How to politely tell a coworker that their comments make me feel bad?
Replies
-
cmriverside wrote: »"Did you really just comment again about my body? Next time, I will take my documented descriptions of your comments to HR."
Yeah, I wouldn't even try to come up with "nice."
Not really something I’d want to get HR involved in since I have to work with her for 12 hours each week I’m an ambulance. I feel like involving HR would make things worse.
It’s completely inappropriate and something you don’t have to put up with at all. You’re protected against retaliation, and if she behaves poorly after, report that. You are being harassed. She is responsible for what she says, you’re just the messenger of the behavior in this case. You didn’t cause it and are just reporting it. I can imagine how hard it must be to think about reporting it. But which is harder, reporting it or putting up with it multiple times a day for 12 hours at a time? You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.0 -
Grimmerick wrote: »
not sure if this will make a difference to you in this situation but from what I can tell it is a woman saying this to another woman. So I don't think it's a sexual thing OP didn't say she felt that it was, she just said it hurt her feelings. Also that is way too much trouble(time, money) for OP to go to for something so small that she hasn't even tried to address herself yet. I would actually think less of someone that would run out and get an Attorney for this without trying to solve the issue internally first. I really hope you thought this was a sexual harrassment thing, because that's the only way your advice should be taken to that extreme right out of the gate.
Creating a hostile work environment has no gender requirements.5 -
Good, I'm glad to hear that you told her how you feel.1
-
Sometimes, there's absolutely no one to report it to. When you work for a small outfit with less than a handful of employees you have to deal with conflict head on.0
-
Someone who would make that comment, would find your honest and vulnerable comment "that hurts my feelings",; as weakness. They are saying this to hurt your feelings and to degrade you. Please realize that fact. This person is also confident enough to think you won't do anything about it.
i'd skip any comments to him/her and go to HR and file a complaint and ask to be moved from working with this person. You'd be doing your workplace a favor to bring this behavior to managment's attention. This is a new day...that abuse and crap from anyone is over! .. #metoo0 -
People seem to be missing that OP has spoken to the co worker and resolved the issue.3
-
@elphie754 I’m really glad you were able to resolve this (and I truly hope it is resolved), and your Co-worker really needs to learn how to give a compliment.1
-
This content has been removed.
-
"Your comments make me feel bad".
"I find your comments highly__________, I would appreciate if you __________".
0 -
paperpudding wrote: »People seem to be missing that OP has spoken to the co worker and resolved the issue.
Yes, this is why I always try to read the whole thread before commenting. If it is a super long thread, sometimes I'll just read the first few pages and the last few.0 -
Grimmerick wrote: »
not sure if this will make a difference to you in this situation but from what I can tell it is a woman saying this to another woman. So I don't think it's a sexual thing OP didn't say she felt that it was, she just said it hurt her feelings. Also that is way too much trouble(time, money) for OP to go to for something so small that she hasn't even tried to address herself yet. I would actually think less of someone that would run out and get an Attorney for this without trying to solve the issue internally first. I really hope you thought this was a sexual harrassment thing, because that's the only way your advice should be taken to that extreme right out of the gate.
Creating a hostile work environment has no gender requirements.
yes yes thanks for pointing that out but it was already understood as a given(and before you say anything I know woman can and do sexually harass other women but if you're honest with yourself it's usually a man/woman thing, we're working with probably's here), but you missed the point, it was not intended in sexual way so you're probably not looking at true sexual harassment which would definitely need to go to HR instead of just dealing with a coworker that might not realize they are hurting your feelings, quite a difference there, looking at intent is important. Why blow something out of proportion that might not have been intended in a negative way. As the woman herself said it was intended as a playful compliment, maybe she thought they had a closer more comfortable relationship than they did. Now she was easily corrected and apologized saying she wouldn't do it again. No reason to make an even more awkward work environment by overreacting which can be just as crappy as a hostile one to work in, not when correcting it could be as easy as letting them know yourself that you don't appreciate what they are doing, the point is to make working there better not worse for her. Not to mention people act differently and react differently, makes it easier when you give someone the benefit of the doubt at the first sign of something that bothers you and give them the chance to correct it before you go above their heads(unless it's something really foul). If she does it again, well, then drop the hammer on her and at least when you go to HR you can at least say you tried to resolve it yourself first. And also realizing that you can stand up and resolve a situation for yourself can be empowering, maybe now the next time someone does something she doesn't like she won't hesitate and can nip the situation in the bud before letting herself be distressed.1 -
paperpudding wrote: »People seem to be missing that OP has spoken to the co worker and resolved the issue.
Yeah, easy to tell those who don't actually read the thread before adding their 2 cents, isn't it? The old "My answer is so relevant and important it doesn't matter what others (including the OP) have added."
1 -
Grimmerick wrote: »Grimmerick wrote: »
not sure if this will make a difference to you in this situation but from what I can tell it is a woman saying this to another woman. So I don't think it's a sexual thing OP didn't say she felt that it was, she just said it hurt her feelings. Also that is way too much trouble(time, money) for OP to go to for something so small that she hasn't even tried to address herself yet. I would actually think less of someone that would run out and get an Attorney for this without trying to solve the issue internally first. I really hope you thought this was a sexual harrassment thing, because that's the only way your advice should be taken to that extreme right out of the gate.
Creating a hostile work environment has no gender requirements.
yes yes thanks for pointing that out but it was already understood as a given(and before you say anything I know woman can and do sexually harass other women but if you're honest with yourself it's usually a man/woman thing, we're working with probably's here), but you missed the point, it was not intended in sexual way so you're probably not looking at true sexual harassment which would definitely need to go to HR instead of just dealing with a coworker that might not realize they are hurting your feelings, quite a difference there, looking at intent is important. Why blow something out of proportion that might not have been intended in a negative way. As the woman herself said it was intended as a playful compliment, maybe she thought they had a closer more comfortable relationship than they did. Now she was easily corrected and apologized saying she wouldn't do it again. No reason to make an even more awkward work environment by overreacting which can be just as crappy as a hostile one to work in, not when correcting it could be as easy as letting them know yourself that you don't appreciate what they are doing, the point is to make working there better not worse for her. Not to mention people act differently and react differently, makes it easier when you give someone the benefit of the doubt at the first sign of something that bothers you and give them the chance to correct it before you go above their heads(unless it's something really foul). If she does it again, well, then drop the hammer on her and at least when you go to HR you can at least say you tried to resolve it yourself first. And also realizing that you can stand up and resolve a situation for yourself can be empowering, maybe now the next time someone does something she doesn't like she won't hesitate and can nip the situation in the bud before letting herself be distressed.
Maybe I'm getting cynical in my old age but I hope the situation truly is resolved. The whole "Oh, I meant it as a compliment" thing is sketchy as anything in my opinion. Really? Who is naive enough to think "Look at that big ol' butt" or whatever she said is going to be received as a compliment by most women?
I hope for OP's sake the issue is over but I suspect it will just move on to another kind of subtle bullying.0 -
nickssweetheart wrote: »Grimmerick wrote: »Grimmerick wrote: »
not sure if this will make a difference to you in this situation but from what I can tell it is a woman saying this to another woman. So I don't think it's a sexual thing OP didn't say she felt that it was, she just said it hurt her feelings. Also that is way too much trouble(time, money) for OP to go to for something so small that she hasn't even tried to address herself yet. I would actually think less of someone that would run out and get an Attorney for this without trying to solve the issue internally first. I really hope you thought this was a sexual harrassment thing, because that's the only way your advice should be taken to that extreme right out of the gate.
Creating a hostile work environment has no gender requirements.
yes yes thanks for pointing that out but it was already understood as a given(and before you say anything I know woman can and do sexually harass other women but if you're honest with yourself it's usually a man/woman thing, we're working with probably's here), but you missed the point, it was not intended in sexual way so you're probably not looking at true sexual harassment which would definitely need to go to HR instead of just dealing with a coworker that might not realize they are hurting your feelings, quite a difference there, looking at intent is important. Why blow something out of proportion that might not have been intended in a negative way. As the woman herself said it was intended as a playful compliment, maybe she thought they had a closer more comfortable relationship than they did. Now she was easily corrected and apologized saying she wouldn't do it again. No reason to make an even more awkward work environment by overreacting which can be just as crappy as a hostile one to work in, not when correcting it could be as easy as letting them know yourself that you don't appreciate what they are doing, the point is to make working there better not worse for her. Not to mention people act differently and react differently, makes it easier when you give someone the benefit of the doubt at the first sign of something that bothers you and give them the chance to correct it before you go above their heads(unless it's something really foul). If she does it again, well, then drop the hammer on her and at least when you go to HR you can at least say you tried to resolve it yourself first. And also realizing that you can stand up and resolve a situation for yourself can be empowering, maybe now the next time someone does something she doesn't like she won't hesitate and can nip the situation in the bud before letting herself be distressed.
Maybe I'm getting cynical in my old age but I hope the situation truly is resolved. The whole "Oh, I meant it as a compliment" thing is sketchy as anything in my opinion. Really? Who is naive enough to think "Look at that big ol' butt" or whatever she said is going to be received as a compliment by most women?
I hope for OP's sake the issue is over but I suspect it will just move on to another kind of subtle bullying.
At least she can say she tried and that makes even more of her case for HR if she does have to turn her in for harassment. It makes her look more reasonable and less of someone that is just easily offended so HR would take her case more seriously. Remember, now she has the texts to take with her which is visual proof so no matter what her position is probably better for doing it this way. In a he said she said, proof can help make it or break it.
Just one last thought, telling someone they have a big butt in this day and age you can't always jump to the conclusion that they don't mean it as a compliment, I mean " I like big butts and I cannot lie......." lol you get the idea, big butts have become something that a lot of people want these days, so much so they go as far as to get implants. Heck I was reading a book that was about sayings in other cultures and there was one that was considered a compliment and it was telling a woman her legs look like banana tree trunks. So no I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she was being mean at first, and if she really is then she will tie the noose she hangs herself with in the end. Oh and lastly, some people are stupid(I think everyone has encountered at least one), I read things all the time where I am thinking "who the hell does that?!?" or "what in the hell were they thinking!?!" Sometimes you gotta be around stupid people, sadly(maybe not too sadly I guess I prefer innocent stupidity to intentional hatefulness) it doesn't always mean they are trying to be rude.1 -
Lots of people like big butts, but very few like a big mouth. Please shut yours.3
-
I would just say 'Are you telling me my butt is big? That's a bit harsh' and then move on. Seek clarification of what she was saying every time she makes a personal comment - she should soon realise that those comments are rude and hurtful. Or just say 'Yep - I'm really pleased at what all those squats are doing for my booty'1
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 424 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions