I am tired of family members telling me to stop losing weight

batorkin
batorkin Posts: 281 Member
edited May 2018 in Health and Weight Loss
I am a bit frustrated right now, so apologies for the mini-rant.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to see certain family members anymore. "You need to stop losing weight". "We're going to get you help if you don't stop dieting". It's always the first thing out of certain family member's mouth, and always from someone who has been obese their entire life. I have told them the comments hurt my motivation, but the response is typically "Good, you need to stop". I get their heart is in the right place, at least I hope, they've not once complimented me on my weight loss.

About me: I have lost a total of 75 pounds so far. My BMI is 23.3 and nothing alarmingly low. I've always had very little muscle mass which throws my BMI off a bit. My waist measurements shows I should ideally lose another 2-3 inches given my height of 6'1". I have also gotten second opinions from friends I trust, and a family doctor, which all agreed another 10-15 pounds is ideal.

I am very close to not going to family gathering anymore because it hurts my motivation. I am now the only person in my family that isn't morbidly obese, and they can't seem to accept what "healthy" is suppose to look like.

Anyone else have this problem?
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Replies

  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    I agree with @Lounmoun as well. Set some boundaries if this is getting to you but wait until you calm down. If you do it angry you might go too far.
  • sofchak
    sofchak Posts: 862 Member
    “If everyone around you is obese, it is easy to start seeing that as normal”

    OMG. This ^. Over and over and over!!!

    Seriously. I second this. Just because it’s the standard, doesn’t mean it should be!

    Don’t settle for less than what you and your GP deem as healthy for you and your goals/lifestyle.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    People (especially family members) can get really uncomfortable when they see others stepping of the role they think is assigned to them. Plus, their concept of what's a healthy weight is probably way off whack. Chances are they'll get used to it eventually.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    tyrindor wrote: »
    I am a bit frustrated right now, so apologies for the mini-rant.

    It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to see certain family members anymore. "You need to stop losing weight". "We're going to get you help if you don't stop dieting". It's always the first thing out of certain family member's mouth, and always from someone who has been obese their entire life. I have told them the comments hurt my motivation, but the response is typically "Good, you need to stop". I get their heart is in the right place, at least I hope, they've not once complimented me on my weight loss.

    About me: I have lost a total of 75 pounds so far. My BMI is 23.3 and nothing alarmingly low. I've always had very little muscle mass which throws my BMI off a bit. My waist measurements shows I should ideally lose another 2-3 inches given my height of 6'1". I have also gotten second opinions from friends I trust, and a family doctor, which all agreed another 10-15 pounds is ideal.

    I am very close to not going to family gathering anymore because it hurts my motivation. I am now the only person in my family that isn't morbidly obese, and they can't seem to accept what "healthy" is suppose to look like.

    Anyone else have this problem?

    'i'm not losing weight any more' and change the subject... simple.

  • Hungry_Shopgirl
    Hungry_Shopgirl Posts: 329 Member
    First, congrats on your weight-loss! I'm 6'1'' myself. I don't know what it's like for you but because I'm so tall I have fat all over lol So losing another 10-15 might sound extreme to others but be spot on for you. I weigh 179 lbs now and just got my first "You're too skinny" comment from my grandma, and honestly I took it as a compliment.

    I would encourage you not to stop going to family gatherings. Like others have already said, you can just brush it off and change the subject. Who knows? Maybe in the future your success might inspire some of them to change too.
    *Hugs*
  • NR81206
    NR81206 Posts: 54 Member
    Same here, I have about 10-15 pounds to lose but have been in maintenance mode to just satisfied my family. Especially with my health problems I was having. I lost 60# but over the course of 9 months, and EVERYONE would tell me how skinny I was getting. Including co-workers and it was getting quite annoying. Now that the weather is getting warm & my Heath is better I plan to go back to running and lose the last of the weight since everyone finally got use to me being this size.
  • RadishEater
    RadishEater Posts: 470 Member
    They gave their height and bmi so probably around 175. Based on their bmi losing another 10-15 lbs would plop them in the middle of the range.

    If they have gotten second opinions from friends they trust, a dr, and their bmi they are aiming for is right in the middle of the healthy range, I think the chance of the family being right is almost minuscule.

    To add to the list of things family says that are hurtful/annoying.
    My parents recently told me they were worried about me being too boney when I reached my goal weight, which is the weight I was at end of highschool.
    However 5 years earlier they commented on how much weight I put on in college since the end of highschool and I was so mortified (because we don't discuss weight in my family) that I engaged in several unhealthy calorie restricted diets on and off for the next year and ended up just gaining weight until I took control almost a year ago.

    I understand they got used to seeing me at a weight and a drastic change they will express concern. But I think there are bad approaches and good approaches.
    crazyravr wrote: »
    tyrindor wrote: »
    I am a bit frustrated right now, so apologies for the mini-rant.

    It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to see certain family members anymore. "You need to stop losing weight". "We're going to get you help if you don't stop dieting". It's always the first thing out of certain family member's mouth, and always from someone who has been obese their entire life. I have told them the comments hurt my motivation, but the response is typically "Good, you need to stop". I get their heart is in the right place, at least I hope, they've not once complimented me on my weight loss.

    About me: I have lost a total of 75 pounds so far. My BMI is 23.3 and nothing alarmingly low. I've always had very little muscle mass which throws my BMI off a bit. My waist measurements shows I should ideally lose another 2-3 inches given my height of 6'1". I have also gotten second opinions from friends I trust, and a family doctor, which all agreed another 10-15 pounds is ideal.

    I am very close to not going to family gathering anymore because it hurts my motivation. I am now the only person in my family that isn't morbidly obese, and they can't seem to accept what "healthy" is suppose to look like.

    Anyone else have this problem?

    What do you weight at 6'1" ??? How about some pics? Because maybe just maybe they are right.

  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited May 2018
    crazyravr wrote: »
    tyrindor wrote: »
    I am a bit frustrated right now, so apologies for the mini-rant.

    It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to see certain family members anymore. "You need to stop losing weight". "We're going to get you help if you don't stop dieting". It's always the first thing out of certain family member's mouth, and always from someone who has been obese their entire life. I have told them the comments hurt my motivation, but the response is typically "Good, you need to stop". I get their heart is in the right place, at least I hope, they've not once complimented me on my weight loss.

    About me: I have lost a total of 75 pounds so far. My BMI is 23.3 and nothing alarmingly low. I've always had very little muscle mass which throws my BMI off a bit. My waist measurements shows I should ideally lose another 2-3 inches given my height of 6'1". I have also gotten second opinions from friends I trust, and a family doctor, which all agreed another 10-15 pounds is ideal.

    I am very close to not going to family gathering anymore because it hurts my motivation. I am now the only person in my family that isn't morbidly obese, and they can't seem to accept what "healthy" is suppose to look like.

    Anyone else have this problem?

    What do you weight at 6'1" ??? How about some pics? Because maybe just maybe they are right.

    This thread says started at 252. With a 75 loss now around 177.

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/41039553#Comment_41039553

    OP your friends/family has seen a farily rapid weight loss happen before their eyes. I don't think dropping another 10 pounds is going to give you the results you want. 15 pounds puts you under weight. You have ideally lost muscle along side your weight unless you have been conducting muscle sparing during your weight loss, but the average loss per week you have been losing weight, you have ideally lost muscle as well.

    eta: if your waist and other body measurements are still showing that you have a higher body fat (especially around the mid section) you should consider recomp, which will help you lose the remaining body fat and help you rebuild muscle.
  • jesguinn
    jesguinn Posts: 94 Member
    Many people in my family are overweight or obese, as well as some of my close friends. When I proudly told my mom back in March that I had lost 18 pounds since the first of the year she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "But you don't need to lose 18 pounds." I told her I didn't need to lose 18 pounds anymore because I had already done that, but I did need to lose it after the holidays. Everyone carries their weight differently, and I'm tall so that makes it a little easier to carry some extra without anyone noticing (or lose a good bit without anyone really noticing), but I think part of it is also that when people see someone they consider to be in good shape or the size they would like to be, it pushes them to admit the fact that they are not at a healthy weight. i.e. if she/he (this person who seems to be at an ideal weight in my view) needs to lose weight to be healthier, I must really be in bad shape! Just let it go and listen to your own medical professionals.
  • COGypsy
    COGypsy Posts: 1,353 Member
    tyrindor wrote: »
    HeyJudii wrote: »
    Yes, sadly I do have this problem also. For me, it's because I lose weight from the top down, just as I gain from the bottom up. So, my face, neck and collar bones first show the weight loss, and I get told I need to stop losing weight because I look "gaunt".

    Short of stripping down and showing them where I am still carrying excess pounds, or start discussing Type 2 diabetes concerns, I just tell them I don't plan on losing anymore weight when they ask, and continue doing as my medical professionals advise.

    I can relate...

    I am bald and extremely pale. I lost most my weight during the winter, and work a desk job so I didn't get outside much. I've had at least 4 people ask me if I have cancer. I've gotten a mild tan over the few good weeks of good weather, so hopefully those comments stop.. :p

    I feel ya....my sister frequently calls me Skeletor! She always says she can tell when I've cut calories or changed my work outs because my eyes get dark and sunken. I can't say I've noticed that myself...
  • amgreenwell
    amgreenwell Posts: 1,267 Member
    You'll learn to just let their comments slide off your back. That's the only thing you can do. My immediate family seems to comment constantly on my "skinny" body. I NEVER, repeat NEVER comment on their obese bodies unless they've lost weight then I tell them I notice and to keep it up. I would never ask them why they are gaining so much or what motivates them to eat three plates at lunch and dinner.
    So, with that said, you've got to know that this journey is for your health and no one else's. if avoiding them is the only way you can make it work then fine. But my advice is to just smile, nod and say thanks but I'm doing okay just how I am. Don't even give their comments the time of day.
    Family can be the toughest but you got this!
  • jseams1234
    jseams1234 Posts: 1,219 Member
    RGv2 wrote: »
    I think a lot of people in the US (assuming you are American here) are not used to seeing people at a normal weight. There is so much obesity here...I think people see overweight as the norm. When I tell people I am trying to lose 30 pounds, they are like, 'Why? You look great." and I'm like, "Okay, but I can step on a scale for you and show you the numbers. I'm considered overweight according to my BMI."

    Um....wut?

    In the best shape of my life I was considered "overweight" by the BMI scale and my BF% was around 10-12%. I tried to get into a normal BMI, I got about 7-10lbs away and just looked imaciated. I ended up recomping and adding about 7-9 to get back to an "overweight" BMI. I looked (and felt) so much better.

    I'm in the same boat. I just ended my cut and I'm still a few pounds over the high normal range for BMI. I'm 6'1 and I've been both underweight by BMI and smack in the middle of "normal". I looked like Ichabod Crane at normal ranges and Pumpkin Head from that cheesy 90's horror flick when under. I've noticed that short guys look better in the normal range than tall guys.