How do you feel about cheating and would you forgive your partner if they did?
Replies
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Forgiveness is beautiful. Mercy can change a life.1
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Real life cheating or mfp cheating?4
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Honey_baby22 wrote: »I’m 22 years old and I’ve never dated. My parents were pretty strict but when I graduated high school I immediately started working then went to college so I couldn’t really find any time to date with all the stuff going on. When I hear about a cheater I automatically get upset because that’s not cool and say the person should dump them. But maybe I’m only feeling this way because I’ve never dated and I’m not I’m there shoes? Idk. What do you guys feel about it?
When I was your age the person I was seeing decided they wanted to have a thing with someone else as well. I considered our relationship over with because of that. I was upset but it was pretty easy to walk away and move on.
I've been married 18 years and if my partner was cheating now it would be more complicated. We have a lot of history together and a child together. Our finances are tied together. I don't know if we could rebuild trust and get over it but it would be harder to just seperate and move on. It is really hard to imagine but we might stay together. The only situation I can imagine being kind of okay with my spouse having an affair is if I were in an extended coma. I would understand possibly turning to someone else for comfort and support. It would have to be something extreme to justify it.
I do know a married couple where one person cheated and they stayed together. I do think less of the person who cheated on their spouse. It is between the two of them though.
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Trust and respect are crucial. If they cheat they do not have respect - for you, for themselves, for anyone affected by their choices.
Trust is a fragile thing and I'm not sure if it would be possible to fix once broken. You would always be wondering: Are they really working late? How wet is that gym towel? What exactly are they doing on their phone right now?
The seed of doubt has been planted and that is a fast growing weed with deep and solid roots.
Just my thoughts. My ex never cheated on me with another woman, but there were other things that kept him out, sometimes all night. I am glad I don't have that stress in my life anymore. I sleep so much better these days knowing that it is no longer my problem3 -
I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
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caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
The patriarchy0 -
eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
The patriarchy
COMPLETE SENTENCES0 -
caco_ethes wrote: »eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
The patriarchy
COMPLETE SENTENCES
The patriarchy also means I don’t have to5 -
eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
The patriarchy
COMPLETE SENTENCES
The patriarchy also means I don’t have to
Hate0 -
caco_ethes wrote: »eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
The patriarchy
COMPLETE SENTENCES
The patriarchy also means I don’t have to
Hate
Hug0 -
eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »eccomi_qui wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
The patriarchy
COMPLETE SENTENCES
The patriarchy also means I don’t have to
Hate
Hug
Hrmph0 -
As long as the cheater buys you cool gifts to say sorry afterwards it's ok.1
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I cheated on my right hand0
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Honey_baby22 wrote: »I’m 22 years old and I’ve never dated. My parents were pretty strict but when I graduated high school I immediately started working then went to college so I couldn’t really find any time to date with all the stuff going on. When I hear about a cheater I automatically get upset because that’s not cool and say the person should dump them. But maybe I’m only feeling this way because I’ve never dated and I’m not I’m there shoes? Idk. What do you guys feel about it?
Hard to say...I've never found anyone that I thought would be "the one", I have also never cheated.
I have a good friend who has found "the one" (so far) through cheating...both him and her were married when they got together. They were both were unhappy in their marriages and it was a great difficulty to separate from their spouse (for one of them), but they seem happy now.
Bottom line imo is if you cheat there is a good reason...you are not happy and/or seek something else/more. Yes it could/should be done in another way (breaking up first) but life isn't so tidy.1 -
I cheat when I play monopoly0
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Oh, would I forgive...no1
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What would a Canadian say....1
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is it you?0
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My wife would not cheat on me, nor would I cheat on her. If she thought she could find a better relationship with another, I would want her to be happy. I would step aside.
For me? Personally, as much as I love her, I also have three daughters, that I could not look in the eye if I cheated on their Mother. I want to set an example for them and a standard on what they should look for in a partner.
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TheRoadDog wrote: »My wife would not cheat on me, nor would I cheat on her. If she thought she could find a better relationship with another, I would want her to be happy. I would step aside.
For me? Personally, as much as I love her, I also have three daughters, that I could not look in the eye if I cheated on their Mother. I want to set an example for them and a standard on what they should look for in a partner.
Very admirable0 -
caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
And this is why I love that you're my friend. Couldn't have put it any better!1 -
I have some unfortunate experience with this. Thing is, the answer is highly individualized.
Thing is, most people do the bravado thing and tell you how strong and amazing they would be kicking someone to the curb for it, but there are a lot of cases where those hard lines blurr.
First, it depends on the reasons for cheating. The depth of the cheating could be a one-night stand, and short fling, or a long term affair. Different responses will make it a mistake or a choice.
Second, it depends on the willingness to forgive and EVERYTHING that entails. Problem with forgiveness is, it is a commitment by the person slighted to take on the pain of the break in trust for the rest of their life. It never goes away. It is something you cannot keep throwing in their face or using as a bargaining chip. You literally send the pain below, but it is always there.
Also, trust will NEVER completely be restored and the relationship will be forever changed. There is no going back to something that was. Never.
Then there is how the break in trust will run its' course over time. It is easy to think in the throw of things that one can forgive, take things on, and work with the new relationship as it re-develops. But over time...perspective changes...and hearts change...and things just change.
Many times in longer term relationships, it just comes down to family and what it all means in contrast to the family life you have.
So, is it worth it, or better to start new and move on?
Many couples I have seen try to go through it eventually end. Some immediately, some shortly after, and some down the road. There are very few that make it through and build to something good again.8 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
And this is why I love that you're my friend. Couldn't have put it any better!
Go read "Sex at Dawn" ... will open your eyes to a lot
In the end, lust is cunning and baffling0 -
I have some unfortunate experience with this. Thing is, the answer is highly individualized.
Thing is, most people do the bravado thing and tell you how strong and amazing they would be kicking someone to the curb for it, but there are a lot of cases where those hard lines blurr.
First, it depends on the reasons for cheating. The depth of the cheating could be a one-night stand, and short fling, or a long term affair. Different responses will make it a mistake or a choice.
Second, it depends on the willingness to forgive and EVERYTHING that entails. Problem with forgiveness is, it is a commitment by the person slighted to take on the pain of the break in trust for the rest of their life. It never goes away. It is something you cannot keep throwing in their face or using as a bargaining chip. You literally send the pain below, but it is always there.
Also, trust will NEVER completely be restored and the relationship will be forever changed. There is no going back to something that was. Never.
Then there is how the break in trust will run its' course over time. It is easy to think in the throw of things that one can forgive, take things on, and work with the new relationship as it re-develops. But over time...perspective changes...and hearts change...and things just change.
Many times in longer term relationships, it just comes down to family and what it all means in contrast to the family life you have.
So, is it worth it, or better to start new and move on?
Many couples I have seen try to go through it eventually end. Some immediately, some shortly after, and some down the road. There are very few that make it through and build to something good again.
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Thing is, most people do the bravado thing and tell you how strong and amazing they would be kicking someone to the curb for it, but there are a lot of cases where those hard lines blurr.
This was a really well thought out answer and I agree. It's really hard to end a relationship sometimes, no matter how hard you're hurt. Especially when the other person might be apologizing and promising that it'll "never happen again".
I believe that in some situations you can heal from such a breach in trust but for most it's a symptom of a bigger problem. I've never been cheated on (knock on wood) but I would think if it happened that it meant my partner wasn't completely happy in the relationship. I would think if we wanted to stay together we'd need to find the root of the problem. Either that or cut our losses and let them find someone new.1 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
And this is why I love that you're my friend. Couldn't have put it any better!
Go read "Sex at Dawn" ... will open your eyes to a lot
In the end, lust is cunning and baffling
Not really, I've read that book and it didn't really enlighten me to anything I didn't already know.
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Being unfaithful is incredibly selfish and narcissistic. The cheater is putting their own pleasures and desires in front of the spouses and children’s needs, feelings, and emotional health.7
This discussion has been closed.
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