Obese with skinny spouse ADVICE :)

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  • JasmineDiver22
    JasmineDiver22 Posts: 148 Member
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    Yes. My husband is smaller than me, though he is very tall. 6'2 and about 190 pounds. He has a very active job. He eats like an animal!! I got into a bad habit of trying to keep up with eating with him, and I eventually gained 40 pounds since being with him! I'm 5'2 and 280 pounds! I've tried dieting before while being with him but always quit because I couldn't help myself with the foods he was eating and that I loved so much. When I recently saw my weight @280 I had a serious talk and told him I need to lose weight to be healthy and he needs to eat better due to high blood pressure! He's been very supportive, eating healthy (I usually cook two helpings of everything for him though) and he's been walking with me 5 days a week!

    If you can get your husband to help support you and maybe even have 1-2 healthy meals with you a day and maybe start off walking with him 1-2 times a week, (nothing that will make him roll his eyes or do it begrudgingly) that will help you a lot! From then on once you get into the habit, you"ll feel better and take on your own thing. Support from you spouse will defiantly make it easier and more motivation IF he helps you along your journey!! Good luck to you!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    The thing for many of us with partners and families is that they are different sizes than us, have different activity levels, different calorie needs. Focus on yourself and what you are doing. Let him take care of himself and he can eat more calorie dense foods.
    In my family I have a husband and daughter who both weigh less than me but actually need to have more calories than me. Reality is that I am a 43 year old sedentary woman. I can't eat like an active man or teenager unless I become really active. If their diet looked exactly like mine they would certainly lose weight too but they don't need to.
    So I log my food. I use a food scale. I watch my calorie intake. I probably eat more vegetables than they do. I drink water or unsweetened tea. I look up nutritional information and read labels. I increase my activity a bit.
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 5,020 Member
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    My husband is about 8 inches taller than me. His job is active and mine is not. We do not have the same calorie requirements yet I often ate as much or more than he ate. When I started on mfp I was obese and he was a healthy weight. Now we are both a healthy weight. We still mostly eat the same things. He just eats larger portions than I do. I eat more veggies because I like them and he doesn't and he drinks more beer than me because he just does. I don't want to waste too many calories on beer so I rarely have more than 1 or 2. I cannot eat like an active 6" tall man when I am a 5"3.5" woman. It isn't really about balance. It all boils down to you figuring out how many calories you need and him figuring out how many he needs. It sounds like right now you need to eat at a deficit and he needs to eat at a surplus. You can't expect him not to eat certain foods that he may need to be eating just because you have decided that you can't have them.
  • Zeuggma
    Zeuggma Posts: 157 Member
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    I'm in a similar situation. My partner is 5'10" and 135; while I am 5'3" and at my heaviest, 195 (CW 160). He constantly reassures me that I'm not so big, but I know the facts. I've been trying to lose weight on and off for about three years now, but only now have we found a healthy balance.

    I'm very lucky because he enjoys the energy he gets from eating healthy and cleaner like I do. We cook and share meals together. He always eats considerably more, and we often make starchy foods (rice, pasta, potatoes) on the side for him. Sometimes, he wants junk food, but he goes out with his friends to get it, or we go somewhere we can compromise.

    What's interesting is I've always been the athletic one even though he's always been the thin one. So I've been enjoying getting him to go to the gym with me and pushing him to be more active while he encourages me to stick to my diet so I can lose weight I want to.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
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    kgirlhart wrote: »
    My husband is about 8 inches taller than me. His job is active and mine is not. We do not have the same calorie requirements yet I often ate as much or more than he ate. When I started on mfp I was obese and he was a healthy weight. Now we are both a healthy weight. We still mostly eat the same things. He just eats larger portions than I do. I eat more veggies because I like them and he doesn't and he drinks more beer than me because he just does. I don't want to waste too many calories on beer so I rarely have more than 1 or 2. I cannot eat like an active 6" tall man when I am a 5"3.5" woman. It isn't really about balance. It all boils down to you figuring out how many calories you need and him figuring out how many he needs. It sounds like right now you need to eat at a deficit and he needs to eat at a surplus. You can't expect him not to eat certain foods that he may need to be eating just because you have decided that you can't have them.

    Ya, I used to split pizzas with my OH, who is a foot taller than I am. Now I take 3 slices and he 5. I also have a big salad, which psychologically makes up for that missing piece.

    In general, I also eat more veggies and less starch.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,572 Member
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    When I started dating my last partner I was chunky, overweight. Not terribly obese. He was skinny. I found losing weight dating him to be easy because honestly....he snacked a lot less than me. Yeah, we'd maybe have a high calorie meal together on the weekend, but I'd fast during the day for it and he didn't really eat sweets or chips at night so....I wasn't going to.
  • 08_GreenEyedMomma
    08_GreenEyedMomma Posts: 62 Member
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    I cook for all 3 of us (we have a son). I just eat less. I put all my recipes into the MFP recipe builder, as 1svg=1gram (# of servings = total weight of all ingredients) so I can easily weigh things out. Since we both work FT, we don't have lunch together most days. I make better choices for myself on that & leave some wiggle room for weekends.

    I've done the whole "make two meals" approach. It's a pain. So I make 1 meal now, and I eat less.
  • estherdragonbat
    estherdragonbat Posts: 5,283 Member
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    I'm an obese vegetarian married to a thinner meat eater. I always do two mains and we come together on sides, salads, and desserts. I've gone to lighter options with those, but he picks his main dish each week and as long as his doctor is satisfied, I can just as easily not eat lean ground beef as I can not eat breaded fried chicken.
  • MeredithDeVoe1
    MeredithDeVoe1 Posts: 67 Member
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    Do you want to lose weight? Then exercise, diet, and lose weight. Do you not care if you're obese? Then enjoy life as it is.

    But clearly, since you posted here, you sense a need for advice, so here's mine:

    Love yourself the way you are.

    Exercise and become strong and healthy. You will feel better, and your relationships will be better as a result.

    If you gained weight after the relationship began, it's not really fair to him. Decide if you want to keep eating or keep seeing him. If you are happy with your size and he isn't, let him go. If he's fine, he might be a keeper!

    If you get any pressure from him to change into something you aren't, walk away now. You need a friend, not a judge.
  • geneticsteacher
    geneticsteacher Posts: 623 Member
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    I have a husband that badly needs to gain weight, but doesn't have much of an appetite. We usually eat the same meals, but I have to add olive oil, cheese, butter, sour cream, etc. to his whenever I can.
  • shaunshaikh
    shaunshaikh Posts: 616 Member
    edited September 2017
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    enyagoboom wrote: »
    It's taken me an embarressingly long time to figure out that I don't need my now-husband to do this with me (he is much healthier than I am generally, but has his own issues to sort out) and that while we are a team in our relationship and life, when it comes to health and fitness the only person that I'm in it for is me.

    Keep talking with each other about your goals; listen to each other, plan meals together if you want and find active things to do together if that is what makes your relationship tick. Otherwise? do all those things on your own :) You got this.

    This post is so true, it took me a while to understand the same.

  • sarahlifts
    sarahlifts Posts: 610 Member
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    Find what balance?
    you can only get your self in line.
    If your are cooking for 2 make healthy meals.
    If he wants to gain some weight or you want to lose weight or even vice versa it a personal decision even in a marriage.
    Barring a health crisis we should only tend to our own bodies when it comes to weight/composition
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    HealthyKatty wrote: »
    I'm in that situation. Partner's incredibly skinny, 6'3ft and I'm there 4'9 incredibly obese. What have we been doing and what are we going to do? He knows that I want to lose the weight and doesn't force me to lose it. He tries to motivate me to eat healthy whenever and if I try to grab a brownie, he makes that face that says "Are you sure you wanna do that?" I've been meh about it lately, but I'm starting to put a huge effort into it. No junk food, healthy foods (vegetables and meats) as much as possible. We work out together. We tend to experiment what works and what doesn't. We keep a record of the meals we like to eat. Since he's trying to gain and I'm trying to lose, my calories are around 1,200 and his are around 1,600. So normally we have the same meal, but he adds in something extra. Basically just be honest with yourselves and motivate each other! :)

    He's going to need way more than 1600 calories to gain weight. The lowest a sedentary male should go while dieting to lose weight is 1500. The calories he uses to merely exist are probably in the neighborhood of 1900...

    I'm 5'10" and my maintenance calories sedentary with no exercise is around 2400...I exercise regularly, so they're more like 2800ish and up to 3,000.
  • genghis54
    genghis54 Posts: 123 Member
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    some men like fat,!!!
  • vivemme
    vivemme Posts: 6 Member
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    I'm 200lbs 5'4" female and my guy is 6'3" 170lbs - He is my opposite. He has no fat, I have too much lol. It's nice to know he'll love you regardless of fitness. He says all that he cares about is my health and confidence and well, unfortunately my weight still affects both my health and confidence in a negative way. As for eating, oh yea it's different!
  • RaeBeeBaby
    RaeBeeBaby Posts: 4,245 Member
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    As another poster said - you have to do you! Make whatever changes you need to reach your own goals and if he's on board with eating the same things, then don't worry about whether that means he'll gain or lose. If he's still hungry he'll eat more but you don't have to.

    After nearly 40 years with a skinny man I can attest to the fact that people have very different metabolisms. I have struggled to weigh less than him our entire married life and I finally do. Biggest change for me was to stop eating the same portions sizes for dinner. I felt like I was being deprived if he had 2 servings of _________ and I had only 1. Changing that mindset was a huge step in the right direction.
  • whosshe
    whosshe Posts: 597 Member
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    linsey0689 wrote: »
    Okay so I know I'm not the only one out there with this problem. I'm obese and my BF is on the edge of normal weight to underweight according to his BMI. He is very thin, 5'7" and no more than 120 normally 115. I'm obese, trying to make the scale move in my favor. Who else out there is in the same situation? And any of you have any good advice to find the balance?

    I feel ya sister. I do 100% of the cooking and what I do is make us the same meals except I make one serving for me and like 3 for him. So far I have lost 40lbs and he is the same 6foot skinny man. This has worked well for us. Sometimes I just make two different meals. I don't mind, I love to cook.

    He's super supportive of me losing weight even tho he likes 'em chubby. Too bad for him he's stuck with me now lol

    My advice (like many others on this thread) is you do you boo boo. If you want to lose weight just stick to your calorie goal.

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