Ambushed with a "Friendtervention" Today
Options
Replies
-
I'm curious--you have friends who have felt comfortable dropping in to visit. Was that always the case? If so, what interferes with spending time with them at your home? If you are just relaxing after a three-class day, can't you relax with them? I understand if they are trying to get you to go out without notice. But that didn't seem to be part of the explanation.
2 -
@lantana411 Where have you been
, I love friends but not yoga. 0 -
cmriverside wrote: »This is a humble-brag, then? My friends like me so much they complain about not seeing me?
I always look out for myself first, so do most people. You have given them invitations to your new interests and they are not interested. How is that an "intervention"? Are you obsessing?
I didn't "woo" you, but WHAT?????? I realize that three paragraphs can be hard to read - especially if you are using the app - but there was nothing braggadocios about my post .
To be clear, a summary of my post: I started working out full time two years ago and a year ago I started spending time on my BF. No one had an issue with my schedule until I started losing weight that I would have lost anyway (even if I only watched TV all day).
And I guess my use of the word "ambush" in the title didn't clarify that the intervention was the typical type.2 -
pinksunnyrose wrote: »11 classes in one week? Yikes. I agree with them you’re always at the gym!
It used to be 11 classes. Now it's 14, including the one she teaches. So, on that front - never mind the other stuff, because that does sound douchey - I can more or less see where her friends are coming from.
Wow. "douchey? That's kind of mean even if you didn't read my subsequent post explaining that (1) it's only 4-5 days/week and (2) the most convenient schedule for my situation.1 -
I thought beating cancer would give me a reason to be less of a people-pleaser, but I still want the people around me to feel comfortable. My main issue with this thing is their timing. Like...what took them so long? If their motives were honorable, then I should definitely look inward, but if not, it might be time to move on.One of the things I’ve enjoyed about getting older is I’m much less inclined to feel a need to explain or justify my actions to others.
3 -
OP, it is a tricky thing..i've heard of interventions.. but only when friends think the subject of the intervention is risking thier health... alcohol ..drugs...and maybe they think you're dangerously thin? not like an eating disorder..but an over working out disorde?
What is your height and weight? Where are you on the BMI chart?
Answer those questions...if you are not underweight...your friends are out of line, trying to control your life choices. That;s not fair and you may just have to move on in life.
If you are underweight. you've got some great friends who care about you.1 -
I just read this entire thread. I can’t believe MFP folks deciding the specific number of classes you should be in. Maybe they don’t understand yoga.
It’s not like banging out an hr of HIIT.
It’s all your own business.6 -
-
My good friends are my good friends whether I have time to spend with them or not. Many I don't see for months on end because we all lead full, busy lives. We keep up with each other on social media.
I would lmao if they ever staged an intervention for me.4 -
lantana411 wrote: »Friends can help us see when we're out of balance - extreme in behavior or activities. Your career is tied to your training so the lines are blurred. But no one should be a one note singer - we can be active doing other things outside of the gym/studio. Maybe you should consider friends who share your passion for working out and activities beyond working out for those friends who love you but not yoga.
Very good post! I do a bunch of other things that don't necessarily appeal to this set of friends. The five of us currently have lunch once a month with another woman (usually at a restaurant but sometimes at whoever-wants-to-show-off-a-recent-renovation's house).
* I've invited them to fundraisers, sporting events, etc. They never have to pay.
* My yoga studio seems to have a "bring a friend" promo with every "holiday" (including Valentine's Day) and I've invited everyone only once, except "Friend 2" who kept saying "I'll catch it next time" until I stopped asking her.
* I ask them to go to my Senior Yoga class mostly for moral support.
* I'm too old to be in the club every night and too young for the 45+mixers.1 -
I just read this entire thread. I can’t believe MFP folks deciding the specific number of classes you should be in. Maybe they don’t understand yoga.
It’s not like banging out an hr of HIIT.
It’s all your own business.
I think a lot of people don't understand yoga - even within the yoga community. One of my teacher training mentors and I were talking about this the other day. We were talking about the growing number of students who come to class specifically looking to become Instagram ready or burn a bunch of calories, and how to best guide these students.3 -
I'm curious--you have friends who have felt comfortable dropping in to visit. Was that always the case? If so, what interferes with spending time with them at your home? If you are just relaxing after a three-class day, can't you relax with them? I understand if they are trying to get you to go out without notice. But that didn't seem to be part of the explanation.
Well, honestly, if I've taken three classes then I've spent 3-4 hours surrounded by people and want nothing more than to take a jetted bath and curl into bed with a decent book (or take a nap). And none of them are that kind of friend.2 -
elisa123gal wrote: »OP, it is a tricky thing..i've heard of interventions.. but only when friends think the subject of the intervention is risking thier health... alcohol ..drugs...and maybe they think you're dangerously thin? not like an eating disorder..but an over working out disorde?
What is your height and weight? Where are you on the BMI chart?
Answer those questions...if you are not underweight...your friends are out of line, trying to control your life choices. That;s not fair and you may just have to move on in life.
If you are underweight. you've got some great friends who care about you.
They called it a "Friendtervention" because I was risking their friendship.
I'm currently a few pounds heavier than my pre-illness weight which was definitely not too small. Basically, I can fit into my old clothes, but I'm a bit curvier.
I think I'll give them an opportunity to start respecting my boundaries before I move on.1 -
Boundaries is a good choice of words even with "friends".Lives change....personal needs change...physical situations change....meh...maybe mature in different directions. That's okay...life moves forward in the direction you choose.
PS.Did you say your friends would just drop in?
That would never occur in my world!!!!! I hate that dropping in nonsense...you better call first....SHEESH!!
..3 -
lantana411 wrote: »Friends can help us see when we're out of balance - extreme in behavior or activities. Your career is tied to your training so the lines are blurred. But no one should be a one note singer - we can be active doing other things outside of the gym/studio. Maybe you should consider friends who share your passion for working out and activities beyond working out for those friends who love you but not yoga.
Very good post! I do a bunch of other things that don't necessarily appeal to this set of friends. The five of us currently have lunch once a month with another woman (usually at a restaurant but sometimes at whoever-wants-to-show-off-a-recent-renovation's house).
* I've invited them to fundraisers, sporting events, etc. They never have to pay.
* My yoga studio seems to have a "bring a friend" promo with every "holiday" (including Valentine's Day) and I've invited everyone only once, except "Friend 2" who kept saying "I'll catch it next time" until I stopped asking her.
* I ask them to go to my Senior Yoga class mostly for moral support.
* I'm too old to be in the club every night and too young for the 45+mixers.
It honestly sounds like your friendship level is just dying down because you have a lot of different interests and lifestyle from them now.
Concentrate on your BF and new friendships with people you have more in common with.
1 -
PS.Did you say your friends would just drop in?
That would never occur in my world!!!!! I hate that dropping in nonsense...you better call first....SHEESH!!
..
I'm so glad you mentioned that! I was raised the same way, but also taught to be "politely distant" with unexpected visitors. But when people don't get the hint, it messes with my head, especially since others (like some of my relatives and an old roommate) have implied or stated that I must have something to hide if I can't accept all visitors graciously.1 -
lantana411 wrote: »Friends can help us see when we're out of balance - extreme in behavior or activities. Your career is tied to your training so the lines are blurred. But no one should be a one note singer - we can be active doing other things outside of the gym/studio. Maybe you should consider friends who share your passion for working out and activities beyond working out for those friends who love you but not yoga.
Very good post! I do a bunch of other things that don't necessarily appeal to this set of friends. The five of us currently have lunch once a month with another woman (usually at a restaurant but sometimes at whoever-wants-to-show-off-a-recent-renovation's house).
* I've invited them to fundraisers, sporting events, etc. They never have to pay.
* My yoga studio seems to have a "bring a friend" promo with every "holiday" (including Valentine's Day) and I've invited everyone only once, except "Friend 2" who kept saying "I'll catch it next time" until I stopped asking her.
* I ask them to go to my Senior Yoga class mostly for moral support.
* I'm too old to be in the club every night and too young for the 45+mixers.
It honestly sounds like your friendship level is just dying down because you have a lot of different interests and lifestyle from them now.
Concentrate on your BF and new friendships with people you have more in common with.
it also seems like (and this is obviously perception) that everything she invites them to is stuff that she enjoys - and maybe they don't - there may be some compromise in friendships because not everyone likes the same kind of stuff1 -
PS.Did you say your friends would just drop in?
That would never occur in my world!!!!! I hate that dropping in nonsense...you better call first....SHEESH!!
..
I'm so glad you mentioned that! I was raised the same way, but also taught to be "politely distant" with unexpected visitors. But when people don't get the hint, it messes with my head, especially since others (like some of my relatives and an old roommate) have implied or stated that I must have something to hide if I can't accept all visitors graciously.
In my world, no one has the right to land on my doorstep uninvited and automatically expect me to be gracious or drop whatever it was I was doing in order to accomodate them.
When it has happened, and depending, of course, on who it was, why they were there and what I was doing (or not doing) at the time, my response would vary anywhere from, "I'm SO glad to see you! Come on it!" all the way down to, "I was just leaving. Sorry you picked a bad time to just drop by."
Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you.
3 -
This is obviously a different friendship culture. Nobody has ever just dropped by. I haven't had that kind of availability since we I was an undergrad. I cannot believe a friend would do something like this. They should be supportive. This sounds like the opposite to me.3
-
snickerscharlie wrote: »PS.Did you say your friends would just drop in?
That would never occur in my world!!!!! I hate that dropping in nonsense...you better call first....SHEESH!!
..
I'm so glad you mentioned that! I was raised the same way, but also taught to be "politely distant" with unexpected visitors. But when people don't get the hint, it messes with my head, especially since others (like some of my relatives and an old roommate) have implied or stated that I must have something to hide if I can't accept all visitors graciously.
In my world, no one has the right to land on my doorstep uninvited and automatically expect me to be gracious or drop whatever it was I was doing in order to accomodate them.
When it has happened, and depending, of course, on who it was, why they were there and what I was doing (or not doing) at the time, my response would vary anywhere from, "I'm SO glad to see you! Come on it!" all the way down to, "I was just leaving. Sorry you picked a bad time to just drop by."
Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you.
Tangent warning.
In my world there are friends who have that right. Friends fall into 3 categories(this is semi-humorous... so take it in that spirit.
Category 1-Real friends AKA body moving friends. Any time any where drop everything if it's important to you, it's important to me.
Category 2-Friends AKA moving friends. Give a couple days notice and whatever you need if it's in my power
Category 3-Friends by courtesy. These are coworkers, acquaintances, etc. Maybe, if it's convenient. And you give enough notice.6
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 393 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 934 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions