; they can sense judgment even if it's not explicit (or even if it's imaginary in some cases). Tread lightly.
This. My dad used to always tell me guys wouldn't like that I walked too fast or wore clothes that were too baggy (it was the late 80's/early 90's) I brushed it off, but it still hurt.
Then when fashions got more fittedhe would send me back to my apartment to change before taking the family out to dinner! Couldn't win.2 -
I would personally not buy junk food or soda and if she mentions it say it's because you can't trust yourself with it. And have lots of yummy cut up veggies and fruit and nuts. As we all know, it's a lot easier to take off five pounds than 40.4
-
TavistockToad wrote: »Javagal2778 wrote: »I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?
there is a difference between 'filling out' which you would expect a 14 year old to do, and 'getting fat'?
personally i am not convinced that her watching you meticulously weighing and measuring is a good thing, have you had a conversation about why you need to do that?
This. Also re. encouraging physical activity: while logical and healthy, this could very much be seen as a judgment about daughter's body/weight, especially if it's a new thing. Teens aren't stupid; they can sense judgment even if it's not explicit (or even if it's imaginary in some cases). Tread lightly.
This could be true, especially if the encouragement is something new. If she is getting heavier she'll know it. And if you suddenly start encouraging her to exercise she will likely tie that in her mind to the extra weight.2 -
My husband and I eat well and exercise a lot, so it just seemed normal to say to our kids when they stopped playing little league, etc., "Want go for a run with me?" My 12 yr old daughter is actually taking teen spin with me tonight. So it's never been a judgment thing or related to weight. My kids do see that I weigh and portion out my food, and I have explained that in order to stay the size I am at, I have to be careful about how much and what I eat. we do say things like, "Not going to eat a pizza tonight, we just went out for dinner last night so I'm making grilled chicken" as part of the way we talk about eating healthy.
I don't tell them when I am dieting but it's not obvious because I always am watching quantities--they don't know I'm eating 3/4 a cup of cooked oatmeal instead of a cup, etc. So far so good in terms of no body image issues I perceive (beyond my 14 yr old son wanting a six pack--I think that's akin to a teen girl wanting boobs!) and they are at healthy weights...I would hope that if they started to get above a healthy weight range, they'd understand the "eat less after you ate more" concept we've always modeled.5 -
Prepare healthy (high-volume with lots of veggies and protein) meals for your family and stay active with your daughter. Bike rides, walks, whatever interests the both of you. It's a great time to bond while doing something active.
My mom said some nasty things to me when I was a young, slightly-pudgy teenager that still stick with me and make me feel self-conscious. A little comment here and there, even said as "a joke", can be really damaging.
So just focus on providing a healthy home atmosphere for your daughter and let her make her own choices.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 901 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions