THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.

iamthemotherofdogs
iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
in Chit-Chat
So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.

My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.

However, I just need to say two things:

DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.

And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?

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Replies

  • CaptainFantastic00
    CaptainFantastic00 Posts: 4,619 Member
    Funny AND intelligent, holy buckets
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »
    So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.

    My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.

    However, I just need to say two things:

    DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.

    And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

    I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?

    so how do you get out of it?

    You don't. :grin: You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh)
  • jcstevens86
    jcstevens86 Posts: 3,338 Member
    Secrets how to pass a drug screening......a friend wants to know
  • LeGaCyGiAnT91
    LeGaCyGiAnT91 Posts: 405 Member
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    I think it's weird that someone wouldn't naturally want to wipe their pee off of something before handing it to a person

    Those are those cashiers at fast food joints who don't wipe the cups when they spill over the side either. Drives me of the effin' wall!
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    Caporegiem wrote: »
    I'm a pee pee professional too, 12' out and I still hit the bowl. All of my friends swore they wouldn't believe it if they hadn't been watching me with their own eyes.

    That's right, I hit the 'inspiring' button.
  • Caporegiem
    Caporegiem Posts: 4,297 Member
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    I think it's weird that someone wouldn't naturally want to wipe their pee off of something before handing it to a person

    Aside from employer required drug tests and medical reasons, people that have to pee in a cup regularly aren't known for making the best life choices.
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »
    WELL MAYBE PROVIDE A FUNNEL GAWD

    Funnels, I have not. But I do have ...urine hats! Hold for photo.
  • jcstevens86
    jcstevens86 Posts: 3,338 Member
    iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »
    jcstevens86 wrote: »
    Secrets how to pass a drug screening......a friend wants to know

    Short of borrowing someone else's pee who is a sober individual and coincidentally takes the same prescription medicine as you (legally), and managing to sneak it into the restroom WARM to also pass my temp strip test... There really isn't one. At least not at my clinic.

    You could always try not doing illicit drugs, though.

    I actually dont do drugs lol but i do have a friend who takes random screenings who smokes like cheech n chong and he always passes and im dumbfounded as to how
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    Caporegiem wrote: »
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    I think it's weird that someone wouldn't naturally want to wipe their pee off of something before handing it to a person

    Aside from employer required drug tests and medical reasons, people that have to pee in a cup regularly aren't known for making the best life choices.

    So.... the FBI?
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    km8907 wrote: »
    When I was in high school, a kid came in eating McDonald's everyday, but he stayed skinny. When asked how he doesn't gain weight, he said it was simple. After eating McDonald's, he goes to the bathroom and poops it out. Viola. The secret to staying skinny. He was a senior. I wonder whatever happened to him.

    Hell, I've been doing it wrong.

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