Hey It's Eve, Share your favourite joke!

13

Replies

  • kinetixtrainer2
    kinetixtrainer2 Posts: 9,086 Member
    CaptainFantastic00 wrote: »
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
    This is chit chat, there are no funny people here.

    Ouch

    Lol ;). Love you
  • cynthiabickham
    cynthiabickham Posts: 1,009 Member
    My dad says my sisters boyfriend is a joke, but I don't have his picture to post.
  • CaptainFantastic00
    CaptainFantastic00 Posts: 4,619 Member
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
    CaptainFantastic00 wrote: »
    kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
    This is chit chat, there are no funny people here.

    Ouch

    Lol ;). Love you

    :D:D
  • CaptainFantastic00
    CaptainFantastic00 Posts: 4,619 Member
    cynthiabickham wrote: »
    My dad says my sisters boyfriend is a joke, but I don't have his picture to post.

    Sick burn.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
    I have a joke about the past, present, and future.
    But I think things are tense already.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
    Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine?


    Line dancing at a nursing home.

  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

    For Drizzle
  • nolan44219
    nolan44219 Posts: 1,221 Member
    what do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?
    You walk him and pitch to the Rhino
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,344 Member
    edited October 2017
    Mickey mouse goes to his lawyer and says I want to divorce minnie. The lawyer says OMG really you guys have been together a really long time, are you sure? Why don't you go home tonight and think about it and tomorrow if you still want to we'll go ahead with it. So Mickey comes back the next morning and says yep I still want to divorce Minnie, let's do this. The lawyer looks at him and says alright if you're sure but I don't understand why you want to divorce Minnie because you said she was acting a little crazy. Mickey says I didn't say she was acting crazy I said she was F-ing Goofy.
    A patient told me this one and I have always loved it.
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    Why was the little strawberry crying?

    His mom was in a jam.
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    SEAHORSES4EVER wrote: »
    The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

    Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

    Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

    I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

    (Even when totally smashed.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

    The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

    Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

    When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh1t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

    :D
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    effing_steve wrote: »
    As a father, technically, ALL my jokes are "Dad" jokes.

    @effing_steve Can I call you Daddy?
  • beagletracks
    beagletracks Posts: 6,035 Member
    nolan44219 wrote: »
    what do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?
    You walk him and pitch to the Rhino

    I was about to post this... :D
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
    193607-85-Year-Old-Man-Had-To-Take-A-Sperm-Count-For-His-Physical-And-The-Result-Is-Shocking.jpg?2
  • mlh6468
    mlh6468 Posts: 47 Member
    The future, present & past walk into a bar. It was tense.

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