THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.
iamthemotherofdogs
Posts: 562 Member
So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
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Replies
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Funny AND intelligent, holy buckets0
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OutOfUserName wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
so how do you get out of it?
You don't.
You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh) 3 -
Secrets how to pass a drug screening......a friend wants to know1
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I'm a pee pee professional too, 12' out and I still hit the bowl. All of my friends swore they wouldn't believe it if they hadn't been watching me with their own eyes.7
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jcstevens86 wrote: »Secrets how to pass a drug screening......a friend wants to know
Short of borrowing someone else's pee who is a sober individual and coincidentally takes the same prescription medicine as you (legally), and managing to sneak it into the restroom WARM to also pass my temp strip test... There really isn't one. At least not at my clinic.
You could always try not doing illicit drugs, though.13 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I think it's weird that someone wouldn't naturally want to wipe their pee off of something before handing it to a person
Those are those cashiers at fast food joints who don't wipe the cups when they spill over the side either. Drives me of the effin' wall!2 -
Caporegiem wrote: »I'm a pee pee professional too, 12' out and I still hit the bowl. All of my friends swore they wouldn't believe it if they hadn't been watching me with their own eyes.
That's right, I hit the 'inspiring' button.1 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I think it's weird that someone wouldn't naturally want to wipe their pee off of something before handing it to a person
Aside from employer required drug tests and medical reasons, people that have to pee in a cup regularly aren't known for making the best life choices.3 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »WELL MAYBE PROVIDE A FUNNEL GAWD
Funnels, I have not. But I do have ...urine hats! Hold for photo.0 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »jcstevens86 wrote: »Secrets how to pass a drug screening......a friend wants to know
Short of borrowing someone else's pee who is a sober individual and coincidentally takes the same prescription medicine as you (legally), and managing to sneak it into the restroom WARM to also pass my temp strip test... There really isn't one. At least not at my clinic.
You could always try not doing illicit drugs, though.
I actually dont do drugs lol but i do have a friend who takes random screenings who smokes like cheech n chong and he always passes and im dumbfounded as to how1 -
I work in finance, and I can't watch 30 seconds of just about any politician or pundit on TV talk about banking or the economy without wanting to yell "THAT'S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS" at the screen.10
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When I was in high school, a kid came in eating McDonald's everyday, but he stayed skinny. When asked how he doesn't gain weight, he said it was simple. After eating McDonald's, he goes to the bathroom and poops it out. Viola. The secret to staying skinny. He was a senior. I wonder whatever happened to him.6
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Caporegiem wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I think it's weird that someone wouldn't naturally want to wipe their pee off of something before handing it to a person
Aside from employer required drug tests and medical reasons, people that have to pee in a cup regularly aren't known for making the best life choices.
So.... the FBI?0 -
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I am all the rage
Function AND fashion.8 -
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When I was in high school, a kid came in eating McDonald's everyday, but he stayed skinny. When asked how he doesn't gain weight, he said it was simple. After eating McDonald's, he goes to the bathroom and poops it out. Viola. The secret to staying skinny. He was a senior. I wonder whatever happened to him.
Hell, I've been doing it wrong.1 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »What does it do?!
What doesn't it do?!
It sits on the rim of the toilet, and catches ze pee pees, and then if I'm very lucky the elderly woman with whom I'm collecting from will allow me to pour it in the cup for her.
My job is very glamorous.10 -
I'm really regretting that selfie.
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Finally!
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FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
FINANCE IS *NOT* ACCOUNTING
That is all.4 -
Finance is accounting + calculus0
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i wish i could tell you how many times in public when i give myself an insulin shot (i am diabetic) , ppl ask "is that heroin? " i am like , yeah i am giving a heroin injections, out of a vial, without heating it, and doing it subq. usually they are just confused and walk away
are ppl really this stupid?!?! THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS, THATS NOT HOW ANYOF THIS WORKS. 10 -
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