Don't lose too much
jasummers76
Posts: 225 Member
I hear this a lot from my parents who come to visit on occasion. I was 350 lbs went down too 233.9 then had a few bad weeks went to 249 when I got on the scale. This morning clocked in at 242.6. I think that people are so use too seeing me so much larger that they are being kind but also concerned with my health. I explained my current weight loss is a great achievement for me but that 242 is still got me in the obese zone. I am lucky in the aspect I carry the weight pretty evenly and still have decent pecs and leg muscles. But if I were to go shirtless they would better understand the need to continue my journey. Just was wondering if anyone else was told this while knowing you still have around 40-50 yet too lose. My mom says when my dad is below 220 his facial features get sunken in and it looks bad. I try and remind her he is in his 70's and I am only hitting 42 in March. I just kinda smile and reassure them that I am under a doctor's care and unlike the past I am not rushing the weight loss. Hope everyone has a great Sunday
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Replies
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jasummers76 wrote: »I just kinda smile and reassure them that I am under a doctor's care and unlike the past I am not rushing the weight loss.
Ding ding ding.
Sounds like there's an issue related to this in your past - perhaps an eating disorder or other health complication of some kind?
If that's so, don't you think your parents have a right to be a bit concerned? Parents never stop being parents.9 -
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jasummers76 wrote: »I just kinda smile and reassure them that I am under a doctor's care and unlike the past I am not rushing the weight loss.
Ding ding ding.
Sounds like there's an issue related to this in your past - perhaps an eating disorder or other health complication of some kind?
If that's so, don't you think your parents have a right to be a bit concerned? Parents never stop being parents.
You are 100% correct years ago I would go on crash diets, yo yo in, and so forth. But I have been taking better care of myself for a long time now. When I bring the kids too see them and they order pizza I am not eating a salad. I will enjoy a piece or two with them. I think you're right parents always worry wether your 5 or 42.. LoL11 -
Sadly (imo), no one's ever said I lost too much.12
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What’s your age sex height and activity as 242 sounds high ?9
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I have family say this to me as well, despite the fact that I am still probably 25 lbs overweight. I think because certain diseases are associated with significant weight loss, people get concerned when they see someone drop 40+ lbs in less than a year, which is my situation.
If you are eating healthy, and staying in the 1-2 lb loss per week range, you're fine.
Good luck on your journey.2 -
What’s your age sex height and activity as 242 sounds high ?
I am five ten started at 350 about a year ago age is 41. Activity level is a lot more since the weight of 350 cardio three times a week. Strength training twice, and the best enjoying more time with the kids doing outdoor activities.
242 is high I want to be between 190 and 200.2 -
My standard response is, "I am aiming for a healthy weight that my doctor recommends." That usually stops the comments.8
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jasummers76 wrote: »What’s your age sex height and activity as 242 sounds high ?
I am five ten started at 350 about a year ago age is 41. Activity level is a lot more since the weight of 350 cardio three times a week. Strength training twice, and the best enjoying more time with the kids doing outdoor activities.
242 is high I want to be between 190 and 200.
Over 100 lbs in a year is quite an accomplishment. Stay focused and you will be at your goal before you know it!3 -
fitoverfortymom wrote: »My standard response is, "I am aiming for a healthy weight that my doctor recommends." That usually stops the comments.
Not with my parents... LoL2 -
I think for those of us that have een somewhat or a lot overweight most of their lives have heard this in various forms As you say they are not used to seeing you at a healthy weight. Their perception of what you like as normal is skewed.
I have had it too, but I draw the line at; "you should stop loosing now this is unhealthy" type comments. They get the "I'll be the judge of when it is is enough. I am aiming for a healthy BMI and know what I am doing". Those comments started when I was still in the overweight category! IMO people as so used to overweight people that it is hard to recognise normal weight3 -
It’s out of concern for you, but given how much people don’t understand weight loss, BMI, etc. it is understandable they don’t want you “wasting away”. Doesn’t make it any less aggravating.
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Let's them know at 242 you won't be wasting away anytime soon, but continuing to lose weight will only make you healthier, stronger, and live longer.
Let them know if they love you they will support you, and stop making those remarks.
Good luck!!2 -
I just don't talk about my weight with people. I eat pretty normally. I find it is a great way to limit comments or advice.
Ultimately you are 41, are not doing something unhealthy and it is your body to decide what looks or feels best.
Tell them things like "I feel great! I have so much more energy!" "My doctor is really pleased with my progress." "I was able to do xyz thanks to reducing my weight."5 -
jasummers76 wrote: »What’s your age sex height and activity as 242 sounds high ?
I am five ten started at 350 about a year ago age is 41. Activity level is a lot more since the weight of 350 cardio three times a week. Strength training twice, and the best enjoying more time with the kids doing outdoor activities.
242 is high I want to be between 190 and 200.
Congrats on your loss so far. You seem to be going about your business in the right way and 190/200 sounds like a very reasonable long term goal.
As to the family, just listen, smile and keep doing what you're doing. You are on the right path. Best of luck.2 -
Walk around in a fitted T-shirt or a compression shirt and see what they say then. I was 290 now 253 on my way to 190-200 which puts me around 12-15% BF. I have long ago stopped concerning myself with other's comments. I have a goal and I'm not stopping until I get there. #ALL IN9
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jasummers76 wrote: »
Unless I drop to 100#, no one's going to say I'm wasting away. Even then, they probably won't care.3 -
My Mum says this to me all the time and it's very annoying. I'm quite clearly a good 40 - 50lbs overweight and I need to lose it, but she keeps telling me I look fine and that I'm skinny already. I don't know if she really believes that or is just blowing smoke up my *kitten* to make me feel better, but I know what I am, I'm not delusional.6
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I was in my 50's, mum in her 80's when I lost the 30lbs I wanted to lose. My mum was very concerned about my face, she thought I looked ill.
The next year when I went home (me Canada, her Scotland) she was pleased I had put on a bit of weight and my face had lost the drawn look, I hadn't, my face had just adjusted.
I didn't worry, or take offence, about the initial face comment, I had always had a round face when younger at the weight I returned to, losing weight post menopause did make me even think look ill for a few months.
TL:DR sometimes it takes a while for your face to adjust to your new weight. Your mum loves you.
Cheers, h.10 -
I come from a family where morbid obesity is normal. I used to hear this from my parents until I said I was losing weight for health reasons, that my doctor recommended a healthy weight for me, and that I wasn't there yet. I also told them they just weren't used to seeing me smaller. They've since backed off. Before they did interventions!
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It might also be a way of saying that they love you as you are—you don’t need to change, and they’re afraid the wrong motivations might drive you further away from being the son they know and love. Remember: most of what people say is more about them than it is about you.
Just be reassuring. Tell them you’re happy, you like what you’re doing, you enjoy having a goal. Tell them you feel really healthy and are having fun. That’s all most parents really ever need to know, anyway.
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My goal is 140 but I haven't been 140 since 7th grade and I am 35 now so I think I will encounter this problem as I get smaller. I am now still 214. I'm 5'5" perfect weight for my height is 130.0
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My mom has been saying the same to me the past few weeks. "You're not going to lose any more, are you?!"
The healthy BMI weight range for my height is 118-160lbs. I'm currently 145lbs, hoping to lose another 15 for my wedding. Not looking forward to her comments.5 -
Parents sometimes have a strange perception. I was a year out of college, 6'2, 205 lbs. People routinely asked if I was on the university football or baseball team so appeared in decent shape. My mom, bless her kept telling me I needed to gain weight so I would look like my older cousin who had "such a nice bay window" (translation, beer gut). No thanks2
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middlehaitch wrote: »I was in my 50's, mum in her 80's when I lost the 30lbs I wanted to lose. My mum was very concerned about my face, she thought I looked ill.
The next year when I went home (me Canada, her Scotland) she was pleased I had put on a bit of weight and my face had lost the drawn look, I hadn't, my face had just adjusted.
I didn't worry, or take offence, about the initial face comment, I had always had a round face when younger at the weight I returned to, losing weight post menopause did make me even think look ill for a few months.
TL:DR sometimes it takes a while for your face to adjust to your new weight. Your mum loves you.
Cheers, h.
Im glad to read this because right now my face has the look. Drawn n kinda aged. Im hopeful from ur story it will adjust back to normal. Thx2 -
I heard this from my daughter a lot when my weight got under 200! I’m female, 5’8", 65 and my highest weight was 269. I got down to 185 in 2013 and she was really hard on me about it saying I looked horrible etc. I live with her and her family and she does the cooking. I have little control over what we eat, but I can control how much I eat even though she plates the food. Sadly, I put 40+ pounds back on over the past few years that I am currently working on losing again. I am already hearing "don’t get too thin" from her.4
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You're still obese and far from wasting away. A lot of people have no idea what a healthy weight even looks like anymore. Also, change freaks people out. They aren't used to you being at a healthier weight. Don't even worry about it. You're on the right track. If you take it slow and steady (and add in some strength training) you won't look sickly or sunken in when you get to goal. 1
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People in general don't seem to have a real clue of what a healthy weight looks like any more.4
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LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »People in general don't seem to have a real clue of what a healthy weight looks like any more.
^^This^^ I am guilty of that as well. I used to look at women and think they were too skinny, until I lost my extra 60 pounds and now realize I had a really distorted view of "healthy." As to OP's concerns, everyone I know said I was getting too skinny while I was just barely in the healthy weight window. I'd just tell them not to worry, I'm almost done!1
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