Ever Had A Stranger Insult Your Weightloss Success? (A bit of a rant)

sonarbabe

Seems like a silly question, doesn't it? Unfortunately, I had the distinct displeasure of experiencing this for the first time. I'm a part-time cashier and one of my regulars came in today and decided it would be "okay" to spew some of the most insulting and hurtful verbal diarrhea I've ever heard. (Trust me. Being 60-75 lbs overweight most of my life, I've heard ALOT) The following is a pretty close account of what happened.

Him: Hey, girl. You've lost a lot of weight lately, huh?
Me: *starting to nod*
Him: You don't look good. Not at all. You're looking anorexic. How much have you lost?
Me: *shocked* Uh, 65 pounds...
Him: WHAT?! 65?? That's too much. You look unhealthy.
Me: *pissed* Um... Good morning?

I would love to say I'm exaggerating what he said, but I'm not. What gives this man the right to judge me? I don't know him and he certainly doesn't know me. If he did, he would know I've been made fun of my whole life for my weight. If he knew me, he would know that my self-esteem is shot or that I can't make myself believe loose skin isn't just fat.

Above all, if he knew me, then he would know I've worked my butt off for the last year to get to where I am. Or that my husband looks at me today the exact same way he did when we were teenagers.

But he doesn't know me and while I'm hurt and angry by his words, I used this negativity he dropped on me to push myself at the gym. My second trip after knee surgery, I walked 3 miles and it felt amazing! So, dear rude customer, you can take your unwanted--and unwarranted--comments and shove it.

seltzermint555

Ugh. Screw people like that guy. Seriously. I bet for every jerk like that, there are at least 20 other people noticing your awesome progress & thinking "she looks great" but who are just too polite to mention they noticed!

I am really sorry that he hurt your feelings.

I've had stuff like that too...mostly from people I know, though, not from strangers. I work in an office where I really don't come across a lot of people on that type of frequency. Either they're my coworkers for years or a person I see once, and never again.

Mostly though, to be honest I've always hated the comments from people who say "KEEP IT UP" because I feel like they're judging me. I'm sure it's my own insecurity. I'm really happy maintaining as a size 10 but when people say "Girl you look great - keep it up!" I don't take it as "You've made great progress from 130 lb ago" or "You look good", instead I take it like "You're almost normal, but you need to lose way more, so don't stop now".

We all have our things!

seltzermint555

Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.

michellebirtleeds

It happened to me last week. I think she was trying to complement me, because she saw me eating dessert and started telling me I needed to eat more. It didn't really feel like a complement, though.

dsboohead

Wherever you have humans you will have idiots that were never taught communication manners!

noumena_

seltzermint555 wrote: »

Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.

To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"

camilledaisy

I think I may have “wooed” a couple of people because of where the woo is on my phone. I suddenly realized that my thumb hovers over it while I’m scrolling. So perhaps other people are having the same problem... Anyway I’m sorry you had to put up with such rudeness, I think some people don’t have any filter.

dsboohead

camilledaisy wrote: »

I think I may have “wooed” a couple of people because of where the woo is on my phone. I suddenly realized that my thumb hovers over it while I’m scrolling. So perhaps other people are having the same problem... Anyway I’m sorry you had to put up with such rudeness, I think some people don’t have any filter.

I know me too! It's where my finger scrolls and if I could takesy backsy I would

dsboohead

Oh He**, I just did it again

newheavensearth

dsboohead wrote: »

Oh He**, I just did it again

Tap woo again. It removes it. Found this out by accident. I'm quite guilty of this too.

orangegato

sonarbabe wrote: »

Seems like a silly question, doesn't it? Unfortunately, I had the distinct displeasure of experiencing this for the first time. I'm a part-time cashier and one of my regulars came in today and decided it would be "okay" to spew some of the most insulting and hurtful verbal diarrhea I've ever heard. (Trust me. Being 60-75 lbs overweight most of my life, I've heard ALOT) The following is a pretty close account of what happened.

Him: Hey, girl. You've lost a lot of weight lately, huh?
Me: *starting to nod*
Him: You don't look good. Not at all. You're looking anorexic. How much have you lost?
Me: *shocked* Uh, 65 pounds...
Him: WHAT?! 65?? That's too much. You look unhealthy.
Me: *pissed* Um... Good morning?

I would love to say I'm exaggerating what he said, but I'm not. What gives this man the right to judge me? I don't know him and he certainly doesn't know me. If he did, he would know I've been made fun of my whole life for my weight. If he knew me, he would know that my self-esteem is shot or that I can't make myself believe loose skin isn't just fat.

Above all, if he knew me, then he would know I've worked my butt off for the last year to get to where I am. Or that my husband looks at me today the exact same way he did when we were teenagers.

But he doesn't know me and while I'm hurt and angry by his words, I used this negativity he dropped on me to push myself at the gym. My second trip after knee surgery, I walked 3 miles and it felt amazing! So, dear rude customer, you can take your unwanted--and unwarranted--comments and shove it.

People can be *kitten* idiots. A lot on here including myself have had similar experiences where someone really wants to know exactly how much weight you've lost and then proceeds to freak out about it, saying it is too much, and then freaking out even more if we tell them that we still want to lose additional weight. It seems rare to have someone in real life just say something nice and positive, but it does happen. Unfortunately, I tend to remember those bad interactions and stupid comments more. I find that it helps to post the nice stuff on the NSV thread b/c people here will "like" it and lift you up even higher.

amusedmonkey

seltzermint555 wrote: »

Ugh. Screw people like that guy. Seriously. I bet for every jerk like that, there are at least 20 other people noticing your awesome progress & thinking "she looks great" but who are just too polite to mention they noticed!

This is very accurate. This guy is a jerk, and sadly jerks tend to stand out more and be remembered more often than polite people. The other day a cashier said to me after 5 years of weight loss "I've been meaning to tell you this for years and just couldn't think of an appropriate way to say it, but I think you're awesome for being able to avoid weight regain after losing it." That comment made my day. It made me feel a little bit "dishonest" and uncomfortable for nodding and saying thank you because I did regain a good amount lately, but it also reminded me that I didn't regain all of it and that I'm awesome for managing to stay lighter than I was a few years ago. It filled me with determination to continue being awesome.

Take the good comments, revel in them, these can be as subtle as an encouraging "look" of admiration without words. If you focus on these instead of jerks, bad moments tend to become less impactful. It's okay to rant and get it off your chest because some people can really lack filters and I'm sorry this happened to you, but you deserve to feel good about your progress so don't allow that one single person to affect the way you feel about yourself.

yweight2020

Sorry for the rude person, Congratulations on your success keep doing what makes you happy.

Pastaprincess1978

sorry about him. Sometimes people making positive changes, struggling and succeeding despite the odds brings up issues for other people. Kind of like a co-dependence if you can be co-dependent on someone you don't know! Don't let it bother you, it's about him, not you. You are doing great - keep going!

Panda8ach

Hey... So you're not on your own! Joining in the rant please... If I get told 'don't lose anymore' one more time!!! I hit my goal a month ago, lost 30lbs... I'm 5ft 2" and weigh 117lbs.... I have been called unattractive, scrawny, gaunt and a few other unsavoury words... These comments far out weigh the compliments... Urgh Body shaming happens on all levels...

Panda8ach

Well done on the awesome loss!

snowflake954

Congratulations on your loss! When people like him show up and make comments, instead of getting riled, just think that it's too bad he has a mental illness. Poor man.

sonarbabe

snowflake954 wrote: »

Congratulations on your loss! When people like him show up and make comments, instead of getting riled, just think that it's too bad he has a mental illness. Poor man.

LOL! I love that.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I know I was being a tad sensitive, but for the first time in my life, I did the healthy thing. I channeled all that bitterness into a fabulous workout and I actually felt pretty zen afterwards. Guess there's truth to the fitness mags when they say exercise boosts happy feelings.

2baninja

noumena_ wrote: »

seltzermint555 wrote: »

Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.

To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"

me too, I'm rather bummed that most people take it as an insult or a "this is trash"...

2baninja

Gotta love working retail, you get all these rude customers and all we can do is say, "thank you, have a nice day", when you really want to say is "go f*** yourself". I once had a customer tell me, he lost weight by some kind of replacement therapy, (I no longer remember what it was), and I could also, as he had his hand down his pants... I really want to say to him "are you calling me fat?". I didn't, I smiled and said oh good for you, and walked away.

sonarbabe

livenfree45 wrote: »

Gotta love working retail, you get all these rude customers and all we can do is say, "thank you, have a nice day", when you really want to say is "go f*** yourself". I once had a customer tell me, he lost weight by some kind of replacement therapy, (I no longer remember what it was), and I could also, as he had his hand down his pants... I really want to say to him "are you calling me fat?". I didn't, I smiled and said oh good for you, and walked away.

It was on the very tip of my tongue to say, "f*** you, dude." I have an amazing boss though and he said he wouldn't have reprimanded me if I had.

Sparkeysworld

I cut to very low body fat levels just once a year (5-7%), the Wife calls me 'Skeletor' or 'The Scream mask' because I lose the fat from my face, I've also had people ask her if I'm ill

Matt151288mfp

Don’t care what ppl think it’s what you think that counts ppl will try bring you down cause they wish they could do what you are doing and wish they had that drive and will power it’s as simple as that keep smashing it n that goes to everyone here who’s here to change for the better

kdpotter

Hold your head up. People say dumb things. I’ve lost 70 lbs since my highest weight. I have had a lot of encouragement and also a lot of idiotic comments like you have described. At the end of the day it’s about you and your journey. You will gain and lose lots of Weight throughout your lifetime. I maintain the person in your story will probably always be an idiot. My standard reply is “I’m healthy, I feel amazing, and I really do not care how you think I look”. Don’t let him get you down. If you lose too much people judge and if you gain too much people judge. Just do you and don’t worry about the rest of it. You will drive yourself mad if you try.

missh1967

It's possible he's jealous (no idea if he's overweight or not). Also, when people are used to seeing someone at a heavier weight and they lose a significant amount, it may appear that they are "too skinny." He was very rude, however, and if he were truly concerned for your health, he could have been more diplomatic.

Kudos on your weight loss!!!

sonarbabe

noumena_ wrote: »

seltzermint555 wrote: »

Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.

To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"

Uh oh... I did not realize it was a bad thing either. Ooops. Hope whoever I mistakenly did that to doesn't think I was being a b***h.

cizzawizza

I thought it meant woo as in woohoo. I hope I haven't appeared condescending. I don't think I pressed it many times, now I feel bad

Tacklewasher

cizzawizza wrote: »

I thought it meant woo as in woohoo. I hope I haven't appeared condescending. I don't think I pressed it many times, now I feel bad

I wouldn't worry about it. The button is so vague that no one really pays attention to the "woo's" anymore.

It's too bad as it should be a good way to flag bad information, but it's lost its purpose.

CSARdiver

This is why we have curse words in the vocabulary. Same as car horns these are excellent in communicating corrections to ill mannered behavior.

A well placed "*kitten* You" is a marvelous corrective measure. Use it liberally and you'll feel much better.

Catho36

I’m sorry you experienced that. People say what they like about your body without thinking. I’ve had more comments on my body now after losing 103lbs than when I’ve been overweight my whole life. My cheek bones have just been uncovered and my face can appear a bit drawn when tired, but I’ve still got lower body fat to lose. One guy I hadn’t seen for a while said, you’ve changed, have you got cancer? In a very matter of fact way (not caring concern) and he’s a doctor colleague. When I said not that I know if he said cool, cross fit?!!! Some people!

kittybenn

I cannot imagine working in retail and having to bite my tongue when people make personal remarks like that. I wouldn’t last long in that job, LOL!