Ambushed with a "Friendtervention" Today

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Replies

  • ssurvivor
    ssurvivor Posts: 142 Member
    88olds wrote: »
    I just read this entire thread. I can’t believe MFP folks deciding the specific number of classes you should be in. Maybe they don’t understand yoga.
    It’s not like banging out an hr of HIIT.

    It’s all your own business.

    I think a lot of people don't understand yoga - even within the yoga community. One of my teacher training mentors and I were talking about this the other day. We were talking about the growing number of students who come to class specifically looking to become Instagram ready or burn a bunch of calories, and how to best guide these students.
  • ssurvivor
    ssurvivor Posts: 142 Member
    mkculs wrote: »
    I'm curious--you have friends who have felt comfortable dropping in to visit. Was that always the case? If so, what interferes with spending time with them at your home? If you are just relaxing after a three-class day, can't you relax with them? I understand if they are trying to get you to go out without notice. But that didn't seem to be part of the explanation.

    Well, honestly, if I've taken three classes then I've spent 3-4 hours surrounded by people and want nothing more than to take a jetted bath and curl into bed with a decent book (or take a nap). And none of them are that kind of friend.
  • ssurvivor
    ssurvivor Posts: 142 Member
    elisa123gal wrote: »
    OP, it is a tricky thing..i've heard of interventions.. but only when friends think the subject of the intervention is risking thier health... alcohol ..drugs...and maybe they think you're dangerously thin? not like an eating disorder..but an over working out disorde?

    What is your height and weight? Where are you on the BMI chart?

    Answer those questions...if you are not underweight...your friends are out of line, trying to control your life choices. That;s not fair and you may just have to move on in life.

    If you are underweight. you've got some great friends who care about you.

    They called it a "Friendtervention" because I was risking their friendship.

    I'm currently a few pounds heavier than my pre-illness weight which was definitely not too small. Basically, I can fit into my old clothes, but I'm a bit curvier.

    I think I'll give them an opportunity to start respecting my boundaries before I move on.
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    Boundaries is a good choice of words even with "friends".Lives change....personal needs change...physical situations change....meh...maybe mature in different directions. That's okay...life moves forward in the direction you choose.
    PS.Did you say your friends would just drop in?
    That would never occur in my world!!!!! I hate that dropping in nonsense...you better call first....SHEESH!!
    ..
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    lantana411 wrote: »
    Friends can help us see when we're out of balance - extreme in behavior or activities. Your career is tied to your training so the lines are blurred. But no one should be a one note singer - we can be active doing other things outside of the gym/studio. Maybe you should consider friends who share your passion for working out and activities beyond working out for those friends who love you but not yoga.

    Very good post! I do a bunch of other things that don't necessarily appeal to this set of friends. The five of us currently have lunch once a month with another woman (usually at a restaurant but sometimes at whoever-wants-to-show-off-a-recent-renovation's house).

    * I've invited them to fundraisers, sporting events, etc. They never have to pay.
    * My yoga studio seems to have a "bring a friend" promo with every "holiday" (including Valentine's Day) and I've invited everyone only once, except "Friend 2" who kept saying "I'll catch it next time" until I stopped asking her.
    * I ask them to go to my Senior Yoga class mostly for moral support.
    * I'm too old to be in the club every night and too young for the 45+mixers.

    It honestly sounds like your friendship level is just dying down because you have a lot of different interests and lifestyle from them now.
    Concentrate on your BF and new friendships with people you have more in common with.

  • ssurvivor
    ssurvivor Posts: 142 Member
    dsboohead wrote: »
    PS.Did you say your friends would just drop in?
    That would never occur in my world!!!!! I hate that dropping in nonsense...you better call first....SHEESH!!
    ..

    I'm so glad you mentioned that! I was raised the same way, but also taught to be "politely distant" with unexpected visitors. But when people don't get the hint, it messes with my head, especially since others (like some of my relatives and an old roommate) have implied or stated that I must have something to hide if I can't accept all visitors graciously.
  • deannalfisher
    deannalfisher Posts: 5,600 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    lantana411 wrote: »
    Friends can help us see when we're out of balance - extreme in behavior or activities. Your career is tied to your training so the lines are blurred. But no one should be a one note singer - we can be active doing other things outside of the gym/studio. Maybe you should consider friends who share your passion for working out and activities beyond working out for those friends who love you but not yoga.

    Very good post! I do a bunch of other things that don't necessarily appeal to this set of friends. The five of us currently have lunch once a month with another woman (usually at a restaurant but sometimes at whoever-wants-to-show-off-a-recent-renovation's house).

    * I've invited them to fundraisers, sporting events, etc. They never have to pay.
    * My yoga studio seems to have a "bring a friend" promo with every "holiday" (including Valentine's Day) and I've invited everyone only once, except "Friend 2" who kept saying "I'll catch it next time" until I stopped asking her.
    * I ask them to go to my Senior Yoga class mostly for moral support.
    * I'm too old to be in the club every night and too young for the 45+mixers.

    It honestly sounds like your friendship level is just dying down because you have a lot of different interests and lifestyle from them now.
    Concentrate on your BF and new friendships with people you have more in common with.

    it also seems like (and this is obviously perception) that everything she invites them to is stuff that she enjoys - and maybe they don't - there may be some compromise in friendships because not everyone likes the same kind of stuff
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    dsboohead wrote: »
    PS.Did you say your friends would just drop in?
    That would never occur in my world!!!!! I hate that dropping in nonsense...you better call first....SHEESH!!
    ..

    I'm so glad you mentioned that! I was raised the same way, but also taught to be "politely distant" with unexpected visitors. But when people don't get the hint, it messes with my head, especially since others (like some of my relatives and an old roommate) have implied or stated that I must have something to hide if I can't accept all visitors graciously.

    In my world, no one has the right to land on my doorstep uninvited and automatically expect me to be gracious or drop whatever it was I was doing in order to accomodate them.

    When it has happened, and depending, of course, on who it was, why they were there and what I was doing (or not doing) at the time, my response would vary anywhere from, "I'm SO glad to see you! Come on it!" all the way down to, "I was just leaving. Sorry you picked a bad time to just drop by."

    Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you. :)
  • lucerorojo
    lucerorojo Posts: 790 Member
    This is obviously a different friendship culture. Nobody has ever just dropped by. I haven't had that kind of availability since we I was an undergrad. I cannot believe a friend would do something like this. They should be supportive. This sounds like the opposite to me.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I have a neighbour with a drinking problem who also has a lively social life, all revolving around drinking. I have pondered how much better her health would be if she gave up her drinking but there would be profound consequences.

    She’d have to face some ugly truths about herself.

    She’d have to give up lifetime friendships and start over with a new batch of friends.

    This sort of change is beyond scary.

    You don’t have these sorts of problems obviously but you do have a complete life overhaul. Your old friends are grieving the loss and it looks like they are making a last ditch effort to reel you back in.

    I am fantasizing about inviting them all to a memorial service celebrating the friendship you once all shared, and invite them to release you to the new life you have started. It’s not any less dramatic than holding a “friendervention”.

    What silly people.
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    When changes in my life dictated that I had a great deal less time to spend with my friends, my real friends understood and we worked out ways to stay in touch, get together and, of course, I know they are always there if I need them.

    For example, instead of going out for dinner, we go grocery shopping together - have a chance to visit and I'm still getting what I need to do done. Adjustments like that really have helped us stay close. Sometimes you have to be inventive.

    I do like jgnatca's suggestion though - that would be so fun!
  • ssurvivor
    ssurvivor Posts: 142 Member
    Thanks again. It's been almost two weeks and I'm over it. I might deal with them when I get back home. But I'm not entirely sure it's worth it.
  • mamasara2
    mamasara2 Posts: 194 Member
    Chalene Johnson says in one of her videos that if your friends don't want to join in on your interests, you can always make friends who do. I agree with her. And I don't think you are at the gym too much. There is nothing wrong with spending time doing what you love and anyone who can't see that isn't a friend.

    There will always be people who see your progress and feel like they are getting left behind because they do not want to improve themselves in order to keep up with you.

    I have two bestest friends in the whole wide world. One lives five hours away so we don't get to see each other often. We text a few times a week and pick up where we left off when we do get together. The other bestie lives about 20 minutes from me and I see her almost daily during the school year and hardly at all in the summer. We all have lives and respect that so we get along beautifully.

    I may be an oddball, but if any of my friends or acquaintances decided they needed to step in and tell me how to spend my time, I'd kick em to the curb.

    I agree with previous posters who have said to do your own thing and don't let the friends big you down.

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