Do you ever wish someone had "called you out" over your weight?
Replies
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That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way4
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No. I've only ever been slightly overweight (per BMI), but I know when I'm fat. I know when I am being less active than I should and when I'm overeating and gaining weight. I don't really need other people pointing this out to me. I also don't think it would help me if someone did tell me I was fat because it needs to be me who wants to change it for it to stick.0
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That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.2 -
I was grateful to my husband for "calling me out" on my weight gain. After I started a desk job in 2011, the weight started gradually coming on and I honestly didn't pay it any mind until he told me I was gaining weight.
I can't say that I was completely unfazed by the comment, but I know he did it out of love and wasn't trying to be nasty about it. I stepped on the scale and sure enough, I had gained a pretty decent amount of weight and knew I didn't want it to go any further.
He started helping me count the calories I was eating/drinking and realized my problem was lunch. Going home at lunch to an empty house full of food and snacks. I was way over eating because no one was around and I thought "well no one will even know".
*edit: I was getting to the point where I was hiding food wrappers in my purse to throw away in other trash cans. I was also ordering extra food from a drive thru and eating the extra food in the car and hiding the evidence before I got where I was going so it would look like I was only eating a very small amount.5 -
I would say yes and no. As a child I was always chubby. I have never been skinny. When I became an adult I was not skinny but I actually was a good weight for my body. When I got in my late 20s and 30s I gained a lot of weight. I was over 500 lbs. I believe it was depression after my grandmother passed away. I do not know if it would have helped me, but it may have jarred me back into reality if someone lovingly commented on my size. I did eventually get into therapy, and I still currently am. I was so much in denial that I convinced myself it was okay to be 400 or 500 lbs because I had no major health issues. Now that I do not have the food or the weight to hide behind I have to deal with my feelings and emotions. Anyway, I digress. I think it depends on the person, if they are ready to hear it and how it is said to them about their weight.3
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I would lean towards NO. It's funny, as I approached 400 lbs NO ONE said a word to me about my weight, not even my doctor who later actually apologized to me for not doing her job and saying something about it. It wasn't until I decided to have WLS that people wanted to pipe up with their opinions, and I would ask them, if you were so concerned about my weight, and if you cared so much, why didn't you ever say anything? I would tell them I made the decision with the input of my therapist, my GP, and my surgeon, and if they were qualified on any of those levels I would be happy to hear their opinions.2
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I wish my parents had done something or at least taken it seriously when I went from skinny to "slightly chubby but not horribly overweight for age/height" to visibly overweight by 13ish, and then obese by age 16-17... but my parents have both been overweight themselves since their early 20s and my family has always been very sedentary, plus my parents love fried food and junk, the cupboards were always full... because I was short I still fit into "normal" sizes, for a pretty long time, but..
School was hell age 10+ (I was picked on for my weight even BEFORE I was actually overweight, I've always had a pretty round face), and the constant teasing made me hate gym/working out in public so that just made it worse over time - I still can't make myself go to an actual gym and I'm 27!
I did notice I was gaining weight, I wasn't blind, but noone in my family ever talked to me about it or said anything - or tried to buy/cook healthier food, even when I got (at my heaviest) to a BMI of 36...
But basically the only ones pointing it out were people at school - who most certainly were not doing it for my own good but to make fun of me
I lost weight when I moved out and started university because I was finally in control of all the groceries and meals2 -
For me, it wouldn't have been helpful. I was very aware of the fact that I had put on weight. Pointing it out would have upset me, but I doubt it would have motivated me. It seems like that's a highly individual thing; for some it's the kick in the pants they need. But I had to get to a mental place where I was ready to put in the effort required, and there wasn't anything anyone could have said to me that would have made a difference. I knew I was eating too much and moving too little, but for awhile I just simply didn't care enough to do anything about it. The enjoyment of indulging in high calorie foods was worth more to me than being at a healthy weight. Until it wasn't. I can't even quite put my finger on exactly what flipped the switch, but I'm glad I got there.
I think it's different with parents and kids though. Parents should be guiding their kids towards healthy choices, although many themselves can be ignorant on that subject.1 -
no... it just lowers yourself esteem a lot of times. It did to mine for years. Now, I know I am attractive (not trying to toot my own horn) and if someone made a comment I would just let it slide off....
That way of thinking also caused me to overlook my weight gain.
In my opinion, your doctor should really be the only one to say when and if you need to lose weight. It's funny tho bc I was growing up my doctors never said anything... It wasn't until I was only slightly overweight and at a new doctor did he mention that I could stand to drop about 10-20 lbs. I explained to him my weight history and he never made the comment again...0 -
No. It wouldn't have helped me. I'd rather be fat and love myself than to be fat and bitter and resentful.2
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That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.2 -
That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.14 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
Oh I understand that!!! My father was awful tactless. He thought he was being funny - but I suspect that deep down inside he knew he was being mean, but made excuses by saying he was "only teasing" and "people won't like you if you can't take a joke." He used to call me Porky or Pork. I hated it - especially because I was NOT EVER overweight- ever. The name calling began just before puberty for me - when girls do start to get pudgy in places while their girl body is transitioning to a woman's. Even as a young adult - he would mock my 115lbs (5'6") and call me Elephant Walk because he said that's what it sounded like whenever I came into a room. It was so stupid because I was not fat. But he DID say it to obese family members and friends too -
I do have friends that DO know better than to let their kids eat handfuls and handfuls of cookies but they let them do it anyway - and then complain that the child is overweight. But they think the answer is to make them stop eating the stuff they like and make them eat only carrots and celery for snacks and they wonder why their kids rebel.2 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
Oh I understand that!!! My father was awful tactless. He thought he was being funny - but I suspect that deep down inside he knew he was being mean, but made excuses by saying he was "only teasing" and "people won't like you if you can't take a joke." He used to call me Porky or Pork. I hated it - especially because I was NOT EVER overweight- ever. The name calling began just before puberty for me - when girls do start to get pudgy in places while their girl body is transitioning to a woman's. Even as a young adult - he would mock my 115lbs (5'6") and call me Elephant Walk because he said that's what it sounded like whenever I came into a room. It was so stupid because I was not fat. But he DID say it to obese family members and friends too -
I do have friends that DO know better than to let their kids eat handfuls and handfuls of cookies but they let them do it anyway - and then complain that the child is overweight. But they think the answer is to make them stop eating the stuff they like and make them eat only carrots and celery for snacks and they wonder why their kids rebel.
Oh wow, that sounds so mean! I got the "fat is bad" stuff mostly second-hand growing up by seeing how my dad treated my mom and sister, who were constantly yo-yo dieting and fighting with him over it. I always knew I was just on the borderline of acceptable for him and was simultaneously terrified of becoming fat and convinced that I already was. I only started gaining weight a few years ago after going through a major depressive episode - he found out when he visited for my law school graduation after not seeing me for a couple of years and did not handle it well. We hashed it out eventually, but we didn't speak for months first.2 -
No, I believe this should be the responsibility of the individual, their doctors, and potentially parents of younger children. When I was in my early 20s I was "called out" for weight gain by a woman I worked with; I was aware that I had gone from a size 4/6 to a size 10, I knew I gained weight but I didn't think it really mattered all too much because I was very active and my doctors were happy with my overall health. Being called out wasn't an epiphany, it was a backslide into the eating disorders I suffered from in my early teens. I started living off of 600 calories a day and made myself terribly ill and depressed. That woman wasn't doing me any favors, it took me quite a while to pull myself out of the self-hatred and resentment towards her. It took even longer to build back my endurance and strength that took a beating when I was starving myself.5
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Pretty great you weren't bullied.
You never had a health class where they discussed ideal weight and what is good to eat in what proportion?
I spent a lot of my 20's wishing things in the past were different. That outcomes might be better if only... but in truth, I think there is a reason for each and everyone's path in life (good and bad). When I finally decided that I had to play the cards I was dealt, my path smoothed out considerably. You can only control what happens going forward and how you deal with what comes next. Learn. Recalibrate. Let it go.
A few examples of things I "wished" were different re me and food and my body:
1) Wished my parents didn't treat me poorly when I gained more weight than they thought I should have.
2) Wished I hadn't taken every sort of medication in order to lose weight that may have hurt my health in the long run.
3) Wished I had not said such horrible things to myself when I gained back hard to lose weight.
4) Wished I saw my pictures and saw how beautiful I was. Outsiders did. I saw only flaws.
My point... just say "meh" I am about now. And now I am getting healthy.5 -
Whether someone mentions your weight or whether everyone leaves it up to you, this alone will not fix everything.
Weight management requires work over a long period of time.
Comments can help. Comments can hinder. Sometimes negative comments can spur people on to change, though they can also influence a downward spiral.
But comments (or lack thereof) are not going to magically change our weight.
One thing that always helps is taking responsibility for our own eating.1 -
You never had a health class where they discussed ideal weight and what is good to eat in what proportion?.
I only have vague recollection of health class. I remember learning about the four food groups in 5th grade. At a time when I had no control over the food that was placed in front of me.
Sixth grade health class... Stands out in my mind because that's where I learned about being a girl. LOL. I remember nothing else about that class other than learning about the menstrual cycle. 8th grade health class we learned about sex it. Now I know there was more to the health class than that... But that's all that I remembered. The last health class I had I believe was in 10th Grade. That was when the most impression should have been made upon me but the only thing I came away from that class with was knowing that the school board had instructed the teacher to cut out the section on homosexuality in the sexuality section of the book. No joke.
Rather it was the way things were presented I don't know but I really remember very little from health class. I certainly don't remember ever hearing anything about portion control. I just remember hearing about the four food groups, and limiting sweets. And then of course there was the food guide pyramid. Again limiting sweets and fatty foods. I did that very well. I have never had a diet that was high in fat. I did have a Hyatt diet that is high in sugar. All the time. My mother had a sweet tooth and she would eat anything sweet... She was real thin at 90 lb.
. Now my mother made meals every night. They were always meat potatoes and a vegetable. Always. It was Bland and it was boring but I ate it. There was always an abundance of treats soda candy which I ate without any kind of restriction. I was never fat or overweight ever. Not until after I had children.0 -
fuzzylop72 wrote: »In my experience, 'calling people out' tends to make them defensive, and do the opposite of what is intended, so not really.
Exactly this!1 -
[quote="SilverRose89;c-41203712")
I really don't think you can ever make somebody else make any real changes in their life. [/quote]
This is one of the smartest comments i have ever read on a message board.2 -
Absolutely not. I've always been painfully aware of being overweight.2
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Do you ever wish someone had "called you out" over your weight?
No. Nope. Never. Not on your life!
I've been a bit overweight but never obese. I knew I was a bit overweight ... I stepped on the scale every day ... I can read. I knew why I was a bit overweight. I knew exactly what happened to get me there. And I knew how to rectify the situation. I didn't need anyone to tell me.1 -
clicketykeys wrote: »As I gained weight, I knew. I just didn't care... until I did.
Yeah ... this!
I had other things on the go during the few years I was overweight, and couldn't be bothered focusing on losing weight ... and then one day, I was ready.
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MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
This. So much this. In high school, one girl decided my name was now “fatty” even though I was not (and have never been) overweight or obese. Everyone thought this was hilarious, of course, but it certainly didn’t help my severe anorexia. I’m fact, I would say it was one of the numerous reasons I was eventually hospitalized for it, as it really screwed with my head. Although, you’d think that after finding out why I missed an entire year of school that she would stop using that nickname, right? Nope. She probably used it at a higher frequency after I came back. Still haunts me to this day if I’m honest.13 -
My mom expressed concerns about my weight when I was 12 and a size 5, and again when I was 15 and a size 8, and all throughout my time spent living with her. I think I was a size 14 or 16 when I left the house. She would buy me clothes a size too small on purpose for Christmas/birthdays and tell me to lose weight if I wanted to wear them. Only as an adult living on my own did I manage to convince her to shop at stores that cater to plus size women if she wants to give me clothing for Christmas, and even then she only orders online or with the catalog, as I think she's embarrassed to be seen in Torrid.
When I was 15 I was extremely active, on the swim team hitting the pool for 2 hours a day. The coaches kept us moving the entire time we were in the pool. Yet I thought I was fat, so I would only eat an apple and a soda until I got home from swim practice...at which point I had to fight the urge to binge on snacks until dinner was ready (often failing). I didn't have the energy to swim after a certain point and I quit the team and that led to quitting any attempt to lose weight...even though as a size 8 I did not need to lose weight. I didn't even really have a tummy pouch or anything. But after that I gained, steadily.
It has taken close to 15 years to even begin to heal my relationship with food, exercise, and my body. So no, I don't wish that anyone said something about my weight. I wish that I was allowed to be a teenager going through puberty and able to embrace the body changes that came with it, and encouraged to keep swimming instead. I miss swimming.6 -
No I just wish my whole family knew about proper nutrition so that I wouldn't have gone from being an obese kid to an obese adult.
Living in the south didn't help as most families in the south believe that food especially fried, greasy foods, should be given at not only special events but at most dinners. Food particularly the unhealthy and overly processed foods (fried chicken, mac and cheese, cornbread, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, soda, etc. etc.) is seen in the south as a way to show love and a way of fellowship.0 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
I think this has more to do with the manner in which something is conveyed and the overall relationship than with it being wrong to teach children that being fat is bad. When I was child I was taught that being fat was bad just as I was taught other behaviors that could harm me were bad. Not that people who are fat were bad, that overeating and becoming fat is bad. I also taught this to my children. Because it is bad. It's unhealthy.1 -
I did get called out by my family when i was younger. I remember my brother looking at me in disgust once telling me to take p.e class.
I remember my mom being so angry with me when i started gaining weight rapidly. I had practically been starving myself and when i stopped i gained 30lbs in a month. She had to buy me new pants so much that month. My dad was never mean about it but he was always trying to get me to exercise.
But I still wish when i had got to my biggest, about 180 at 4'11 more people would have said something. I can't believe i left myself go that much.
I'm now at 145 and still working on losing more.2 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
I think this has more to do with the manner in which something is conveyed and the overall relationship than with it being wrong to teach children that being fat is bad. When I was child I was taught that being fat was bad just as I was taught other behaviors that could harm me were bad. Not that people who are fat were bad, that overeating and becoming fat is bad. I also taught this to my children. Because it is bad. It's unhealthy.
Good point. I should have said "being fat makes you a bad person", which is 100% what I got from my dad (in addition to "no one will love or hire you if you're fat," and "you being fat makes me look like a bad parent" - he was a piece of work).4 -
No, I don't think it would have helped me. I was painfully aware of every extra pound. My then husband did "call me out" once and it pretty much broke my heart. I knew I was fat. I just didn't know what to do about it until I found MFP. Also, I am reminded of back when I used to smoke cigarettes. People were *constantly* telling me how bad they were and what a disgusting habit it was. Those conversations always left me craving a cigarette! It wasn't until I decided on my own that I was ready to quit that it happened.2
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