What do I do?
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huntersvonnegut wrote: »betty_veronica4 wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »Just start talking to him about crossfit or your vegan diet.
That should be enough to scare any sane person away.
Or keto.
Or how you had your dog neutered 'cause he kept trying to hump things that didn't want to be humped.
Okay these are making me laugh.
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I am right there with you in your frustration. However, I still believe that the majority of people are good. Even during these times we're living in. I refuse to give up faith in that.
don't you dare "not all men" me.
if you're a man that doesn't suck, you know that isn't directed at you.
Every woman I know has gone through something like this, if not worse. So until that changes, men suck.
I guess I had a difficult time understanding how such a sweeping statement directed toward a select few would benefit the OP in dealing with her situation.
Generalized statements such as has been made are problematic. What would be the thought if the same was said about women, or special interest groups? There's be hell to pay. Stupid eff'n double standards.
Best to just avoid generalizations in the first place.0 -
This guy is trouble. Report him to management and keep your distance. That is not normal behavior between an 50 year old man and an 18 year old woman. Make it clear to management you feel threatened by this guy. If he does not stop tell your dad or boyfriend or someone that can protect you. Or if necessary call the police. He has bad intentions. Be wary. Your instincts are correct.3
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Let me ask this-I’m going to be leaving in about a month to go back to the mainland (I live in Hawaii) and won’t be returning because of college. He knows this (yes I regret telling him. Don’t judge) because when I had said something about leaving one day he asked what I meant, I told him. (This was before he even started regularly doing volleyball with me so not weirdness at that point) Should I just ignore it until I leave? Seeing as it’s not much time left?
And with being short and blunt in telling him to go away, it’s not that I don’t want to...but with me being silent when he has made those comments for the past couple weeks, I think he thinks I’m okay with. And I know that that is my fault, I should’ve said something, but it’s usually not my kind of personality. And then on top of that, he’s talked about how he gets angry/has anger problems. He said once about how was angry when a girl turned him down and how he was so angry he could’ve done something. (That convo was the first to send up red flags everywhere!) So I’m concerned about his response to me telling him to “back off” or “leave me alone”.
No, do not ignore it and continue on at the gym. If it is only a month and you don't want to deal with it then working out at home is better than going and saying nothing.
It doesn't matter that you did not say "your comments make me uncomfortable." the first time. Say it now... loudly. It is never too late to say stop it or leave me alone. Doesn't matter if it is someone your age or older. It is fine not to protect his feelings. Your feelings and safety are more important here.
There is no way he does not know he is being inappropriate to an 18 year old girl. He is grooming you and escalating how far he pushes the boundaries. He told you that little story about his anger when getting turned down so you'd be afraid to say something.
https://defendinnocence.org/2016/03/09/6-perpetrator-grooming-patterns-every-parent-needs-to-know/
https://www.healthista.com/how-to-spot-a-sexual-predator-characteristics/
As a mother of a girl your age I would not be mad at you. I would be mad at him and want to help you. If you don't want to tell your parents get help from management at the gym, a friend, a neighbor, anyone.
Do not worry about anyone else's feelings.
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Sounds like you've tried to be kind, that doesn't work for either of you (your goal?)
So,
You: "you make me uncomfortable. I'd like to be left alone." That's all you need to say.
If all else fails yell loudly in his face fck off. No joke. He'll think you're a scary weirdo and will probably leave you alone. Think of it as a cat poofing out its fur to show size.
some even do a sideways prance during. That's optional. 2 -
Alright. I’m going to try to tell him to leave me alone. So thank you all for your advice on this matter. I really appreciate it!12
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Let us know what happens and let management know of the big mouthed front desk giving your info.
If I was your Mom...I would love to go with you and take care of this Nut!1 -
Change your times every day so you are not predictable. Get some pepper spray or a key chain siren. Park in a well lit area close to building and do not go wondering around outside w/o scoping the parking lot!
Do not look for this fool in the gym just be in your own world working out and walk past him if needed with no eye contact!2 -
Alright. I’m going to try to tell him to leave me alone. So thank you all for your advice on this matter. I really appreciate it!
I read through this whole thread, and really glad you’ve decided on this! He sounds like a total creep. If he gives you any more trouble after telling him blatantly to leave you alone, definitely go to the gym management (and maybe even do this no matter the outcome - management should be aware they have such a creepy patron making other patrons so uncomfortable).
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Change your times every day so you are not predictable. Get some pepper spray or a key chain siren. Park in a well lit area close to building and do not go wondering around outside w/o scoping the parking lot!
Do not look for this fool in the gym just be in your own world working out and walk past him if needed with no eye contact!
Yeah, I already do kinda go at different times. But most of the time I'm there at 4ish, whether it be I just started, leaving, or mid-workout. I actually walk to the gym, it's right behind where I live. So I have to walk behind the building to get to the entrance so I'm already aware of my surroundings, even when I don't feel creeped out by a person lol. And I do walk by him and make try to make no contact, I'll try to look busy or while I'm walking past the area he is in, act like I'm in the middle of something, but he will come up and say something most of the time. The gym I go to is closed on the weekends, so tomorrow I'm going to attempt to tell him what people have stated above. Nervous already
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craygslyst1 wrote: »I hope I’m not too late into this topic.
Nah, you good. Still overthinking this matter so
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I have read all the comments and I could not feel stronger about how I would handle this situation. NEVER walk alone again to or from this gym- for the remaining time you are there. It is not fair but, I wouldn't return to the gym. His words and actions are that of someone dangerous and predatory.-- Not the inappropriate comments but, the implied threat of how he doesn't respond well to rejection. Being a strong and right woman is one thing, having someone hurt you or worse can change your life forever regardless of ANY reaction/response that you give him.2
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gearfreegains wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »He’s grooming you.
I shared office space with a guy like this. You described him to a T. I always struggled with him not getting my hints because I HATE to be mean. He was using that to his advantage.
Establish boundaries. Don’t change gyms. Don’t try to educate him on what’s acceptable and what isn’t at this point. Just tell him the next time you see him, firmly and looking squarely in the eye, that he has crossed the line with you and not to speak with you. Don’t be mad. Just be clear. If he begs for explanations or gets pitiful or tries to diminish how he makes you feel like you’ve arrogantly misinterpreted his intentions, put your hand up and say “We are not friends. We are acquaintances. Leave me alone.” He will probably act like a kicked dog. That isn’t your fault. It is not your responsibility to avoid hurting his feelings.
I’m telling you, you must be clear without giving him too much explanation. End this awkward nightmare, this is the only way to start unfortunately. You can’t nice your way out of this thing. Nobody else can do it for you. Trust me
Good luck.
This. This here answer from caco_ethes. Switching gyms might not help seeing as to how he already followed you to a different one.
Do you happen to have some big brothers (by big I don’t mean older I mean hulk sized dudes) you can ask to talk to this stalker?
I haven't switched gyms. Not sure where you read that lol. But it's the same gym for the past 2-3ish months now.
And no, I only have one brother (he isn't that big either lol) and he is at college and my dad is traveling for work until May.0 -
He wasn’t there today. So tomorrow I will try again. Maybe he has an account on here and read it. That would make this so much easier.2
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kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
No-wasn’t entirely prepared to talk to them yet. I wasn’t even fully prepared to tell the guy. So, I’m still working up the courage to tell. Sorry, I’m trying.
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kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
No-wasn’t entirely prepared to talk to them yet. I wasn’t even fully prepared to tell the guy. So, I’m still working up the courage to tell. Sorry, I’m trying.
Don’t apologize I was simply asking because I was thinking maybe they said something to him and that’s why he hasn’t been there.0 -
kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »
No-wasn’t entirely prepared to talk to them yet. I wasn’t even fully prepared to tell the guy. So, I’m still working up the courage to tell. Sorry, I’m trying.
Don’t apologize I was simply asking because I was thinking maybe they said something to him and that’s why he hasn’t been there.
Ohh...my bad. No, the gym is closed on weekends so he would have no clue. Element of surprise for him lol.
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Kick him in the junk repeatedly while yelling stranger danger5
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