Do you ever wish someone had "called you out" over your weight?

I was a fat kid, I will make no bones about it. It seems to have started when I was 8-9 – previous photos showed a normal, even kinda-skinny little girl. There is no trauma in my background, I was never molested, my parents were more-than-less happily married. But, I liked to eat and I just got fat.

I only recall one instance where my weight was an issue with peers, when, in 5th grade, we were illustrating poems we had written about our recent field trip to a water park. I drew myself going down a slide and a desk mate remarked, “you didn’t look like that, you’re bigger”. So…I redrew myself to reflect a bigger size. But, I didn’t feel any shame over it, it was almost constructive criticism.

Middle school was miserable for me, and I was bullied, but not for my weight– which was rapidly escalating out of control. I distinctly remember being weighed in gym class and the scale reading 160. I was 11 years old. But again– I was not bullied because of my weight. It was more due to my shyness, awful, AWFUL haircut, 1970s librarian glasses, and general bookishness.

High school was amazing. Loved every minute aside from math and chem classes (hey, I’m into history, art and English lit). Had great friends, made decent grades, got along with everyone– jocks, cheerleaders, nerds and stoners and Goths. And all the while, I was creeping further and further up the scale. I have no idea how much I weighed at this time because I never checked, but I had to have been around 180 at 5’6".

I did not take my weight seriously until I passed out on the stoop of my NYC apt and woke up on the sidewalk with a cluster of strangers surrounding me telling me it’s okay, they’ve called an ambulance, just hold still. Hospital weighs me at 202. Blood pressure is crazy, cholesterol is worrying, I’m 24 years old and they’re discussing long-term medication.

I’m 32 now. In those intervening years I’d gotten down to 157, am currently at 170 (I lost my mother recently and stress-ate like an SOB) and I’ll be damned if I get to 202, or even over 170 again.

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if someone had brought my weight to my attention earlier. As I spent my tween/adolescence in LA– the most image-conscious city in the world– it seems almost crazy this WASN’T something I was picked on for. But, it was never mentioned. While obviously bullying and fat-shaming for the sake of being a prick is wrong…nobody– not parents, teachers, etc ever brought it up to me that I was overweight.

What I wish is that I had been aware of my weight at an earlier age so I could have fixed it sooner. I knew I couldn’t keep up with the other kids at PE, I wheezed after a short jog, but I didn’t know WHY. I had no concept of calories or portion sizes and my weight wasn’t made a big deal of either with family or peers. In many ways I’m glad– there are so many horror stories of kids being bullied for their weight. But at the same time…I wish someone would have told me, because I honestly never knew

vegaslounge wrote: »

Hello–

Wow, didn't expect so many responses, and sorry I haven't been back (I try and limit my internet time, successfully or not...)

"Calling out" was probably the wrong terminology and I apologize. I should have probably written "made you aware" but to be honest it didn't cross my mind that the former implied that much negativity. Mea culpa.

In response to "what would I personally have done had I been aware?"– it's difficult to answer. At the younger end of my weight gain (9-13 or so), probably not much. In my teens, something. What, I'm not certain but it wasn't the dark ages, the Internet existed and I've always been rabid for research so it is entirely within the realm of possibility that I would have figured something out. By my early 20s, of course, I had no excuse other than not stepping on the scale and realizing how far out of control things had become. Hitting 202 on the doctor's scale was a bucket of ice water. I actually woke up and realized why my joints were hurting and I was getting out of breath climbing up stairs, even though I was only 23.

I suppose it makes a big difference on whether you were actually aware you were overweight or not. As I said, I didn't really know. Aside from an anorexic grandmother, the majority of my family were or are overweight. My mother tried every popular diet in the book and pretty much made the family go along with her, so I was yo-yo dieting by proxy for about 15 years. I was aware of calories and nutrition from a very young age, but I figured it was a grown-up thing and I'd deal with it when I got to Mom's age. That's why I wish I had known sooner, so I wouldn't have to be figuring this out at Mom's age.

I'd like to thank everyone for their responses, it's been a really fascinating read.

~VL

GothicsDarkAngel wrote: »

veganbaum wrote: »

If anyone cares to answer, did those of you who developed eating disorders or just a disordered relationship with food, ever have a conversation with your parents about it? Or those who didn't develop a disorder but had parents call them fat when they weren't?

I'm just curious as to whether some parents ever acknowledged their role in weight issues with their children?

No, I never discussed it with my mother, and I can't with my father; as he is already dead.
I wouldn't cause my mother added stress by even mentioning the fact that I know in many instances she loved me (read: all of the kids) with food because often, she had nothing else to offer. We live and love through food, and I'd hate to have her feel guilty because of it.

Ultimately, as an adult, its my choice, and it has BEEN my choice for years. I just repeated the problem. Even after my medical education, and knowing better...I still made poor choices. I have to own that too. Everything can't and won't be put on my mothers shoulders.