I am tired of family members telling me to stop losing weight

batorkin

I am a bit frustrated right now, so apologies for the mini-rant.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to see certain family members anymore. "You need to stop losing weight". "We're going to get you help if you don't stop dieting". It's always the first thing out of certain family member's mouth, and always from someone who has been obese their entire life. I have told them the comments hurt my motivation, but the response is typically "Good, you need to stop". I get their heart is in the right place, at least I hope, they've not once complimented me on my weight loss.

About me: I have lost a total of 75 pounds so far. My BMI is 23.3 and nothing alarmingly low. I've always had very little muscle mass which throws my BMI off a bit. My waist measurements shows I should ideally lose another 2-3 inches given my height of 6'1". I have also gotten second opinions from friends I trust, and a family doctor, which all agreed another 10-15 pounds is ideal.

I am very close to not going to family gathering anymore because it hurts my motivation. I am now the only person in my family that isn't morbidly obese, and they can't seem to accept what "healthy" is suppose to look like.

Anyone else have this problem?

z3dreamer

All the time. Here are some things to say:"Thank you for your loving concern." or "This is what a healthy human looks like." or "I think it wouldn't do you any harm to walk away from seconds at dinner. Does your BMI put you in the morbidly obese range?" "I would be happy to assist you in getting on a healthy diet."

concordancia

If everyone around you is obese, it is easy to start seeing that as normal.

Add on to this that you are trying to believe that you are fine, healthy even, and seeing someone much smaller is threatening to that view.

As the previous posters have said, remind them that you are already consulting with a doctor and that there isn't any point to this conversation. Be firm and do not engage.

Lounmoun

You could just say you have consulted your doctor about what a healthy weight for you would be and are following suggestions. What help would they get you other than a medical professional? You do not need or want "help" and as an adult can decide what is right for you. Tell the relatives the subject of your weight is closed. They have shared their unsolicited opinion, you have heard it and that is it. Tell them if they can not respect that the topic is closed you will stop visiting.
Then say no and change the subject, hang up, leave the room, leave the party, leave the state, etc every time they try to start in on it. They give up or you spend your time with other people.

HeyJudii

Yes, sadly I do have this problem also. For me, it's because I lose weight from the top down, just as I gain from the bottom up. So, my face, neck and collar bones first show the weight loss, and I get told I need to stop losing weight because I look "gaunt".

Short of stripping down and showing them where I am still carrying excess pounds, or start discussing Type 2 diabetes concerns, I just tell them I don't plan on losing anymore weight when they ask, and continue doing as my medical professionals advise.

Sabine_Stroehm

I had this issue as well. I usually just said "I see me naked. I know I can easily lose a few more". And then didn't engage further.

batorkin

HeyJudii wrote: »

Yes, sadly I do have this problem also. For me, it's because I lose weight from the top down, just as I gain from the bottom up. So, my face, neck and collar bones first show the weight loss, and I get told I need to stop losing weight because I look "gaunt".

Short of stripping down and showing them where I am still carrying excess pounds, or start discussing Type 2 diabetes concerns, I just tell them I don't plan on losing anymore weight when they ask, and continue doing as my medical professionals advise.

I can relate...

I am bald and extremely pale. I lost most my weight during the winter, and work a desk job so I didn't get outside much. I've had at least 4 people ask me if I have cancer. I've gotten a mild tan over the few good weeks of good weather, so hopefully those comments stop..

briscogun

I think for these "caring" family members it says more about them than it does you. They see you doing what they won't or can't do, so instead of applauding you for it they try to drag you back down into the muck and mire to re-join the herd. Say things to hurt or derail you so you'll pack it on and be like them: fat and miserable.

I think the advice above from @Lounmoun was right on the money. You've been working with your doctor and you trust their opinion about your health a little more than your untrained family members. If it's still a problem, maybe skip a function or two until they realize THEY are the problem?

Sorry, but sometimes life changes are harder than we think. Its your health though, and no one should have the right to take that away form you or make you feel bad about it.

Good luck!

NovusDies

I agree with @Lounmoun as well. Set some boundaries if this is getting to you but wait until you calm down. If you do it angry you might go too far.

sofchak

craygslyst1 wrote: »

“If everyone around you is obese, it is easy to start seeing that as normal”

OMG. This ^. Over and over and over!!!

Seriously. I second this. Just because it’s the standard, doesn’t mean it should be!

Don’t settle for less than what you and your GP deem as healthy for you and your goals/lifestyle.

apullum

Yeah, I've been there. Almost everyone in my family is obese. Most people around them are overweight or obese. I was obese for my entire adult life until I made this choice to lose weight. They don't have a frame of reference for what a non-overweight person looks like.

Still, here is all that needs to be said: "I appreciate your concern, but I'm under a doctor's care and am carefully following their advice."

jennifer_417

People (especially family members) can get really uncomfortable when they see others stepping of the role they think is assigned to them. Plus, their concept of what's a healthy weight is probably way off whack. Chances are they'll get used to it eventually.

Pastaprincess1978

I had my first negative weight loss comment yesterday (well first from this time's losing). I responded by saying how much healthier I've been eating and how the pain in my feet, knees and back has decreased so much. Also that I have so much more energy and sleep so much better. I am much more comfortable getting out of chairs, cars etc and I can put my shoes on easily. I can play with the kids on the floor. Life is so much better now.

In case of responding to overweight or obese people I would talk about your medical health benefits such as reduced blood pressure etc. Life expectations increased and less chance of needing joint surgery. All good reasons to take control of your health right now.

I would focus on health as a reason for the weight loss - there isn't much anyone can say to that.

try2again

Over what time frame have you lost the 75 lbs? My hubby lost a substantial amount of weight over a few short months and many friends & family (myself included) expressed concern for his health, but now that everyone is used to his lower weight, it doesn't seem alarming. The comments would irritate him, but he understood they were made out of concern. Not that I'm trying to excuse your family's behavior- I agree that there are likely some other issues going on there- but it's good to keep in mind that weight loss is an adjustment for everyone.

motivatedmartha

tyrindor wrote: »

I am a bit frustrated right now, so apologies for the mini-rant.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to see certain family members anymore. "You need to stop losing weight". "We're going to get you help if you don't stop dieting". It's always the first thing out of certain family member's mouth, and always from someone who has been obese their entire life. I have told them the comments hurt my motivation, but the response is typically "Good, you need to stop". I get their heart is in the right place, at least I hope, they've not once complimented me on my weight loss.

About me: I have lost a total of 75 pounds so far. My BMI is 23.3 and nothing alarmingly low. I've always had very little muscle mass which throws my BMI off a bit. My waist measurements shows I should ideally lose another 2-3 inches given my height of 6'1". I have also gotten second opinions from friends I trust, and a family doctor, which all agreed another 10-15 pounds is ideal.

I am very close to not going to family gathering anymore because it hurts my motivation. I am now the only person in my family that isn't morbidly obese, and they can't seem to accept what "healthy" is suppose to look like.

Anyone else have this problem?

Is there any reason why your family think you are still dieting? I never tell family I am dieting - at gatherings I just select a healthy food option/ serve myself a small portion or pass up on the ooey gooey stuff. If they comment just say I've had plenty thank you or some positive comment about what you have chosen. If they ask just say Oh I'm not dieting, I just prefer fresh fruit (Or whatever) now. For special family celebrations I make room for a piece of cake but remove at least one layer of icing before I even think about it. Getting the family used to the idea that you don't like some foods may be easier than letting them feel that you are restricting your food. Being a picky eater is less of a threat to them than you having the willpower that they are unable to demonstrate.

TavistockToad

tyrindor wrote: »

I am a bit frustrated right now, so apologies for the mini-rant.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to see certain family members anymore. "You need to stop losing weight". "We're going to get you help if you don't stop dieting". It's always the first thing out of certain family member's mouth, and always from someone who has been obese their entire life. I have told them the comments hurt my motivation, but the response is typically "Good, you need to stop". I get their heart is in the right place, at least I hope, they've not once complimented me on my weight loss.

About me: I have lost a total of 75 pounds so far. My BMI is 23.3 and nothing alarmingly low. I've always had very little muscle mass which throws my BMI off a bit. My waist measurements shows I should ideally lose another 2-3 inches given my height of 6'1". I have also gotten second opinions from friends I trust, and a family doctor, which all agreed another 10-15 pounds is ideal.

I am very close to not going to family gathering anymore because it hurts my motivation. I am now the only person in my family that isn't morbidly obese, and they can't seem to accept what "healthy" is suppose to look like.

Anyone else have this problem?

'i'm not losing weight any more' and change the subject... simple.

Hungry_Shopgirl

First, congrats on your weight-loss! I'm 6'1'' myself. I don't know what it's like for you but because I'm so tall I have fat all over lol So losing another 10-15 might sound extreme to others but be spot on for you. I weigh 179 lbs now and just got my first "You're too skinny" comment from my grandma, and honestly I took it as a compliment.

I would encourage you not to stop going to family gatherings. Like others have already said, you can just brush it off and change the subject. Who knows? Maybe in the future your success might inspire some of them to change too.
*Hugs*

smolmaus

I got some of this too. My aunt would flit between telling me I was too skinny and asking me how I lost weight (eat less was not an acceptable answer).

My solution was too tell them I was going to put on weight and neglected to mention it was going to be muscle. I'm at almost the same bodyfat as I was but I get to say hey I already put on half a stone!

I think you've got a lot of good suggestions for how to try and deal with it before just walking away. Saying your weight is now a closed topic that is between you and your doctor is the one I would go for. Those people that refuse to respect that don't respect you and then you don't have to feel at all bad about cutting them out.

NR81206

Same here, I have about 10-15 pounds to lose but have been in maintenance mode to just satisfied my family. Especially with my health problems I was having. I lost 60# but over the course of 9 months, and EVERYONE would tell me how skinny I was getting. Including co-workers and it was getting quite annoying. Now that the weather is getting warm & my Heath is better I plan to go back to running and lose the last of the weight since everyone finally got use to me being this size.

RadishEater

They gave their height and bmi so probably around 175. Based on their bmi losing another 10-15 lbs would plop them in the middle of the range.

If they have gotten second opinions from friends they trust, a dr, and their bmi they are aiming for is right in the middle of the healthy range, I think the chance of the family being right is almost minuscule.

To add to the list of things family says that are hurtful/annoying.
My parents recently told me they were worried about me being too boney when I reached my goal weight, which is the weight I was at end of highschool.
However 5 years earlier they commented on how much weight I put on in college since the end of highschool and I was so mortified (because we don't discuss weight in my family) that I engaged in several unhealthy calorie restricted diets on and off for the next year and ended up just gaining weight until I took control almost a year ago.

I understand they got used to seeing me at a weight and a drastic change they will express concern. But I think there are bad approaches and good approaches.

crazyravr wrote: »

tyrindor wrote: »

I am a bit frustrated right now, so apologies for the mini-rant.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to see certain family members anymore. "You need to stop losing weight". "We're going to get you help if you don't stop dieting". It's always the first thing out of certain family member's mouth, and always from someone who has been obese their entire life. I have told them the comments hurt my motivation, but the response is typically "Good, you need to stop". I get their heart is in the right place, at least I hope, they've not once complimented me on my weight loss.

About me: I have lost a total of 75 pounds so far. My BMI is 23.3 and nothing alarmingly low. I've always had very little muscle mass which throws my BMI off a bit. My waist measurements shows I should ideally lose another 2-3 inches given my height of 6'1". I have also gotten second opinions from friends I trust, and a family doctor, which all agreed another 10-15 pounds is ideal.

I am very close to not going to family gathering anymore because it hurts my motivation. I am now the only person in my family that isn't morbidly obese, and they can't seem to accept what "healthy" is suppose to look like.

Anyone else have this problem?

What do you weight at 6'1" ??? How about some pics? Because maybe just maybe they are right.