Husband Doesn’t Approve

GaryMilan2017

This sounds bad leave him straight away he should be helping you no question about it.

Calliope610

brittneynathan0579 wrote: »

Thank you. I do talk to him, but he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad, lol. It’s very disheartening because I’ve worked so hard at something so important to me and he wants me to give it all up, just when I’m finally at mentally where I need to be. You’re right though, a talk has to be done

I'm late to the party and don't know if this has been addressed yet, but is it possible that his issue has less to do with your healthy behavior and more to do with his?

vingogly

Collected bits from the OPs posts in this thread:

… since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. … He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. … he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad … he wants me to give it all up, … He’s a red head so I tread lightly, lol…

For those of you who think the red flag warnings are overblown: you haven't spent hundreds of hours working with abusers, heard their stories and their denial and excuses (and yes, we had groups of female abusers who were court ordered into treatment, too). It all starts with a need to have power and control over their partners and often their children. At some point the threats don't work or the partner crosses the line, it escalates, and the abuser resorts to violence.

I've highlighted the concerning phrases in the OP's posts above for those of you who don't get it.

stanmann571

vingogly wrote: »

Collected bits from the OPs posts in this thread:

… since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. … He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. … he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad … he wants me to give it all up, … He’s a red head so I tread lightly, lol…

For those of you who think the red flag warnings are overblown: you haven't spent hundreds of hours working with abusers, heard their stories and their denial (and yes, we had groups of female abusers who were court ordered into treatment, too). It all starts with a need to have power and control over their partners and often their children. At some point the threats don't work or the partner crosses the line, it escalates, and the abuser resorts to violence.

I've highlighted the concerning phrases in the OP's posts above for those of you who don't get it.

She's changing, he's not. He feels like she's going to leave him and the insecurity is manifest as anger.

kakaovanilya

vingogly wrote: »

Collected bits from the OPs posts in this thread:

… since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. … He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. … he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad … he wants me to give it all up, … He’s a red head so I tread lightly, lol…

For those of you who think the red flag warnings are overblown: you haven't spent hundreds of hours working with abusers, heard their stories and their denial and excuses (and yes, we had groups of female abusers who were court ordered into treatment, too). It all starts with a need to have power and control over their partners and often their children. At some point the threats don't work or the partner crosses the line, it escalates, and the abuser resorts to violence.

I've highlighted the concerning phrases in the OP's posts above for those of you who don't get it.

You are so right. There are certain behaviors that noone should tolerate even if they have 5 kids with their partners.

stanmann571

kakaovanilya wrote: »

vingogly wrote: »

Collected bits from the OPs posts in this thread:

… since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. … He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. … he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad … he wants me to give it all up, … He’s a red head so I tread lightly, lol…

For those of you who think the red flag warnings are overblown: you haven't spent hundreds of hours working with abusers, heard their stories and their denial and excuses (and yes, we had groups of female abusers who were court ordered into treatment, too). It all starts with a need to have power and control over their partners and often their children. At some point the threats don't work or the partner crosses the line, it escalates, and the abuser resorts to violence.

I've highlighted the concerning phrases in the OP's posts above for those of you who don't get it.

You are so right. There are certain behaviors that noone should tolerate even if they have 5 kids with their partners.

Indeed. Red flags highlighted

brittneynathan0579 wrote: »

Hey guys,
I need advice!! I started this healthy lifestyle in January and went from 236 lbs to 184 lbs. I’ve given up alcohol, smoking, and caffeine. I finally got to where I love what I eat and I enjoy my workouts. My daughter saw my results and so she just recently joined this healthy way of living with me. That being said, my husband has not lived this way and resents me for it. He is overweight and since we don’t drink anymore, he uses food as a crutch. I don’t shove fitness down his throat because when I started, I promised him I wouldn’t. Well, since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. We used to eat very unhealthy together, but now it doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t know what to do. I have eaten this whole weekend things he considers non diet foods, but I told him Monday I’m going back to my diet because I still have some weight I want to lose. I don’t understand what I put in my mouth has to do with what he puts in his. He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. I’m not giving up on something I feel is important and that is a part of me just to make him happy, but I fear we may lose our relationship if I don’t. I’m also a recovering drug addict, clean for 5 years and I feel I need some sort of outlet, which fitness has become . What would you guys do?

There's two sides to this story, and there's red flags going both ways.

ahoy_m8

stanmann571 wrote: »

vingogly wrote: »

Collected bits from the OPs posts in this thread:

… since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. … He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. … he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad … he wants me to give it all up, … He’s a red head so I tread lightly, lol…

For those of you who think the red flag warnings are overblown: you haven't spent hundreds of hours working with abusers, heard their stories and their denial (and yes, we had groups of female abusers who were court ordered into treatment, too). It all starts with a need to have power and control over their partners and often their children. At some point the threats don't work or the partner crosses the line, it escalates, and the abuser resorts to violence.

I've highlighted the concerning phrases in the OP's posts above for those of you who don't get it.

She's changing, he's not. He feels like she's going to leave him and the insecurity is manifest as anger.

Many different feelings can manifest as anger. Insecurity is your guess. I would guess something different, but we're both guessing.

ladyhusker39

stanmann571 wrote: »

vingogly wrote: »

Collected bits from the OPs posts in this thread:

… since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. … He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. … he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad … he wants me to give it all up, … He’s a red head so I tread lightly, lol…

For those of you who think the red flag warnings are overblown: you haven't spent hundreds of hours working with abusers, heard their stories and their denial (and yes, we had groups of female abusers who were court ordered into treatment, too). It all starts with a need to have power and control over their partners and often their children. At some point the threats don't work or the partner crosses the line, it escalates, and the abuser resorts to violence.

I've highlighted the concerning phrases in the OP's posts above for those of you who don't get it.

She's changing, he's not. He feels like she's going to leave him and the insecurity is manifest as anger.

Sooooo that makes it ok? Why isn't his insecurity as you call it manifesting itself as something non threatening like taking to his wife, asking for her help or seeking professional counseling himself?

I wouldn't want to err on the wrong side of that especially not with a child at risk ask well.

ladyhusker39

stanmann571 wrote: »

kakaovanilya wrote: »

vingogly wrote: »

Collected bits from the OPs posts in this thread:

… since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. … He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. … he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad … he wants me to give it all up, … He’s a red head so I tread lightly, lol…

For those of you who think the red flag warnings are overblown: you haven't spent hundreds of hours working with abusers, heard their stories and their denial and excuses (and yes, we had groups of female abusers who were court ordered into treatment, too). It all starts with a need to have power and control over their partners and often their children. At some point the threats don't work or the partner crosses the line, it escalates, and the abuser resorts to violence.

I've highlighted the concerning phrases in the OP's posts above for those of you who don't get it.

You are so right. There are certain behaviors that noone should tolerate even if they have 5 kids with their partners.

Indeed. Red flags highlighted

brittneynathan0579 wrote: »

Hey guys,
I need advice!! I started this healthy lifestyle in January and went from 236 lbs to 184 lbs. I’ve given up alcohol, smoking, and caffeine. I finally got to where I love what I eat and I enjoy my workouts. My daughter saw my results and so she just recently joined this healthy way of living with me. That being said, my husband has not lived this way and resents me for it. He is overweight and since we don’t drink anymore, he uses food as a crutch. I don’t shove fitness down his throat because when I started, I promised him I wouldn’t. Well, since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. We used to eat very unhealthy together, but now it doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t know what to do. I have eaten this whole weekend things he considers non diet foods, but I told him Monday I’m going back to my diet because I still have some weight I want to lose. I don’t understand what I put in my mouth has to do with what he puts in his. He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. I’m not giving up on something I feel is important and that is a part of me just to make him happy, but I fear we may lose our relationship if I don’t. I’m also a recovering drug addict, clean for 5 years and I feel I need some sort of outlet, which fitness has become . What would you guys do?

There's two sides to this story, and there's red flags going both ways.

Now you've really lost me. What exactly are the red flags here? She talking about ways she's improving her life. Nothing you highlighted is an actual threat to him. Just a threat the the status quo.

squeaker87

You might consider that just as fitness has become your outlet, food has become his (as you said). Perhaps he’s afraid without you there to do it with him, he’ll fall back into old habits (like drinking, as you said “we don’t drink anymore”).

ETA: that’s no acceptable reason to be angry, just a thought I had.