Need some help to fix an unhealthy mindset

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  • ZoneFive
    ZoneFive Posts: 570 Member
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    You've had some terrific advice here, and I think your attitude is even terrific-er. Let me also put in a vote for the Libra app or HappyScale or Trendweight to help you see how your weight loss is going over time, and to put the little blips of everyday weighing in their place. It's wonderful not to get hung up on the daily numbers!

    You're going to do great!
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    teags84mfp wrote: »
    Yes Jo that is exactly what I was doing last year during my weight loss. If I didn't see the scales go down in number each day, I thought I must have to eat less- which I did. And then I took it way too far to the point of severely undereating.

    I will try not to panic if the scales don't reflect my hard work straight away. This will test my patience, but it is a comforting feeling knowing that this is simple science, the kgs will come off if I just stay at a deficit.

    Love your idea of a calorie range, I think that is a very wise idea. And good on you for still going out and enjoying life and special occasions whilst still losing, you're amazing!

    So far so good for me today. Feeling full and not thinking about food so much :)
    Training your patience, and at the same time your confidence, is very very smart. Both can come in handy in other situations, and especially when you have reached your weight goal, and start to maintain. In maintenance, you won't see a drop, you will have to get used to your weight staying the same, and not exactly the same, but within a range. You have to stay calm and not do anything drastic until you pick up a trend, but also be aware of trends and ready to act before several pounds have piled on. This is difficult and exciting and takes time to get used to - I think I needed two years of stable weight before I felt I was truly in maintenance. It also takes an ongoing effort - my brain keeps inventing "clever" schemes to make me eat more than I need. I have to be mindful and relaxed, kind and firm, at the same time. My aim now is to let eating be just one of the important and pleasureable things I do every day.
  • ZoneFive
    ZoneFive Posts: 570 Member
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    We're so trained to expect hunger and deprivation when we try to lose weight! If it doesn't hurt, it must not be working, amiright? It's hugely liberating when we finally realize that no, this doesn't have to be miserable.

    There's a certain comfort in knowing what The Rules are, though, and I still find myself wanting to eat a limited rotation of foods/meals in certain amounts because they've worked for weight loss in the past. That's not any different from the other strict diets, except that I've written these myself. We need to be flexible. Be prepared to experiment, to try new foods -- or old favorites -- and see how they work for you. Some will fit your goals, some won't; sometimes your weight will go up a little and sometimes it'll go down. Rigid systems are far more prone to fail -- architects and historians and farmers and marketing execs and biologists all know this. So it behooves us to build some flexibility into our own systems.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    teags84mfp wrote: »
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    teags84mfp wrote: »
    Yes Jo that is exactly what I was doing last year during my weight loss. If I didn't see the scales go down in number each day, I thought I must have to eat less- which I did. And then I took it way too far to the point of severely undereating.

    I will try not to panic if the scales don't reflect my hard work straight away. This will test my patience, but it is a comforting feeling knowing that this is simple science, the kgs will come off if I just stay at a deficit.

    Love your idea of a calorie range, I think that is a very wise idea. And good on you for still going out and enjoying life and special occasions whilst still losing, you're amazing!

    So far so good for me today. Feeling full and not thinking about food so much :)
    Training your patience, and at the same time your confidence, is very very smart. Both can come in handy in other situations, and especially when you have reached your weight goal, and start to maintain. In maintenance, you won't see a drop, you will have to get used to your weight staying the same, and not exactly the same, but within a range. You have to stay calm and not do anything drastic until you pick up a trend, but also be aware of trends and ready to act before several pounds have piled on. This is difficult and exciting and takes time to get used to - I think I needed two years of stable weight before I felt I was truly in maintenance. It also takes an ongoing effort - my brain keeps inventing "clever" schemes to make me eat more than I need. I have to be mindful and relaxed, kind and firm, at the same time. My aim now is to let eating be just one of the important and pleasureable things I do every day.

    Wonderful insight yet again from you Kommodevaran. I appreciate your advice on maintenance, something I have never given thought to when losing weight and regaining it all. For once in my life I am thinking ahead and to the maintenance stage. I am sure I will be asking all sorts of questions. It sounds like you have been maintaining for many years, I am in awe of you and hope to reach that sweet spot.

    I have had a wonderful day today. Eating 3 meals and snacks, eating every 3 hours to keep fueled. Have had my 1600 cals and been for a walk this evening. Have eaten carbs, a treat in the form of a protein bar, wholemeal bread, yoghurt, fruit and chicken and pasta for dinner. It is such a strange sensation to not be hungry. I have to be honest, I am having the doubts creep in that I won't lose weight eating like this. Surely I should be hungry? This is all so new to me. I just hope I can lose the weight, because right now I feel so satisfied and can do this all my life easily.
    This freedom is wonderful, but the doubts you are having are perfectly normal, just as PP explained. I have had a similar experience - even though I never starved myself when dieting, I had my share of do's and don'ts, in particular to avoid fat and eat a lot of vegetables and whole grains, and just generally eat strange combinations of foods in absurdly specific schedules. I have had to pinch myself in the arm many times - but the proof is in the pudding: I am not gaining weight by eating what I like. I actually gained weight because I tried to follow some random rigid diet. What's "abnormal" in your case, is that you're actually challenging your beliefs and try to trust the process. Many people are so ingrained in their beliefs, that starting to "eat enough, but not too much" fills them with terror, and they completely refuse to even consider it.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    teags84mfp wrote: »
    Yes Zone5, so well spoken. I think that's the biggest thing I am struggling with. Having to change long held beliefs about dieting and losing weight and eating low fat, or low carb or green smoothies or whatever latest fad etc etc. Its just crazy really. To think it can really be this simple, it's almost too good to be true.
    Exactly. We've been scammed before, why should this be the real deal? If we couldn't lose/maintain weight with all that effort and suffering and deprivation, how can just sticking to your calorie goal, work? It makes totally sense to think that way, even though the reasoning is wrong.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    teags84mfp wrote: »
    Yes Zone5, so well spoken. I think that's the biggest thing I am struggling with. Having to change long held beliefs about dieting and losing weight and eating low fat, or low carb or green smoothies or whatever latest fad etc etc. Its just crazy really. To think it can really be this simple, it's almost too good to be true.

    YES!!
  • MegaMooseEsq
    MegaMooseEsq Posts: 3,118 Member
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    kommodevaran wrote: »
    teags84mfp wrote: »
    Yes Zone5, so well spoken. I think that's the biggest thing I am struggling with. Having to change long held beliefs about dieting and losing weight and eating low fat, or low carb or green smoothies or whatever latest fad etc etc. Its just crazy really. To think it can really be this simple, it's almost too good to be true.
    Exactly. We've been scammed before, why should this be the real deal? If we couldn't lose/maintain weight with all that effort and suffering and deprivation, how can just sticking to your calorie goal, work? It makes totally sense to think that way, even though the reasoning is wrong.

    This is so true. I've never dieted before, but I watched my mom and sister struggle with their weight all through my childhood. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, various exercise programs, the works. It made me terrified of dieting, because what I saw is that all diets fail and then you end up even fatter. Figuring out that all I needed to do to lose weight is figure out how many calories my body needs to stay my current size, then make sure I'm eating less than that? Genuinely mind blowing.
  • acfisher88
    acfisher88 Posts: 58 Member
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    teags84mfp wrote: »
    Lillymoo01 wrote: »
    I have frozen dinners on the rare occasion but really don't like the taste of them much. If they work for you and keep you in a calorie deficit then that is different. Just be mindful that most a very high in sodium which can cause fluid retention and mask weight loss.
    I remember the days of catering for an allergic child. Thank God she has grown out of her milk allergy and I now only have to worry about peanuts. One thing you can do to avoid frozen meals and not having to cook too much is to double recipes and freeze half. This can be special meals for yourself, your fussy toddler, or your child with allergies. A bit of work to begin with but it saves a lot of time once you have multiple meals in the freezer. Just having meals with your standard meat and veg works well too. For a while I was dealing with a vegetarian. Pasta worked well. I'd cook the mince in one saucepan, a vege sauce in the other and then just combine the 2, leaving a serving of the sauce behind for the vegetarian. You would just have to be mindful that a serving of pasta is actually quite small meaning you should have a bowl which has a lot more sauce than pasta. There are other meals I adapt which means slight changes caters for all.

    Wow Lillymoo, my daughter has the milk and peanut allergy as well as egg whites. Its comforting to know others are in the same boat, but I sure am glad your daughter has outgrown the dairy one. Fingers crossed for my daughter too.

    To be totally honest, I am having uneasy feelings about dinner in general, that is why I am gravitating to a ready made meal. I can eat healthy and know exact cals for breakfast, lunch and snacks, I can control it somewhat. I have no idea what is healthy anymore and the things I cook for dinner for the kids are carb rich, things I have tried to steer away from.

    I still can't get the fear out of my head about eating a bowl of bolognaise for example, crazy I know. There is this irrational fear that I won't lose weight eating what the family eats for dinner. Sigh.......

    Bolognese is a huge comfort food for me, but I used to have loads of pasta and tons of meat rather than veggies! To try and cut back on the pasta I introduced courgetti (zucchini noodles), and increased the ratio of courgetti vs spaghetti every time. You could maybe work this backwards if you're scared of going straight in for the pasta - increasing the ratio of spaghetti vs courgetti?

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