Dating struggles...frustrated and sad.
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missyj1115 wrote: »I have been single for 7 years and yes it is sad, the dating world is definitely not what it used to be! Online seems to give not only men but women a false sense of expectations that are not seemed to be met in person. I did not try dating for 2 1/2 years after my divorce just worked on myself and finding me again. In these past 4 1/2 years of putting myself out there it has been emotionally draining to say the least.
On my profiles I have actually had to put the following; I am not a cougar looking to play out your fantasy's nor am I looking for a much older sugar daddy, I am not bi looking to be a couples playmate, I am not a sub looking for her dom, I will not marry you just to help raise your 7 children, I am not the occasional hook up as you are passing through town nor am I looking for Fu** buddies!! I have been through the ringer so needless to say dates have been few and far in between for me but if you don't keep putting yourself out there are you prepared to spend the rest of your days not knowing?
I hate it I do, do they like me? Do I like them? Am I to picky? Should I settle? (HELL NO NEVER AGAIN) Am I to big? (Who the hell cares) You need to love yourself for who you are before you can expect someone to love and care for you. To all those boys who don't call back or want that second date as much as it might hurt.. Good Riddance you don't want someone in your life that doesn't want to be there.
I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone and as frustrating as it is to wait and wait and wait and wait it is a necessary evil I suppose. I am a single mom full time that works to provide a life for us and have little time to go out searching as to why I am on these sites as well. Who knows maybe one day I will have my Hallmark moment and bump into someone but for the time being I have to sift through all the frogs until I find my prince!! Good Luck to you hun and never settle no matter how much you may miss having that someone in your life, you are better than that never forget that!!!
WOW Missy! It's a shame you had to include all that in your profile. But, there are plenty of jerks out there. I wish you well sifting through frogs.
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The problem with online dating, and social media in general is that, in my humble opinion, is that we have lost the art of real conversation. I've been single for 3 years and bring up two teenage children on my own, and holding down a full time job. Tried online dating had mixed responses. Love my kids too death, but sometimes need some adult conversation.4
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So, I've been overweight for the past 5 years or so, but single for almost a year now (my boyfriend actually passed away suddenly in March of 2017). In November, I decided that enough was enough and it was time to make my health and well being a priority. I started working out at least 3 times a week (heavy lifting, a bit of cardio and recently yoga at home on my off days) and counting calories, being more conscious of what I'm eating and how much. I'm loving this new lifestyle and I can tell there's been a huge shift in my thinking...I'll never go back to my old way of life, I know this. That being said, when I started in November I was 228lbs... I'm now 213, so still very overweight, but figured it was time to get back out into the dating world. I get quite a bit of attention on tinder, Bumble, etc and have gone out on numerous dates over the past few months. We always have a very nice time, the dates always last at least a couple of hours and they always end with the guy saying "I had fun, we should do this again". The only issue? I never hear from them again, unless I contact them first. Usually there's a bit of back and forth convo, maybe a few pics sent and received... but no talk of a second date. I never end up seeing them again. I've met probably 10-12 guys, 2 of them I wasn't interested in, the rest I definitely would have gone out with again if it was an option...but it wasn't. Needless to say, I feel really depressed over this and can't help but feel like I'm "too overweight" to date. I'm 31 and not getting any younger, and still have hopes and dreams of getting married and having children one day... but that's not gonna happen if things keep going like they have been. It's not like I'm only meeting a certain type of guy, either... I've met guys 10 years older, a few years younger, fit, overweight, full head of hair, bald, kids, no kids.... doesn't matter. None of them like me.
I feel like giving up completely until I'm at my goal weight...
Let me suggest that you focus on you. Five years ago I was in an unhappy marriage and sorely out of shape. Ironically, my now-ex introduced me to MFP. The LAST thing I had time for was a relationship. Fast forward five years: divorced, made one long distance friend on MFP, and am engaged to a beautiful girl I meet on MFP. It'll all fall into place when it's supposed to.1 -
I’ll date you if you happen to like the ladies too! Lol5
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xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »Very sorry for your loss, and congratulations on taking the steps to improve your health @caiteh86
As to dating, there's a number of reasons why. Most of which it sounds like has been covered. It sucks that a lot of people don't follow through with enjoying time spent with somone, and they tend to ghost them. Could be solely because they only want to date, they're only looking for easy hookups, or perhaps they just don't have the courage to tell someone they aren't interested.
From a guy's perspective, I've not had much luck with apps such as Tinder, PoF, etc. Or, even Match (my account is active, I just removed profile due to no responses/messages. Waiting for it to expire now). But, I'm also extremely busy and don't leave much time for dating due to involvements in activities, work, schooling, etc. So, I really don't even have time to fret over not having dates. Happily single is how I view it.
If you'd like, there is a "Singles Hangout" thread that is fairly active: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10213897/the-singles-hangout#latest
Look at you advertising for us!!! We are a fantastic lot4 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »Very sorry for your loss, and congratulations on taking the steps to improve your health @caiteh86
As to dating, there's a number of reasons why. Most of which it sounds like has been covered. It sucks that a lot of people don't follow through with enjoying time spent with somone, and they tend to ghost them. Could be solely because they only want to date, they're only looking for easy hookups, or perhaps they just don't have the courage to tell someone they aren't interested.
From a guy's perspective, I've not had much luck with apps such as Tinder, PoF, etc. Or, even Match (my account is active, I just removed profile due to no responses/messages. Waiting for it to expire now). But, I'm also extremely busy and don't leave much time for dating due to involvements in activities, work, schooling, etc. So, I really don't even have time to fret over not having dates. Happily single is how I view it.
If you'd like, there is a "Singles Hangout" thread that is fairly active: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10213897/the-singles-hangout#latest
Look at you advertising for us!!! We are a fantastic lot
Wheres all the British singles though lol0 -
I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.5
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Can I step in and say, I have not had any luck with Tinder, Bumble, etc. Bumble is probably the worst because the guy literally gets to sit back and do nothing except wait. These sites are terrible in that they provide easy access and a new person every weekend or night if need be. There are lots of disrespectful, rude, insane, etc. people on these sites. It's not about your weight, honey. People are just outright disrespectful and childish.
I dated a guy for two months and never asked anything of him, only to be ghosted completely for two months. I let him back in (which was my own fault), only for him to flake out on me again. He pretended to be relationship material when we were together, talking about wanting to meet my friends, and if we could work it out from a distance issue we had, but when we were apart he was a different person. Blah blah enough about him, point is he wasn't worth the time of day and it did not reflect on anything I had done wrong.
I know you feel like it's something you did. It's not. To add to my sob story, I dated a guy I thought was decent and had no issues for two months after the other guy. We made plans for a date on Monday for Friday, and I never heard anything from him since that Monday. Completely ghosted yet again. He got one text and one call from me, and that was all I would be willing to give. I took him off facebook ,and yes it hurt my feelings. Yes for a while, after it happening twice in a row, I wondered what it is about me that would make someone do such a thing.
Then I wrote myself a letter describing all the positive things I had done in general while in those situations. I wrote about all the positive things I like about myself, and about being alone. It sounds cheesy but I wrote them all down and I wrote it with love. I wrote it genuinely, not using any speculation. Anyway it helped remind me, and it is nice to come back to read and be reminded of my worth.
Don't put a timeline on the things in your life. I have had friends who did not have children until they were 40+ and they are happy as ever. I don't mind whether I have children or not, as I know that will not define me. Just as finding a partner in x years or months does not define me either. I hope these words give you some comfort, as I am dealing with similar issues. (Since August LOL!)
Now I'm putting my head down and working. I'm working hard at the gym and at home, trying to get my master's degree finished in a record six months. The distractions are at a minimum which is great so I can get my work done and focus on my career. Find something to throw yourself into, whether it be work, home, gym, whatever. Hope this helps hon, and please do not forget your worth.7 -
Got news for you, being lighter won't change things. I've done (shoot, still am) the online dating thing. Only ONCE has it ever turned into more than 1 date. And I've been single and "actively" (as in looking to) dating for 4 years now.
All of my more "successful" dating adventures were dating someone I knew already or met organically.1 -
HoneyBadger155 wrote: »Got news for you, being lighter won't change things. I've done (shoot, still am) the online dating thing. Only ONCE has it ever turned into more than 1 date. And I've been single and "actively" (as in looking to) dating for 4 years now.
All of my more "successful" dating adventures were dating someone I knew already or met organically.
Well thats me off to join the monastery0 -
I am definitely no authority on dating or marriage. However I would think if you are looking for a serious person to date it would be hard and probably should be. Anything worth a damn in life doesn't come easy, why would finding a serious partner be any different. I'm sure frivolous non serious type dating is far easier because there is no need to check all the boxes. And as far as marriage goes, if someone stays married not out of love or something deeper than, hey it beats the alternative, then I think that's really a waste of life. Again, I have no better experience than anyone else....just my opinion.5
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I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.
That’s an awful reason to stay married...? If you don’t want to be with your partner they deserve freedom
I hate people like this..
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We live in a world now where everyone wants instant gratification. If someone doesn't find everything they've dreamed of in a person on the very first date, they can justify moving on to the next easy opportunity.5
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VelvetTeddyX wrote: »I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.
That’s an awful reason to stay married...? If you don’t want to be with your partner they deserve freedom I hate people like this..
I agree with this.1 -
Avocado_AS5 wrote: »We live in a world now where everyone wants instant gratification. If someone doesn't find everything they've dreamed of in a person on the very first date, they can justify moving on to the next easy opportunity.
And I agree with this1 -
I don't know if this will help you feel better but imo you're super pretty! I agree with most of the posters here; it's not you. Some people are only in it for one thing and they aren't even looking for a serious relationship. It sounds like you're looking for The One and it's totally okay to keep looking till you find someone that clicks with you.
Also! Big advice from me (as someone who fell into a marriage at 330 pounds because I was insecure and young) try not to be blinded by compliments. Us big girls have it hard when people start paying real attention to us cuz we're not used to it mostly, and it can be really easy to fall for the first guy to rev his motors at you. Be careful hon, you're worth it!1 -
Avocado_AS5 wrote: »We live in a world now where everyone wants instant gratification. If someone doesn't find everything they've dreamed of in a person on the very first date, they can justify moving on to the next easy opportunity.
I'm one that rarely goes on more than one date and it's not because the guys weren't everything I dreamed of. It's because there wasn't any chemistry on my part and that's non-negotiable for me. I tell people all the time that the guys I've met and didn't see again are great guys, just not right for me. I hope they all find the person that is right for them and they are right for... and maybe I will find that person too.2 -
Avocado_AS5 wrote: »We live in a world now where everyone wants instant gratification. If someone doesn't find everything they've dreamed of in a person on the very first date, they can justify moving on to the next easy opportunity.
Indeed1 -
After an almost 9 year marriage and 2 beautiful children, I'm finding out that this dating world is brutal. I'm a modest woman and it seems everyone I do meet wants to get in the sack or like you I never here from them after a night of chatting and laughter over lunch/dinner. I've questioned myself 1000 times, revised my profile until it looked an article in the N.Y. times
and I had to realize that I'm a damn good catch and it's their loss. So I'm just focusing on my journey, and picking up little side projects here and there to keep me consumed. I have a wedding cake to bake and may possibly have another (still in the air), registering for school, planning a summer trip with my girls, ect. You're so sweet and beautiful honey, shame on the all 
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Stop looking concentrate on you enjoy every day and the perfect person for you will come along with out you trying to find them just enjoy your life for now your a beautiful lady as firnthe dates its there loss not yours1
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VelvetTeddyX wrote: »I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.
That’s an awful reason to stay married...? If you don’t want to be with your partner they deserve freedom I hate people like this..
I know. But she has money so I don't have to work much, which is a nice perk of it all. I would rather have love, but I am too comfortable where I am. But I get ya.4 -
I wouldn’t put so much pressure on yourself. Live life to the fullest and someone will see you for the pretty person you are inside and out.2
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Its a good idea to focus on yourself, hit the gym, work on your degree. Give to yourself what you seek in someone else and the anxiety in finding "the perfect partner" will vamoose... because you are already fulfilled within... If he is ghosting you let him go. Boy Bye. And don't ever let the actions of another define or determine how you feel about yourself. You'll soon have your mojo back and what is best for you will simply present itself, don't swim against the current... Sorry for all the so called cliches but I find most if not all to be true. Best of luck girl!2
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laprimaJenny wrote: »I really don't have any advice but I can say that dating in today's world seems hard. I'm grateful I am not in that scenario. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems that no one dates anymore and no one is willing to get to know each other. I bet if for one second if we as a society stopped caring about ourselves in our own self-absorbed worlds of Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter we could actually see the amazing people the world has to offer. Why does it seem as if we live in such a era of emotionally unavailable people!
Best comment/wise words I have heard in awhile!
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So, I've been overweight for the past 5 years or so, but single for almost a year now (my boyfriend actually passed away suddenly in March of 2017). In November, I decided that enough was enough and it was time to make my health and well being a priority. I started working out at least 3 times a week (heavy lifting, a bit of cardio and recently yoga at home on my off days) and counting calories, being more conscious of what I'm eating and how much. I'm loving this new lifestyle and I can tell there's been a huge shift in my thinking...I'll never go back to my old way of life, I know this. That being said, when I started in November I was 228lbs... I'm now 213, so still very overweight, but figured it was time to get back out into the dating world. I get quite a bit of attention on tinder, Bumble, etc and have gone out on numerous dates over the past few months. We always have a very nice time, the dates always last at least a couple of hours and they always end with the guy saying "I had fun, we should do this again". The only issue? I never hear from them again, unless I contact them first. Usually there's a bit of back and forth convo, maybe a few pics sent and received... but no talk of a second date. I never end up seeing them again. I've met probably 10-12 guys, 2 of them I wasn't interested in, the rest I definitely would have gone out with again if it was an option...but it wasn't. Needless to say, I feel really depressed over this and can't help but feel like I'm "too overweight" to date. I'm 31 and not getting any younger, and still have hopes and dreams of getting married and having children one day... but that's not gonna happen if things keep going like they have been. It's not like I'm only meeting a certain type of guy, either... I've met guys 10 years older, a few years younger, fit, overweight, full head of hair, bald, kids, no kids.... doesn't matter. None of them like me. I feel like giving up completely until I'm at my goal weight...
I'm not sure what to say really. I've been single for three years now. I've never had much of a problem with being asked out. That was my biggest problem. Every relationship I've ever had lasted several years, but, they all ended badly. A few months later, I'd find myself dating someone new, never allowing myself the chance to heal and find out exactly who I am, i.e. what kind of music I actually liked - not something that I listened to because someone else liked it and I just happened to be there, what kind of foods I happened to favor more than others, etc. etc. After the last relationship I was in ended(lasted five years), I decided to jump off the dating train and rediscover who I am. I've been asked out along the way but I've not had any interest so far in dating. I don't want to rush into another relationship without being truly happy and confident in who I am or will become. If I'm not happy in my own skin, how can I be happy with someone else? Why would I put someone else through that? Everyone deserves their happiness. Take from this what you will - sorry, I just started rambling a bit. I guess what I'm trying to impart is focus on you. Be happy with you first, know your worth and you'll eventually meet someone who will value you and be more than happy to date you past that first/second date.1
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