How to politely tell a coworker that their comments make me feel bad?
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elphie754
Posts: 7,574 Member
So I have a coworker who has started to make comments about me having a large butt every time I bend down to get something. Not sure how to tell them nicely that it hurts my feelings. Anyone have a suggestion?
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Replies
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"Did you really just comment again about my body? Next time, I will take my documented descriptions of your comments to HR."
Yeah, I wouldn't even try to come up with "nice."101 -
I wouldn't necessarily be nice. "Yeah, I heard you the first 62 times you told me that. Shut up."
Or you could just tell them it hurts your feelings and please stop. But anyone who is rude enough to say it in the first place probably won't recognize that it upsets you.23 -
I think you can stop worrying about being polite the minute that person starts talking about your butt.
Tell them comments about your body are unwelcome and unacceptable.42 -
ummm yeah. go to HR.
i wouldnt put up with that *kitten* for a minute.22 -
That’s harassment. Report it to HR. Don’t worry about their feelings they abvioisly don’t care about yours.34
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Tell them that the comments are unwelcome, you want them to stop immediately, and you won't tell them this again.
If they continue, go to your HR department/person and file an EEO complaint.24 -
Obviously typo!1
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cmriverside wrote: »"Did you really just comment again about my body? Next time, I will take my documented descriptions of your comments to HR."
Yeah, I wouldn't even try to come up with "nice."
Not really something I’d want to get HR involved in since I have to work with her for 12 hours each week I’m an ambulance. I feel like involving HR would make things worse.
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i cant even imagine how anyone thinks thats okay to say...... I wouldnt be nice back. I get that you want to since a coworker and i know im no help but people like that make me crazy, I honestly cant imagine what their brain is saying to their mouth and how it passes their appropriate checklist lol
have you tried...you know....telling her it hurts your feelings and asking her to stop..? May make for an uncomfortable moment but saves many future uncomfortable moments. Your worth standign up for yourself. Your worth more then constantly being made to feel bad, Especially when id like to think she doesnt intend to make you feel bad you probably smile and giggle it off which sort of just tells her its fine to continue. Its not.8 -
Comments arent going to magically disappear because you want them to, Obviously. Either stand up for yourself or dont, Kind of the options -hugs- i hope you stand up for self23
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Just start singing Baby Got Back and tell her to stop being jealous!
But in all honesty, I understand your hesitation about going to HR. Just be honest with her and tell her it hurts your feelings and you wish she'd stop. If she doesn't, then it's harassment, and you really should consider HR seriously as an option.4 -
I agree with other posters who are saying you should feel no obligation to respond “nicely” - it’s totally inappropriate! That said, I also understand not wanting to create tension with someone you have to work with. Could you try something along the lines of “I’m sure you’re just joking, but your comments about my body hit a nerve for me” ??2
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Ask him if he'd say that about a patient. If he says no, ask why he thinks it's appropriate to say to you.10
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It's another woman making these comments about your butt? Tell her they are unacceptable and to please just stop it, already.
Sadly, sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you. And if you let them treat you badly, you are not being part of the solution.8 -
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No one makes you feel anything. You are self-conscious about your body and you choose to give her words power.
Choose not to. This isn't about you, really. I couldn't care less if someone made a comment about my butt, but it is still workplace inappropriate and subject to disciplinary action, regardless of how I feel. Professionalism requires you to stand up for your workplace environment. If you don't, and she messes up with a member of the public, and you are not on record as objecting to her behaviors, you could be implicated. Unlikely scenario, but you never know when a person who demonstrates as little professionalism as she does is going to mess up.
A few years back, a new friend saw my wedding photo for the first time. "Wow, you were so pretty! How can you be so fat now; doesn't it bother you?" I was a bit surprised b/c it isn't something most people I know would say, but I just said that yes, it bothered me because I can't do all the things I'd like, but it didn't bother me to not look the same. Today, that same friend saw me for the first time since I had gained more weight, and she said, "Oh you did get fatter." I'm not in the least offended--it's the truth, and I know it, and she loves me a lot. Our feelings result not from what others say, but what WE think about their words.
Your co-worker has to stop making personal comments b/c they are workplace inappropriate, but you are under no obligation to feel bad about what comes out of her mouth.
Good luck, however you decide to handle it.
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“Ouch! That was a nasty thing to say. There won’t be a repeat, will there?”
I worked in a nasty snipey office and once the office gossip slung out a zinger. I zinged right back, “Gossip!” I said it with a smile but I could tell from her eyes that it hit home. She never insulted me to my face again. Though I left that office years ago and she’s retired she still looks up my profile on LinkedIn once in a while.
Tiger, stripes I guess.1 -
Or if you just want to take the gloves off and get down and dirty, say "I might be fat, but you're an *kitten*hole - and I can diet".
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"That has been rude and inappropriate every time you've said it."34
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