Is it wrong to date more than one person

PoppyFlower1

As above x

PoppyFlower1

Also I wish I’d put this question in chit chat! Not sure how to move it

jgnatca

Well, you can strike another one off your list.

It is hard to feel special if you know you are just another fish in the sea.

MarvinsAMartian

You're up front. I'd be cool with it. I don't think it's wrong if you're honest. It's 2018, if someone's going to be butthurt about you playing the field to find what you need then they're not worth your time anyway.

RoxieDawn

I don't have an opinion on how many you should date at a time. I've been married for 20 years to Mr. Right.

But I think this guy last night may have asked you what you were doing today to see if you were open to maybe having some more time together. I think maybe a missed opportunity unless you really didn't care for this guy.

PoppyFlower1

Thanks, yeah I wasn’t really into him. So I’m glad I shut it down but I didn’t actually think about that at the time, so I will keep that in mind for future reference thank you xx

gogetemrogue

I have two boyfriends, one I live with and one long distance. They both know about each other and are fine with the situation at this time. In my eyes, lying about seeing other people is morally reprehensible. My boyfriend and I were previously in a triad with someone who lied about not having other partners and ended up pregnant and unsure of who the father was (it wasn't my BF for certain, they had not been intimate for a long time before that.) It wasn't the sleeping with other people that was so hurtful, it was the lying about it, especially when directly asked.

If you have a conversation with someone about exclusivity, it is wrong to go against what was agreed upon by the people involved. If no agreement has happened yet, you don't owe exclusivity, but you may find some people are put off when you are still dating other people while dating them. Knowing about your partner's other partners is important for accessing risk of STI infection and making informed decisions about your love/sex life. But at the same time, don't assume exclusivity unless it has been established.

In other words, you did nothing wrong and you are probably better off without this guy.

elphie754

Do they know about each other?

I love in a poly household. 3 adults all in a relationship together. It can be difficult at times but we make it work. Sure, some people shake a finger at us and tell us how horrible it is, but we just ignore them.

So no, I don't think it is weird.

staticsplit

If everyone knows, it's fine. Polyamory is on the rise. If you're being secretive, or the other party is, then I'd say that's going to result in someone getting hurt.

callsitlikeiseeit

if youre doing something you wouldnt want the other to know about, then its probably wrong. if you both know and agree to date other people, then its not a problem.

if my fiance was seeing other people, I would be single.

Lounmoun

If they both know your relationship is not exclusive than it might be okay... not wrong. I say that because I have seen people who thought/said they were cool with it but someone ended up with hurt feelings and everyone went their seperate ways.
I think some people may not know themselves or want to have some kind of relationship that they will agree when deep down it is not what they want. It is a risk. Talk it out with everyone involved if it is what you really want.

It would be wrong to date two people with one or both of them thinking they are the only person you are seeing. If you can't tell them then that is a clue it is wrong.

Chieflrg

elphie754 wrote: »

Do they know about each other?

I love in a poly household. 3 adults all in a relationship together. It can be difficult at times but we make it work. Sure, some people shake a finger at us and tell us how horrible it is, but we just ignore them.

So no, I don't think it is weird.

+1
A relationship that is based on honesty is healthy in my opinion.

purpleannex

Since when was dating the same as being in a relationship.

brittneyalley

That seems like waaaaay too much work for me! If both people know and agree then why wouldn’t it be fine?

MelanieCN77

purpleannex wrote: »

Since when was dating the same as being in a relationship.

Well I think that's the question isn't it? Who is to say when that magic moment happens when one or the other is invested enough to not want to share? Luckily, honest conversations are free and easy to come by.

shannonprovenzano2812

Only you know what’s right for you. No one can tell you if what you’re doing is “wrong”. Although if you didn’t have a guilty conscious you wouldn’t be asking this question.

Picture yourself if the role was reversed and a guy you were “dating” was also dating someone else. Would you be cool with that?

Falklang

Dating as in seeing potential partners and not too involved (ie sex) nope not wrong. It's when people start getting intimate with multiple people, that's where i draw the line at (personally).

TheHawk007

Honesty is always.............what?

russelljam08

Is one of them a doctor?

FlyingMolly

I don't think it's wrong, but it's never really worked for me. I just couldn't get as excited as I'd want to be about more than one person at once, so it sort of felt like a waste of everyone's time to follow through on dates with others when my heart clearly wasn't in it. If that's not how it is for you, have at it!

elphie754

Well apparently some people feel very strongly against polyamory (had some interesting private messages waiting for me today). Just to clear up a common misconception I saw- being in a poly relationship is not the same as living in a fundamentalist polygamist compound nor does it mean we share their ideals at all.


OP- be yourself. If dating multiple people makes you happy (and you are not being secretive about it/cheating on someone) there is nothing wrong with that. Don't let the naysayers discourage you from living the life you want to live. There will always be critics out there regardless of how your live you life.

Alatariel75

elphie754 wrote: »

Well apparently some people feel very strongly against polyamory (had some interesting private messages waiting for me today). Just to clear up a common misconception I saw- being in a poly relationship is not the same as living in a fundamentalist polygamist compound nor does it mean we share their ideals at all.


OP- be yourself. If dating multiple people makes you happy (and you are not being secretive about it/cheating on someone) there is nothing wrong with that. Don't let the naysayers discourage you from living the life you want to live. There will always be critics out there regardless of how your live you life.

It's sad that people feel the need to butt into your life like that. People need to grow up.

OP - I agree that honesty is key. Pretty much any situation is fine as long as all involved are aware of the situation and you aren't misleading anyone.

elphie754

Alatariel75 wrote: »

elphie754 wrote: »

Well apparently some people feel very strongly against polyamory (had some interesting private messages waiting for me today). Just to clear up a common misconception I saw- being in a poly relationship is not the same as living in a fundamentalist polygamist compound nor does it mean we share their ideals at all.


OP- be yourself. If dating multiple people makes you happy (and you are not being secretive about it/cheating on someone) there is nothing wrong with that. Don't let the naysayers discourage you from living the life you want to live. There will always be critics out there regardless of how your live you life.

It's sad that people feel the need to butt into your life like that. People need to grow up.

OP - I agree that honesty is key. Pretty much any situation is fine as long as all involved are aware of the situation and you aren't misleading anyone.

We are very used to it. We refuse to be ashamed for being a happy family.

Lounmoun

purpleannex wrote: »

Since when was dating the same as being in a relationship.

I think it can be different but also the same.
One date is not a relationship. The act of dating is not necessarily forming or being in a relationship. A relationship is an attatchment or connection to a person.
Dating is often used to describe a relationship. A couple can say they have been dating for 6 months or 3 years and you would understand that that was a relationship. They might not be living together or made any commitment.

Unknown

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WanderingRivers

Polyamory is totally acceptable. Just make sure all parties are on board and consent is obtained.

eccomi_qui

That's what a calendar is for

Merkavar

I think it has to do with whether you lie about it.

If you are dating two or more people and telling them all they are the only one, then that doesn’t seem a great way to have a relationship.

But if you are open about it and everyone is ok with it then why not?

TonyB0588

Depends on the definition of dating.

I never dated, and it's almost 30 years of marriage for me now.

LiftingRiot

OP... I'm glad you came to MFP for your dating advice. These classy people will always point you down the right path. Listen to everything they say like its scripture.

Ready2befithealthy

If everyone knows it’s okay.