Obese with skinny spouse ADVICE :)

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linsey0689
linsey0689 Posts: 753 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Okay so I know I'm not the only one out there with this problem. I'm obese and my BF is on the edge of normal weight to underweight according to his BMI. He is very thin, 5'7" and no more than 120 normally 115. I'm obese, trying to make the scale move in my favor. Who else out there is in the same situation? And any of you have any good advice to find the balance?
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  • HealthyKatty
    HealthyKatty Posts: 24 Member
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    I'm in that situation. Partner's incredibly skinny, 6'3ft and I'm there 4'9 incredibly obese. What have we been doing and what are we going to do? He knows that I want to lose the weight and doesn't force me to lose it. He tries to motivate me to eat healthy whenever and if I try to grab a brownie, he makes that face that says "Are you sure you wanna do that?" I've been meh about it lately, but I'm starting to put a huge effort into it. No junk food, healthy foods (vegetables and meats) as much as possible. We work out together. We tend to experiment what works and what doesn't. We keep a record of the meals we like to eat. Since he's trying to gain and I'm trying to lose, my calories are around 1,200 and his are around 1,600. So normally we have the same meal, but he adds in something extra. Basically just be honest with yourselves and motivate each other! :)
  • ivory32
    ivory32 Posts: 12 Member
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    I'm in the same position, my partner is very thin due to having crohns disease and 6'6 tall.

    Thankfully our meals tend to be quite clean as it's good for him and I'll make some adjustments for me to lower the calories. He will still eat high calories food i.e. Chocolate etc, but it's not an issue when I'm munching on something I like too!

    It did take a lot of mental power at first not to care what anyone thought of us standing side by side.
  • AnnJey
    AnnJey Posts: 4 Member
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    Same here. We're opposites in that I'm trying to lose weight and he's trying to gain/bulk. It's not too hard since we're both supporting each other, and he's not the type to end endless amounts of junk food so I rarely get jealous of him eating more than me. I eat at maintainance on Saturdays so it's always nice then to be eating the same sorts of stuff.
  • HealthyKatty
    HealthyKatty Posts: 24 Member
    edited September 2017
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    PAV8888 wrote: »
    A 6ft 3" male will lose, not gain, weight at 1600 Cal a day. Unless you're taking 1600 Cal a meal....

    He doesn't eat much, so it's an improvement nonetheless. It's around estimates for him since I'm basing it off my meals plus his extras so I'm not entirely sure how much hence the around. We don't track his calories, but do for me.
  • SarahMacphail1
    SarahMacphail1 Posts: 36 Member
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    PAV8888 wrote: »
    A 6ft 3" male will lose, not gain, weight at 1600 Cal a day. Unless you're taking 1600 Cal a meal....
    Was just going to question this too. Sure the average calorie requirement for a man is around 2500 isn't it? I know we're all different to some extent but can't see a man of 6ft3 gaining weight on 1600 cals a day.

    My hubby needs to lose weight too (although he's struggling with sticking to it) but we've also got a 2 year old who needs calorie dense but healthy foods. It can be difficult but simple things like adding double cream to his porridge, avocado to pasta, nut butters etc help get calories into him while keeping us all eating roughly the same meals. If that's what you mean by finding a balance between your different calorie needs. Your OH could also have a bigger portion which isn't really an option with a toddler lol.
  • kristen8000
    kristen8000 Posts: 747 Member
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    I've found that if you do you, and he does him, things work out better.

    I make 90% of the meals in the house, if he doesn't like what I cook he eats something else. I'm lucky in that 90% of the time he likes what I make - last night I make ground turkey into taco meat. He had burritos, I put the taco meat on sliced green pepper with 2% shredded cheese, red onion and salsa and made low carb nachoes (which by the way, are totally delicious).

    When I'm out I'll buy him treats - things I know he loves and I could care less about - so it balances out.

    But if you can't do this, you need to sit him down and say "I have a goal and I need to succeed. This is what I need from you to succeed." He'll support you, but you need to do this on your own. I know my success is accomplished by me concentrating on me.
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    My wife and I only eat one meal together because of work and all of that nonsense, so for dinner I just have a larger serving. Same thing for our nightly snack, I just have larger servings since we generally like the same thing. Are you guys eating every single meal and snack together where this is actually a problem?
  • cadhlaureen
    cadhlaureen Posts: 19 Member
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    I am right in your ballpark. My spouse let me know the other week that he didn't find my body attractive anymore. I appreciate his honesty, it was the kick I needed to start taking my calorie counting seriously (and start going to the gym)

    He is 6'1" and 168lbs. He eats whatever he wants, up to and including a whole pizza for dinner three times a week.

    Dieting is hard in my household, but to compensate - I don't restrict types of foods. Everything is within my diet as long as I can fit it into my calories. I am very strict on Lunch however, and I skip breakfast (I am usually not hungry anyway). I buy pre-made frozen lunches from the store (usually healthy choice steamers) and don't snack (much) throughout the day. This leaves me with around 700-900 calories for dinner, which means I can usually eat whatever junk is on the menu if I'm not the one cooking!

    He balances this out by ordering for himself usually, or chasing me away from the pizza (like I asked him to :wink:) I will completely skip out on a meal that is too high calorie, often choosing to make my own dinners with food he doesn't like.

    So far we are making it work. It's strange to think that I weigh so much more than him, and I've always been uncomfortable being so big while he's so skinny. I can't wait to weigh less than him though!
  • Jeepygirl
    Jeepygirl Posts: 23 Member
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    My husband is tall & skinny. 6' and 140 lbs with his clothes on. The only time he's ever gained weight was when he was managing a cafe and could eat whenever and wasn't really that busy. He lost all weight he had gained within 3 months of starting a new job. He doesn't eat healthy and skinny doesn't equal healthy. He's scared to death of getting lab work done because he's positive he has some cholesterol issues going on and who knows what else.

    Since we both work full time, we're really only together at dinner. It's usually a healthy meal that fits into my diet. He'll have either a larger porton or he'll make some thing else later. Otherwise, we just make sure we have fresh fruit & veggies in the house for weekends or snacking. We don't keep junk food in the house, my husband doesn't like most of it and I would rather our 4 year old not have it openly available to him on a regular basis. And it works for us.
  • 2snakeswoman
    2snakeswoman Posts: 655 Member
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    This has been difficult for me because I like the same things in the same amounts that my husband eats. I've had to make a major effort to keep my eyes on my own plate because when I see that he has about 2 cups of something that I can only have 1/2 cup of because that's what fits into my calories, I get envious and unhappy. It doesn't help that he's lost about 20 pounds since the beginning of the year just from cutting back here and there, and I haven't really lost anything.

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