Hey It's Eve, Share your favourite joke!
Hey guys, just thought we could have a bit of fun.. cheer each other up a bit by sharing some classic knock knock or dad jokes?
I spent all morning marking students papers.. would love to have something to smile about.
Also feel free to add me and send any weight loss tips my way, as I am a total newbie to this world of weight loss.
I spent all morning marking students papers.. would love to have something to smile about.
Also feel free to add me and send any weight loss tips my way, as I am a total newbie to this world of weight loss.
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What up eve. What is the difference between jelly and Jam0
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CaptainFantastic00 wrote: »What up eve. What is the difference between jelly and Jam
I don't know, what is the difference between jelly and jam?0 -
Jelly is a geletan based flavored spread while jam is more real fruits and such5
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Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
"Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"Pope Francis," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the heck is that on the balcony with Dave?'0 -
What's blue and smells like red paint?
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This is chit chat, there are no funny people here.2
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I wanted to speed up my racing snail so I took off his shell. If anything, he's looking more sluggish...5
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I went to a really emotional wedding the other day, even the cake was in tiers...5
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What strong enough for a man but made for a woman?1
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Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their lunches. Then the bartender says, ''Sorry, but you can't eat your own food in here.'' So the two guys look at each other and swap lunches.2
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."4 -
kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »This is chit chat, there are no funny people here.
Ouch1 -
SomebodyWakeUpHIcks wrote: »What strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand?
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How does Michael J Fox like his martinis?2
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SomebodyWakeUpHIcks wrote: »How does Michael J Fox like his martinis?
Awwwwww0 -
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »I need all of Bo Burnham'snew math jokes up in here because math is fun
"What's two balls minus one? Seven titles at the Tour de France"
fify
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »I need all of Bo Burnham's math jokes up in here because math is fun
"What's two balls minus one? Seven titles at the Tour de France"
All? Isn't that the only one?0 -
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Three legged dog walks into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my Pa(w)"...0
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »SomebodyWakeUpHIcks wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »I need all of Bo Burnham's math jokes up in here because math is fun
"What's two balls minus one? Seven titles at the Tour de France"
All? Isn't that the only one?
Well I wasn't going to post them all at once
"what's a bag of chips divided by five?
Well, that's a Nike worker's meal."
OK, that made me giggle. But it also made me think why are their shoes so expensive1
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