How do you feel about cheating and would you forgive your partner if they did?
Replies
-
Oh, would I forgive...no1
-
What would a Canadian say....1
-
is it you?0
-
My wife would not cheat on me, nor would I cheat on her. If she thought she could find a better relationship with another, I would want her to be happy. I would step aside.
For me? Personally, as much as I love her, I also have three daughters, that I could not look in the eye if I cheated on their Mother. I want to set an example for them and a standard on what they should look for in a partner.
14 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »My wife would not cheat on me, nor would I cheat on her. If she thought she could find a better relationship with another, I would want her to be happy. I would step aside.
For me? Personally, as much as I love her, I also have three daughters, that I could not look in the eye if I cheated on their Mother. I want to set an example for them and a standard on what they should look for in a partner.
Very admirable0 -
caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
And this is why I love that you're my friend. Couldn't have put it any better!1 -
I have some unfortunate experience with this. Thing is, the answer is highly individualized.
Thing is, most people do the bravado thing and tell you how strong and amazing they would be kicking someone to the curb for it, but there are a lot of cases where those hard lines blurr.
First, it depends on the reasons for cheating. The depth of the cheating could be a one-night stand, and short fling, or a long term affair. Different responses will make it a mistake or a choice.
Second, it depends on the willingness to forgive and EVERYTHING that entails. Problem with forgiveness is, it is a commitment by the person slighted to take on the pain of the break in trust for the rest of their life. It never goes away. It is something you cannot keep throwing in their face or using as a bargaining chip. You literally send the pain below, but it is always there.
Also, trust will NEVER completely be restored and the relationship will be forever changed. There is no going back to something that was. Never.
Then there is how the break in trust will run its' course over time. It is easy to think in the throw of things that one can forgive, take things on, and work with the new relationship as it re-develops. But over time...perspective changes...and hearts change...and things just change.
Many times in longer term relationships, it just comes down to family and what it all means in contrast to the family life you have.
So, is it worth it, or better to start new and move on?
Many couples I have seen try to go through it eventually end. Some immediately, some shortly after, and some down the road. There are very few that make it through and build to something good again.8 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
And this is why I love that you're my friend. Couldn't have put it any better!
Go read "Sex at Dawn" ... will open your eyes to a lot
In the end, lust is cunning and baffling0 -
I have some unfortunate experience with this. Thing is, the answer is highly individualized.
Thing is, most people do the bravado thing and tell you how strong and amazing they would be kicking someone to the curb for it, but there are a lot of cases where those hard lines blurr.
First, it depends on the reasons for cheating. The depth of the cheating could be a one-night stand, and short fling, or a long term affair. Different responses will make it a mistake or a choice.
Second, it depends on the willingness to forgive and EVERYTHING that entails. Problem with forgiveness is, it is a commitment by the person slighted to take on the pain of the break in trust for the rest of their life. It never goes away. It is something you cannot keep throwing in their face or using as a bargaining chip. You literally send the pain below, but it is always there.
Also, trust will NEVER completely be restored and the relationship will be forever changed. There is no going back to something that was. Never.
Then there is how the break in trust will run its' course over time. It is easy to think in the throw of things that one can forgive, take things on, and work with the new relationship as it re-develops. But over time...perspective changes...and hearts change...and things just change.
Many times in longer term relationships, it just comes down to family and what it all means in contrast to the family life you have.
So, is it worth it, or better to start new and move on?
Many couples I have seen try to go through it eventually end. Some immediately, some shortly after, and some down the road. There are very few that make it through and build to something good again.
0 -
Thing is, most people do the bravado thing and tell you how strong and amazing they would be kicking someone to the curb for it, but there are a lot of cases where those hard lines blurr.
This was a really well thought out answer and I agree. It's really hard to end a relationship sometimes, no matter how hard you're hurt. Especially when the other person might be apologizing and promising that it'll "never happen again".
I believe that in some situations you can heal from such a breach in trust but for most it's a symptom of a bigger problem. I've never been cheated on (knock on wood) but I would think if it happened that it meant my partner wasn't completely happy in the relationship. I would think if we wanted to stay together we'd need to find the root of the problem. Either that or cut our losses and let them find someone new.1 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
And this is why I love that you're my friend. Couldn't have put it any better!
Go read "Sex at Dawn" ... will open your eyes to a lot
In the end, lust is cunning and baffling
Not really, I've read that book and it didn't really enlighten me to anything I didn't already know.
0 -
-
Being unfaithful is incredibly selfish and narcissistic. The cheater is putting their own pleasures and desires in front of the spouses and children’s needs, feelings, and emotional health.7
-
deep0
-
_barefoot_ wrote: »
??0 -
I
Know
Right1 -
_barefoot_ wrote: »
I got you Gurl1 -
-
I've been cheated on before, & I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I was younger then and didn't listen to my mom when she said "once a cheater, always a cheater". After a year of my ex randomly showing up, messaging me, saying all the right things to win me back, I forgave him & decided to give "us" another chance. Within a month of being back together, he cheated on me with HIS ex that cheated on HIM. I learned my lesson, though.
Would I forgive someone for cheating on me? Yes, but I will never forget - and they will never be given the opportunity to hurt me again.2 -
I have been cheated on by my ex so many times. Took me 5 years and lots of abuse to finally decide it was enough and realize I had done more then my share to make things work. I always tried to take responsibility in some way, because I thought then it meant that I could change something. You can't change someone. I finally left and met my amazing husband. I know other women/men that also endured more then someone should ever have to. I think it's something most people go through and in itself is a lesson to be learned... I don't think I would ever endure what I endured for my ex ever again. You can tell your friends that they should know better and all, but the true is they do know. It's just hard to accept and move on. I think you need to reach the point of no-return to really get it. Chasing love makes us do weird stuff... cuz REAL love doesn't ask anything, it just gives. I understand that now that I am with a person that takes as good care of me as I took care of him.
Whatever your friend is going through, good luck! Just be understanding, as it already is a hard situation to be in and most people tend to feel ashamed and end up isolating themselves until they (hopefully) finally break free.3
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393K Introduce Yourself
- 43.7K Getting Started
- 260.1K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.8K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 415 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.9K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.6K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.5K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions