Do you ever wish someone had "called you out" over your weight?
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That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.2 -
That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.14 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
Oh I understand that!!! My father was awful tactless. He thought he was being funny - but I suspect that deep down inside he knew he was being mean, but made excuses by saying he was "only teasing" and "people won't like you if you can't take a joke." He used to call me Porky or Pork. I hated it - especially because I was NOT EVER overweight- ever. The name calling began just before puberty for me - when girls do start to get pudgy in places while their girl body is transitioning to a woman's. Even as a young adult - he would mock my 115lbs (5'6") and call me Elephant Walk because he said that's what it sounded like whenever I came into a room. It was so stupid because I was not fat. But he DID say it to obese family members and friends too -
I do have friends that DO know better than to let their kids eat handfuls and handfuls of cookies but they let them do it anyway - and then complain that the child is overweight. But they think the answer is to make them stop eating the stuff they like and make them eat only carrots and celery for snacks and they wonder why their kids rebel.2 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
Oh I understand that!!! My father was awful tactless. He thought he was being funny - but I suspect that deep down inside he knew he was being mean, but made excuses by saying he was "only teasing" and "people won't like you if you can't take a joke." He used to call me Porky or Pork. I hated it - especially because I was NOT EVER overweight- ever. The name calling began just before puberty for me - when girls do start to get pudgy in places while their girl body is transitioning to a woman's. Even as a young adult - he would mock my 115lbs (5'6") and call me Elephant Walk because he said that's what it sounded like whenever I came into a room. It was so stupid because I was not fat. But he DID say it to obese family members and friends too -
I do have friends that DO know better than to let their kids eat handfuls and handfuls of cookies but they let them do it anyway - and then complain that the child is overweight. But they think the answer is to make them stop eating the stuff they like and make them eat only carrots and celery for snacks and they wonder why their kids rebel.
Oh wow, that sounds so mean! I got the "fat is bad" stuff mostly second-hand growing up by seeing how my dad treated my mom and sister, who were constantly yo-yo dieting and fighting with him over it. I always knew I was just on the borderline of acceptable for him and was simultaneously terrified of becoming fat and convinced that I already was. I only started gaining weight a few years ago after going through a major depressive episode - he found out when he visited for my law school graduation after not seeing me for a couple of years and did not handle it well. We hashed it out eventually, but we didn't speak for months first.2 -
No, I believe this should be the responsibility of the individual, their doctors, and potentially parents of younger children. When I was in my early 20s I was "called out" for weight gain by a woman I worked with; I was aware that I had gone from a size 4/6 to a size 10, I knew I gained weight but I didn't think it really mattered all too much because I was very active and my doctors were happy with my overall health. Being called out wasn't an epiphany, it was a backslide into the eating disorders I suffered from in my early teens. I started living off of 600 calories a day and made myself terribly ill and depressed. That woman wasn't doing me any favors, it took me quite a while to pull myself out of the self-hatred and resentment towards her. It took even longer to build back my endurance and strength that took a beating when I was starving myself.5
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Pretty great you weren't bullied.
You never had a health class where they discussed ideal weight and what is good to eat in what proportion?
I spent a lot of my 20's wishing things in the past were different. That outcomes might be better if only... but in truth, I think there is a reason for each and everyone's path in life (good and bad). When I finally decided that I had to play the cards I was dealt, my path smoothed out considerably. You can only control what happens going forward and how you deal with what comes next. Learn. Recalibrate. Let it go.
A few examples of things I "wished" were different re me and food and my body:
1) Wished my parents didn't treat me poorly when I gained more weight than they thought I should have.
2) Wished I hadn't taken every sort of medication in order to lose weight that may have hurt my health in the long run.
3) Wished I had not said such horrible things to myself when I gained back hard to lose weight.
4) Wished I saw my pictures and saw how beautiful I was. Outsiders did. I saw only flaws.
My point... just say "meh" I am about now. And now I am getting healthy.5 -
Whether someone mentions your weight or whether everyone leaves it up to you, this alone will not fix everything.
Weight management requires work over a long period of time.
Comments can help. Comments can hinder. Sometimes negative comments can spur people on to change, though they can also influence a downward spiral.
But comments (or lack thereof) are not going to magically change our weight.
One thing that always helps is taking responsibility for our own eating.1 -
You never had a health class where they discussed ideal weight and what is good to eat in what proportion?.
I only have vague recollection of health class. I remember learning about the four food groups in 5th grade. At a time when I had no control over the food that was placed in front of me.
Sixth grade health class... Stands out in my mind because that's where I learned about being a girl. LOL. I remember nothing else about that class other than learning about the menstrual cycle. 8th grade health class we learned about sex it. Now I know there was more to the health class than that... But that's all that I remembered. The last health class I had I believe was in 10th Grade. That was when the most impression should have been made upon me but the only thing I came away from that class with was knowing that the school board had instructed the teacher to cut out the section on homosexuality in the sexuality section of the book. No joke.
Rather it was the way things were presented I don't know but I really remember very little from health class. I certainly don't remember ever hearing anything about portion control. I just remember hearing about the four food groups, and limiting sweets. And then of course there was the food guide pyramid. Again limiting sweets and fatty foods. I did that very well. I have never had a diet that was high in fat. I did have a Hyatt diet that is high in sugar. All the time. My mother had a sweet tooth and she would eat anything sweet... She was real thin at 90 lb.
. Now my mother made meals every night. They were always meat potatoes and a vegetable. Always. It was Bland and it was boring but I ate it. There was always an abundance of treats soda candy which I ate without any kind of restriction. I was never fat or overweight ever. Not until after I had children.0 -
fuzzylop72 wrote: »In my experience, 'calling people out' tends to make them defensive, and do the opposite of what is intended, so not really.
Exactly this!1 -
[quote="SilverRose89;c-41203712")
I really don't think you can ever make somebody else make any real changes in their life. [/quote]
This is one of the smartest comments i have ever read on a message board.2 -
Absolutely not. I've always been painfully aware of being overweight.2
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Do you ever wish someone had "called you out" over your weight?
No. Nope. Never. Not on your life!
I've been a bit overweight but never obese. I knew I was a bit overweight ... I stepped on the scale every day ... I can read. I knew why I was a bit overweight. I knew exactly what happened to get me there. And I knew how to rectify the situation. I didn't need anyone to tell me.1 -
clicketykeys wrote: »As I gained weight, I knew. I just didn't care... until I did.
Yeah ... this!
I had other things on the go during the few years I was overweight, and couldn't be bothered focusing on losing weight ... and then one day, I was ready.
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MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
This. So much this. In high school, one girl decided my name was now “fatty” even though I was not (and have never been) overweight or obese. Everyone thought this was hilarious, of course, but it certainly didn’t help my severe anorexia. I’m fact, I would say it was one of the numerous reasons I was eventually hospitalized for it, as it really screwed with my head. Although, you’d think that after finding out why I missed an entire year of school that she would stop using that nickname, right? Nope. She probably used it at a higher frequency after I came back. Still haunts me to this day if I’m honest.13 -
My mom expressed concerns about my weight when I was 12 and a size 5, and again when I was 15 and a size 8, and all throughout my time spent living with her. I think I was a size 14 or 16 when I left the house. She would buy me clothes a size too small on purpose for Christmas/birthdays and tell me to lose weight if I wanted to wear them. Only as an adult living on my own did I manage to convince her to shop at stores that cater to plus size women if she wants to give me clothing for Christmas, and even then she only orders online or with the catalog, as I think she's embarrassed to be seen in Torrid.
When I was 15 I was extremely active, on the swim team hitting the pool for 2 hours a day. The coaches kept us moving the entire time we were in the pool. Yet I thought I was fat, so I would only eat an apple and a soda until I got home from swim practice...at which point I had to fight the urge to binge on snacks until dinner was ready (often failing). I didn't have the energy to swim after a certain point and I quit the team and that led to quitting any attempt to lose weight...even though as a size 8 I did not need to lose weight. I didn't even really have a tummy pouch or anything. But after that I gained, steadily.
It has taken close to 15 years to even begin to heal my relationship with food, exercise, and my body. So no, I don't wish that anyone said something about my weight. I wish that I was allowed to be a teenager going through puberty and able to embrace the body changes that came with it, and encouraged to keep swimming instead. I miss swimming.6 -
No I just wish my whole family knew about proper nutrition so that I wouldn't have gone from being an obese kid to an obese adult.
Living in the south didn't help as most families in the south believe that food especially fried, greasy foods, should be given at not only special events but at most dinners. Food particularly the unhealthy and overly processed foods (fried chicken, mac and cheese, cornbread, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, soda, etc. etc.) is seen in the south as a way to show love and a way of fellowship.0 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
I think this has more to do with the manner in which something is conveyed and the overall relationship than with it being wrong to teach children that being fat is bad. When I was child I was taught that being fat was bad just as I was taught other behaviors that could harm me were bad. Not that people who are fat were bad, that overeating and becoming fat is bad. I also taught this to my children. Because it is bad. It's unhealthy.1 -
I did get called out by my family when i was younger. I remember my brother looking at me in disgust once telling me to take p.e class.
I remember my mom being so angry with me when i started gaining weight rapidly. I had practically been starving myself and when i stopped i gained 30lbs in a month. She had to buy me new pants so much that month. My dad was never mean about it but he was always trying to get me to exercise.
But I still wish when i had got to my biggest, about 180 at 4'11 more people would have said something. I can't believe i left myself go that much.
I'm now at 145 and still working on losing more.2 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.
OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
Yes it is a parent's job - and unfortunately most people are very poorly schooled in proper nutrition - most people have no idea. That's why we are in the state we are in.
With respect to the parent issue, I think there should be a distinction made between "teaching your child how to manage their weight" and "teaching your child that being fat is bad." Many parents seem to jump straight to the latter, which in my personal experience is incredibly damaging and almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I certainly resisted losing weight for a long time not in small part because I didn't want to prove him right about me - because it would prove that everything I'd accomplished was meaningless because I was fat. I'm seeing him in a few months for the first time since I started losing weight and am planning on getting in a few sessions with a therapist in preparation because I'm genuinely nervous about his reaction and what effect it might have on me.
I think this has more to do with the manner in which something is conveyed and the overall relationship than with it being wrong to teach children that being fat is bad. When I was child I was taught that being fat was bad just as I was taught other behaviors that could harm me were bad. Not that people who are fat were bad, that overeating and becoming fat is bad. I also taught this to my children. Because it is bad. It's unhealthy.
Good point. I should have said "being fat makes you a bad person", which is 100% what I got from my dad (in addition to "no one will love or hire you if you're fat," and "you being fat makes me look like a bad parent" - he was a piece of work).4 -
No, I don't think it would have helped me. I was painfully aware of every extra pound. My then husband did "call me out" once and it pretty much broke my heart. I knew I was fat. I just didn't know what to do about it until I found MFP. Also, I am reminded of back when I used to smoke cigarettes. People were *constantly* telling me how bad they were and what a disgusting habit it was. Those conversations always left me craving a cigarette! It wasn't until I decided on my own that I was ready to quit that it happened.2
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