Do you ever wish someone had "called you out" over your weight?

birdenerd

As someone who was made aware of my weight elementary school onwards I say no... I was chubby from probably 2nd grade onwards and was teased for it. Weight hadn't been a consideration for me at that point (and shouldn't have been in my opinion. Stick to educating kids about healthy eating habits and giving plenty of opportunity for play.) but I soon to began to become very self conscious about my body. I started to hate doing physical activity around other people which is terrible for anyone, especially a kid, to experience. Even people trying to be nice and saying it looked like I'd lost weight at different points in my life mortified me and often caused me to eat more for reasons I cannot quite figure out. The negative body image I developed from being "called out" did nothing to help me and I think actively hurt my lifestyle choices. Maybe it would have been different if I was gaining weight as an adult but as a lifelong fat person it took accepting myself and my body to make positive changes in my life. I've been learning to enjoy exercise again after the awful years of PE and not hating myself has the bonus of helping me avoid emotional eating etc.

whosshe

As a child? My weight was constantly being brought up. By friends, by strangers, by my parents... it didn't help one bit. But there was something about hearing it from my grandmother once I had reached 230lbs at 5'3". I signed up for MFP the next day and have lost 85lbs since.

I think you have to be ready to hear it and you have to be old enough to understand the health problems that come with obesity.

Psalm1139

I don't think people should have called you out, but I think your parents should have set some paramaters to help you maintain a healthy weight while you were a child. My sister was overweight as an older child and teenager. When she was about 17 she worked really hard to lose the weight and had kept it off (more or less) for the last few years. I am a lot older than her and I kind of resented my parents for not reigning her in. My dad didn't really think about it, and my mom was anorexic/bulimic as a teenager and young adult, so it didn't get addressed. She would eat so much, and always request snacks, and got so big. I was mad at my mom on my sister's behalf because she was letting her issues get in the way of my sister's health and happiness. I think that parents have a responsibility to ensure their children are offered healthy food, in healthy amounts, with room for treats sometimes.

ccruz985

Everyone is different. I was 224lbs by the time I was 14, 280 when I graduated high school three years later. Everyone felt like it was ok to tell me about my weight and did. My family, teachers, doctors. I cursed them in my head and still mashed to have a great 4 years of high school and pretty fun early 20s. I started seriously trying to lose when I was 22 but I dnk jack about what I was doing and nothing worked. At age 25, 310lbs, I decided enough was enough and did something drastic about it and had gastric bypass. I regained some, lost it again through exercise and logging on MFP. This isn't about my bypass or anything like that; my point is that after a lifetime of being harassed about my weight, nothing changed til I was ready and willing to change it.

deeblues13

No fatshaming is discusting if your overweight theres a good chance you know about it why does someone feel the need to comment
And also other peoples comments is what makes body images issues i know for me anyways even being a dress size over what i want to someone will comment its just annoying and other peoples opinons shouldnt be the motivation for your weight loss

scarlett_k

No. I don't think that is for anyone to say unless I bring up the subject.

That said, close friends would invalidate me when I confided in them about being uncomfortable with my weight gain.

It seems to be a thing that no matter how much weight you gain that some people seem incapable of stopping their bs invalidation i.e. "no you're not fat" (no I actually was and am), "you're just a different shape" and "it's just what happens when you get older" (when I was in my 20s too!) etc. drives me nuts. i just think why can't we have a genuine conversation about eating, weight, and how we all manage it?

Mikkimomof6

I was an overweight kid with healthy weight parents and siblings (highest as a teen/young adult was 205 and I'm only 5'4)..I was very aware of it and I think it did more harm than good in terms of my sense of self worth. Yes, I have worked hard to get it into a normal range (although after having twins 8 months ago I am kind of starting over, lol)...and some of that motivation probably comes from always knowing I needed to make a change. Hard to say how things may have turned out if I always felt accepted for my physical appearance I guess.

rcreynol3090

As others have said, you have to decide for yourself to get healthier or it won't stick. I've been overweight since about the 4th or 5th grade. I was over 300# when I started college. I tried diets over the years, lost some but always gained it back. It took open-heart surgery at age 59 six months ago to give me that A-Ha! moment and realize it isn't about dieting, it's about changing my lifestyle. Happily, my wife used my heart surgery as her own incentive to join me in this journey to health.

nutmegoreo

I didn't start gaining until I was an adult. I had ups and downs. The only people who ever pointed it out was my mother (in a very cruel manner, which didn't encourage me away from drinking and overeating as coping strategies) and a doctor I was working with (I was over 230lb, when he asked as gently as possible if I realized how bad my weight was getting). I was in deny at my highest, and refused to get on a scale, which is why I don't know my true starting weight. I can take a good guess based on the fit (or lack of fit) of my biggest clothing.

All this to say that for me, it was a matter of approach. Someone approaching me in a caring and concerned manner had a much greater impact on me than someone telling me what a fat and horrible person I am. I knew I was fat, still am, but less so. No longer in denial though.

Jessie24330

No, it causes even more self hatred and (if repeated enough) strains the relationship you have with the person. I can still vividly remember a few comments my mom made when I was young. I wasn't even overweight then, she was just upset because the piece of cake I took was too big. It certainly never stopped me from gaining it later. But I'm surprised your doctor never brought it up to you, this is the best person to bring up these things because it's strictly from a health perspective.

ClockWorKitten

Sorry had something but got too personal.

WillingtoLose1001984

My problem, as a fat kid, was that no one really told me I could lose the weight or how. I honestly didn't think I could do it. I wish I had dealt with it a long time ago. I feel like my parents didn't really help me. I was called out for being heavy by my peers though and had awful elementary and middle school years.

KrazyKrissyy

I was called out when I was obese. Mainly by my mother and my sister. "Stop being a pig." "Your legs are getting fat." "You've put on a lot of weight." Etc. Am actually grateful (In a weird way). Sugarcoating isn't always the answer. Tough love works lol.

vegaslounge

Hello–

Wow, didn't expect so many responses, and sorry I haven't been back (I try and limit my internet time, successfully or not...)

"Calling out" was probably the wrong terminology and I apologize. I should have probably written "made you aware" but to be honest it didn't cross my mind that the former implied that much negativity. Mea culpa.

In response to "what would I personally have done had I been aware?"– it's difficult to answer. At the younger end of my weight gain (9-13 or so), probably not much. In my teens, something. What, I'm not certain but it wasn't the dark ages, the Internet existed and I've always been rabid for research so it is entirely within the realm of possibility that I would have figured something out. By my early 20s, of course, I had no excuse other than not stepping on the scale and realizing how far out of control things had become. Hitting 202 on the doctor's scale was a bucket of ice water. I actually woke up and realized why my joints were hurting and I was getting out of breath climbing up stairs, even though I was only 23.

I suppose it makes a big difference on whether you were actually aware you were overweight or not. As I said, I didn't really know. Aside from an anorexic grandmother, the majority of my family were or are overweight. My mother tried every popular diet in the book and pretty much made the family go along with her, so I was yo-yo dieting by proxy for about 15 years. I was aware of calories and nutrition from a very young age, but I figured it was a grown-up thing and I'd deal with it when I got to Mom's age. That's why I wish I had known sooner, so I wouldn't have to be figuring this out at Mom's age.

I'd like to thank everyone for their responses, it's been a really fascinating read.

~VL

callsitlikeiseeit

it wouldnt have made a difference.

just like quitting any bad habit or addiction, YOU have to want to make the changes necessary.

I quit smoking when *I* was ready
I lost weight when *I* was ready

Someone bitching to me about it would have only made me resentful.

clicketykeys

vegaslounge wrote: »

Hitting 202 on the doctor's scale was a bucket of ice water. I actually woke up and realized why my joints were hurting and I was getting out of breath climbing up stairs, even though I was only 23.

You know, it just occurred to me that while I gained weight steadily all my life, I didn't actually become overweight until I was an adult. So that may be part of why it was easier for me to notice that I was gaining: I had to get larger clothes. But like, when you're a child, DUH. Yes, you have to get larger clothes. And you gain weight. (AND you get taller!) It's a normal part of growing (literally) UP.

And especially if the weight gain is steady, rather than sudden, changes to ability based on health and fitness will be gradual, and therefore harder to notice. My doctor noticed at my last appointment that I was 10 lbs down from the previous one, and said "Do you feel better?" I just kind of shrugged and said "Well... no, not really. Not noticeably."

I've started having some of these conversations with my mother. The thing is, she knows whether she's gaining or losing weight. She has started tracking what she eats, and she's so careful about it and she tries SO HARD that it's been very difficult to point out that she may not be tracking accurately if she's not using a food scale. At least - I haven't figured out a way to do so that's been effective. I've mentioned it a time or two when she's brought it up, and she's gotten... not quite defensive, but close. I need to find that video that compares the measured portions to the estimated ones.

Thanks for the update, btw, OP! It started a conversation that's been really interesting to follow.

Ekoth1017

My Grandmother called me out on my weight all of the time. But then again she was half my size in height and was 100 pounds soaking wet. Looking back I know she had good intentions.